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mamaslearning
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I'm embarrassed, but I don't want to attend Mass.  I started out avoiding it due to an episode at Mass, then I made the excuse that it's too hard with the toddler, but now I can't seem to make myself go back. I remember a post several years ago by folklaur (sorry, I forgot the real name ) about losing Faith, and I feel very similar. Oh, I still believe in the Trinity, and I still believe that the Church is THE one true Church, but I'm finding that the more I teach my children, the more it seems like a fairy tale. Maybe it's the way it's taught to the kids, but it seems so unbelievable sometimes. Plus, coming from a Baptist background (and I LOVED my church and all that went with it) I still feel a lack of enthusiasm at church. It's not all warm and fuzzy like it was growing up in the Baptist church. Everything is so solemn and not in a good way, if that makes any sense.
Oh, I don't know.  I keep thinking I need to purchase Conversations With Christ and Surrender to Divine Providence (as mentioned elsewhere), but I'm just tired of reading and not being changed. I've delved into St. Pio (love his story), Mother Theresa, St. Franics' Devout Life, and other works but nothing is speaking to me right now. (sorry, too lazy to look up links).
I just feel blah about the practice of my Faith (I still have Faith and belief, it's the practice that's not gelling for me). I just feel so out of place, like I'm pretending to be Catholic but not really "feeling" it, ykwim?
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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kristinannie
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Have you looked into the charismatic renewal?
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John Paul 8.5
Meredith Rose 7
Dominic Michael 4.5
Katherine Elizabeth 8 months
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Marcia
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simple prayers written up in your handwriting posted around the house for yourself.
Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.
Mary, Queen of Peace, pray for me.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, pray for me.
Holy Spirit, enlighten me.
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Marcia
Mom to six and wife to one
Homeschooling 10th, 7th, 5th, 2nd, PreK and a toddler in tow.
I wonder why
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JennGM
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 Lara.
This is a time when you have to be rational and rise above feelings.
It's going to sound childlike, but the devil knows our weaknesses, and will aim right there. Persevere in attending Sunday Mass--this is a minimal obligation as a Catholic. I've heard this time and again how missing one Sunday turns into another one, and then many. It's the tiny end of the wedge.
The simplest of terms would be we MUST go to Mass because we owe to God. It's our duty to thank and worship Him. We do not go because it feels good. It's a GIFT if the sermon is uplifting and the music touches my soul.
In all honesty, Sunday Mass is so hard for me. I dread getting up and getting dressed and the kids dressed. I know I will be wrestling with the children. I know I will have distractions. I know the music won't be my favorite, and the sermon will be so-so, or I'll be so tired I can't open my eyes.
There are ways to prepare yourself, like prereading the readings of the Mass, and maybe just listen along to the Divine Office for Evening Prayer on Saturday night and Invitatory and Morning Prayer before Mass. I find that makes me more in tune and in a proper disposition when I go.
Our Faith can seem like a fairy tale. "Blessed are they who do not see but do believe." Pray to St. Thomas the Apostle to see "with the eyes of Faith." It also might help to dwell on the purpose of us being here on earth. The many distractions of the world makes us forget that this is all passing -- the only reason why we are here is to prepare for our time with Jesus in heaven.
When I start to feel ennui I usually can tell I haven't made time to talk with Jesus one-on-one, and have filled up my time with too much outside noise: TV, computer, radio, etc. Unplug, take a walk, spend some time in front of the Blessed Sacrament alone. Have silence. It's really good to have an annual retreat to recharge the batteries.
You could also be experiencing spiritual dryness, the desert of the soul, the dark night of the soul. God is refining the soul, helping it purge of attachments. He wants us to love Him no matter what, even if we don't feel the overwhelming joy. Sometimes it is just going through the motions. But when we are struggling in this area, it's best to not collapse, but to double up the efforts.
I do like Marcia says. When I have struggles, I repeat "Lord, I do believe. Help my unbelief."
If you haven't seen the prayers, Acts of Faith, Hope and Love are good to pray in the morning. Notice the wording that we do believe, but we are asking to deepen our Faith. And be a little child, be persistent and insistent.
