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jhigdon
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| Posted: Sept 16 2006 at 11:48am | IP Logged
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I have longing for a place to seek the advice of other homeschooling moms who have lots of little ones.
I started out the year with the Seton course for my oldest who is five. Kindergarten, obviously, is what we were doing.
I quit after one day. One horrible day. I have a three year old and a two year old, and I'm five and a half months along.
To add to my stress, I have a history of depression, my husband got a new job in June which keeps him away from home longer, we moved at the end of August, and we had a huge mouse problem.
I hit the end of my rope, and had many people telling me I was taking on too much and that sending my DD to school would be my best option.
So, after our horrible day homeschooling, I enrolled her in a private Catholic school thirty minutes away. She is only attending half day because I just refuse to send my child to school all day at this age.
But now I have a horrible feeling I've made a big mistake. I feel called to homeschooling, and feel that I didn't trust God and that He would take care of us.
Now everyday when I drop her off, I want to cry because I want her back home with me. She is a bright, artistic, creative, outdoor-sy, spiritual child, and even though it's only half the day, all her stuff that she is doing in school WE could be doing in the warmth of our home.
The commute is killing me, it makes it hard to get to my OB oppointments (my OB is Dr. Bruchalski in VA and I live MD), but if we pull her out we still have to pay for the entire year of tuition.
This will be my fourth c-section after Christmas, and I won't be able to drive for a few weeks. We are thinking about just pulling her out then and just risking losing the money.
I really don't know what to do...I'm up all night just thinking about it, and I wish I had just held on a bit longer before just giving up on homeschooling.
Any advice for a regretful mother who ignored God's call and went her own way?
Thanks so much...
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Mary G
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| Posted: Sept 16 2006 at 11:56am | IP Logged
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Oh gosh -- you've definitely got my prayers!
Are you sure you can't get your money back -- even partially? Doesn't sound very Catholic if they don't understand your situation. Have you sat down with the principal and explained?
You may have made an emotionally charged decision, that is not a good one -- I know, as I do this all the time  . If it was me, I'd probably bring my daughter back home. Seton was probably not a good curriculum to use if you're already under pressure. It's very school-at-home.
Your daughter's only 5 -- spend lots of time reading to her and doing fun "learning" games with her. Don't sweat the "curriculum" -- she'll learn bit by bit and you'll be surprised how much she learns just being near you and her siblings!
Look through the archives at the unschooling topic. There's lots of great advice there. Also, look at the archives for ideas of teaching little ones... you're putting yourself under way too much stress. Added to that, being pregnant, the stress is elevated and none of this is good for the baby or the family.
Take a deep breath, make an appointment with the principal, and bring your daughter home. That's my advice but others may have other suggestions.
But you are in my prayers.
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my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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jhigdon
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The contract we signed stated that if we took our child out before the end of the school year that the money would not be refunded as that was a possible enrollment spot for another child.
The are an independent Catholic school and don't get any diocese funding, so they need all the money they can get.
Basically, we will lose out on money if we pull her out. There is no asking for the money from the principal.
I did totally make an emotionally charged decision, but it had been such a hectic few months that I thought I would get a "break" by sending her to school...and she loves it because she is a naturally social person. But at the same time, my gut (or the Holy Spirit?) is telling me it's not where she needs to be.
I will feel like an idiot, quite honestly, if I pull her out. She's only been there a week. We were going to send her there initally at the beginning of the year (in Jan), or register her, but then we felt called to homeschooling.
Then, the pregnancy, the move, etc just took over and I freaked.
Would it be bad for her academically if I just kept her there until after the baby is born? I'll be having my section right after Christmas, when she is on Christmas Break. DH and I decided we were just going to tell them she wouldn't be returning, so we could at least get something for our money.
And the worst part is I have a great homeschooling community at my parish. I should have gone to them with my struggles. I was too embarassed.
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Dawnie
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jhigdon wrote:
| Would it be bad for her academically if I just kept her there until after the baby is born? I'll be having my section right after Christmas, when she is on Christmas Break. DH and I decided we were just going to tell them she wouldn't be returning, so we could at least get something for our money. |
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I don't see how it could be "bad" for her academically if you kept her there. If she likes it and having her in school gives you some time to explore your options and come up with another plan, I don't think there would be anything wrong w/ keeping her in the school. The money thing would bother me, too, so I totally understand why you wouldn't want to pull her out now. Is it possible for you to rest during the day while your dd is in school? Can you take naps w/ your other 2 dc? I find I can deal with things MUCH better and think more clearly if I get enough rest--and it's NOT being lazy to take a nap if you're tired! Your body is working hard right now growing a new little person!
