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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: Nov 22 2013 at 8:40am | IP Logged
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Sorry!
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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anitamarie
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| Posted: Nov 22 2013 at 9:14am | IP Logged
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Maybe you should post how grateful you are for friends who don't brag under the guise of "gratitude". 
Anita
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A-Lil
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| Posted: Nov 22 2013 at 12:18pm | IP Logged
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I had to block someone on my FB who was doing the same thing! It was leading to sinful thoughts on my part. It reminds me of the character in Flannery O'Connor's short story Revelation who thanks God that He made her better than some people she considered "lowly". I just think that all gratefulness should point to God, not ourselves.
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Amy
wife of Eric, mama of ds(9), dd(7), dd(4), and ds (1)
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: Nov 25 2013 at 6:56pm | IP Logged
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I swear one of them read my post here because all the funny business has gone back to real things. 
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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Martha
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| Posted: Nov 26 2013 at 9:37am | IP Logged
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Well is this about them or us?
Why can't we just be happy for them? 
FB rarely points to the inner deep of a person's life. Maybe stretch pants were the highlight of their day that day. I've sure had days like that. Last week and this weekend was nothing but puke. 12 people puking at both ends. I ran out of towels, bedding, and had to rent a carpet shampooer. But I didn't post all that on FB. If you read my FB there's just a few posts noting we have sickness buried in a bunch of posts about nothing in particular.
What's an acceptable thankfulness?
"I'm thankful I beat cancer!" Sucks for the person reading who isn't beating it or is remembering the 18 year anniversary of their mother's death of cancer.
How does not being happy for someone who is simply thankful for something, however small, make any of us a better person?
There is so much I really hate about this time of year (really advent/Christmas is my least liked time of the entire year), but people just being grateful for simple silly things? Nope. I try hard to be happy for people whenever possible.
Sometimes I do envy people for many reasons. But that's not about them. It's my lack and I'm ashamed of it and try to not indulge it. 
That aside, I don't do the public thankfulness list stuff. It is ALWAYS going to be superficial. Whether it is FBs or around the thanksgiving dinner table. No one is going to be all, "I'm so thankful my dh left that hussy and returned to his wife and kids," or "I'm glad the lump in my boob turned out to not be cancer." Or "I'm glad for foodstamps."
Most people aren't going to bare their soul like that. And who can blame them? If I'm accused of bragging or whatever bc of being thankful for something simple, why would I want to face peer review for more personal stuff?
Sigh. I'm ready for Easter already. :(
So yes, you can complain. But how is complaining about someone being thankful for something you don't think is very spiritually in depth any more spiritually in the spirit of the season?
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Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
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organiclilac
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| Posted: Nov 26 2013 at 1:13pm | IP Logged
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I agree, Martha. I didn't do a FB list, but if I had, it would have alternated between my awesome husband, my awesome kids (bragging? maybe?) and things like dark chocolate and the internet.
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Tracy, wife to Shawn, mama to Samuel (4/01) and Joseph (11/11), and Thomas (2/15)
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anitamarie
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| Posted: Nov 26 2013 at 2:35pm | IP Logged
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Well, I think the OP was referring to things that were obvious brags, not true thankfulness.
There's a world of difference between "I'm grateful that our needs have been met for another year" and "I'm grateful that my dh got a $50,000 bonus and a Jaguar."
Anita
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: Nov 26 2013 at 2:57pm | IP Logged
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Martha,
I've certainly been humbled by your post. I realize that I'm not any better and I'm still a sinner like those I was complaining about. I apologize to you and everyone who has read my post. I certainly was wrong in complaining and shouldn't have posted it.
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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Martha
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anitamarie wrote:
Well, I think the OP was referring to things that were obvious brags, not true thankfulness.
There's a world of difference between "I'm grateful that our needs have been met for another year" and "I'm grateful that my dh got a $50,000 bonus and a Jaguar."
Anita |
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No. There really isn't. Why can't they share their happiness over getting a fun car or a bonus? Why would anyone who cares about them hold their good fortune against them? Are you saying it's okay too be happy about someone's good fortune as long as it isn't too much more than you or I have?
I want a Nissan NV. Bad. And if I were to get one, I'd probably post giddy pictures of it and my kids in it on my FB page or call a friend and squeal about it. In *my* mind that's equal to a $50k bonus and a jaguar. But if someone on my FB friend list got one and did the same thing? It wouldn't change that I want one, but I'd cheer them on and congratulate them anyways.
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Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
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Martha
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| Posted: Nov 26 2013 at 3:12pm | IP Logged
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pumpkinmom wrote:
Martha,
I've certainly been humbled by your post. I realize that I'm not any better and I'm still a sinner like those I was complaining about. I apologize to you and everyone who has read my post. I certainly was wrong in complaining and shouldn't have posted it. |
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I didn't want to hurt your feelings and I don't think you were wrong per se in posting. I simply wanted to point out that whether someone is bragging is entirely up to how you choose to accept them or not. You can't control what they buy or the priorities they make, but whenever it's not an immoral issue, you can choose to just be happy for them anyways.
Oh after they get done installing their new home theatre in their vacation home they are going on a much needed vacation to the Caribbean for Christmas? Well that sounds fabulous! I hope they have a good time and show me all the pictures over coffee when they get back. (And yes, that was an actual conversation last week.) I don't think she was bragging. She was just telling me what's going on her life. It's a very different life from mine, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't be able to share it with me.
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Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
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JodieLyn
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Sometimes it's all about the tone I'm choosing to read a post in. If you're hearing in your head in a braggy or flippant way, than you may react that way whether that was really how they said it or not.
I laugh about how polite my children are via text. Why? Because I get to choose the tone I read their texts in.
