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Magnificat
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| Posted: June 20 2006 at 8:31pm | IP Logged
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Ok-my feathers are a little ruffled and I need some words of wisdom.
Tonight, as we were settling down and getting ready for bed, my 9 year old turns to me and says:
"Mom, what's school like?"
I proceed to tell him what I know. Everyone has a desk. Depending on what school you're in, you may change rooms for different subjects. I continue to tell him all the tid-bits I know.
"Could I try it for a day or two?" he asks.
"Wellll..." this is where I stumbled. I really didn't know what to say except..."If you really wanted to try it, you'd have to try it for longer than that..."
We spoke a long time of it, and he said how much fun he has here. But I realize his curiosity and I guess I feel guilty for not being "able" to send him to school. That is, to just try it out. He also asked me IF he were to go to school, where he would go- I replied probably a Catholic school to which he said "UNIFORMS!! Oh forget it!" But that wasn't truly the end of the conversation and he still asked many questions.
Has anyone had situations like this? How did you handle it? There are doubts now in my mind that perhaps he SHOULD go to school so there won't be resentment later? Does this make sense? I would love all thoughts on this...
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Erin
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| Posted: June 20 2006 at 10:00pm | IP Logged
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Charlotte,
I've had some of my children ask at various times and I have to admit it does stun. After all why would they not prefer to be at home  In reality I think it has been a curiosity thing, the unkown. Although as they have gotten older they have appreciated more their lifestyle, when younger they think everybody homeschools.
Answering his questions is good, I also do that. although one day ds said,'Mum you've only told me the bad things about school not the good.'  apparently his soccer mates told him about sport and craft. needless to say we did craft for a term after that. 
In relation to whether we would really send them, well for our situation I ended up telling the children that 'mummy and daddy felt called by God to hs them so therefore they wouldn't be going.' they were satisfied with that. Really its more of a curiosity thing, they wouldn't mind checking it out to see, actually dc have suggested to me that I should organise a hs excursion to a school just to see what they do. I am seriously considering it. I'd go too of course.
I remember going through the feeling of whether I was doing the right thing when dd first wanted to go to school back when she was 6 (because her aunty aged 7 started)I never expected to feel that way, but I had to analyse just exactacly why we were homeschooling and be strong.
A hs friend had us in stitches the other day her dd8 wanted to go to school. My friend told her she had to practise at home for a week. On the Monday she had to 'wait' for the bus, they watched to see when the girl across the road caught the bus (that day the bus was late and they waited an hour) then they sat on chairs for the hour bus trip as if they were on the bus.
When school began 'Annie' had to do very formal school while her brother watched an edcuational program and cooked in the kitchen. My friend made sure that she was fair and planned some craft and 'fun' things. The next day they repeated the process but Annie only made it to lunch when she was told she couldn't go into town to pick up some poly pipe with daddy and big brother as she was at school. No mention of school has been made since.
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Erin
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amiefriedl
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| Posted: June 20 2006 at 10:08pm | IP Logged
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Okay, now that is really funny. A homeschoolers trip to a school.
But wouldn't it be interesting? Really!
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Blessed with an awesome hubby and Mom of ds10, dd7, dd3 and dd 10months.
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aussieannie
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| Posted: June 20 2006 at 10:57pm | IP Logged
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erin wrote:
| although one day ds said,'Mum you've only told me the bad things about school not the good.' |
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Oops! Me too!
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teachingmom
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| Posted: June 20 2006 at 11:45pm | IP Logged
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Dear Charlotte,
I really feel for you. I have had different dd's ask those sorts of questions over the years and it is never easy for me. It's really hard for me to disappoint my children. (As if that isn't true for all of us, when I come to think of it!) My children's closest friends live next door and go to the neighborhood public school. That is both good and bad in this case.
My oldest used to want to go to school very much when her friend next door started going in first grade, after being homeschooled for kindergarten. It almost physically hurt to have her ask why she couldn't go to school. She is very social, so I believe our local homeschooling group activities have been essential for her. But after a few years, she came to really like homeschooling and simply wished her friend next door were homeschooled too. This past year, her school-going friend started middle school. Watching her friend come home from school each day at almost 4pm and still have hours of homework to complete has just about cured her of any lingering desire to go to school!
One other thing that has helped is for her to hear the stories of the cliques of girls at middle school. I am convinced that one of the greatest benefits of homeschooling for our children is for them to avoid the cruelty, competition, and just plain meanness of other children that we all experienced or witnessed in school. Homeschooled children cannot help but have better self-esteem. And it doesn't come from a pseudo-academic program that tells them that we are all "special", etc.
After writing all this, I still have to share that questions like your son posed can still bother me. Just the other day, my 3yo said to me as we drove through the neighborhood, "Mommy, when I get big, I'm going to go to school and ride a bus!" It still hurts to have to say to my darling baby, "Well, no honey, you'll be homeschooled, like your sisters . . ." Ouch!
