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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: Sept 20 2013 at 10:38am | IP Logged
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it's been going on for some time! I have been in a rut and can't seem to pull out of it. Our talk is rude towards each other. I get onto the kids about it using rude talk myself . . . . I catch myself doing it as I'm doing it but can't stop myself . . . . I just don't care at that moment. They pester each other nonstop and it's causing problems in their school work. The boys are very physical with each other too and are hitting and pushing all the time. I can tell dh is tired of it too because he yells at them to stop. We both know better!
I feel like I could just give up and send them off to school. I won't but at the moment that is how I feel. I'm sure it would make the problems worse!
Good news is that we are due for a fall break in school and could take a week off. I just don't know what to do to get us out of this hole. This behavior on a small scale is normal, but it's out of hand. The giving up and not caring on my part worries me. I want so much to be that gentle loving mother and I'm a drill sergent! Another problem I'm having is the fear of getting behind in school. I don't want to take time off or do less and focus on our family togetherness because I fear we are behind. Talk me through this too.
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Sept 20 2013 at 11:23am | IP Logged
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Been there. Recently. Summer off helped.
Just my 2 cents:Take that break for your family. Don't worry about being behind. Go on field trips and rekindle some of that fun and love of learning. Before the winter hits  Really, you will catch up more if the "attitude" in the household changes.
We were in the same rut before summer. First few weeks off, we all just chilled. Lots of computer time,reading, just be-ing. Then I drew us together in activities and vacation. Then, after the reconnection I worked on, gently, attitudes and proper ways to speak and communicate. I am still working on it, habits die hard, but with lots of prayer so I can be a good example, I keep reinforcing. The ages of 12 and 9 are tough. ANd my dd who is so behind in everything made such huge strides in her reading, applying math skills from last year, and her communication. And we did absolutely nothing academic  I think the family IS the key to everything and time spent nurturing there pays off.
Hang in there!
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Anne, married to dh 16 years!, ds,(97), Little One (02), and dd (02).
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Sept 20 2013 at 11:24am | IP Logged
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Just to add, this was the first summer we took off-ever. I was so nervous. 
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Anne, married to dh 16 years!, ds,(97), Little One (02), and dd (02).
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SallyT
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| Posted: Sept 20 2013 at 12:52pm | IP Logged
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Judiciously scheduled time off is a good thing. Think of it this way: how much time gets wasted in "real" school? Of all those hours children spend in "instructional" time, what percentage of it is actually *learning* time? Thinking realistically about these things can help you to focus on the quality of your own learning time -- and what will enhance it -- rather than the quantity, or even how far through the book you are.
In a week or two off, you can concentrate on
1) family bonding: having fun together, reconnecting, enjoying shared experiences that aren't tied to anyone's performance
2) "stealth"/"no strings attached" learning experiences via field trips, books read purely for enjoyment, family conversation, game nights, and so on
I can tell when we're due for family bonding time -- everyone's tempers start to rub raw, everyone's at everyone else's throat . . . Last time we really needed it, we actually went away for a couple of nights to a state-park cabin. No phones, no internet, nothing but each other. We took board games and cards -- the kids had a blast playing "I Doubt It" at night. During the day we went hiking, visited a farmstead, watched deer, did nothing. It was *great.* We can't do that every time we need to recharge our togetherness batteries, but when we're at the end of our collective tether, that's the kind of thing we need. Giving ourselves that break makes us a lot nicer to and more patient with each other (for a while, anyway), which in turn has good ramifications for our schooling.
In the long run, I'd rather not finish the book, but have what we did get through really sink in, than rush and push and stress and have none of it endure in the mind.
On the other hand, sometimes you do just have to be the drill sergeant. I've kind of made my peace with that. When formal school is on, then formal school is on, and it's not playtime. Fortunately that's a smallish portion of most days, and during the rest of the day our relationships can be more free-form. (but it's kind of like doing chores -- I can't just nice my way through getting other people to keep the house clean. Fact of life.)
So . . . take the break, but also don't worry about not being Fun Gentle Mom when things are serious. Sometimes you just do have to be Authority Mom, or even Mean Mom, when the occasion calls for it. That's another reason why taking a break is important -- to give you renewed reserves for dealing calmly and firmly with misbehaviors when they arise, and for defusing them, when you can, before they begin. Stepping out of the cycle for a little while can help you to regroup and step back in with purpose.
Good luck!
Sally
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MichelleW
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| Posted: Sept 20 2013 at 1:35pm | IP Logged
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Just thinking out loud here:
You might re-examine your boundaries as well. Are there some identifiable preliminary behaviours that, if caught, could head off the bigger battles? Eye-rolling, heavy sighing, body language that indicates disrespect? I know that different people have different thresholds for these things and that is ok. But, it might make you feel more peaceful if you head the battle off before it reaches full swing...
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Michelle
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MichelleW
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| Posted: Sept 20 2013 at 1:41pm | IP Logged
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Also, for my boys I found that they wanted an audience. When I started sending them outside every single time the wanted to get physical with each other there was a great transformation. I told them that they could work it out physically if they wanted to, but that it put others (and our stuff) in harms way if they pounded or pushed each other around inside. We did this regularly for a week and then the incidents became fewer with more time between and then the weather changed. I still remember when I told them to take it outside on a very rainy day. They looked at me in shock and said, "but it's raining!" Yep, I'll get some towels out for when you are ready to come back in. I think we only had one more incident after that, and then things calmed way down.
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Michelle
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: Sept 20 2013 at 2:26pm | IP Logged
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This is all good advice! I agree with the fact that we are getting less school done and the quality is suffering from these attitudes. I want our week off to be productive and working on some changes. I may have to think hard on activities to do. Getting out of the house would help because we all seem to be glued to a screen during free time when we are home. I'm not setting a good example.
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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herdingkittens
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| Posted: Sept 20 2013 at 9:47pm | IP Logged
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Can you take a break....I mean, you. Just you? Obviously, I do not know your whole situation, but what you are saying describes my whole last year.  One of the things that was not happening was making sure I had enough personal refreshment. I tend to "railroad" through bad situations instead of easing up and taking those breaks. It is really hard for me to notice bad behavior and nip it in the bud when I am in that cycle and it becomes very overwhelming to the point where I start to not care anymore (making my behavior worse, which trickles down to the kiddos... vicious cycle). Spending lots of time in adoration has been wonderful as has getting time to REALLY relax (do whatever I darn well feel like without having to direct anyone  ). Forgive me if I am way off, and perhaps not making much sense, but that has been my experience. I am so sorry you are feeling this way and experiencing this. I will keep you in prayer.
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: Sept 21 2013 at 10:27am | IP Logged
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herdingkittens wrote:
| Can you take a break....I mean, you. Just you? Obviously, I do not know your whole situation, but what you are saying describes my whole last year. One of the things that was not happening was making sure I had enough personal refreshment. I tend to "railroad" through bad situations instead of easing up and taking those breaks. It is really hard for me to notice bad behavior and nip it in the bud when I am in that cycle and it becomes very overwhelming to the point where I start to not care anymore (making my behavior worse, which trickles down to the kiddos... vicious cycle). Spending lots of time in adoration has been wonderful as has getting time to REALLY relax (do whatever I darn well feel like without having to direct anyone ). Forgive me if I am way off, and perhaps not making much sense, but that has been my experience. I am so sorry you are feeling this way and experiencing this. I will keep you in prayer. |
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You are onto something here!
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: We are having a bad day . . . month . . .