A daily reading/meditation might be good ground for you. Buy only one volume at a time, but In Conversation with God is so excellent.
A really good author that is short and sweet, not hard to read, but helpful is Jacques Phillippe. I'd start with his Searching for and Maintaining Peace: A Small Treatise on Peace of Heart.
I shall keep praying for you!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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CrunchyMom
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If I may be so bold, I will suggest that this struggle is probably directly related to your struggle with food in the other thread. Not that there aren't physical and chemical reasons for that (or both, my motivation, emotions, and feelings are often tied heavily to what I eat), but feeling empty spiritually could be part of what is motivating you to fill the void with food as a consolation.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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JennGM
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CrunchyMom wrote:
| If I may be so bold, I will suggest that this struggle is probably directly related to your struggle with food in the other thread. Not that there aren't physical and chemical reasons for that (or both, my motivation, emotions, and feelings are often tied heavily to what I eat), but feeling empty spiritually could be part of what is motivating you to fill the void with food as a consolation. |
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Just to tag on this -- I agree if I'm eating too many empty carbs and sugar and not eating well I'm completely affected like Lindsay says! I can't even think straight.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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JennGM
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I thought of some other resources that are short and sweet, but pack a punch.
St. Josemaria Escriva wrote three books of short thoughts: The Way, The Forge and The Furrow.
You can search by index of theme. You can buy the books (they are printed by Scepter), but they are all online.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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guitarnan
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When my children were very young, my husband was deployed and getting to Mass was an enormous ordeal, especially since I had to sit with the other toddler parents away from the main sanctuary. My only prayer was, "Okay, God, I got here!" Some weeks I had no idea what was in the homily because I could not hear it, but we went because that is what God wants us to do. Sometimes I couldn't receive Holy Communion because my bouncy daughter was not ready to cooperate and stay in line with me. Wow, was it difficult.
Now I look back and see that God was preparing my heart for some major changes during that time...He turned me away from materialism and toward my family. He inspired me to pursue home-based businesses so I could be with my children. He even laid the groundwork for homeschooling back then...it took a few years for me to realize that His plan was in place all along. What if I hadn't gone to Mass and done what I could to participate in Sunday worship?
We don't go to Mass for ourselves, but for Him. God doesn't promise that we'll "get something out of" going to Mass besides the grace we receive from Holy Communion. He tells us we need to be there. For moms of littles, there's an extra sacrifice, isn't there?
When it's hard, offer that difficulty to God and tell Him you are doing your best to follow His commandments. He will listen.
It's a privilege to pray for you. You aren't alone, truly.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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mommy4ever
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Have you looked at other masses on Sunday? My personal favorite is a morning one, it's more traditional, but I enjoy our LifeTeen Mass later in the day. It's very joyful and vibrant. While all the same prayers are said, there is much more singing, and the music is more upbeat. It caters to our younger generation and the young at heart. People sing, and the joy on their faces glows. It is louder, but as a result MORE people sing and are more involved. Not so shy. It would maybe be a little closer to what you're missing from your old church services, but it's still Catholic.
Time of day makes a big difference in my attitude toward Mass. Noon mass is not a good time for me to go, I'll avoid it and stall, then we're in a rush and bad mood. I need to be home eating at that time. I can't eat much in the morning, and to eat at 11, would be just not enough. I run by my natural rhythms. I sometimes end up at Mass twice on a Sunday. By myself at 8am if I'm contemplative and need the focus and the time alone. Then I'll bring the kids for the LifeTeen Mass at 6pm.
Fight back! Don't give in.
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1 graduated June 2012
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mamaslearning
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I love the daily Mass because it's concentrated on the sacrifice.
Thank you for the kind words. I don't think it's necessarily a dryness, because I get so much out of my prayer time. I can't figure out why I'm drifting from the institution of religion.
Jen, thanks for the links and books rec's, I will check those out.
Lindsay - I'm beginning to think there is a connection!
