| Author | |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 6:06am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
I was thinking today about how with eight children I never seem to have any spare time anymore- I barely seem to make it onto here even 
With what birth/s did you find a big stretch?
I would have to say number 2 and 3 I found my hardest in terms of coping. Dh worked long hours (still does but I've adjusted now) I had 2,3 littlies and found it tough particularly those high maintenance times, going out, baths, tea time, sick kids, pregnancy etc. Would I have found these new ones easier if they had been healthier?
Number 4 for me was a breeze (no health problems either)I remember lots of cuddle times on the lounge reading together. Number 5 seemed to mean LOTS more laundry, I'm not sure why but from then on it has seemed to be never ending. With number 6 it seemed to hit me that we were a 'large' family and the work/needs seemed to be constant, on the other hand oldest dd was 11 and the boys were also getting older and could be relied on to help out more.
Three months ago we had number 7 and somehow I seemed to forget in the interval of two years just how timeconsuming babies are. He wants to feed often and I don't get all the jobs done I want. But I adjusted. When ds was eight weeks old my little sister came to live with us, she is 14 and life now seems to be really full on. Is it number eight or the fact that I now have 2 teenagers overnight? Dd turned 13 the week lil sis arrived. I realise that maybe some of it is that lil sis has extra educational needs as I try to fast track her to 'catch up'.
Don't think this is a whinge because it is not. I love my life, my children and I KNOW these are the best years of my life. I am in no hurry for dc to grow and leave I was just wondering which births other mums found a stretch. A dear friend tells me she found numbers 4, 7 and 10 her hardest. I'd love to hear which ones were for you. 
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Bridget
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2198
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 6:44am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Number 5. We moved during the pregnancy and she was/is a high needs, intense child.
I just hit that spread too. Having babies and teens. It is fun and exciting but it does add another dimension to the mix. You can't clump all the kids together in your thoughts and plans anymore. The olders need such different things than the youngers in many ways.
__________________
God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Angel
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 22 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2293
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 6:54am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Going from 3 to 5 was tough (twins). We moved twice while I was pregnant just to throw a little spice in the mix. My oldest had behavioral problems. And twins are just tough no matter where they come. I was happy they were #4 and #5 because I do not know how I would have managed without the help of #1,2,3. Still, it was quite a stretch. On the other hand, now we know we can cope with quite a lot.
--Angela
Mom to 3+2 
Three Plus Two
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 7:24am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Bridget wrote:
| I just hit that spread too. Having babies and teens. It is fun and exciting but it does add another dimension to the mix. You can't clump all the kids together in your thoughts and plans anymore. The olders need such different things than the youngers in many ways. |
|
|
Bridget
This is it exactly, they need more talking time, and I'm finding it sad as they do more independent schoolwork I am missing it when we all worked together, although we still do for lots just not all.
The upside is the conversations, I'm enjoying that
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
jdostalik
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 15 2005
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2935
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 9:14am | IP Logged
|
|
|
#2 was my hardest, probably because #1 has always been a very intense, highly emotional, very needy child. When her baby sister came, she just sort of ignored her (better than torturing her!  ) and still wanted to nurse, and have my undivided attention. This was very hard as #2 was born a month early, was very high-need and fussy and I had to wear her all the time...I really don't remember the year 1998!  
After that, #'s 3-5 have been easy babies...they have all let me put them down on a blanket to play (dd#2 NEVER let me do that!) and as I've had more the olders have been able to help hold the babies and fetch diapers and now I am hoping that when our baby boy arrives in January, I will even have help with breakfast/lunch and laundry--now getting school done--I don't want to think about it! 
I am so happy and grateful to be blessed with another baby at 40--it has been a hard pregnancy emotionally (tears every day--many times for no reason!) and I am hopeful that our newest blessing will cement some family bonds for life!!! 
__________________
God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
MicheleQ
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Pennsylvania
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2193
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 9:35am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Erin wrote:
| Is it number eight or the fact that I now have 2 teenagers overnight? |
|
|
It's the teenagers. They are WONDERFUL but can be exhausting in a very different way than the little guys are.