It sounds like you're really beating yourself up over this...it's okay! We all make mistakes, just chalk it up to experience and move on. Dwelling on what you "could have, should have, and would have" done keeps you from living in the present moment and moving forward. It also weighs you down w/ guilt, which makes it very hard to do anything. Believe me, I've had bad days, too, where I probably would have sent my dd to school the very next week if it had been possible!
If you look around on this board a little, you'll find that a lot of us get overwhelmed at times, especially those of us who have lots of littles and are expecting! I have recently found that making the "fun stuff" a priority and not an "extra" REALLY helps my outlook on our homeschool, especially during those hectic times. Last year, we did very little formal schooling, due to putting our house on the market, moving, and early-pregnancy blahs. I just read out loud A LOT to my little girls. Then I spent A LOT of time this summer reading these boards and getting inspiration and encouragement from all the wonderful ladies here. I was able to start the school year feeling very positive and with lots of great ideas. And I can come here anytime for prayer support and encouragement! How great is that?
I gotta go...sorry if this post sounds jumbled...I'm trying to type and pay attention to littles at the same time! 
Dawn
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Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
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jhigdon
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I definatley am getting more "down time" per say, and more one on one time with my other two kids, esp my DS. He needs it too. He gets lost in the middle sometimes, and being the only boy doesn't help.
The reason I enrolled her in half day besides the fact that I felt all day was too much for a five year old, was that I could still get a nap in the afternoon, and after being in school all morning, my five year old was more content to read, color, do art, etc without coming back soon after saying she was bored. She is very happy there. It's just the getting her up at 6:30am every morning that is hard, not just for her but for me, and all the driving...that's going to be next to impossible after the baby is born. I always have problems with nursing in the beginning, and I don't bounce back very quickly after my sections (I take a good month to feel normal) so that's why we were thinking of just keeping her where she is until after the holidays.
I have never felt such an intense pull at my heart about something before (except ecological breastfeeing...I had almost 2 two years of no cycles...God was trying to help me out and I kept quitting with nursing so early with my first two kids).
I do beat myself up alot. I've been under a lot of stress the past few years, and the most intense have been the last few months.
I just fell in love with Elizabeth's book and wish I had gotten it before enrolling DD! Seton was strict (for me at least) and I felt I had more stuff just piled on me that I had to get done, on top of everything else.
We read alot, and I just brough a bunch of new books home from the library this morning that the kids have been looking. They spent an hour or so down here with me listening to classical music and making clay sculptures...I just want that all the time for DD and my other kids.
I am so, so glad I found this forum. 
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Sarah
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Your daughter is so young yet. Not to start a criticism of curriculums, but it is my impression that Seton is very intense. I heard a mother this week say that if she had continued with Seton, she would have had a nervous breakdown. It is NOT for everyone.
That being said I do use some of their workbooks, just not the whole program.
I wish you could see how young your daughter is. I know that you feel like she needs a lot of school at this time, but she is really a small person now. I always looked at my oldest as older than he really was and expected so much more of him than I do of the younger ones. Its part of being the oldest.
MacBeth here on the forum had this to say to me this last week when I asked for advice on my kindergartner. It really stuck with me: "
He's 5?
Hold him close.
Read good books.
Walk outside.
Draw or paint, or model with clay.
Read more books.
Go back outside.
Hold him close."
I don't know what to say about the money on tuition. Sometimes you have to take mistakes as a loss (if you truly think you made a mistake--I'm not telling you that you did, only you can determine that). Maybe it could be viewed as a donation?
One of my local friends here who took her kids out of school told me that by the time you have done all the running around, homeschooling is actually easier. . .at least that was her opinion.
From what you say, it sounds like you feel like you made a mistake. Follow your heart and you may find more peace.
I would also majorly cut back on what you expect of kindergarten, if you decide to homeschool. My ds 5 gets about 15 minutes per day of actually sitting in a desk, and the rest is me reading books, chasing butterflies, baking cookies together, and just playing.
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Willa
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Dear J,
My oldest went to Catholic school through 2nd grade, even though my dh really wanted to homeschool. For similar reasons -- I had 2 younger kids and was pregnant and just didn't think I could manage it.
