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QueenofHeaven
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How do you handle this? I wear jeans/leggings/jeggings as well as skirts & dresses. I allow my daughters to do the same. All of our clothes are modest. I just don't feel that God is judging me because of this. My husband is on the same page as I am. He's fine with our clothing choices.  Many of the other moms at church look down on us because we have this attitude. Another church we attended didn't have any such judgements. BTW, our girls love wearing skirts & dresses for church & church related functions.
Also, when we do homeschool we all wear skirts & dresses. Usually on weekends or non homeschool days we are wearing jeans/leggings/jeggings but have been known to wear skirts & dresses on those days as well. I've never had any issues regarding clothing with my girls. I believe it's because I follow the everything in moderation rule.  How about you?
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jawgee
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I wear pants almost exclusively. I wear dresses to weddings, funerals, and sacraments (baptisms, 1st Communions, etc.)
It's been on my mind a lot lately, though, because some of the girls/moms in our homeschool group only wear dresses and skirts. I have one daughter who loves dresses and the other abhors them - although she'll wear them on holidays because I don't give her another option.
I've never felt any judgment, though, so I'm not sure why I've been thinking so much about it.
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Monica
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roomintheheart
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I wear jeans most days, and skirts or dresses for special occasions including Mass. I have quite a number of friends from church & homeschool co-op who went through a skirts-only stage for quite a long time (maybe a decade or so). Almost all of them have now gone back to sometimes pants, sometimes skirts. I don't know why as we don't really talk about it. I was never a skirt-wearer and only once did I feel judged by someone. I think it's a personal choice, and as long as you are comfortable, don't sweat it.
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organiclilac
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I am almost exclusively in skirts (just wear pants/capris for hiking, biking, and things like that, usually) but I really don't like the idea that it is a moral choice. Pants can be modest, and if you like wearing them, go for it! I wear skirts because I think they help me act a bit more like a lady. I don't think they make me holier.
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Tracy, wife to Shawn, mama to Samuel (4/01) and Joseph (11/11), and Thomas (2/15)
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CrunchyMom
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I started wearing skirts more about 8 years ago as a result of exploring the idea of their being more ladylike. Like Tracy, I don't see it as a moral choice at all, but for me, it was sort of like getting permission to wear them outside of church and even at home if I wanted.
Then, with multiple pregnancies and big weight fluxes, I found that skirts are much more forgiving, at least in how I gain weight in my hips, and I could wear one that was a little big or small whereas pants would not work. It simplifies my wardrobe by not needing quite the range i n sizes. So, I do end up wearing skirts almost exclusively, and when I am overweight, I suppose vanity is a motivator in that I feel they are more flattering.
In the winter, I wear more pants around the house because it is just cozier without being bulky.
I'm on a diet right now, but I'm sort of looking towards reaching my ideal weight as a goal for buying a nice pair of blue jeans, lol.
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Lindsay
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MarilynW
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We have church dress rules - girls always wear skirts or dresses. Boys wear collared shirts always, ties and jackets optional for some Masses, necessary for others.
We have a modest dress code. My teenage dd (herself)chose to wear skirts only for years - but now wears nicely cut jeans, long shorts, capris etc. I wear more skirts and dresses in the summer, but struggle with warmth in the winter. I did not wear jeans for years (could not find any that I was comfortable in - they all seemed too low cut and tight and immodest) - but last year I found a couple of pairs that are really comfortable and elegant. I do modest yoga pants in the winter at home.
Whilst I think modest dress is so important, I think that the whole judgmental skirts v pants issue is silly. We have much bigger issues in the church! In addition,it is a matter of intention - I have seen teens who are skirts/dresses only, who look more "tarty" than someone in a well cut pair of pants.
Have not had dress issues with my kids (yet?) We joke about whether "Pio would approve" or whether "Pius would approve?!!!
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Becky Parker
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MarilynW wrote:
| but last year I found a couple of pairs that are really comfortable and elegant. |
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Do you remember where you got them Marilyn? I'm always on the lookout for decent jeans.
I used to wear dresses exclusively. I found two things: On the positive side, I felt much more feminine. On the negative side I believe it put a rift between some of my friends and I as they thought I was being judgmental. This wasn't the case, but it was their impression.