I'm just tired of fighting back and tired of being tested and tired of tired at church. I'm plum worn out! Oh poor me needs to get up and power through it and if I get my eating under control maybe my spiritual fog will lessen and I can rise above these emotions.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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mommy4ever
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mamaslearning wrote:
| Oh poor me needs to get up and power through it and if I get my eating under control maybe my spiritual fog will lessen and I can rise above these emotions. |
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The word FOG triggers something for me. Have you had your thyroid checked? When I find myself in a fog, it's due to my thyroid being out. Hypothyroid is one of the most commonly undiagnosed conditions in women in North America. With an under active thryroid, a person can feel depressed, gain weight, tired, sluggish, feel like in a fog, unable to focus at times, low grade headaches, anemic, and so much more. Pairing this post, with the other, it would be worth checking out if you haven't already.
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1 graduated June 2012
1 in Catholic school
2 homeschooled(one considering art school!)
ardently praying for a new addition to our family.
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Chris V
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Lara
This is me ~
:: Five girls under the age of 7 (including infant twins)
:: New community - don't know anyone in my new church
::A husband who values his time working on the house on the weekends above going to Mass (a constant rub for both of us)
:: Me, desperate to live our Faith everyday to the best that I can - in all areas of our family life
Sometimes the temptation to just *not bother* is overwhelming. You are NOT alone in this struggle.
I just recently joined the homeschooling community at our parish and have learned that all the homeschool families go to daily Mass on Thursdays. Oh sweet relief! Other mothers to help me .
Find out if there are other local families in your parish that attend daily Mass. I know that over the years of daily Mass attendance, my children really prefer this service to the weekend Sunday Mass. It is shorter, my girls can focus more on the Mass itself (as can I).
Go. Just get up. And go. Will yourself to do it. There is grace in just "showing up"  . It will get easier and as it gets easier, it will become a blessing, a lovely time, and you will find fellowship, and eventually your heart will be filled and you can't imagine not going. 
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Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11)
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JodieLyn
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I just want to ditto the idea that the eating and tiredness and not wanting to go to Mass are very likely interrelated.. if not thyroid, perhaps something else is missing.. I often need additional Vitamin Bs and D. And depression can manifest as a tiredness (doing stuff is too much effort) rather than a saddness.
If it's "just emotion" it's one thing BUT if there's a physical/chemical connection in your body.. strength of will may not really be enough to overcome it.
Sorta like saying oh I'll just will myself not to be diabetic or not to have strep.. generally you need medical intervention too.
And add me to the list of my only accomplishment a great many Sundays was the fact that I was at Mass with the kids. And I often couldn't tell you what the readings were or what the homiliy was and the only reason I could sing any songs or even the responsorial psalm was because I would memorize them.. if I had to have a book.. forget it. Even now when my older kids are a huge help and I do get to hear at least portions of the readings and homily.. I'm still working at memorizing the new responses because I can't look at them and end up fumbling them as often as not.. I'm getting there but it's slow going
And do figure out what works best for your family for getting to Mass.. morning or evening or a particular time.. getting up early and eating before Mass or not eating until after Mass. I find that getting my kids up for morning Mass with just enough time ot get there and having brunch afterward is the best routine for us. But I know other families that find the up earlier and having breakfast before Mass works better.
And yes, don't give into not going. That was my whole motivation at times.. knowing that if I didn't go that the next time would be even harder.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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stellamaris
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mamaslearning wrote:
| I'm just tired of reading and not being changed. |
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Dear sister, it sounds to me as if you are dealing with a lot of discouragement and possibly depression. You are at a challenging time in the life of a mother--lots of little ones and no one old enough yet to be of real help.
I am wondering what you are doing to take care of your own needs? Or have you just swept them under the carpet and decided that "sometime" (a lot later!) you will address them?
Having gone through several rough years myself, I humbly offer these considerations:
1. Get at least 8 1/2 hours of good sleep a night.
2. Try to walk some every day or every other day at least. Exercise is the number one mood and health booster! Start very small--just 10 minutes. Then work up to a bit more. This will also help your "munchies" which sound as if they may be stress-related.
3. Sit down with the children at three regular meals a day. Cut way back on sugary stuff and increase vegetables as much as you can. Drink plenty of water.
