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Wheatheartaca
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| Posted: April 03 2013 at 10:09pm | IP Logged
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We are Catholic, relaxed, eclectic homeschoolers. We live in rural Oklahoma where there's not that many homeschoolers nor Catholics. No Catholic Coop, the closes is 2 hours away. :(There is a Christian homeschooler support group which we play on their basketball team but we don't do much of anything else since we are the only Catholic homeschoolers. Not much else for homeschoolers around here. Feeling a little isolated & odd person out. My dd entering 8th grade, her public school friends don't call her as much, her Catholic school friends don't call her anymore as they have moved on to other friends. I guess I was under the false impression that once we left brick-and-mortar school, she wouldn't have to put up with "popularity" contests and fitting in...but it seems to be a little of the same with homeschoolers. Idk...thanks for listening.
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: April 04 2013 at 12:26am | IP Logged
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Wheatheartaca wrote:
| I guess I was under the false impression that once we left brick-and-mortar school, she wouldn't have to put up with "popularity" contests and fitting in...but it seems to be a little of the same with homeschoolers. Idk...thanks for listening. |
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You are right. The teen years are rough no matter how or where you educate your children.
While it is hard to watch a child struggle to find his or her people, it is also a great opportunity to encourage creativity, responsibility, and patience. Talk with your daughter about what she wants in a friend or group of friends. Ask her how she is able to be a good friend to others. Then help her to get out there and try, assuring her that making friends is hard and purposeful work.
The big mistake I see made in small groups (not exclusive to homeschooling groups) is when parents assume their children will have friends because they belong to the group. Friendships, real friendships, are a gift from God, given in his own time and way. While waiting for a friend, it is best to be responsible, control what you can control, pray and wait. Good friends are worth the wait and effort.
Hang in there and I hope you and your daughter find consolation in knowing that each day brings you closer to the gift of friends God has waiting for you <3
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: April 04 2013 at 6:39am | IP Logged
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We live rurally also and my kids also struggle with "friends." Kids in our "neighborhood" are just not fun to hang out with, lack of respect, rude, etc. The homeschool group,we belong to is based 45 minutes away. So ,needless to say, so are any friends.
I try to tell me kids to look for good friends that will help them grow, I also help them understand it is not the number(like FB  it is the quality of the relationship. One good friend is worth more than a hundred. We currently are " in the desert" and I have had many times like this in my life, I am trying to teach them you go out and "serve" without worrying about the relationship and friendship may follow, and if not, it is OK, be OK with yourself and you won't necessarily HAVE to have friends. If you can be happy with yourself, you get through these desert type times. I make sure they do things that give them joy, and if friends come, great,if not, you are still trying yet growing yourself. I do try to make sure they get to connect with kids a few times a week doing things that bring them joy, and we also do set up play dates with like minded kids when we find them, once a month or so due to driving distances. It is hard but I think they are getting it, 
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Anne, married to dh 16 years!, ds,(97), Little One (02), and dd (02).
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: April 04 2013 at 9:11am | IP Logged
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Oh, I do understand this! I have no solutions to offer, but an understanding heart!
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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JodieLyn
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Well we live in a small town and while we have several families in our Church that homeschool.. we're still with the kids in school most of the time. It's not like we can have all our seperate groups (there's not even enough homeschoolers of any religious background of an age to have a sports team of any type).
My experience is that the middle school here 6-8th grade is the hardest years for all the kids.. and the ones in school are struggling with fitting in so much that having an "odd" friend like a homeschooler is difficult for them.. but I've also noticed that eases up a bit at 9th grade and even more by 10th grade.. it's just those middle years of being so intensely worried about fitting in tend to leave the homeschooled kids a bit on the outside.
It's not perfect but something I've seen that helps is to go ahead and find kids even at a distance that they can at least talk to on the computer or on the phone. I'm part of a Christian based group online and we've let our daughters over about age 13 form a group on facebook. It's wonderful. No they can't get together and play. But they get to talk and they share little funny things through facebook. And I think really end up supporting each other in morals and modesty and such which you don't necessarily get in the general population (where it's more about cool and looks good etc). Several of the moms monitor the group. But it gives these kids like minded people and I've noticed that within the larger group several of them form smaller groups, not excluding but just the girls they chat with more and usually are closer to in age.
Also, opportunities outside the small community seem to help. My oldest has gone to a Fellowship of Christian Athletes Sports Camp and made friends there. Yes they are far away but they text or email or phone each other and look forward to seeing each other again. The nice part is that being in a small community here, it's somewhat easier for the kids to find work with neighbors and friends and raise their own money for these special camps.. my oldest son does his through scouts and has opportunities there for raising his funds.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: April 04 2013 at 10:48am | IP Logged
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I woke up thinking of another angle of this challenge. As the mom, I do my best to set an example of being a good friend. My children see that I prioritize friendships, find them valuable, and work to build relationships that are trust-worthy, meaningful, and joyful.
When I was moving a lot, I got good at reaching out, weathering the "get to know you" stage, and having lots of "potential friends" in group settings. I saw it as my responsibility to get out there and mix. Once I start figuring out who is someone/s I respect and admire, I start to shy away from generic group relationships and focus on those individuals. Then I start pulling those individuals together at my home or outings for small group activities. Now that I'm settled here, a handful of friends have allowed me to enter into their lives in a more vulnerable way. This all takes time.
Not everyone wants or is capable of growing friendships. While it is valuable to me to have all levels of friendships, from neighborly allies to women friends who become sisters, I invest the bulk of my friendship time into people who are wanting and are able to reciprocate deepening friendships over time.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: R U the odd person out?
