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Leonie
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How do you cope with separations and goodbyes?
We just said good bye to our older three sons, they are off to the airport to return interstate. Tears from me, from dh , from one older son in particular and from younger siblings who stay here with us.
My dh was transferred here about 20 months ago and our older three remained at our previous home cos of study and jobs. They visit often.
But the goodbyes don't get any easier.
Did our parents feel that way about us and our many moves ( my dh is in the military)? Is this closeness more of a homeschool thing?
How do we say goodbyes - or is this my problem, a control thing?
Still sad and still with tears.  Any tips?
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Leonie in Sydney
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ALmom
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No tips - just experiencing the same thing myself in thinking about taking dd back to college on Tues. We always linger way too long, have a sad drive later than planned just cause we cannot drive ourselves away. A box of doughnuts on the drive back, maybe - though that does nothing for my weight problem  . My 4 yo gets confused - and we can tell he misses her as do the others. No answers here and we're just working with letting go of the first. Others I know also have a hard time. Guess it is normal.
Janet
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Elizabeth
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No tips. I haven't even had to say the goodbyes yet and I'm already crying. And the younger sibling thing is tearing me up. Michael was gone for a week over Christmas. Katie cried when he left, wrote him 17 love notes while he was gone and cried about it the last three days fo the trip. I can't imagine what it will be like if/when he goes to college across the country.
I think homeschooling does make this tougher. I was remarking to a local mom who has seen one daughter off and is bracing herself for the next that it seems like we should be advocating for attachment parenting only with caveats. "You get attached and this is really going to hurt..."
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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jackiemomof7
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I would love to discuss this more but I am getting ready for a visit with my dd who left in September to join a convent. This is the first time we have seen her since September. I can't even begin to tell you how much it has hurt. I asked my dh how come no one told us it would hurt this much  She was our 3rd to leave the nest and I think it just gets harder. I was thinking earlier this morning how I wish I could tell all moms about this. Hold tightly while you can because it goes in a blink of an eye. And once they go out that door it just is never quite the same. I have experience a child going to college, a child going overseas to war and a child joining a cloister order each one was a HUGE challenge to get thru. And just when you think you can move on, WHAM it hits again another visit and another goodbye! I am so excitied about seeing my dd today yet I am sooooooo dreading saying goodbye also today because I will not see her again for several months at least. But out of all this I truly understand more the title of Mary,Our Lady of Sorrows. In tears I have called out to her many times these last few months asking for her to give me the strength and courage to go on. Sorry this got long after all  Just that I am going to have to face this issue later today and hope I don't make a fool of myself in front of all the families!
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Jackie wife to Jim for 27!! years, proud army mom of Chris(25),Chef Matthew(24) and Sister Grace of Benedectines (21),Joshua(19),Nicholas(17),Jaymee(15), Elizabeth(13) and 2 in Heaven.Grandma to 3!
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Leonie
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jackiemomof7 wrote:
| Sorry this got long after all Just that I am going to have to face this issue later today and hope I don't make a fool of myself in front of all the families! |
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Not long - and I've said a prayer for you, Jackie. I made a fool of myself crying through Mass this evening (the youngest two were serving).
Elizabeth and Janet, thanx for understanding. And, Janet, I - who never eat chocolate - ate way too much tonight. So I completely understand about the doughnuts. 
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Leonie in Sydney
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KellyinPA
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Our second son got married this summer. I don't think I actually faced his "leaving" until they were saying their good-byes for their honeymoon. I started crying then and cried off and on for a few days. Happy for them, sad for me as I knew it was the end of an era.
They live close by and we see them several times a month but it's not the same. The newlyweds spent the night in our home for both Christmas and New Year's Eve which brought much joy to this mother's heart 
The four we still have left at home make it a little easier but I'm thinking say "good-bye" to our daughter (she's just 15 so we have a while ) may be harder than it was with our sons. I guess we'll find out
I don't think I was much help here just sympathizing with you all.