4. Can you get out to make a holy hour once a week?
5. Don't focus on yourself--how much you have changed or not--focus on Christ. Read a small section of the Gospels every day and meditate upon it as you undertake your daily tasks. What does it tell you about Jesus? About yourself? About life, love, purpose? Visualize Christ at your side, in your home, sitting at your dining table, everywhere you go. He is there, you know. Ask Him to help you recognize His presence.
6. Don't worry about getting the emotional "kick" at Mass. If you want to be changed, believe me, going through a time of spiritual dryness and remaining faithful will cause a HUGE change in you. This is God working in your life. He is the only true source of change--not books or your own efforts. Cooperate with Him by remaining faithful even in the difficult time you are experiencing now and you will one day look back and realize how important and transformative this time was.
7. EWTN has a wonderful video series called "Living the Discerning Life" with Fr. Timothy Gallagher that might be helpful for you.
8. Consider speaking with a trusted priest, possibly getting some spiritual direction.
9. Work on building your communication with your dh. Spend time together alone talking about your day...even if you have to hide in the bedroom for a few minutes to do get a bit of privacy. Can you go out and leave the children with anyone? If so, be sure you do that from time to time. In these busy days of early parenting, it is really important not to let your marriage be totally neglected. Your husband can be a great support for you if the two of you intentionally work to improve your communication.
I hope something here helps you. It comes out of long years of experience and struggle. My prayers are with you!
__________________
In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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drmommy
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I am going to ditto all the above posts, with an EXTRA ditto to the St. Josemaria books. They are short, straight, and to the point. They have helped me tremendously.
I will pray for you in Mass this morning. Hang in there. Jenn is correct...this is just the devil. Keep moving forward. Also, reading the Church Fathers, or about them, helped me to believe in the Church as an institution. Without all the martyrs and brave saints during the Middle Ages, we wouldn't have what we have today. After studying the Council of Trent, my eyes have been opened with a new and profound gratitude for the institution. God bless you on your journey.
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hmbress
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Agreeing with Lindsay and Jenn above about the relation to the eating difficulties. I am in recovery from a compulsive overeating disorder, and the times I have been head-first in the food, I have felt very far from God. I think it's because those times I'm treating food as an idol, going to food for comfort and strength to get through challenges instead of to God. When my food is put in the right place, my relationship with God improves immensely. Until I am able to put the excess food down, it is very hard to pray, I have very little interest. So you are not alone in experiencing this!
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Heather Rose (ds13, ds10)
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AmandaV
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Everyone's advice sounds very good, Caroline's especially. I think I could learn a lot from her thoughts. Additionally, for the St JoseMaria Escriva readings, Jenn linked recently to the Opus Dei daily message. Daily Message I've signed up and really enjoyed the daily thoughts via email. They are from The Way, The Forge, and one other of his books. But put together pertaining to one subject. Praying for you.
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Amanda
wife since 6/03, Mom to son 7/04, daughter 2/06, twin sons 6/08 and son 7/11, son 1/2014
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SallyT
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Wow, everyone has such good things to say. I especially like Caroline's list, and feel that it's probably true that all these things, food, self-care, and the spiritual life, are interconnected. Among other things, panic attacks, which you've mentioned suffering from, can be food-triggered as well as hormonal in nature (I had horrific ones in the early stages of peri-menopause -- ugh! I still can't believe how much of my life I lost at that stage to irrational terror. And a friend of mine with celiac notes that gluten triggers terrible panic attacks for her.) Taking care of yourself on a physical level may help ease some of those symptoms and make other things somewhat more manageable.
I struggle a good bit myself with sloth and acedia -- that spiritual sense of deadness that can make even going through basic self-care routines feel like too much of a drag to bother with, and going to Mass and Confession a will-power act of Herculean proportions. Funnily enough, a Protestant blog has really, for me, nailed the definition of acedia as a spiritual sickness here and especially here.
Of course, she's not including the sacrament of Reconciliation as a remedy, but to my mind, that's absolutely the first and most necessary step. I can't make myself overcome it all, but I can, with effort, rouse myself to care enough to drag myself to Confession and just dump it all there. I have confessed to not caring, not being invested in my own or my family's spiritual life, etc . . . and it helps. There really is grace there, and it goes home with you from the confessional. Frequent Confession, even if what you're mainly confessing is that you really didn't want to come to Confession, or that after a while the examination of conscience starts to blur before your eyes, and you can't even remember what your sins are, is the best medicine for -- well, anything, really, but especially times like this.