I regret it -- but in some ways I see that as God bringing blessings even out of my weakness. He taught me so much about faith, and about relying upon Him rather than my own strength. He put things in my path -- Elizabeth's book wasn't out back in the early 1990's, but he led me to Susan Schaeffer Macaulay's book "For the Children's Sake" which introduced CM to me and a more natural, living approach to education. I started to think I could do this, that it wasn't just "school at home". God also gave me a chance to have a weekly Hour of Adoration with Him; and brought several devout homeschool families in my region to my notice.
He also showed me the inadequacies in the Catholic school (which was OK, but not perfect by any means) which gave me confidence that even if I messed up a bit at home, it wouldn't be a disaster.
Now when I think about school, I KNOW it would be a huge trade-off. I know how much time and effort it takes to commute and to be an involved parent, how hard it is to resist the peer pressure in a well-moneyed private school community, how you still juggle the little ones and their needs while trying to keep the school activities from taking over your home life completely. I know that when the child has a learning difficulty at school it still ends up being largely the parent's responsibility to remediate or to manage the remediation. And I know sometimes the child's unique differences are pushed down and discouraged, even if they are "good" differences. I know how much money the family spends that goes to the school or to extra stuff like supplies and the right shoes, that DOESN'T go towards making your home a richer learning environment. So I have a realistic standard to compare with.
God may want you in the school right now. Or maybe He doesn't. But either way, discernment into HIs will is a wonderful learning experience. You will really know what the alternatives are. God is really gentle with people who are sincerely trying to do their best. That has been my experience.
That's really too bad about the tuition, though! It makes everything more complicated.
We had a mouse problem in our old house too! So demoralizing. Once my toddlers asked if they could play with the "little red things" and when I rose from my first trimester nausea and went to look I found a mama mouse had had babies in our audiocassette drawer (ruining our tapes in the process) 
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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Elizabeth
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WJFR wrote:
He put things in my path -- Elizabeth's book wasn't out back in the early 1990's, but he led me to Susan Schaeffer Macaulay's book "For the Children's Sake" which introduced CM to me and a more natural, living approach to education.
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 I'm a bit punchy today but this quote cracked me up. Elizabeth's book would not exist as it does today if Willa weren't already homeschooling when the book was being written. Willa's wisdom is woven throughout...
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Betsy
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I don't have much time to write. But last year when I had my 5 & 4 ds's home and a new baby. We choose to have a very relaxed homeshool year...if you could even call it that. There is alot of research supporting starting academics much later in a childs life (6-7 not 3,4,5). I started 1st grade with my now 6 year old and he is doing really well. I did no book work or schoolish type stuff untill this year, just every day good mothering stuff....read books, play games, play with toys. I am totally surprised how much he has just picked up on his own. He has figured out a little bit of adding, he can write all of his letters, he has began reading (three letter works) after three weeks of work, he has a deep comprehention for the books that I am reading...etc.
The point that I am trying to me is that you can have your daugter at home and "homeschool" and you don't really need a cirriculum.
When children are ready they will learn things very quickly, and if they have missed things that they needed to learn they can also quickly learn all of this.
IMHO, I would bring your daugher home and just be a mother to her and the rest of your family. Next year you can reevaluate your situation and make a decision then.
Betsy
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jhigdon
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So what do I say to the school? Sorry, we decided that homeschooling is better for us now? Or, do I not even give them a reason and just tell them that we want to take her out?
I don't mind making a donation....I guess I'm a little prideful and worry about what my family and friends will think...because we went through this earlier in the year. And when I did attempt to homeschool, I failed and everyone was kinda like "I told you it was too much for you".
I just hear everyone's comments already, and I'm nervous about them.
I'll talk to DH about everything tonight.
Or, I may just keep her for this sememster and take her out after the baby, which will give me time to prepare a more relaxed way of learning...
Thanks so much for all the advice. It's means so much.
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ALmom
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Well, if you are taking her out due to the driving distance - you put her in because you needed a breather and some time to plan how you wanted to proceed. Now you have a plan, the drive is not in the best interest of the family at large and you and your dh feel God is calling you to homeschool, albeit a bit differently than before. Thank them for what they have offered and be confident and happy about your plans for the future. I'd let your husband compost the reasons why - there is less stress that way. If he can be the one to tell the school and you just be there with him, you may find it really easy - dad has a certain authority that just doesn't get questioned.
If it is any comfort, our state does not require schooling until the child turns 7 before school starts. Now, this is always such a reprieve for me cause we are free to be light, not worry about requirements and get a feel for where the child is, what works with this child, etc and just have fun. I don't get to really formal school till much later. At 5, I probably don't do much of anything but read aloud to them, play games with them and let them play with manipulatives - unless they ask for something or seem to be getting in trouble with boredom. You'd be surprised at how much they teach themselves at that age simply from a rich environment.