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Servant2theKing
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I've been struggling with this ever since our only daughter and granddaughter moved hundreds of miles away two days before New Year's. One thing that has blessed and helped me immensely is to unite my own motherly sorrows with those of the Blessed Mother.
The day before our two precious girls moved, we were praying the Rosary together...during the last two decades the Lord put it upon my heart to meditate on Mary's separations from Jesus...to contemplate her profound sorrow over their parting, and how she would have turned to God in prayer during such times. When we were finished praying the Rosary, my daughter, who had watched the Passion the night before with one of her brothers (to fulfill a promise she had made to him), said that she wished I could have watched the scenes of Mary and Jesus together, because she felt it might have helped me contemplate Mary's sadness over letting go of Jesus as He went forth to fulfill His earthly mission. She then went on to say perhaps it would help if I prayed for them every time I am overwhelmed with sadness over their parting....I have, and it does!
It has been only one week...the first few days after our girls left were filled with crushing grief, but each day has been a little less difficult, especially when I offer up prayers for them in place of my own earthly sadness. I don't think we'll ever stop missing them, and our love seems even deeper and stronger as it stretches across the miles.
I do think the closeness we share in the homeschooling life makes such partings more painful and difficult, but it also makes our relationships with one another even richer...I guess we can't have one without the other! It is all so bittersweet.
There are many tears being shed in our household (mostly by me), but there's also laughter and joy over the new adventure God is leading our loved ones on. This is what we spend all our years of homeschooling and parenting for...preparing our children to go forth and embrace the vocations God has in store for them! Ladies, this season is a sign that you have faithfully fulfilled your mission of preparing your children for life! Pray for them, bless them and love them with all your hearts, especially when your heart is breaking. These times are similar to laboring when we birth our children into earthly life...now, we are birthing their souls for eternal life! The pain is made sweet when we comtemplate the heavenly goal!
I agree that cherishing every moment you have together, when they are young, makes future partings a little more bearable...the bond of love you have will never be broken, no matter how far it must travel! Thank God for email, unlimited long distance and care packages!
Next time you hug and kiss your loved ones goodbye whisper prayers to Jesus and Blessed Mother Mary for grace and protection! The Memorare and the St. Michael Prayer are two favorites. We also pray a blessing over one another when we part ways, "May God, and all His angels and saints, watch over you, keep you safe and protect you while we're apart."
May the Lord watch over all you and your dear ones who are venturing forth on the life God has in store for them!
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momwats8
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Well - Our oldest ds has not live with us since we moved to Florida 3 years ago. It is something that though difficult we feel pecae about because we honestly believe it is the right thing for him. When we moved to Florida due to financial problems - we had lost our house and our in-laws bought a house in florida so we could rent it from them (long story for another time) - our oldest was 12 and doing vey well in hockey. We had always told him we would do what we could to support his dream of playing. This coupled with the fact that he has an extraordinry talent and drive and that our financial problems are not his fault lead us to the decision to leave him in Michigan with my mom and Dad.
Our ds , austin, is now 15. he is home a much as possible but not as much as we would like especially this year. He has been scouted by many teams this year and actually next weekend we go to michigan to watch him play in a tournament, celebrate his 15th birthday, and talk to a scout from the United States National Development Program who has talked to my parents and Austin many times but now has asked to meet us.
Everytime he comes home and has to leave it is hard for everyone even the kids. they miss him so much and are thrilled when he is here. the little ones have a hard time when he gets here because they do not know him as well. he has a hard time with that as he loves to hold and cuddle the little ones. When he is here we have a great time and always wish it was longer. When he leaves there is a little hole left but there are no tears anymore. I guess it is my personality He is such a good kid and so responsible. We miss him dearly but feel we are doing the best for him. He has brought my sister back to again to church and even increased my parents faith again. When he leaves we just hug a lot and I pray that God keeps him safe and just pray for all of us to have peace. I entrust him to God's care. I am always left with a sense of peace even though we are all sad when he leaves.
