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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: June 30 2014 at 4:32pm | IP Logged
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I realize this sounds dramatic, but my spirited child is really trying my patience.
My 3.5 year old has just been more of everything since birth. Very high needs. Still is. He is like Jekyl and Hyde. He is either completely delightful or a complete wreck, and it goes like a switch either way. He has always a major distraction while reading aloud. We hardly do it anymore, and when we have over the past couple of years, I think half of it is over the crying. It is mkserable, but I think we all have sort of realized that we can't avoid tthe tears and crying or sometimes just incessant talking and interrupting, so if we want to experience the read aloud, we all must deal.
But then, when it comes to actual lessons that require I interact with another child, he never lets it happen. This afternoon, I was trying to do a group remedial handwriting/phonics lesson. It was going well. Ds3 naturally wanted to be involved, which is fine. I gave him his own paper and crayon and had him sitting in a small school desk sized well for him. He was happy. Then he wasn't, and the desk was fallen over on top of the baby. He did that silent cry thing where you worry if he can actually breath.  He is fine now, but obviously, there was no recovering for that. Five minutes into the lesson, and it was over.
I mean, it was not his intention to interrupt the lesson. It is just his nature. Whenever he is around, he is the center of attention. He is naturally very loud and, well, PRESENT. Always. I don't think it is a matter of his getting too much of our focus. I don't like to think he has a hold on the family in a manipulative way, but we are all very careful to not set him off because his reaction is so big. If you ever read the last of the Mitchell's series where they all know not to yell at Timmy early in the morning because they know he'll be rotten for the rest of the day? That is ds. And, come to think of it, there was a description of Timmy as a baby that I quoted on an old blog post when he was a baby, and it was very fitting 
He was also very distraught over his having hurt the baby. That wasn't his intention. He just does what ever he does in a big way that affects everyone around him. I don't think he has ever entered a room without "making an entrance"
So, all this to say that he charms and delights us all the time, but I still get so frustrated because he ruins things for others all the time, too.  I was so overwhelmed with him as a baby, I didn't think I could ever have another. Heck, even in the WOMB he was difficult! Hardest pregnancy and birth yet. I know he will grow up, and I will be sad. He is already growing so quickly out of pure toddlerness and into boyness.
But, in the meantime, he is still a challenge. Ds8 really needs me to do more regular reading/phonics lessons with him., and while we will all tolerate the last half of a chapter being read aloud under duress, I can't expect a struggling reader to stay focused and calm through a lesson like that when I couldn't!!
I know I should be more organized and instead of trying to do the lessons sort of round robin at the same time (they are all closely enough related for it to work), I should have my other two strategically take the baby and toddler to work with the 3 child, etc...., MAKING IT TAKE LONGER, but I guess what I would rather do is VENT because by golly, it shouldn't be this hard, and it wouldn't be this hard if simple things like coloring didn't feel like they ALWAYS result in disastrous events like crashing desks.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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SeaStar
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| Posted: June 30 2014 at 5:47pm | IP Logged
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Oh, yeah 
Welcome to my world. I live with Mr. Notice Me, where everything is a HUGE deal ALL THE TIME.
Ex. Currently my ds is at war with his bicycle. For Christmas he got a new gear-shift bike. Turns out all the little clicking noises that go with it drive him bananas- he can even feel them through the soles of his feet while pedaling, and he just can't handle it. Oh, my- The Bike Drama. Our rides have been ruined many a time by a boy having a melt down on the side of the road. *Sigh*.
Lindsay, I know you have probably already read it, but read it again:
Raising Your Spirited Child. God made your ds the way he is, and he is not going to change, even as he grows up. But there are tips in the book to help you cope.
I take comfort from knowing that the very traits that make life hard now are the very ones that my ds may use later in life to do the work God has planned for him.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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SallyT
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| Posted: June 30 2014 at 5:48pm | IP Logged
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Well, I can send empathy and prayers. Maturity helps a lot, but dealing with that child who is "more" is always a challenge.
(not that that's very helpful, or even very consoling, though I have to say that these days, at almost 12, trying though he often is, my son who fits that same profile is often a real delight, and has been for quite a while)
Sally
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roomintheheart
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| Posted: June 30 2014 at 9:13pm | IP Logged
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This sounds *exactly* like my 8 yo dd. Every single word. Waiting eagerly for any words of wisdom . . .
