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JennGM
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| Posted: June 15 2006 at 2:28pm | IP Logged
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Today was a hard day...and I know it's not the last of the trial. I have a family wedding next week, and am also the organist. I had planned on wearing a dress hanging in my closet, finally tried it on and it's too tight. Now, I've been about the same 10 pounds overweight for a while, but suddenly things are just starting to race forward. I know why...but I was hoping it wouldn't happen. I went through this trying to have a child with ds. I am back on progesterone therapy and now the pounds start building up.
I know there are other times in my life when I know I look bad. It has been either completely my fault for not exercising or watching my diet, or combination of medical and not taking care of self, or completely because it's part of life: post partum, or sick, or treatment, or pregnancy.
Some of this is even part of a woman's cycle, the ebb and flow every month. But sometimes it is hard to shake the negative feelings. When your clothes don't fit, you can't even zip your pants or skirt, it's hard to not cry and feel like a failure (and want to hide in the closet for 30 days). And how about public functions, where you're going to be photographed and see people and you feel like "This isn't really me!"?
I'd love to hear if anyone has advice on how to deal with these times when you find it hard to recognize or even like that person in the mirror. I know it's a lesson in humility, but it's so hard!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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ladybugs
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| Posted: June 15 2006 at 2:58pm | IP Logged
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Oh, Jenn,
I think because of our culture's hypersensitivity toward body image we can often struggle with those feelings of inferiority, disgust, unworthiness, even. Much how a man's identity is often wrapped up in his paycheck, I think it is easy for us to fall prey to this.
With my girls, I try and tie this in with the topic of modesty and how we are loved simply because God made us. I have family members that I feel are dangerous to be around as the constant measures of worth are financial and beauty. As I don't want my children - any of them - to be affected by this negativity we limit contact with these folks. There have even been times we've not been in contact....it's been quite a road.
But what to do when the voices are in our own heads? First, recognize that and distract yourself with the remedy. God's love. It is really a spiritual battle, eh?
I really don't have anything else to offer except that you're not alone. I fight this battle as well.
Will you toast me today as your sister in Christ with your water with lemon, lime or cranberry? And have confidence in the prayers that will be offered for you.
I hope that helps just a little.
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Love and God Bless,
Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
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MichelleW
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We just watched a marriage seminar on DVD called "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage." One of the things the speaker said is that women in general tend to struggle with their body image. He said that studies have shown that actual weight, dress size, height, etc. matters little in self-perception. A very similar percentage of women in each category feel deficient if not down-right ugly.
Men on the other hand almost always feel they look good and tend to be seemingly unconcerned with a little weight gain or gray hair, etc.
I know this doesn't answer your question, but there seems to be a lesson in there somewhere, doesn't there?
I am so worried about my own beautiful daughter's self image, that when I take her shopping I always hand her a pile of clothes that are several sizes bigger than I think she is. That is probably silly, but I figure we can always run out a grab a smaller size and having somthing be too big is way more encouraging than trying to squeeze into something that doesn't fit. My daughter is just the right size for her age, but she could so easily become self-conscious if she is constantly trying on clothes that don't fit. Last time we went shopping, she tried on several dresses that fit loosely and said, "wow, these are sooo comfortable." We bought them and she wears them with confidence, head held high and she looks beautiful! I am so glad that she didn't try on several things that were too small and then settle for something that barely fit and that she would have to constantly think about.
Let this be a lesson to me.
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JennGM
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| Posted: June 15 2006 at 3:12pm | IP Logged
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ladybugs wrote:
Will you toast me today as your sister in Christ with your water with lemon, lime or cranberry? And have confidence in the prayers that will be offered for you.
I hope that helps just a little. |
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It does. And thank you. I'll have to wait on the sparkling water until I go to the store again. 
What do you do for the times when nothing fits? When you HAVE to go out and buy new clothes so you can be decent in public, even when the old clothes have so much wear in them? So much of the voices inside are lashings with a wet noodle, because it's failing on my part that I'm like this.
I do try to shake the feelings...but when that shopping trip and dressing room mirrors hang over your head, it's hard!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Natalia
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Jenn,
I don't have much wisdom to share except that I understand where you are coming from. I am going to be 43 tomorrow and for the first time in my life my weight is occupying my thoughts. When I see myself in the mirror I see a person that I don't completely recognize. For me is coming to terms with who I am becoming. i feel young but I am not the young mother I used to be.
Yesterday I was at Marshall's and saw a cute skirt on sale for 7.00. When I went to try it on, it was too tight around my hips.  It was depressing.
When I feel like that this is how I approach it:
- I pray - I pray that I keep my priorities right, that I keep a balanced and healthy self image, I pray for healing of my emotions, etc
-I try not to dwell on it. If I feel down the worst thing fo me is to be by myself.