But since I have the experience now with my older ones, I can remember that this too shall pass, and God willing, she'll love being homeschooled too.
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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Sarah
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| Posted: June 21 2006 at 2:07pm | IP Logged
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My kids go through times when they think school sounds fun and I'm honest in saying that there are fun things about it. I mix in the bad with the good . We talk about it and we just say that we've made a decision to homeschool.
The kids usually come to their own conclusions that many of the things they love to do on a daily basis would be gone, so I don't get any protests.
I think its best not to paint school as horrible. You never know what sort of family circumstances could lead to attending it one day. I don't want fear, shame, or whatever. I also don't want them coming to me one day saying that I basically kept them in a bubble about school and what it entails. I want them to understand that for our family at this time in our lives, homeschooling is best.
Don't worry about the natural curiosity. Every once in a while I get myself worked up thinking that my kids will never ride a bus, have a lunch box, etc. Then I have to remind myself of what they DO have here.
Apples and oranges--the two worlds are SO different. . .
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Magnificat
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| Posted: June 21 2006 at 8:13pm | IP Logged
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I thank you for all your kind words and experiences. However, today it was brought up again, and he actually shed some tears. The only think I can think of that is triggering it is perhaps the number of friends he has versus the number of friends "he could have". He said to me today:
"Yeah...but in school you get to see your friends every day."
I explained that while this may be true, to think about the friends he has now. First, we are in involved in quite a few activities (sports, scouts and Church groups). We're also in a co-op (we're off for the summer) then there's the stuff inbetween. Also, when he sees his friends, it is special and they have RealFun . This is not to say that real friendships can't be made in school, I just see the close friendships he has now. I know it's hard for him to understand this, because as the saying goes, the grass is always greener...
Another idea popped into my head and that is that perhaps I need to "loosen the reigns"? As I look at myself, I am having a very hard time with this. I have to realize that he is 9...and not 6. So I'm wondering if I need to re-evaluate a few things. For instance, we have been a No-StarWars Family. This has always been a hot-button in our home. But now I wonder...the circumstances are different (he's older) and maybe it's time to just let it go.
This has been a real blow for me. It has made me question our homeschool and how I do things. If we were to send him to school, it would be a real financial burden on the family (I would never tell him this), but I guess my question is...how do I handle his disappointment-if there is any? My dh says that perhaps we need to have friends over more now that summer is here (we haven't since we've been dealing with illnesses) but I just don't know.
Thanks for letting me go on and on. I just need some "shoulders" to lean on!!
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Sarah
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| Posted: June 21 2006 at 9:16pm | IP Logged
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Magnificat wrote:
I know it's hard for him to understand this, because as the saying goes, the grass is always greener...
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In my opinion this is what is happening. It may be an oldest boy thing, too. Although, I know some very agreeable oldest boys. My 9yo, oldest is never content. It is hard to deal with. He's always pushing for more of whatever it is (baseball, pocketknives, riding mowers, etc.). He always wants to do more than we've allowed. His favorite quote is "When are we/am I. . .?"
Hang in there and don't take it personally. While I don't speak from experience, I think it may be the beginning of the pulling away from Mom. That doesn't mean we have to entertain every whim, though. He can't see what we can. He's in his own world. Remind him, too that most school friendships are pursued OUT OF SCHOOL. There isn't a whole lot of time to socialize at school. He might feel like he's missing out on things.
Finally, if you had a policy in your house, and you felt like it was important, don't jump right into dropping it just because he's unhappy. You had a good reason at one time. Re-evaluate it, but don't drop it just to try to make home more appealing. Make sure that's what you want before you go against what you thought was important (and maybe you are right in changing, only you can determine that).
Plan some fun for the summer. Have some friends over.
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Magnificat
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| Posted: June 22 2006 at 6:20am | IP Logged
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Yes Sarah! You have hit the nail on the head. My son sounds just like what you have described. One of our biggest frustrations is that he is never grateful for what he has or is given (or so it seems). You have alot of wisdom in your post and I will definately ponder it today.
Thanks!
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marihalojen
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| Posted: June 23 2006 at 1:24pm | IP Logged
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One of my IRL friends has a IRL field trip to school once a year, the local Christian school just salivates at the thought of a large family coming in their doors, boosting the populace! So lets them in every year (no shots or uniforms, etc...) ever hopeful. Even if you can only walk the halls it is an eye opening experience, go at lunchtime and walk through the cafeteria. The noise gets us everytime .
A second thought, when I was homeschooled we continued to attend for Band. Here on this island sports are big and one family attends for sports only, depends on your location but attending for specific classes/sports might bear consideration.
My third thought would be to bring some of the schooly stuff home. Buy a lunch box/bag and pack a picnic in it. Take a bus ride between towns or across town. Buy an elem. school planner (our stores are already filling with school supplies) and assign projects/homework (with due dates!  ). He gets independence and you get practice on 'loosening the reins'
Just some random thoughts!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: My Son Shows Interest in Going to School
