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joann10
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Ok wonderful ladies, I am looking for any tips to help control my anxiety when I have no control over the cause of the anxiety.
It has come to the point that day to day chaos and life's daily challenges really set the anxiety in motion. Some things are big (son gone to boot camp two days after becoming engaged and announcing he won't be getting married in the church) to "simple" things like schoolwork with an ADHD student and two 1 st graders, to figuring out how to,feed 8 people between 3 ball games that all overlap with no money for concessions or fast food. i just lose it and can't cope......I really, really need to learn to cope.
Any tips would be greatly appreciate. 
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JodieLyn
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good multi-vitamin
extra B-complex
extra D
Bach's Rescue Remedy when you can feel it starting
Hyland's Calms (I usually use this after taking the Rescue Remedy)
There's some essential oils that help too. I know lavender is calming. And so is cinnamon (energizing and calming or maybe it's focus but it does help calm things down)
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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roomintheheart
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I used to suffer from anxiety attacks, and just general anxiety over all. It was miserable, so you have my complete sympathy.
What worked for me was from Isaiah 41:10, "Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not be afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you and uphold you with my righteous right hand." I literally repeated that to myself constantly all day long, whenever I felt the least bit of anxiety. Eventually, I was able to rest easily in God's care. 
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CrunchyMom
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JodieLyn wrote:
good multi-vitamin
extra B-complex
extra D
Bach's Rescue Remedy when you can feel it starting
Hyland's Calms (I usually use this after taking the Rescue Remedy)
There's some essential oils that help too. I know lavender is calming. And so is cinnamon (energizing and calming or maybe it's focus but it does help calm things down) |
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I would add Magnesium to this list. I use Magnesium oil because it is said to be more easily absorbed through the skin than in a supplement, but it seems that, like Vit D, they are discovering that most people are deficient. I think they have linked low magnesium specifically to panic attacks as well.
One way I cope when feeling overwhelmed is by taking a shower and giving myself permission to start my day over. A shower is a good place to be alone, pray, cry, whatever, the heat and steam are relaxing to me, and fresh clothes, a blow dry, etc... help me feel like I'm "ready" to take on what is before me.
__________________
Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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Aagot
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Exercise and eating fish. Just getting outside and walking makes a huge difference. If I don't eat fish at least once a week (or take cod liver oil daily), I get overwhelmed and angry.oh, also, I have found if I eliminate sugar, life looks much better.
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joann10
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It looks like I really have to buckle down with a better diet and supplements, but that seems to be very hard on a very limited budget.
Alone time seems to be one of the worst times for me...I think being alone gives me too much time to think. 
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verkom
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Eliminating sugar as well as white flour really helps me. I just can't tolerate the big sugar drops from those foods. I end up being either really, really angry or I'm having anxiety attacks.
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Betsy
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Joann,
I am going to step out on a limb here......
You have many, many things on your plate. Any one of the issues that you listed would be enough to give anxiety and stress to a Mother! Plus, I know (from your other posts) that you live with very difficult physical issues on top of this! While I don't have the answer that will be *perfect* for you, I do think that you really need more than just good nutrition to deal with everything. I know when I have been at my lowest some of the hardest advice was when people seemed to be saying, "You can do this on your own! Just take this supplement or take a walk, etc. "---even when it is true and always well meaning!!
I think that you are at a point that you really need someone to talk to. I know that $$$ is an issue. In our area Catholic Service works on a sliding scale or maybe you can find a retired Priest or Nun that has time to pray with you, for you and listen.
God works miracles everyday, but almost always works them through others in our lives. Please, pray for the strength to be able to reach out to someone----as I know how hard this can be and often seems like the "one more thing" that might break the camels back!!!!!! I know, I really do. But, I think that if you do this it might really help.
I am praying for you and your family! 
__________________
ImmaculataDesigns.com
When handcrafting my work, I always pray that it will raise your heart to all that is true, modest, just, holy, lovely and good fame!