Incidentally, when I was suffering from panic attacks, we weren't Catholic yet, but my husband had long been going to Confession. He recommended that I try the remedy of Confession to a priest, which was of course the last thing I wanted to hear or do at the time, and I was pretty scornful about the whole thing. Suffice it to say that in hindsight, he was totally right . . .
Otherwise, I'd really second what Caroline says, especially about making yourself get enough sleep, eating well, and trying to get away -- even if it's not for a Holy Full-Hour, a Holy 15 Minutes if that's what you can do! Any time you can spend alone, in silence, in the balm of the Lord's presence, is golden. At my most dry and distant, His presence is still both electric and healing. I don't *feel* it myself every single time, as a physical, sensory thing, but that quiet, unlike any other quiet, really does bring peace, even if all I'm doing is just sitting there thinking. My confessor often recommends making a retreat, which I haven't yet managed, but he also recommends whatever kind of "mini-retreat" is possible -- whether it's quiet time in the morning, or sitting and thinking and even writing before the Blessed Sacrament for a brief time. I do not take as full advantage of this wise counsel as I might, but it is very wise counsel!
As a fellow convert, I find that once the "new" wears off, the faith is very much a matter of daily life in the trenches, and it's easy just to get tired of it all. It helps me to remember that even Bl. Mother Teresa spent much of her life in a spiritual desert, not *feeling* God's nearness to her -- yet His work in her life was to enable her to persevere in holiness and service, against and above her own feelings of dryness and distance.
I said to my confessor not long ago that the thing I most honestly love about being Catholic is that there's always something to *do,* and I can do it, regardless of whether I feel into it or not. And eventually the doing draws me in. If I didn't do, then I'd still be on the outside, going "Bleah."
I'll offer my day for you -- there again is something I can *do*!
Sally
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hmbress
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That is so true what Sally mentions about always being able to do something even if we don't feel like it, and how the doing of it eventually draws us in. So many times, I procrastinate or avoid implementing certain changes that I know I should make, because I'm waiting until I feel like doing it. But I have learned that this is not how it works at all. The doing comes first, and then afterwards I feel like doing it, because by the doing of it I then experience the benefits which makes me want to continue. This is true for just about anything: exercise, prayer, hanging my clothes up every night instead of laying them on the dresser to put away later, etc.
So I guess the upshot is that sometimes we need to "just do it" as the Nike ad says. If I find that for whatever reason I can't "just do it", I can pray for the willingness. And if I still don't become willing, then I pray for the willingness to become willing, and that always works!
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Heather Rose (ds13, ds10)
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mamaslearning
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 I'm so touched by the outpouring of support and empathy. I thought I was alone in this struggle, or at the very least, that I was struggling the *hardest*.  Your observations have led me to a research into Peri-menopause. I keep hearing so much about how some women suffer rage and panic in the Peri-menopause stage of hormone fluctuations and that is exactly what I'm experiencing right now.
Tomorrow is Sunday and I admit, I'm terrified just thinking about making the decision to go to Mass. I haven't been in over three months, and the last time I did I felt very lightheaded and of course, that made me panic (I was alone with four kids at 10 am mass and I had not eaten properly so my blood sugar dropped). I'm scared. The place that should be a source of healing is the last place I want to be right now!
As for daily life, I'm taking in the new resources to help me navigate to a new calmness in my spirit. I think in my search for relief from panic that I stumbled into too many "spiritual awareness" type suggestions that really confused me and my grounding in the church. I thought I was able to ignore that which was not truth, but I see that I'm still weak and need to be more prudent in my reading at this time.
I'll update the food thread, but did want to say that I totally agree that food is affecting me negatively right now. Just changing a few things is already lifting my spirits and bringing a new lightness to my days.
Keep the prayers coming, because right now my mind is telling me not to go tomorrow!
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Do not want to go to Mass