Hardest transition for me was from 2 to 3 children. When all you have are little ones it's hard. Now I have plenty of eager helping hands.
God bless,
__________________
Michele Quigley
wife to my prince charming and mom of 10 in Lancaster County, PA USA
http://michelequigley.com
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
momtomany
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 17 2005
Location: Pennsylvania
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 505
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 9:48am | IP Logged
|
|
|
MicheleQ wrote:
Erin wrote:
| Is it number eight or the fact that I now have 2 teenagers overnight? |
|
|
It's the teenagers. They are WONDERFUL but can be exhausting in a very different way than the little guys are.
Hardest transition for me was from 2 to 3 children. When all you have are little ones it's hard. Now I have plenty of eager helping hands.
God bless, |
|
|
I totally agree with the teenagers making things more exhausting. And I've got one who moved back home a year ago, who is now 24. She's lovely and probably the closest child to my heart. But now we're busy with wedding plans, a fun business!
I found going from 1 to 2 children the hardest. Probably had to do more with my dh's hours since that was his intern year.
Socially I found the negative comments about family size went way up when I was pg with #7. Six was crazy, but at least still acceptable, but 7 was way over the top for some people.
__________________
Mary Ann in PA
wife to MIchael, mom to Elizabeth, Becca, Tim, Peter, Andrew, Sarah, Matthew, John, Leah and Joseph
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Nina Murphy
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 18 2006
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1546
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 10:03am | IP Logged
|
|
|
This is a great question!
I don't really remember because after my first it's all seemed like a stretch! Seriously, I consider it a miracle that I am the mother of so many. But I can recall absolutely that #2 had me pulling my hair out and/or in tears for the first 10 years or so. The first year post-partum I was perpetually exhausted and strained with nursing and holding this fussy child.
3rd was hard because #2 did not react well! Homeschooling #1 became more challenging.
4th was hard because closest space so far, #3, Mr. Energy, ran circles around me during that pregnancy and my veins started up.
5th was hard because we had moved to Sacto. I started to find homeschooling "impossible". Pregnancy "effects" started really multiplying---sensitivity to the hormones, more anxiety, less deep sleep, more exhausted.
6th was the beginning of the END! We moved one month after she was born across the country as she was wasting away in our arms. Diagnosis of CF happened in Virginia. We moved back to CA. Our entire lives turned upside down, day and night. I put my older three in a "parent-led" private Catholic school (like Kolbe) for one year, and homeschooled only my 4th, not knowing what things would be like, how to cope with a sick child.
7th was unexpected crisis mode with the bleeding and hospitalizations the entire time. He is a miracle child! Born prematurely, with complications from CF, then RSV 6 weeks later, our lives were turned INSIDE OUT, not just upside down, this time.
8th miscarried which threw me for an emotional loop and I felt a "hole" that needed to be filled...
9th was the most severe pregnancy depression and post-partum adjustment problems.
10th....I'm praying with all my heart things are BLESSED and PEACEFUL, but if not, that He give me the strength to bear it.
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Cay Gibson
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 16 2005
Location: Louisiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5193
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 10:15am | IP Logged
|
|
|
#3 was my stretch. He was also my high need, intense guy. And now he's such a mellow guy.
I also agree completely with what Bridget wrote:
Bridget wrote:
| I just hit that spread too. Having babies and teens. It is fun and exciting but it does add another dimension to the mix. You can't clump all the kids together in your thoughts and plans anymore. The olders need such different things than the youngers in many ways. |
|
|
Now when we plan to go eat out, go to a movie, go for ice cream,go camping, go on vacation we tell our oldest ds about our plans and invite him...like we would with our parents or friends. If he can make it we're thrilled and I feel the family is complete.
If he can't make it, well...that's just life in motion.
The best plan is to ask what day he has free and plan a family cookout at home.