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JodieLyn
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Joann, for alone time, I found when I was in the hospital for 2 months with placenta previa, that I needed something distracting but not requiring much concentration. I found some free downloads of the Narnia series read outloud.. and I would put that on when I'd lay down in the dark to sleep.. I could listen and the story kept me from worrying over stuff but I knew the story well enough that I wasn't trying to stay awake to find out what happened next, but still a good enough story to pay attention to it.
But it's also somewhat a battle of will, if you catch yourself just worrying over something you have no control over, you have to make yourself think of something else. I'm not talking about putting your head in the sand and not learning what you need to learn or not finding information you need or stuff like that, but the endless non productive spinning your wheels worrying over "might be's".
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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amyable
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It's so hard to take care of oneself when the anxiety or depression has taken hold, isn't it! I always tell my dh that I need a wife, LOL! Truly, I think we all need someone to *really* care for us sometimes. Give us time to heal.
I don't have any great advice, just support! I will tell you a few things that help me when I do them.
Besides the supplements above (which I am awful about taking, but I'm sure they would help if I took them regularly!):
gulping down a glass of water
finding a sunny window and letting the sun hit my closed eyes as long as possible (usually less than a minute before someone calls me away or I go stir crazy, lol)
hold on to your hat - giving up chocolate  I find it exacerbates my emotional problems
fiction to lose myself in (I typically read only non-fiction so a good story helps me calm down)
music purposely chosen to make me feel "alive" (those "OH I LOVE THAT SONG! songs - my anti-anxiety songs are the ones I can imagine listening to while driving a convertible down highway -- fast -- with the sun on my face and wind in my hair.  Yours may differ. )
Remembering that even if/when my life totally stinks, all these things are helping reduce my purgatory time 
Taking things minute by minute. You know those people that just say "take things one day at a time?" I couldn't do that, it was too long. I had to ask myself, "Can I get through the next 30 seconds without self-combusting? Yes? OK! Good! Do that!" And then asking myself again as soon as necessary. I tried to make my time span be as long ahead as I thought I could deal with -- sometimes I asked myself whether I could handle 10 minutes, sometimes it was 10 seconds. For some reason this gives me a sense of power and accomplishment, two things I lack when in the midst of an hour(day/week/month) long anxiety attack.
Reducing the few things I *could* control that were causing anxiety - like we switched curriculum providers to one that planned for me and signed my dyslexic dd up with their special needs dept. This took some weight of my shoulders. Things like that.
Remembering I am not the linchpin that holds the whole world together. I tend to think everything is my fault or somehow (if I try hard enough) under my control.
Last one (I talk a lot for someone who said she had nothing to share ) -- pray in an "imagining" sort of way where I imagine/picture myself delighting in the Lord and Him delighting in me. He *does* love me that much, so I need to let it "hit me" and make me feel better.
I hope you can find something that helps, Joann!
ETA: Someone shared this on facebook just now and I thought it was so true (and applicable):
"And then God opened my eyes to see that something else was going on beneath the surface of my parenting challenges. I learned the reason why parenthood is often so hard — God uses parenthood to strip away our independence and the sin that keeps us from abiding in him. My true need wasn't to find the perfect ‘get your child to sleep’ system or the best potty training program or even the top ten ways to get my kids to clean up after themselves, rather it was to see my desperate need to rely on the grace of God."
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Kathryn
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When I don't have time to do any pro-active b/c I'm in such a rush and feel that anxiety, the Hyland's calm forte have helped me and they're relatively inexpensive. Melatonin to help me get better sleep at night helps making it easier to cope during the day.
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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guitarnan
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Definitely sunshine...I'm from a sunny state but now live in the mid-Atlantic region and I find myself "waking up" emotionally at this time of year because there's finally enough sunshine to feed my SAD.