I'm heavier now, and while some women find dresses more becoming, I find that they accentuate my "over weightedness"  (Pretty sure that's not a real word but it seems to fit here!  ) So I tend to wear jeans and khaki type pants. I'm struggling though, because we are planning a trip to Chicago and I think I need to pack a dress or skirt but I don't have one that I like on me.
I agree, above all with Marilyn's comment. I think modesty is a matter of the heart. Some young ladies can wear skirts all the time but do not appear modest at all. In fact, I feel the need to remind my sons to divert their eyes some days when we are in church. Both pants and skirts can be modest or immodest depending on the cut. I think years ago, most skirts and dresses were modest so making that a dress code was a great way to be sure women were dressing modestly. I don't think that is the case anymore though.
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Becky
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CrunchyMom
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I can see that Becky. I think it probably depends on how and where one puts on the extra weight. Since I tend to gain it in my hips and thighs, an A-line skirt hides it while pants accentuate it  . And I might look better in pants, but I would need a wide range of sizes, yk?
And while I don't know anyone in real life who is skirts only, I agree that they are a mixed bag regarding modesty. It is great that they are becoming more popular and easier to find, but that means there are many more duds out there, too.
One of my favorite styles growing up was a simple pair of leggings with a longer tunic or sweater. It is coming back, and I would totally jump on that wagon except that it is ridiculous to try and nurse a baby in that style  . I love my babies, but before becoming a mom, I did not recognize the sacrifices it means even in what clothes you can wear!
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Lindsay
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Mimip
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I wear a mix up of skirts/ dresses and shorts and pants. I LOVE maxi skirts/ dresses! LOVE love love them! I'm tall so I have to really shop around for them to be significantly long.
I would highly recommend Talbots for jeans. I shopped around for years for the perfect jean and they have a bunch to choose from. They are more pricey but worth it because they last FOREVER! Also they have outlets too.
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Mimi
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MarilynW
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Becky Parker wrote:
Do you remember where you got them Marilyn? I'm always on the lookout for decent jeans.
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Becky - I got them in Kohls regular womens section. I am petite but petite jeans are always too short.
My actual numerical weight has not changed since pre-kids but proportions and distribution of weight are all different so none of my pre-kids jeans will fit.
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Marilyn
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MarilynW
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I have to say that I do think that just as culture is "feminizing" men, it is also making girls more "masculine" - there is such a lack of femininity and prettiness and elegance. At our last extended family gathering most of the teen/college girls came either in unflattering athletic gear or pyjama type pants.
I LOVE wearing skirts and dresses, though weather and activity mean it is not always practical. But even jeans and pants can be very feminine with jewellery, scarf, nice long shirt etc.
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JodieLyn
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I've worn skirts only.. but it was a financial decision. The types of tops I wear with the types of skirts that I find most flattering don't work so well with the types of tops I prefer with pants (the skirts flare out so the longer tops that I pair with pants look awful with the skirts). So I had very limited funds and was wearing out most of my clothes and so I talked to my dh and decided to stick with buying a couple skirts and a few tops.. that way they could mix and match and I'd end up with more outfits than if I split it between skirts and pants.
I wear both right now again.. I'd put on weight after my last child (was weird like I couldn't not gain) and again, I didn't want to spend money on a whole new wardrobe (especially since I wanted to lose the weight). So I got a couple pairs of pants to get me through.. (oh and I have managed to lose almost 15lbs this summer 
I still need to lose a bit more. But I'm also in the process of revamping my wardrobe with some specific goals (does a wardrobe have goals?) in mind and will probably stick with the mix of skirts and pants.
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QueenofHeaven
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We've been told that we are going to H* because we are immodest since we wear pants on occasion. We've only wore pants a few times to church. All modest! Some members still felt the need to speak to my spouse & behind our backs too. They told my spouse that he isn't the head of his home if we are wearing pants or if he allows it. Told him to put his foot down & get us in line because he clearly isn't doing his job. We've been shunned at some churches (the girls & I) because those certain people felt I was ruling the roost so to speak & that I wasn't submissive enough to my spouse. So the girls & I were ignored among other things. Really nasty stuff! We don't attend that church anymore but it took many, many years for us to leave them. The worst part of ALL that was the gossip being spread about the girls & I during these times. Not very Christlike.