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SeaStar
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| Posted: July 01 2014 at 5:53am | IP Logged
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SallyT wrote:
Well, I can send empathy and prayers. Maturity helps a lot, but dealing with that child who is "more" is always a challenge.
(not that that's very helpful, or even very consoling, though I have to say that these days, at almost 12, trying though he often is, my son who fits that same profile is often a real delight, and has been for quite a while)
Sally |
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Yes- ds, 12 in November, is also often very funny and delightful. And never, ever boring.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: July 01 2014 at 6:37am | IP Logged
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SeaStar wrote:
SallyT wrote:
Well, I can send empathy and prayers. Maturity helps a lot, but dealing with that child who is "more" is always a challenge.
(not that that's very helpful, or even very consoling, though I have to say that these days, at almost 12, trying though he often is, my son who fits that same profile is often a real delight, and has been for quite a while)
Sally |
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Yes- ds, 12 in November, is also often very funny and delightful. And never, ever boring. |
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This is very true of my son as well. The challenge for me is not resenting the fact that all "fun" for the entire household feels to be on his terms. I do hope that as he gains maturity he will at least be able to just go to another place to be miserable. Well, another safe place His newest thing is that when he is corrected or upset by something, even if he just pinches his fingers in a drawer or something, he will just walk out of the house  So then someone has to stop what they are doing and go find him and bring him in. All this is complicated by the fact that he is just HUGE, so there is no just "scooping him up" and bringing him back.
Thanks for the empathy, ladies. It is helpful to know I am not alone.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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SeaStar
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| Posted: July 01 2014 at 7:03am | IP Logged
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The fun on his terms- yes, I totally get how you can feel resentful of that.
My ds is such a powerful force that he can seemingly sway any situation.
Also, he gets his own ideas and makes his own plans or has his own vision of how our day should go and then is truly shocked when his way doesn't pan out. I have to remind him often that God give authority to the parents, not the kids, and that he (ds) tends to forget that he is not in charge at our house.
Since my ds is older, if he storms out of the house, I let him go. Since he is a Notice Me extrovert, he cannot stand to be outside by himself and usually comes in very soon so we can all witness his suffering.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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Kathryn
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| Posted: July 01 2014 at 12:56pm | IP Logged
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I have such incredible empathy and will pray for you. It's not an easy path when one child just truly does require "more" in the parenting department. With my 4, I literally feel like one child takes about 70% of my parenting capacity and then other three get about 10% each. I really and truly have noooo powerful words of wisdom or real advice except pray, take a break to regroup and truly try to see his ways as the strength he'll have as an adult and see him as God created him.
Kathryn
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: July 01 2014 at 1:33pm | IP Logged
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Following what Melinda said..
Lindsay is it possible to watch through a window/follow without being seen and just let him think he's being left alone when he storms out? At his age of course he can't be left completely alone but I'm just thinking how sometimes taking away the audience helps more than trying to redirect.
Also, why not get a high lock for the doors so that they can be locked so he can't storm outside at all. And will just have to find another room in the house.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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3ringcircus
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| Posted: July 01 2014 at 8:43pm | IP Logged
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I am so thankful that S, my "screamer" has pretty much outgrown that, even though crying and wailing is still his go-to response to everything. He's only a few months older than yours.
Honestly, I think what helped was sending him to preschool while I worked with the older two. We sent all 3 to preschool initially, so it wasn't a strategy for him alone. But, he has been the happiest there, and I can tell he has enjoyed having his own social network and figuring things out on his own (he tells me about "having no friends", which means that he has to acknowledge others' interests if he wants to have someone to play with). And, he never has tantrums there! Of course, when I arrive, he'll often have a meltdown because he's tired.
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Christine
Mom to my circus of boys: G-1/06, D-1/04, S-4/10
Started HS in Fall'12
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VanessaVH
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| Posted: Aug 04 2014 at 8:56pm | IP Logged
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No real ideas, but big
I have a 3yo who is the same way!! I half joke that he is more work than my 1yo twins!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: The child who ruins everything