And what Amy said. It wasn't until recently that I allowed myself to really imagine what being with Our Lord in Heaven might be like...but it's a delightful image...and it has taken much of the fear out of my life.
My MIL, who has RA, tells me that she does what she needs to do to keep her body working as well as it can (for her, that's staying physically active, mostly by tidying things up), and that helps her feel in control of life. She has days when she is just stuck on the couch, but, all things considered, she has more good RA days than bad, and she doesn't worry about advice people who've not experienced RA give her.
I'm guessing that worry about your son (boot camp is harder on parents than on recruits, I think!) is triggering a lot of anxiety. Remember that boot camp is a pump, not a filter (as my Navy husband would say). The instructors want the recruits to succeed. The system is designed so that most recruits do succeed. Every possible help is given, although it might not seem so to the recruits while they're in the middle of it all. They are limited in phone/email/text time so that they focus on being part of a military unit. This system works, truly. Most recruits do just fine. Not being able to call home actually helps them with this process, even though it does not help you, since you miss him so much. It will end, and he will be fine. (And I will pray for all of you...I know it's hard!)
If I were trying to feed eight people between three ball games, I would think portable food and/or food that could be pre-made and left in the fridge (if you come home between games or have some family members at home). Sandwiches. Fruit (pre-washed). Carrots, celery, etc. that you can dip into something easy and cheap to make at home (ranch dip...dips you can make with herbs and spices from online recipes...no bottled dressings - too expensive!). Have your children help you make the sandwiches or wash the fruit as a break from lessons. It is totally okay to serve the same meal on every game day. Hungry kids won't care.
Sometimes life is so overwhelming...and that's when Amy's advice to stand in the sunshine and listen to happy music can really help. I cling to favorite hymns and sing them in my head over and over on those stressful days. As David wrote in his beautiful psalms, the Lord is our help...He is there for you, always, even on days when you feel lost. Just as roomintheheart repeated her verses from Isaiah as a reminder of God's deep love, so, too, you can find a verse or a song that has meaning for you. (I know it sounds a bit trite, but it does work. That's why we have hymns, after all...so the words from the Bible stick in our heads.)
Sending and , as always!
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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knowloveserve
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Absolutely on the B Vitamins...
Good spiritual reading (Try the excellent and very readable Searching for and Maintaining Peace or anything by the excellent Fr. Jacques Phillipe!)
And yes on essential oils! Lavender is great. I use a blend of oils from DoTerra (spruce, rosewood, frankincense, and blue tansy) called Balance that I am convinced has saved me from anxiety and depression. I have a friend who's been able to successfully end her dependence on anxiety medication after being introduced to essential oils. There's a lot that goes into that but in short I'll link you to a pdf power point presentation explaining the different mood matrix and oils that can help each one.
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StephanieA
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One has to ask oneself about extra curricular activities. I know outside activities for the kids are important. We have taken part in competitive swimming and gymnastics, music competitions, etc. with 9 different kids at different times. But sometimes, the kids were not involved mostly because I couldn't add another thing to my list.
Sometimes, you have to cut down quite a bit, and reach out to others for help, and not forget that God in charge/control.
I'll second these suggestions:
1. Get outside for fresh air and exercise
2. Get lost in a good book
3. Prayer for acceptance of the situation
Blessings,
Stephanie
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cheesehead mom
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Joann--Saying a prayer for you. In addition to the many great suggetions I would second Betsy's call to get some help as well. Also , be open to anti-anxiety/depression medication if that is what is needed for you and your family at this time to get you through this rough patch.
Our Lady of Good help, pray for us!
Laura
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Angie Mc
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I was BORN anxious LOL! So I know of what I share....
Address thinking distortions.
