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mommy4ever
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| Posted: March 19 2014 at 10:58am | IP Logged
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I have been battling with my 2 teen girls to maintain their laundry and keep their room respectable. By respectable, no dirty dishes, garbage picked up. I am lenient with things on the floor.... but I need to be able to see some floor. I know teens are walking tornadoes.
I have reached my limit. Today, I have went through the 15yo room. She has been complaining she has no room in her room for clothes. She had 3 empty drawers, another filled with garbage. We set her up with some bins for items like underwear and socks, scarves. She had one of those filled with garbage as well.
She had minimal in drawers and closet, the rest on the floor. I have no idea what is clean or dirty. I am washing it all.
Yes, SHE SHOULD. But we have been hounding her for literally months, and she will do a load... and forget it. If we asked her to flip her laundry, she grumbles, and finishes the one load and doesn't do any more.
So, for my sanity... I am taking over the laundry. But there is a cost they have to pay. I am limiting their clothing. I will do laundry for one on Wednesday, the other Thursday. If there is something special they want, well, they will need to do it themselves. If they want to earn their other clothes back, they need to take over the laundry duty, getting it done each and every week for a month to prove to me, they care about their things.
So, now I this is where I need help. I need to provide them with a list of what they can keep..
We are a land of extremes. So they need their winter items, and their summer items... as well as in between.
I am thinking, that once winter is for sure done, winter items are going in bins and up in their closets until needed again. Right now it's in between.. no shorts needed, but lighter weight cardigans yes.
So... here is typically items they have in their wardrobes, but some how it's grown to be excessive. I'm done with it. What would suggest for quantities?
Jeans
sweats
hoodies
t-shirts
dresses
skirts
Cardigans/blazers winter
cardigans light
sweaters
shorts
short -leggings(they use under dresses)
long leggings
I am thinking, that having it on the lean side, will teach them to take care of their clothing better. And make them WANT to work toward earning their clothing back.
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ardently praying for a new addition to our family.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 19 2014 at 11:20am | IP Logged
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What do they wear on a daily basis? If you're doing laundry once a week they need enough of those to wear every day. And of course jeans can usually be worn more than one day.
Hoodies are worn over other clothes same with any other cardigan or jacket.. they only need one.. not 3 or 4 to choose from. Do they wear their dresses and skirts for more than church? one outfit will cover that with a lighter weight and heavier weight option for a cardigan or whatnot. That also means one pair of short leggings.
a few pairs of jeans, a pair of sweats, t-shirts for every day. put away the shorts and long leggings and all the extras.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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mommy4ever
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| Posted: March 20 2014 at 8:18am | IP Logged
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Thanks Jodie :) Thanks Jodie!! That helped a lot! Great starting point.
I expected resistance yesterday. I was surprised, however, as who did the resisting.
I allowed 4 cardigans, and 4 hoodies. They are daily attire here, due to the weather. Less total of 7 t-shirts/tanks. And 7 bottoms. Due to slushy weather, cars have been spraying them, and road sludge needs to be stain treated immediately or it stains. 2 dresses. I wasn't totally unflexible. They swapped, 1 less cardigan for an extra hoodie.
I told them if after a month, they have done their laundry weekly, I would allow them to select a couple more items. And once spring was here, we'd swap out heavy for light items.
DD17 was told first, that I had done all her laundry, and that I was going to thin it. She laughed at me, and said, "Good luck with that." She didn't move a finger, to go tidy her room, or anything. Ok. No fuss.
I told dd15 the same. And she got really dramatic(intentionally comical) about how I was forcing her to choose among her children. How could I make her choose favorites, that it wasn't fair. On and on the whole time...lol. She dealt with it very gracefully, using comedy to mask any disappointment. And when we were done, she had donated a bunch of stuff, and actually folded the clothing I was removing and put it the storage bin. SO surprised, I thought she'd be my resistant one. When we were done, she finished homework and then proceeded to purge all her stuff :) She cleaned her room top to bottom, and it looks great.
So, when I was ready to deal with dd17 room. She came down to her room with no fuss. But as we started sorting, she started crying. There was tears through the whole process. I couldn't believe it. This is the one that DOES help out around the house. The other has an excuse, a headache, a sore leg, too much school work. But dd17 went on and on about the process. It really didn't phase me. We had been telling her she didn't want me to do go through her room, as there'd be consequences. I don't think she thought I would follow through. Or maybe she thought I'd give in to the tears. I thanked her for being cooperative, and took her clothes out of her room.
I laid out the rules. If I have to pick up their clothes after them, obviously they have too much and we'd thin it out further. They are to pick up after showers, baths, at night. They have hampers, there is no excuse to lay it strewn across the floor.
I think dh thinks I'm being a little harsh, but it's been months, like 6 or 7, since they were reasonable caught up on laundry. And their rooms were beyond an acceptable messy. It was starting to look like a hoarders episode. So today, in my room, I have over a playpen full of clothes that those 2 are done with. I need to see what gets stored for the youngest to grow into. Nicer hoodies, jeans and t-shirts can get passed down to the 10yo.