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CrunchyMom
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I'm so sorry that happened to you. I feel blessed that I have never had to deal with communities that were so negative and judgmental! I cannot imagine people who would go up to others and assert themselves in such a way. It is too bad that such attitudes make it polarizing to discuss topics such as these when they might otherwise be useful in examining our choices and the culture we live in, even if the choice is to pay more attention to the cut of our blue jeans
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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Mackfam
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There are no shortage of topics and situations that invite a lack of charity, QueenofHeaven. The good news is that it's up to you what you do with it at that point. I'll be honest - allowing it a place in thoughts does not leave room for peace. At some point, you have to let those past actions and conversations go in order to make room for interior peace and move forward with joy.
We can definitely chat about the practicals around wearing skirts and pants and dresses - the ladies here have already shared some great practical **how do you make this work** OR **what works for you** ideas. And this board is fantastic for that! What we can't do is speculate about past conversations that might invite a lack of charity.
If someone told me I was going to Hell for any reason, I'd seek spiritual direction from a trusted, faithful priest and have peace with his direction.
If someone commented on my/my girls choice of clothing, I'd talk with my husband about the topic, be prayerful, and move forward with our prayerful decision.
As other ladies have alluded to, modesty is a virtue, not a strict code requiring Pharisaical adherence. While there are some objective observations with regard to modesty in terms of how revealing a piece of clothing may be, within reasonable bounds one can be modest in a variety of clothing choices.
My observation is that the meat of this issue is perhaps a conversation best had by you and your husband, and that his guidance and your decision is the end of this matter. If you've already had this conversation with your husband, that's wonderful! Have peace and roll with it! There are gazillions of other things in our days - like cleaning toilets, and planning menus, and home education decisions that deserve our priority of prayer and thoughtfulness. Women who exchange gossip regarding my family's choices do not get nor deserve one IOTA of space in my thoughts!
 and  as you and your husband move forward with peace and joy from here, QueenofHeaven!
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JodieLyn
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I so totally agree with Jen. I would just add that it's often easiest to fight fire with fire in these situations and turn around and tell these people that how you dress IS how your husband wants it so that you ARE being submissive to him. That will generally shut 'em up at least to your face.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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pumpkinmom
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MarilynW wrote:
I have to say that I do think that just as culture is "feminizing" men, it is also making girls more "masculine" - there is such a lack of femininity and prettiness and elegance. At our last extended family gathering most of the teen/college girls came either in unflattering athletic gear or pyjama type pants.
I LOVE wearing skirts and dresses, though weather and activity mean it is not always practical. But even jeans and pants can be very feminine with jewellery, scarf, nice long shirt etc. |
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There are a few girls in our church who are wearing running shorts to church. Now that the weather is getting colder they have turned to yoga pants. Oh, and neither of them run or do yoga.
We made a trip to the doctor last week and all the Catholic schools were out that day and there was a huge amount of kids in the docs getting flu shots. Almost all of them looked like they just came from sports practice (even the moms). I guess it's the style right now.
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Cassie
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Mom21
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QueenofHeaven wrote:
| We've been told that we are going to H* because we are immodest since we wear pants on occasion. We've only wore pants a few times to church. All modest! Some members still felt the need to speak to my spouse & behind our backs too. They told my spouse that he isn't the head of his home if we are wearing pants or if he allows it. Told him to put his foot down & get us in line because he clearly isn't doing his job. We've been shunned at some churches (the girls & I) because those certain people felt I was ruling the roost so to speak & that I wasn't submissive enough to my spouse. So the girls & I were ignored among other things. Really nasty stuff! We don't attend that church anymore but it took many, many years for us to leave them. The worst part of ALL that was the gossip being spread about the girls & I during these times. Not very Christlike. |
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I've encountered that at our parish as well. I was even told what to wear to an event at a lake. Like at my age (51) I'm going to wear a string bikini!! I think pants, skirts and dresses can all look equally modest and classy. I'd rather see someone in a sharp-looking pantsuit than a worn-out, dated, frumpy skirt where the hem is frayed and ripped. Sigh.
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QueenofHeaven
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Good insight ladies!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Pants/Skirts/Dresses