When I found out I was pregnant with #5, my grandmother told me teenagers and babies didn't mix. Corey was 14 at the time. It was a tough stretch but I think I made it my mission to prove her wrong. And teenagers really do help in so many ways. I don't know what I'd do without mine.
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Christine
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 23 2006
Location: Washington
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1151
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 10:40am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Number 5 was the biggest adjustment for me. I don't know if it was because he was my first after a miscarriage or because there was so much going on. All of a sudden, I didn't feel like I could keep my house clean anymore, etc. I am a lot more relaxed and organized now.
__________________
Christine
Mommy to 4 girls, 5 boys, & 2 in God's care
Memories of a Catholic Wife and Mother
Pretty Lilla Rose
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
shartlesville
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 21 2006
Location: New Mexico
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 904
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 11:06am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Number 2 was difficult because she has ODD, she was very frustrating. She is much better now that she is married with children of her own.
I felt the most streched after number 5 (Julia) because I had 3 so close; 14 mos between #3 (Emily) and #4 (Kate) and 11 mos between #4 (Kate) and #5 (Julia). Cris was just finishing his time in the Army, we moved out of base housing, and it took 6 mos to find a job. Then the job didn't work for us so he looked for something else. It was very stressful for everyone.
One day I decided we needed to move closer to his family in AZ, so we packed everything up and I drove all five kids to AZ (with 3 in diapers!) while Cris stayed behind for 8 months finishing up things in VA and getting a job transfer.
Life in AZ (the southwest in general I think) is much more relaxed and moves at a slower pace than in northern VA. I think that helped a lot with not feeling so stretched. We actually were able to slow down.
There are nine years between #5 (Julia) and #6 (Sam). He is SO much easier, as is #7 (Jack). I think it is a combination of having built in babysitters/mother's helpers and being older. I am much more patient than I was as a young mom.
Blessings,
Krisann
__________________
Krisann
DH Cris;
DC John, Elizabeth, Lilyann ^i^, Emily, Kate, Julia, Sam, & Jack;
DGC Kira, Auston, Travis, & Sarah.
My Blog: Isla del Esperanza
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
saintanneshs
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 15 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 591
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 1:36pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Wow...is it just me, or am I reading a LOT of #5s here?!!
When I read that Erin was stretched with 8, I thought, "Oh man, I am in for it now. I'm stretched and I'm only on #5!"
What a HUGE sigh of relief to read on that I'm in good company it seems, because #5 is for sure my stretch.
This is our "leap of faith" baby, and although it's totally scary to think about HOW we are going to manage, our homeschooling large-family friends assure us that these are the best kind. I sure hope they're right. Our oldest is 6 and will turn 7 in December. The new baby (#5) is due in January. The laundry is finally non-stop (after 4). There is always something or someone needing my immediate attention. We're behind on yard work and forget about finishing the renovations on the house. I'm learning to "minimize in order to maximize" our homeschooling time. Seems like my greatest skills nowadays are finding creative ways to get crayon out of furniture (or HIDE it), the ability to HERD many "puppies" (as a friend at church refers to my boys) in the same direction without losing anybody, and potty-training. Thank heaven for nap time is all I can say.
What were you girls saying about teenagers being exhausting? I don't wanna hear it! I'll take it so long as I get to go back to drinking my coffee while it's still HOT!
__________________
Kristine
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Nina Murphy
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 18 2006
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1546
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 2:47pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
That post cracked me up, Kristine!
(FORGET about it! )
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
StephanieA
Forum Pro
Joined: May 11 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 394
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 3:35pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
<<<What were you girls saying about teenagers being exhausting? >>>>
Teens can be exasperating....but I don't find them exhausting Well, maybe emotional exhausting at times, but not physically. I have quit tying shoes, potty training, and herding by this time. Teens questions are deep and reflective, but not endless and easy to answer, like my 6 year old (who by the way can out talk ANYONE I know.)