Then I'm purging my clothes. All 1/2 rack of the small closet..lol.
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ardently praying for a new addition to our family.
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Mom21
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| Posted: March 20 2014 at 9:30am | IP Logged
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My brother has 2 teenage girls who are slobs. Their mom is a slob so they come by it somewhat naturally. My brother told them awhile ago that if he walks by their room and ANYTHING is on the floor, to the trash it goes. It worked.
Not that you are thinking that route, but it worked for my brother.
BTW, my nieces are dear girls and so is their mom. But the slob factor was driving my brother nuts. 
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Booksnbabes
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| Posted: March 20 2014 at 9:56am | IP Logged
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We did something similar recently. Our older dd is nearly OCD in her organizing, and in fact enjoys purging regularly (definitely a trait she inherited from her father!  ). The younger is her polar opposite. Purging brings tears, every.single.time, and she rarely throws anything away! It reached a point where the room they share was overwhelmed and overflowing with younger sister's stuff. We gave her three-days warning that if it didn't get picked up, dh and I would pick up--and that meant we decided what stayed and what went. When the time was up there was no change in the room, so in we went. It took us two hours. We ended up with a 32 gallon trash can full of stuff to toss, and a large tote of clothes to thrift.  When she came back to her room, there were tears, but no hysterics. And her room has not been a mess since! I think, for her, the process of purging is too overwhelming and she actually needed someone else to get things down to a manageable amount for her. I am that way, but not to the same extreme. I pray we can teach her the skills needed to manage stuff on her own while she is still at home!
Praying your strategy is effective, and that your daughters can break the slob habit!
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SeaStar
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| Posted: March 20 2014 at 11:05am | IP Logged
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I have a young hoarder also (ds), so I am all ears for this thread.
The purging process really is very hard for some people. We have tears from ds and then we have dd, who holds the bag open for more!
It sounds like both moms here did a great job in helping kids pare down.
But this all gets me thinking... is my ds really a hoarder, or do I make make him one by allowing him to have so much in the first place?
A lot of what he has was a gift from a friend or a relative, so in his mind those are "important", right? Can't give that stuff away. With a large extended family, gifts abound- a never ending supply.
Then I have made it worse in the past by overbuying clothes and toys because they were on sale, cute, etc. No wonder he gets overwhelmed- I have to wonder if sometimes kids feel buried alive in stuff. And since I liked most of it and bought it and gave it to him, it probably doesn't make much sense that I now want him to give away a lot of it.
I am really considering what I buy now for my dc, and when relatives ask what to buy for birthdays, etc, I try to stick with books or gift cards for eating out (always popular). If my ds liked the movies, I would suggest movie tickets.
It is harder to control what they buy with their own money, though, and I'm sure it gets harder as they get older.
So, I am no help for this thread, just rambling- but I appreciate the topic being brought up, and the examples given have given me some good ideas.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 20 2014 at 11:16am | IP Logged
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Oh I know my kids get overwhelmed.. even with reasonable amounts of stuff.. we have a lot of people in a small space. I get overwhelmed at times. We have a few strategies that I have my kids work with me on. I try not to do it for them once they're over about 7 or so.. but to do it with them so that they can learn strategies to do it themselves.
At the most extreme my solution is to push everything out of the bedroom into the hallway.. so that we can start with a nice clean room and then pick things up in the hall (where nothing belongs) and be able to move it to it's proper location (or get rid of it somehow).. but it's so hard when so much would be put in their rooms to deal with the mess being in the room..
I've found in normal cleaning up.. that picking things up that are laying around a room is harder for my kids than if I push/sweep everything into a pile.. the thing is that a messy room is overwhelming (again many people, small space) and a "clean room" with a pile seems more manageable.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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SallyT
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| Posted: March 20 2014 at 11:53am | IP Logged
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Yes to the pile! We're overdue to do this right now, but that's exactly our strategy: sweep/rake EVERYTHING into the middle of the room and deal with it in one lot. It's the only way -- I think!
Sally
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mommy4ever
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| Posted: March 20 2014 at 12:19pm | IP Logged
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For the kids that get overwhelmed. I have a strategy that I have used with dd10 for about 4 years. Once a year, normally before her birthday, as that brings in more stuff, and then Christmas is just weeks away.
I won't say she is a hoarder, but definite potential. Every thing is important to her. SO we unpack her room into the living room. All toys, books, crafts knickknacks. She asked what are we doing. I told her we were cleaning up and organizing. I said nothing about purging. She happily brought things down to help. When we were done, she looked at the livingroom and then at me, and said "Mama, that can't all go backing in my room. I need to give some to the poor." Then we sorted it out, thinned it out. She looks forward to it every year.
I was quite surprised, because when we tried before to thin it out, she cried and cried about it. This way gave her the visual of just how much she really had. And she was willing to share her riches with others. It does to Goodwill normally, some items are passed to friends. But she always feels light and happy afterwards.