Janet
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JuliaT
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I agree with Dawnie's suggestion. If you left your dd in school until Christmas, that would give you time to figure out how you want to teach your dd. Use this time to read all of the great advice on this board, aske lots of questions and cruise the internet to gather more ideas.
If your dd is enjoying school, then I don't think it will harm her to keep attending. At least then you wouldn't have lost all of the money. If you do bring her home, just fill your days with relaxed learning. Ami's site has plenty of book titles and oodles of activity ideas for each book (www.homeschoolshare.com) Depending on your teaching style, this would be a very relaxed way of learning, not to mention a fun way, too.
As far as you feeling bad about your decision, you made a mistake, but you have recognized it. Throw away the guilt. It is not going to make life any better for you. You now know what it feels like when the Holy Spirit is speaking to you. That knowledge will serve you well in the future.
I hope that you will be able to find peace about this situation soon.
Julia
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Juliainsk
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Cay Gibson
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jhigdon wrote:
| I hit the end of my rope, and had many people telling me I was taking on too much and that sending my DD to school would be my best option. |
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These other people aren't the ones deciding how to educate your dd or driving her back and forth to school. Listen to your dh's voice and God's. They will guide you to the best decision for your dd's.
jhigdon wrote:
| ... all her stuff that she is doing in school WE could be doing in the warmth of our home. |
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No matter what you decide, keep that vision at the forefront of your homelife: "The warmth of our home." Anything that takes away from that "warmth" and the peace within your home needs to be eliminated or re-evaluated or re-structured.
You have my prayers.
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
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Erin
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jhigdon wrote:
But now I have a horrible feeling I've made a big mistake. I feel called to homeschooling, and feel that I didn't trust God and that He would take care of us.
Now everyday when I drop her off, I want to cry because I want her back home with me. She is a bright, artistic, creative, outdoor-sy, spiritual child, and even though it's only half the day, all her stuff that she is doing in school WE could be doing in the warmth of our home.
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I would say go with your instincts, they are telling you that you're not happy. Bring her back home.
Gee, for only half a day with an hrs commute it wouldn't be worth it anyway. Its only extra stress at a time when you don't need it.
At five you just need to be together enjoying family life.
I can't believe that the school can't fill her position, I'm sure they must have a waiting list. But as you say you can look upon it as your donation, your tithing for this year.
Nothing wrong with making mistakes, we all do. But we need to not compound our mistakes by doing nothing to fix them.
Just my .o2cents worth, I hope I haven't been offensive in being blunt.
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Erin
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jhigdon
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Cay,
My DH is from Baton Rouge. I love your website. I miss Baton Rouge so much.... 
Sorry to go off topic.
DH and I still need some time to talk things over. I don't think he would care about pulling her out. He just wants us and the kids and the house to be happy.
Another thing I didn't mention is that I struggle immensly with depression. Pregnancy seems to bring out the worst, and I think it's alot of the reason why I just freaked out and sent her to school.
I have thyroid disease so my levels are constantly being monitored and adjusted while pregnant. But, when we are home all day long and don't get out, I get antsy and depressed.
Any advice for those who have struggled with depression as well?
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Taffy
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I have an ongoing battle with depression so I can sympathize with your plight.
Nutrition is incredibly important and so is avoiding junk food. I always start to get down when I don't pay attention to what I'm eating. Besides my body having to work much harder to get any use out of what I've been eating, I start to gain weight which makes me feel even worse. I've been experimenting with eliminating MSG and other artificial preservatives from my diet and I'm really enjoying the results right now. Do you know how sometimes we don't realize that we've been feeling ill until we make a change and realize how much better we feel now? That's what has happening with me. I've found out that while I'm not as sensitive to MSG as others are, I definitely do feel MUCH better when I avoid it and keep as close to whole foods as I can. Especially the fruits and vegetables! It is SO worth the extra time in the kitchen!  There's also some evidence that MSG, etc is not so great for the thyroid. Check out Battling the MSG Myth and MSG Truth.
Another important thing to keep depression away for me has been getting outside! I'm a morning person and always notice when I skip my morning walk with my dog. It's my time to not be burdened with the responsibility of my children as dh is home with them. (He's still sleeping as are the kids, but you know what I mean.  ) It's also my time to let my mind wander. I also spend a lot of time in informal prayer.
And, when the children are up, get them outside with you! Dress for the weather, of course, but GET OUT! If I can do it in our frigid Canadian prairie winters, so can you!