It's actually nice to have both in the house at the same time. The exasperating exhaustion and the physical
exhaustion sort of equals out each other. You'd think I'd sleep like a log at night
I will weigh in and say #4 was my stretch. I was ill for 8 months after her birth with breast infections non-stop.
Homeschooling was most difficult after #7.
Blessings,
Stephanie
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
momtomany
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 17 2005
Location: Pennsylvania
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 505
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 3:55pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
StephanieA wrote:
It's actually nice to have both in the house at the same time. The exasperating exhaustion and the physical
exhaustion sort of equals out each other. You'd think I'd sleep like a log at night
|
|
|
I agree with this. I actually love having both older kids and young ones at the same time. The young ones are sweet and loving and not afraid to show it. They still think that you know lots of things. But then you can have stimulating conversations with the older ones. And they are not as physically tiring, except when you are waiting up for them and really want to get to bed.
I find that overall each age group makes me appreciate the good points of the other one.
__________________
Mary Ann in PA
wife to MIchael, mom to Elizabeth, Becca, Tim, Peter, Andrew, Sarah, Matthew, John, Leah and Joseph
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Lisbet
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2006
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2706
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 4:20pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
for us it was #4. it didn't help that we hit a rocky patch in our marriage during that time. but, by the Grace of God we got through it and went on to have 4 more so far! Each one brings different challanges I think.
__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
ladybugs
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3732
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 7:36pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
from 3 to 4 for us...
We almost lost Joseph 3x and he was in NICU for 5 days - not alot to many but enough for me...
also, we had the 4 babies 3 and under and for me, with very little emotional support and financial stress...it was alot.
__________________
Love and God Bless,
Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Elizabeth
Founder
Real Learning
Joined: Jan 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5595
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 7:52pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Number 3 was tough because Number 2 was a very difficult 2yo. Number 4 was really hard (that's where the burnout chapter originated)--dh was working very long hours and that's when he really started travelling. Five was easier and 6 was a breeze. Seven was incredibly difficult: difficult birth, very fussy baby, and prolonged PPD...
Eight is already much easier .
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: Oct 12 2006 at 9:12pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
StephanieA wrote:
<<<What were you girls saying about teenagers being exhausting? >>>>
Teens can be exasperating....but I don't find them exhausting Well, maybe emotional exhausting at times, but not physically. I have quit tying shoes, potty training, and herding by this time. |
|
|
I would agree that when you have all littlies it is sheer physical, emotional exhaustion at times. Now with the teenagers it is not exhausation that I'm coping with but just that I feel I have so many balls in the air at once. I feel like a juggeler dodging around catching the balls.
A sad inclusion is that I have just had a phone call from my mum and lil sis has decided that she won't be coming back for the new term She loves it here but is too homesick for mum. Well that's normal. She loves living with us but wants her mum. However she wants to continue homeschooling and is making mum hs her Mum isn't too thrilled (she taught the older ones but burnt out after the marriage breakup)but she will do it. So some great things have come out of it. I've just rung dh at work and told him, he is very sad, lil sis is a delight to have we will miss her living with us.
So it looks like I'm back to only seven
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Willa
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 28 2005
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3881
|
| Posted: Oct 13 2006 at 11:11am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Number three was a stretch. She was an easy baby but only 20 months younger than my very intense second child so for a long time it was like having twins. Plus, I was going through RCIA that year and though there were many graces, it was a giant transition in many ways. My DH was getting burned out in his work. When my third got to be about a year and a half old he changed his work circumstances, we started making a little more money and in general, things just got easier.
It's never been quite that difficult since, at least not in the same way, though we've been through a lot as a family. #7 was difficult but largely sheer logistics -- lots of medical interventions -- and worry that he would not make it, plus trying to get oldest a decent high school education with so much else going on.
Yes, teenagers are SCARY but in my experience it is the anxiety for their future that is the scary part; in day to day life they have been an asset most of the time. In terms of sheer emotional and physical drain it was so much harder when they were all little.
__________________
AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
Forum Locked) 
4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: What number child was a stretch?