It worked for us, so maybe for another it will too.
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ardently praying for a new addition to our family.
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Booksnbabes
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| Posted: March 20 2014 at 12:27pm | IP Logged
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One of our biggest challenges is paper. Our dd is blessed with a friend with whom she carries on a voluminous correspondence--including many, many sketches. Each of these is, understandably, important to her, but we have not the space to keep each and every one!!! I have tried the take-a-picture-and-chuck-the-original but it hasn't been a perfect solution.
And then there are the 101 random things they have fashioned from miscellaneous cardboard scraps and tape.  I love their creativity, I just don't love the clutter!
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mommy4ever
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| Posted: March 20 2014 at 12:37pm | IP Logged
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What about scanning them, and suggesting they create a slide show complete with some favorite music?
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ardently praying for a new addition to our family.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 20 2014 at 12:56pm | IP Logged
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Booksnbabes wrote:
One of our biggest challenges is paper. Our dd is blessed with a friend with whom she carries on a voluminous correspondence--including many, many sketches. Each of these is, understandably, important to her, but we have not the space to keep each and every one!!! I have tried the take-a-picture-and-chuck-the-original but it hasn't been a perfect solution.
And then there are the 101 random things they have fashioned from miscellaneous cardboard scraps and tape. I love their creativity, I just don't love the clutter! |
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Maybe introduce online scrapbooking. I know it's possible I'm just not sure of what sites or anything. But this way they'll want pictures of their creations and their gifts of sketches and and letters.. and they can put them on pages with decorations and it's all kept on the computer. 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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SeaStar
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| Posted: March 20 2014 at 1:21pm | IP Logged
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I've only done the whole room- take it all out- purge with ds once, and it did work much better than just trying to sift through it all intact.
I should do that again- he was astonished at how much bigger his room looked, and he was reluctant to put his train table back in. That was huge- just getting it out of his room. We still have it, though . Dh made it and can't bear to give it away .
Hmm... is hoarding genetic?
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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Booksnbabes
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| Posted: March 20 2014 at 1:32pm | IP Logged
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I thought of scanning after I stepped away from the computer after posting last. I like that idea--but what happens when they use all my computer memory?! I am only half-joking on that one.
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mommy4ever
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| Posted: March 20 2014 at 4:06pm | IP Logged
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CD's or DVD's so they can be watched on a tv, is really cool for them.
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Kathryn
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| Posted: March 20 2014 at 9:05pm | IP Logged
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We live in TX and have the same kind of situation where we need most season clothes readily available (save sweaters for extreme winter/bathing suits for summer). I am not a minimalist at all but honestly this is what I think is MORE than fair. If my #s are too low, really think about how many clothes they REALISTICALLY need during that week. Maybe bag some extra and let them earn the chance to change it out 1-2x a month for more variety but I would drastically limit their choices in their room on a day-to-day basis if it makes you that crazy. That's really it...where is YOUR threshold for it. Sounds like you've passed it so time for drastic change. Good luck!!
Jeans 3
sweats 2
hoodies 3
t-shirts 5
dresses 3
skirts 3
Cardigans/blazers winter 1
cardigans light 1
sweaters 1
shorts 2
short -leggings(they use under dresses) 3
long leggings 3
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Kathryn
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| Posted: March 20 2014 at 9:12pm | IP Logged
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^^Regarding my post above, also I do laundry 2x a week as a family so that all darks together, all lights and all socks/undies/towels. We bought a hamper that hangs on DS's closet door so he didn't have to walk allll the way down the hall. DDs have a basket in their bathroom and dirty stuff is supposed to go in there morning/night. You might just need to f/u with them at least 1x a day and do a "floor check". Then kids bring their baskets to laundry room whenever I think it's been a few days and I need to wash.
Then I sort and wash. They move stuff to dryer when I ask and then move to couch when I ask. DD15 usu. folds. Sometimes I fold and take to their room or have them take it and put away.
Anyway, doing it 2x a week just means they don't really need as many clothes b/c anything will be washed in 2-3 days time.
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mommy4ever
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| Posted: March 24 2014 at 9:06am | IP Logged
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So far, so good ;) DD14 did her laundry this weekend. I was not home most of the weekend as my youngest was in a hockey tournament and we had a team meal one day, and a year end party after the final game. Plus a surprise birthday party.
DD14's room has stayed very tidy. She is taking care of her space. Her desk is tidy, her shelves are tidy. Her bed is made 
DD16(soon to be 17) has been a little more reluctant, after I dealt with the clothes, I told her she needed to clean her room. It took her until this weekend to get it done. She did a decent job, a few things are left to be done. But a huge improvement.
Another 3 weeks, if they maintain, they can earn some of their clothing back. My goal is really to get them to thin it out permanently. Then rotate seasonal items. Both are pretty close to finished growing, so they don't need so much turnover.
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Topic: Dealing with the consequences...