ACTION -> THOUGHT -> FEELING -> BEHAVIOR (REACTION)
or
A TRIGGER leads to a DISTORTED THOUGHT which leads to FEELING ANXIOUS which leads to BEHAVING IN AN AXIOUS WAY TO INCLUDE ANGRY OUTBURSTS (venting outward) or DEPRESSION (shutting down)
The key is to catch thoughts, check if they are true, then take responsibility for personal reactions. While support is helpful and including your family in these efforts is a great idea, in the end YOU only control YOU - which is HARD and yet a RELIEF all at the same time  .
Pretty straight-forward yet difficult, purposeful, long-term work!
to you Joann
OH...and listen to a comedy radio channel. Seriously .
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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JennGM
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joann10 wrote:
It looks like I really have to buckle down with a better diet and supplements, but that seems to be very hard on a very limited budget.
Alone time seems to be one of the worst times for me...I think being alone gives me too much time to think. |
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I haven't had time to read through everything, Joann. I've been in your shoes so many times. Don't worry about supplements at first if the money seems to be an issue, but really, eliminating processed foods, sugar and artificial sugars, caffeine, starches REALLY, REALLY makes a difference for me. I would often find myself in a cycle of too many simple carbs and other simple gratifications in foods only to regret it later because it really did affect my thinking and moods.
I'm not saying cold turkey, but an 80/20 approach might help.
I kept a lot of Bible verses and ejaculations in a list and in my mind when I was anxious, just repeating them. It's hard to tell your emotional self rational thoughts, so I would pray these in my mind, even if I didn't FEEL them at all.
If you haven't read any of Jacques Philippes books, this would be a good time. Searching for and Maintaining Peace and The Way of Trust and Love are perfect for this kind of anxiety. And all his books are very short and do not require big thinking.
I've also said this before, I think a million times, but if there is some way you could just sit and be a bit creative. Get your hands going in a small way -- crochet, embroider, knit. Start with some small projects (like crocheted roses, knitted dishcloths) that don't require much thinking. But this really helps me. And also music, calming music. If you ever played an instrument, maybe pick it up again. Or sing along to some melodies.
And finally go play in the dirt. I need to follow my own advice here and go and weed. It really soothes my soul.
All these examples just need 15 minutes here or there. Nothing big, but ways to nurture your soul and calm yourself.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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CrunchyMom
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JennGM wrote:
| I need to follow my own advice here and go and weed. It really soothes my soul. |
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I agree! I saw a quote recently, "Gardening is cheaper than therapy...and you get tomatoes." 
I'm certainly NOT saying you shouldn't consider seeing a therapist!
But, there is definitely something therapeutic about working in the dirt, even if you are just tidying and weeding what you have rather than investing in gardening as a hobby. I think it combines the exercise that some have suggested, the sunlight that Amy and Nancy says help, and something to busy the hands and mind. My mood has improved SO MUCH, similar to what Nancy describes, since the onset of Spring, and I think much of it is the activity of gardening as much as SAD (which, I've noticed in recent years, could be a factor in my own motivation and mood habits).
__________________
Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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mamaslearning
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I don't know if this site is considered "OK" for a Catholic or not (it is by a Catholic, but as I've come to find out, there are many sides to what a Catholic 'is' and I don't want to offend anybody), but it was recommended to me a few years ago and I like to draw ideas from it - Depression-Anxiety.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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Angie Mc
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mamaslearning wrote:
I don't know if this site is considered "OK" for a Catholic or not (it is by a Catholic, but as I've come to find out, there are many sides to what a Catholic 'is' and I don't want to offend anybody), but it was recommended to me a few years ago and I like to draw ideas from it - Depression-Anxiety.
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Lara, thanks for offering help. A quick glance tells me that there is helpful content there.
2 cautions:
The good content may be mixed up with bad content (both from a spiritual and mental health perspective).
The author only gives his name and a Ph.D. Professionally speaking, he gives no information on what Ph.D. he has (could be anything), his education (could be from anywhere) his license (which makes me question if he has one.) There is no way to ask him these very standard questions without paying him first.
I don't have time to check into this further but hope this helps!
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Self help: for anxiety