And the third most important thing that I do is read the bible in the morning before my walk along with the meditation from The Word Among Us. While, I do use their print magazine, all of their magazine articles and meditations are online for the current month so you don't need a subscription. This little magazine has really helped me understand how much God loves us and has our best interests at heart, especially during those times when our cross seems too heavy to bear.
Of course, this board has also been extremely helpful too! Lots of great ideas and support! Ask for prayers on the praying pages and you can be assured of many prayer warriors coming to your side to lift you up in prayer!
Is there any way that you can get some extra help right now? Is your dh able to help out more with the daily running of the household? Is there someone at your church who might be available to help with the children, especially when the baby comes? It's hard to ask, I know, but if mom is overwhelmed, the children will suffer. Can your daughter get a ride with someone else to school? I agree with the others about keeping her in until Christmas at least.
This is turning into a LONG post - sorry! I'm concerned about you, please keep in touch and PM if you'd like.
Keeping you in my prayers...
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Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
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Dawnie
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J,
I just have a minute, but i wanted to post the links to a few old threads that deal w/ depression...and i struggle w/ it, too...it doesn't mean that you can't homeschool.
pregnancy blues
post-partum depression
Dawn
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Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
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marihalojen
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Perhaps just look at the school as a well-planned playdate for the year! It sounds like your daughter enjoys it and you enjoy getting out of the house too. Take your littles out to parks and spend some fun time in the morning with them while their sister is at school. Then the afternoon can still be spent with your daughter doing the stuff in the warmth of your home that you are feeling the call to do with her.
Perhaps it doesn't have to be an either/or situation.
__________________
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The Mari Hal-O-Jen
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SeaStar
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If nothing else, you can think of it this way- sending your daughter to school was not a mistake; it was an experiment, and it helped you to understand more fully how you feel about homeschooling. You let her go, and now you realize that deep in your heart you really *do* feel called to homeschool. If you hadn't sent her, would you have had this clarity of feeling? Maybe you would have always wondered... should I have sent her?
So you did send her, and now you know how you really feel, so no need to fret about it. And whether or not you leave her in until after the new baby comes or bring her home now, at least you have your plan for the future, and you know without doubt it contains homeschooling. Sometimes God takes us on the winding road, not the direct path, to help us see His will for
us.
Hugs-
Melinda
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saintanneshs
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I'm kinda' late jumping in here, but I completely understand how you feel. (See the links above). This has been a tough pregnancy for me (sorry everyone who has to read this again...ugh!) so I know what you mean about freaking out over things and making quick decisions. Hormones and emotions are flying everywhere at my house!! Look out! I can laugh at it at times, but it isn't really funny when you're stuck in the middle of it. You have my sympathy and understanding. What we are doing is hard. Just being a Mommy is hard and there aren't any vacations from this job. But we are not alone!! We can get through it together!
The girls here have given you great advice (just as they did with me last week). Listen to them not because I think they're right (I do) but because what they are saying is already in agreement with what your heart is telling you (it sounds like). If you feel like God is calling you to homeschool, spend lots of time in prayer with your dh and trust God's voice. He'll give you what you need to get through this tough time. If you need to leave her there until Christmas, do it. You know what you need. How about if we both work on having the courage to do what we need to do and not worry about the rest for a while? Who cares what anyone else says anyway? If what the people around you are saying goes against what you feel God has called you to do, then they're just making noise. No one can make you feel bad about anything unless you let them. Listen to the whispers of the Holy Spirit...
Do you ever feel, in the midst of the chaos that has become your life, like God is whispering to you, "shhh"?? Sometimes I feel like when I'm most caught up in the anxiety of the moment is when I hear it the loudest. Like when I found a dead mouse under our couch (yeah, we have mice from time to time too...what self-respecting farm is without them? ) AND the toddler's diaper has leaked into the pack-n-play and the 3yo needs me to come wipe him even though I've shown him how to do it a half dozen times AND the 5yo is having a meltdown because his big brother doesn't want to play with him AND the 6yo is flicking the unifix cubes across the livingroom instead of using them for math AND the phone is ringing...ALL AT THE SAME TIME! Is your hair standing on end yet? Call me crazy, but there's nothing like this whisper in the midst of sheer madness to make me stand still and just remember to breathe...you know, it can be done and we're doing it and it isn't like this most of the time, right?
So hang in there, hang around here, and forgive yourself when the guilt makes you question everything. Don't listen to the noise that feeds that depression. That's NOT God's voice. 
__________________
Kristine
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Need advice-sent DD to private school
