4Real Forums: Fear of crowds

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Topic: Fear of crowds

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jackiemomof7
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Joined: Oct 28 2005
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Posted: Aug 30 2006 at 10:54am \| IP Logged

Need some help here please. My 10 year old dd does not like crowds. We have an event to go to this weekend and she does not want to go. She gets very hot in groups, she has always over heated very easily. She looks like she could pass out at anytime. She also doesn't like the noise and such that goes with a group setting. She does like to go out to small group things. She attended little flower meetings just fine. So I don't know if I am over worried. I just don't want her to become one of those people who are afraid to go outside of their homes. My question is do I "make" her go. Or just say okay I will stay home dad can take everyone else and not push the issue. I haven't spoken to my dh yet on this, so I don't know what his reaction might be. I want to be sensitive to her needs but I also don't want to encourage her fear. Make any sense?

She also hates to go shopping, can't say that I blame her I don't like those crowds either.

Thanks for the help.

In Christ,

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Jackie wife to Jim for 27!! years, proud army mom of Chris(25),Chef Matthew(24) and Sister Grace of Benedectines (21),Joshua(19),Nicholas(17),Jaymee(15), Elizabeth(13) and 2 in Heaven.Grandma to 3!

Martha
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Posted: Aug 30 2006 at 11:10am \| IP Logged

I'm with her! I have a strong dislike of crowds and loud places. (yes, I do get the irony of being a mother of 8 in a teeny house!

)

To me it's like nails on a chalkboard, only it's on my brain and nerves. A short screeeeeeetch, can be shrugged off. But a live outdoor concert, the state fair on a Saturday night, the mall during back-to-school weekend, ... NO! At my age, I can endure fo rthe sake of loved ones or neccessity, but I will never want to do it or find enjoyment in it.

I think it's fine. A long as she isn't scared, but just finds it very unpleasant, then there's no need to worry. I'm a VERY social person. I don't find those things enjoyable or exciting. I find them annoying, boring, and I get a headache.

I wouldn't change the entire family plans for her though. I'm sure there are things that she does like to do that others in the family cringe over. If it's a family event in this house, then it is a FAMILY event for everyone. No exceptions accepted.

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Martha
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ALmom
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Posted: Aug 30 2006 at 2:07pm \| IP Logged

Are there ways to carve some private space at the large function. I hate crowds - so do a lot of my dc. We have found that there is usually a way to accomodate and still be together. I often feed these dc at home before leaving if it is a large function so I don't have to worry if they don't want to contend with the crowds for meals, etc. We try to adjust without turning everything upside down - maybe make it shorter than usual. Is there a quiet room she could go to to rest when she gets overheated? Sometimes we take a short walk out into the woods - for a bit of peace and quiet to refresh ourselves before facing crowds again (of course, if it can be done unobtrusively without insulting the host). And we try to plan for a very quiet and peaceful time after we get home, knowing that everyone's tempers are likely to be short if pressed too far.

Don't know if this helps any - but I do know we have all had to put up with less than favorite activities for the sake of politeness, family togetherness or to accomodate a very, very social child who loves crowds.

Janet

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Posted: Aug 30 2006 at 3:39pm \| IP Logged

I get very upset in large crowds, to the point of having occasional panic attacks.
I do go out of my house though

.

One thing -- assure her there is an "escape route" -- if she is feeling hot or over whelmed - somewhere you can take her that she can go *easily* where she can cool down and just get away a little bit. Sometimes, just knowing you *can* get a little bit away is all you need.

If it is an event where there is seating (concert, sports game) try to let her have an end seat or close to it (so if she does need to get away you aren't tromping over strangers to do it -- becasue then she may also feel guilty about disturbing them, too).

Just my opinion,

folklaur
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Joined: Feb 07 2005
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Posted: Aug 30 2006 at 3:40pm \| IP Logged

WHOOPS. That last post by Jinx was me logged in as my daughter. Sorry 'bout that

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