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Claire F
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| Posted: April 26 2012 at 1:21pm | IP Logged
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I could really use your thoughts and wisdom (and I apologize if this isn't the best place for this question - I wasn't quite sure).
I have a family member who has been in a same-sex relationship for a number of years. My husband and I have approached the situation primarily with love - we love this person and they and their partner are welcome in our home, despite the fact that we do not agree with their choices.
My children don't have any concept of this relationship. It hasn't ever come up. The handful of times they have visited together, our kids haven't questioned who the partner "is" to our family member - they just seem like a friend and they don't think twice about it. But this family member has expressed a desire to have a "marriage" and possibly attempt to have children. This may bring the nature of the relationship to the attention of my children, and I'm looking for your thoughts and advice on how to approach it.
We want them to understand that we are called to love one another, even if we disagree with the choices people make. But we also don't want to tow the line of popular culture and say this is perfectly normal and ok. And children can be so literal (especially my oldest), I'm not sure the best way to approach this.
I'd appreciate any advice you might have. I especially wanted to ask here because I know the teachings of Christ and the Church lead us and that is of the upmost importance with this sensitive issue.
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Claire
Mom to DS 12/04, DS 5/07, DD 8/09
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mathmama
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| Posted: April 26 2012 at 4:26pm | IP Logged
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Well, I can only tell you what we do (dh's decision) in our situation. Dh's sister is "married" to a woman. Ever since dh felt our oldest was old enough to notice there was something more than a friendship there (she is very perceptive, so for safety's sake I think dh made this decision when oldest dd was about 3 or 4), we stopped spending anytime when dh's sister when the other woman was around. They live across the country so they are rarely here, but when dh's sister comes she is rarely alone. Dh was adamant about this decision. I have to say, being the woman and more emotional, I went along but felt bad about it. Dh's family is not accepting of our choices, he doesn't care. He is *much* more concerned with the innocence of the girls which once lost is gone forever.
Recently, I was talking with a friend about this and she pointed something out to me that made me let go of any emotional attachment I had to this situation. She pointed out to me how at young ages children prefer their sex. My girls love girls and have no interest in boys in any way, shape, or form. One even made the comment about loving daddy even though he is a boy  At this age, my friend pointed out, any exposure to homos*xuality could be very very confusing. My dds love of girls and then exposure to same s*x attraction might cause them to think, "well, I like girls, not boys, so I must be a homos*xual too". I definitely could see my oldest thinking this. And she has issues sometimes with scruples so I just see it being a huge disaster. Her love of her friends is appropriate, innocent, Christian love.
So, because of this we don't expose our children at all. We are very careful. Dh's sister was in town last month alone and we did not keep the girls from her. I am a little nervous though, since she definitely likes to rock the boat and I do worry about her saying something to the girls, but we are really on top of things and should that happen there would no longer be contact. We are definitely not supported by anyone (except for 1 sibling)in dh's family, but we (especially dh) don't care. Since your children already have this close relationship I am not sure how you could handle this. Our situation as different. Our relationship has been strained since our wedding when we refused to acknowledge their "marriage" when making out the wedding invitations (we addressed the invite Sister and Guest fully expecting her to bring her "wife" and being ok with that, letting them know she was totally welcomed, but they were insulted we didn't address it Sister and "Wife's" name, we treated their invite the same way we treated all cohabiting couples).
I hope you find a solution that works for you!
Beth
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Beth, wife to Tom and mommy to 4 beautiful girls:
Therese 11/04
Anna Mary 6/07
Veronica 10/09
Theodora 11/12
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mathmama
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| Posted: April 26 2012 at 5:29pm | IP Logged
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I wanted to add, there was discussions years ago about dh's sister possibly having a child. Dh and I would discuss it but never came to any conclusions as to how we would handle that situation. Her actions would be wrong, but an innocent child would be the result and we just couldn't figure out what we would do. I do trust that had the situation ever actually occurred, through prayer God would have shown us the answer. She is now likely beyond child bearing age so it isn't something we have discussed recently.
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Beth, wife to Tom and mommy to 4 beautiful girls:
Therese 11/04
Anna Mary 6/07
Veronica 10/09
Theodora 11/12
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CatholicMommy
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| Posted: April 26 2012 at 5:59pm | IP Logged
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I have no answers, but I offer my prayers!
Someday, my son will learn about a close member of our family (whom he has never met, but I'm sure it will happen sometime), and the situation presents a great deal of confusion. The "blessing"??? in our situation is that there is no partner involved, but there are "legalities" involved. And those legalities indicate that my son would be a near occasion of sin for this person.
So no contact. An easy decision to make for the time being; but since I know the situation will change sometime in the next 6 years, I need to prepare him.
But I want to keep him INNOCENT! He's had enough pain in his life already!
These situations just bring me to tears.
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HS Elementary Montessori Training
Montessori Nuggets
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Claire F
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| Posted: April 30 2012 at 4:11pm | IP Logged
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Thank you very much for sharing your stories and experiences. It helps to get others' perspectives.
We will continue to pray about this and see where God leads us.
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Claire
Mom to DS 12/04, DS 5/07, DD 8/09
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: April 30 2012 at 6:42pm | IP Logged
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Claire, these types of concerns are so distressing.
We need to honor our mother and father. A husband and wife become one in marriage. As husband and wife blessed with children, our vocation calls us to be father and mother to them. I know you know this  .
After these relationships comes extended family, friends, neighbors, and strangers. We do not have the same high level of moral obligation towards them. We are called to love them, and love can take many forms such as prayer and healthy boundaries. These relationships should be reciprocal if they are to be truly loving, so it seems reasonable for all adults involved to be able to work something out that is fair to all, including those who hold strong, well-grounded religious beliefs. Adults are free to make their choices but are not entitled to have other adults agree or go along with them.
I'm praying for you, Claire, and encourage you to focus on today in order to not get too far ahead of yourself, in the hope that some of your concerns won't happen. I'm praying for all involved and that you are able to not be too distracted from your vocational work. Your tender heart, while hurting and confused now, will surely help guide you to a loving response.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Advice re: sensitive topic and family