Sorry - i am chatty today I guess. I hope this helped.
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Mary- Wife to Mike and Mother to Austin(92), Mikey(95), R.J.(97), Benedict(98), Kolbe(00), Ignatius(02), Christian(03), Margaret(05),&4 angels in heaven
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msclavel
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No tips, but I have a sibling perspective. We were not homeschooled but my parents did a wonderful job fostering love and friendship between me and my siblings.
I remember saying goodbye to my youngest sister at the very end of her wedding reception 4 years ago. They were literally driving away to Georgia the next day, ten long hours away. The reception was WAY over, but I didn't want to leave. As I went to hug her goodbye I was overwhlemed with the realization of my dear little sister, now this man's wife. I just burst into tears and hugged her tight. She says she cried the whole ten hours in the car. When I remember that moment now, I also smile. It was so beautiful and full of love, it is a good memory.
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Bridget
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Oh Leonie, i hope when my kids and I are parted that it is that hard for us. It just shows what a great job you have done with them.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Paula in MN
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My daughter has been married and out of the house for over 4 years now and I'm still trying to cope with separations and good-byes!
She only lives an hour away, but between their work and college schedules, visits are at a minimum. At least we have emails and phones!
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 Paula
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Leonie
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Bridget wrote:
| Oh Leonie, i hope when my kids and I are parted that it is that hard for us. It just shows what a great job you have done with them. |
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Oh, Bridget, what a lovely thing to say - makes me cry again. I am a sook .
Paula, I am with you - thank God for email, text messages, blogs and the like.
I keep coming back to Karen E's comment - we give without counting the cost. We give ourselves in our mothering, we get a lot back but there *is a cost - and who would count it?
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Leonie in Sydney
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Willa
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Leonie wrote:
How do you cope with separations and goodbyes?
We just said good bye to our older three sons, they are off to the airport to return interstate. Tears from me, from dh , from one older son in particular and from younger siblings who stay here with us. |
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Ah, we just said goodbye yesterday too, to my son.
I cried half the trip there to the train station.
No solutions.
Once Elizabeth said something about how if you do things with your whole heart, your heart will get hurt sometimes.
I only know that I really tried to close down my heart for several years of my life. I was trying to be tough and brave. It did not work.
When I became a Catholic, I read in a Seton book that Jesus and Mary felt more strongly because they were perfect. Before that I had acquired a mentality that perfection meant being less emotional -- like Mr Spock or something : ). Mary Magdalen was forgiven gloriously for her sins because "she loved much". For some reason, that freed me up to realize that emotions were not something to stuff down. It's still a day to day balance -- I want to feel the things that should be felt but I don't want to walk around with a sad face making everyone else miserable. I try to recognize that I DO feel that way and gather my other loved ones around me rather than drift off into my own little world or get sort of quiet and tense, which is what I do "naturally" when I'm feeling emotionally overset. "Hug your children close today," -- I guess that's probably my most constructive response to that grief of separation from one or more of them.
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Willa
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Cay Gibson
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Louisiana is known for deep, well-planted family roots.
I'm still waiting to say good-bye. My son leaves on jobs but I know he's coming home. My younger girls look forward to his return cause he takes them to Sonic for ice cream or the mall on a shopping trip or something along those lines.
My oldest son's job has offices in California, Texas, and Chicago. One of his buddies is headed to California and thinking of moving there. I'm not saying Corey won't opt for this opportunity one day but for the time being he's too much a "home boy". He has said he'll never leave Louisiana.
Perhaps you ladies have done a better job. Your children are willing to venture away for better opportunity. My kids all tell me they're going to buy property across the street from us and just live there.
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Cay Gibson
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Paula in MN
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Oh Cay, . You are too funny.
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Paula
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: For those with older, young adult childr
