| Author | |
mommy4ever
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 08 2011
Location: Canada
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 596
|
| Posted: Oct 03 2012 at 9:13am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
A couple weeks ago, I attended this workshop that our parish put on. I did it as a volunteer, but the parish will be presenting it for parents as well. I wanted to share some information.
This is about protecting the vulnerable sectors, children, seniors and disabled from abuse, as well as teaching others how to recognize the potential abuse.
The DVD presentation was something else. In it, they had 2 convicted pedophiles explaining the process of 'grooming' their victims. It was shocking. (this was part of their probation/rehabilitation program).
What was really good to know, is that in most cases, there IS much time to prevent abuse from happening. The grooming phase the pedophile does with his potential victim, is quite long. It starts innocently. High fives, and 'normal' interactions, so those around get used to seeing the 2 together. It slowly progresses, arms around shoulders, to hugs, to wrestling, etc. What others need to recognize is that a potential abuser spends lots of time with a potential victim. More than the average adult would with a child/teen that wasn't their own. They add gifts. Eventually, 'accidental' inappropriate touching, to see if the victim will react. They start creating 'our little secrets', via gifts, with young teens, alcohol, pornography, sometimes a prepaid cell phone, etc. Leverage against them so they later won't tell.
Now, what is really quite good, is that if you were to notice some one that is just spending a lot of time and attention, it can be quite easy to prevent the actual abuse from occurring. You could take them aside and state, "you know, you are really spending a lot of time with Jane lately, people are a little concerned, I'm concerned. You may want to divide your time with the other kids in the group, to be fair.". This will give the abuser a red flag that they are being watched, they don't want to be watched and most of the time they will back off. If there was nothing unsavory going on, they will start to mingle with others, if there was intent to do wrong, they may do the same, or they may simply disappear from that group.
As Fr. J told me when I met him the first time, since I have 3 girls in the parish. He said he was confident that our parish clergy and staff is trust worthy, HOWEVER, he can't be 100% of anything at anytime, as a parent, always use prudence. Get to know everyone the girls interact with at the parish. Be it, himself, an associate pastor, or volunteers. Pop in randomly, to see what the kids are doing. And so that is what I've done, but something I have always done. I know all the volunteers by name, and have even become friends with some.
All the group leaders have welcomed me in. Some have encouraged me to pop in, or join the full session.
After the "Call to Protect", some of our LifeTeen members approached me, and were a little wide eyed(they aren't parents yet), and asked if that was why I was there to 'visit' at times during the LifeTeen nights. I told them it was, and also to be sure I was comfortable with the content being shared. I told them it's all good, there was no presumption that any of them would do harm, it was to get to know them, and be sure.
If you have the opportunity to attend a "Call to Protect" workshop, I encourage you to do so. There is so much information in there that is valuable.
What shocked me the most, is one of these pedophiles, wasn't what you'd have thought. He was caught when he was only 15 yo, he is currently in his early 20's.When he was caught, he'd abused many many children. The other man was young as well, early 20's, clean cut, preppy, almost the boy next door look, and when he was caught, he'd abused 81 children.
What I walked away with...
It isn't who you'd think it is.... They don't look like what you'd think, they don't act how you'd expect. You may even know some one from some where that is, and you'd never know. Be aware of what could be red flags, and stop the grooming before it becomes abuse.
__________________
Mom to 4,
1 graduated June 2012
1 in Catholic school
2 homeschooled(one considering art school!)
ardently praying for a new addition to our family.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
mom2mpr
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 16 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1550
|
| Posted: Oct 03 2012 at 12:17pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thank you for posting. Good information.
__________________
Anne, married to dh 16 years!, ds,(97), Little One (02), and dd (02).
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Claire F
Forum Pro
Joined: Sept 14 2011
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 272
|
| Posted: Oct 03 2012 at 2:15pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
My husband and I attended this class as well and it was very good. Difficult at times, because watching these young men talk about how they did what they did was disturbing. But there was a lot of very good information. I came away with the same impressions - it isn't always who you'd think. Children are usually abused by people they know, not the stranger in the "chi-mo van". The grooming process is lengthy and you can stop it before anything awful happens, if you're paying attention and do something when you see those red flags or something seems a little off.
__________________
Claire
Mom to DS 12/04, DS 5/07, DD 8/09
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JennGM
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 17702
|
| Posted: Oct 03 2012 at 2:48pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
We have this in our diocese...it's the VIRTUS program here. Of course it's not foolproof...but it is very helpful to see the warning signs.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Call to Protect