-I try to pay attention to my thought process- I can stop a down spiral by stopping my negative thoughts right as the occurr.
-I rebuke Satan- i think this is an area in which he attacks us women viciously. (Say a prayer to St. Michael the Archangel)
- I do something- take stock of my eating and exercise habits. This is the most difficult thing for me. I am great at thinking but bridging the gap between thought and action is difficult for me.
I know that you are younger than i am, so some of these things might not apply to you. But for me I think that I am going to need to do some studying, reflecting and praying about getting older. I have noticed that I have felt, in the last few months, the return of some insecurities that I haven't felt since I was a teenager! I think re-reading or reading some books about motherhood will give me a boost. It would bring into focus why I am doing what I am doing. So when feelings about what have I done with my life come I have ammunition to combat them.
I wish I had some wisdom to share with you, Jenn. You are such a blessing to all of us. Can the progesterone be messing up your emotions as well as your weight?
Natalia
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JennGM
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| Posted: June 15 2006 at 3:17pm | IP Logged
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Natalia wrote:
| I wish I had some wisdom to share with you, Jenn. You are such a blessing to all of us. Can the progesterone be messing up your emotions as well as your weight? |
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Oh my, yes! And thanks for the reminder! Yesterday I just started uncontrollable sobbing for no reason. And I forgot that the progesterone could do this!
I'm 39, so not too young. And all your advice is very helpful...and yours, too, Michelle. I really appreciate it...I guess my emotions needed a little hug. I told dh and he was as supportive as he could be, but it's different for men!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Meredith
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Natalia wrote:
I wish I had some wisdom to share with you, Jenn. You are such a blessing to all of us. Can the progesterone be messing up your emotions as well as your weight?
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First of all BIG  coming your way, and this was the first thing I thought of about the medication???
You have been through alot this year so please TRY to go easy on yourself, even when it's so hard not to. You've already received much better advice than I could ever give. Hang in there and will be praying for your sense on peacefulness with yourself.
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Meredith
Mom of 4 Sweeties
Sweetness and Light
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ladybugs
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| Posted: June 15 2006 at 3:43pm | IP Logged
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JennGM wrote:
ladybugs wrote:
Will you toast me today as your sister in Christ with your water with lemon, lime or cranberry? And have confidence in the prayers that will be offered for you.
I hope that helps just a little. |
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It does. And thank you. I'll have to wait on the sparkling water until I go to the store again.
What do you do for the times when nothing fits? When you HAVE to go out and buy new clothes so you can be decent in public, even when the old clothes have so much wear in them? So much of the voices inside are lashings with a wet noodle, because it's failing on my part that I'm like this.
I do try to shake the feelings...but when that shopping trip and dressing room mirrors hang over your head, it's hard! |
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Jenn, the only thing I can offer in regards to the above is just to trust that you are where God wants you. Regardless of who's fault, medicine or otherwise. Be still and knowthat He is God.
For whatever reason, the sacrifice you will offer, the battle you are fighting, God sees the bigger picture. I know you know all this so I hope it's not preachy and...what's the word...duhhhhhhhhhh. I certainly mean it to be encouraging and long for you to be at peace. If this helps, buy one skirt for the times when you feel like this. I recently bought one at Wal-Mart(yes) for $25.00. It is bright pink with orange embroidery. It is lovely. I feel pretty when I put it on and if I put on a little lip gloss...I feel lovely.
I wish I had more wisdom to offer....
to you!
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Love and God Bless,
Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
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Mary Chris
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Jenn,
I will repeat what I said when I saw you today....YOU LOOK GREAT!!! Find something to wear to the wedding and treat yourself to a manicure and pedicure if you can afford it. Everyone is going to be looking at your hands and smile while you are playing the organ.
I do know where you are coming from and I am feeling it myself. I have 20-30 pounds to lose and I hate hard work. I got so depressed this weekend when I went into some of the dressing rooms in the mall. I also don't want to be photographed and just cringe when I see myself in a picture.
I don't have any advice but just know that I am in the same boat and I am thinking about you.
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Blessings, Mary Chris Beardsley
mom to MacKenzie3/95, Carter 12/97 Ronan 3/00 and wife to Jim since 1/92
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teachingmom
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| Posted: June 15 2006 at 10:59pm | IP Logged
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Well, Mary Chris beat me to it . . . but I was going to say that I saw you just last weekend, Jenn, and I thought you looked great!
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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Leonie
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Jenn,
I am SURE you look good - we are often our own worst critics. Treat yourself to something nice and I think the manicure ideas is a super one!