No deep sigh, exasperated "yes mom"'s here. Nope every last one is a nice respectful and cheerful "yes mom". Because I choose to read it that way.
I know that word choice can make this very hard but if I catch myself thinking something negative about the person who is posting. I find it most helpful to challenge myself to see if I can find a way to make how I hear it more complimentary to the poster.
(btw, I didn't see the original post, so this is just what came to mind on the general topic of how we can interpret the written word differently)
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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Angie Mc
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i also didn't read the OP but have thought about this very topic. For me, it is just plain easier to assume the best and be happy for everyone who gets anything or lives in any way that makes them happy (not talking sin here). This doesn't make me a better person, just a practical one.
Now if there was someone who was being mean with intent to me or someone else in my ear shot through bragging, I think it's fine for me to say to them something like, "Are you trying to be insensitive to my/Susan's saddness/loss/pain?" But this is so rare I can't remember the last time I needed to step up like this.
No need to be too hard on yourself though either, Cassie! You are awesome and it did take me some time to get to this point of peace about the whole matter. Do you know where my heart finally figured it out? It was when I couldn't have more children and needed to stare that suffering down in the sight of many women having children. Praise God for the grace to heal a broken heart and peace that passes understanding 
Oh, and I will brag that my husband took me to see Michael Buble last weekend and we stayed in a swanky new hotel in downtown Phoenix for the night!!! And if I ever get the Lexus RX Hybrid of my dreams I'll be back to share that news too  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: Nov 27 2013 at 1:39pm | IP Logged
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I have this bad habit of complaining about others and thinking the worse of them. So Martha is completely right in calling me out on it and I'm glad she did. I needed that! This is a new bad habit for me and just started in the last five years. I'm working on it and it's hard! I don't know when my heart changed or why or why I can't switch it back to the way it was before. I hate thinking the worse of people. It has gotten me into big messes. I guess that's a whole other post though.
There is a difference between sharing great stuff, which I support and want to hear more of from people, and trying to get attention from others by bragging. You truly have to be careful in how you say it. In my OP this person was guilty of the later in my eyes because it is something they have a habit of doing.
This has been a good post because you all have words that I need to hear!
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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Pilgrim
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Cassie, don't feel too bad. we all are prone to uncharity. We(dh and I , and hopefully our children through us by example, and teachings) have been on a path of learning this last year. Learning deeply about charity. We have taken a look in our souls and seen how uncharitable we really are. What started it? A very hurtful breaking of friendship with very dear friends, who are a good family, but have developed a sad habit of criticism, and uncharity. Their lack of understanding of him not wanting to see/encounter their daughter, who sadly happens to be his ex-wife caused the rift. She sadly went off the deep end, cheated on him more than once, then when it was discovered left her family and everyone, no one nowing where she was, never hearing from her for years. It caused deep scars for him, and thankfully the family stood by him and supported him through the years, giving him what he needed to keep the Faith, etc. until we married. That year after we married she came back to them, out of the blue. He had built a close friendship to all their family and it has been hard for him to lose that slowly, as her presence has slowly grown to where we saw them less and less. I had become close to them ,too during the time since our marriage. It caused a lot of bitterness for him to lose what he had gained, not only were they wonderful friends and had become a major part of his life, close as family, they are his godparents, as he converted through their influence years ago. It has almost been a year now since the painful parting of ways, and it has been a big eye-opener to learning not to judge. At first we felt deeply hurt and would speak ill of them, dh still struggles with this, as his wounds go deep, and I understand, I have my own deep wounds from my own past, so I know his pain. But, I am able to now say I am thankful this all happened as it has been a great eye-opener to soul searching and realizing how very uncharitable we had become over the years. It is SO, SO easy to become uncharitable, and truly harder to learn to think charitably first thing, and guard our minds and tongues against thinking negative thoughts. I am growing in this slowly, trying to overcome bad habits of uncharity, you know the ways we all do like when you see someone's kid misbehaving and you think "man my kids would know to never behave like that", or when you see someone dressed shamefully indecent and you think poorly of them, and on and on it can go. I've learned to try to pray for a person when I start judging in my mind, you never know, you may be the only person who ever prays for them!
I've rambled and it has probably been TMI, but I wanted to say, you are not alone, keep your chin up, we all make the journey towards charity in one way or another! May everyone here have a most Blessed Thanksgiving as we remember to be thankful for ALL our blessings big and small, family, love, the Faith and even little things like OSB shelves put up in our temporary kitchen in our basement while we build the house upstairs. I want to  as I now have spaces to put things after months of baskets and stuff stacked everywhere, as there just wasn't time yet for shelves etc. with the crunch to get the house weather tight before winter. Shelves are awesome!!!!
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Servant2theKing
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Prayer and grace cover a multitude of things! Praying for the grace to be thankful in all things and to see others as our Lord sees them! Thankful for all of you and the blessing of sharing our hearts ~ and life's newest news, good or bad! Have a blessed Thanksgiving, no matter what state you find yourself in!
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anitamarie
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pumpkinmom wrote:
There is a difference between sharing great stuff, which I support and want to hear more of from people, and trying to get attention from others by bragging. You truly have to be careful in how you say it. In my OP this person was guilty of the later in my eyes because it is something they have a habit of doing.
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That was my point as well. It's in the intent of the person posting.
I don't think you did anything wrong. Sometimes you just need to let off a little steam. You even stated that you were doing so. It's certainly preferable to posting something rude back to the person. You also did not name names or quote the posts, so that someone would be able to identify who it was. We all know insecure people who are in the habit of showing off. It can be difficult to always take it graciously.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
Anita
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Can I complain here about being thankful?