The biggest help for me, long term wise, wrt body images has been exercise. Consistent exercise, trying new workouts, trying push ups, etc has changed the way I feel about my body. No, its not perfect but it is fitter and I feel positive about the fitness - this is
empowering for me.
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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JennGM
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| Posted: June 16 2006 at 8:49am | IP Logged
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Thanks, everyone. I'm feeling a little sheepish having started this thread, realizing that so much comes from hormones. Leonie, good point. It's when I DO exercise that I feel better about myself, even if my clothing still isn't looking right. I've added exercise to my routine, but I'm not always faithful.
So...how does one approach in the spiritual life hormonal thoughts and actions? Are we completely responsible for out-of-whack hormones? I get mad when I'm dismissed as being "hormonal" as I feel it's still me, but then there are times it's almost an out-of-body experience, hearing oneself talk and act and wondering "Who is this person?" I know we can't just blame hormones for our failings and sins, but it seems there should definitely be some Clemency and Mercy.
Am I the only one that deals with this?
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Erica Sanchez
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You've received lots of good advice already, Jenn, so just a big
from me and prayers heading your way, too!
The first thing I thought of was to try to get out and walk every day. It sounds like you may already be doing some kind of excercise. I'm having a lot of the same thoughts these past few weeks, but my extra pounds are all post-pregnancy related. It is hard to get too mad about that, but the feelings are exactly the same. And I got a little sad looking at the pictures from Luke's Baptism, because I looked (and am actually) heavier than I've ever been post-pregnancy. Silly, I guess!
The very most important thing is that God doesn't care about the extra few pounds. He is concerned about our hearts and souls - and He must be very pleased to look at your heart and soul, Jenn!
I'm glad you posted. You put into words what many of us are probably feeling. Hang in there!
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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Tina P.
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Chiming in late here, but I had to say that when I'm not my original size (which is now  ) I have this *thing* about paying full price for something I just know I won't wear for very long (because I'll be that slim size with an almost-flat stomach before you know it, right?).
I go to discount or second-hand stores. They have lovely dresses in those places sometimes that people have only worn once. You'll get something that will cost a fraction of its original price. I have to admit, however, that I did splurge on a waistless dress that has nice shaping lines and floats practically down to the floor for my brother's wedding. Jenn, you and I should work as a team. I'm singing at his wedding!
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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JennGM
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Tina P. wrote:
| I have to admit, however, that I did splurge on a waistless dress that has nice shaping lines and floats practically down to the floor for my brother's wedding. Jenn, you and I should work as a team. I'm singing at his wedding! |
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I'll be praying for you. The dress sounds lovely!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Karen E.
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JennGM wrote:
So...how does one approach in the spiritual life hormonal thoughts and actions? Are we completely responsible for out-of-whack hormones? I get mad when I'm dismissed as being "hormonal" as I feel it's still me, but then there are times it's almost an out-of-body experience, hearing oneself talk and act and wondering "Who is this person?" I know we can't just blame hormones for our failings and sins, but it seems there should definitely be some Clemency and Mercy.
Am I the only one that deals with this? |
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No, you're not the only one!
It's a tricky balance ... I think we *have* to recognize that we are both body and spirit, and our spirit will be affected by our body, and that includes our hormones. So, the first part of the trick is *recognizing* that some of these things are hormonal -- that's what girlfriends and boards like this are for. They help us keep that in perspective.
Secondly, once we've recognized that hormones are at work, we can step back in two ways:
1. Don't get too scrupulous, thinking everything we do under the influence of hormones is a sin
2. Don't get too complacent, thinking that we can blame everything on hormones.
In other words, we pray for the balance that the Lord wants us to have. In the case of body image and feelings, I think it's perfectly legitimate to realize that hormones might be making you feel sadder and more focused on this than you need to, and it's *also* legitimate to say, "But I really do feel uncomfortable about this weight ... so, what's in my power? What do I have control over?"
We *do* have control over eating and exercise (to a degree -- heaven knows I've tried to exercise often enough with toddlers underfoot to know that it doesn't always work) so we can do our part in those areas. We *don't* have control over the way God designed our bodies: to gain weight with pregnancy, with nursing, when menopause begins to creep up ....
I guess the bottom line for me is that I try to do my part, and ask God to help me see clearly where my part begins and ends. That might be a different place for each of us.
Does this make sense, or am I rambling?
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God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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JennGM
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Karen E. wrote:
I guess the bottom line for me is that I try to do my part, and ask God to help me see clearly where my part begins and ends. That might be a different place for each of us.
Does this make sense, or am I rambling? |
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If this is rambling, ramble away! It makes wonderful sense and Thank You. 
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: How to Rein in Feelings about Body Image?
