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kristinannie
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| Posted: Sept 05 2011 at 10:47am | IP Logged
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DS5 is a perfectionist. I understand that because I am also a perfectionist. I have worked VERY hard to overcome this problem in my life. I actually went the other way for a long time and didn't put any effort in because then if I failed, then who cares? I didn't even try. I don't want DS5 to end up there.
He has never been challenged. Pre-K was all super easy for him. K would have been super easy for him at PS. This is one of the main reasons we are homeschooling. I am not challenging him too much for K. I believe in easing into school. However, he sometimes does make some mistakes that I correct. He FREAKS OUT when he misses something in math or writes a letter incorrectly.
What is the best way to handle this? I tell him that it is OK to make mistakes and that everyone does. That is how we learn. This is not working. I don't want this to be an issue throughout school. As his teacher, I need to help him correct mistakes. I would love to hear your thoughts on this!!!!
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jawgee
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| Posted: Sept 05 2011 at 10:57am | IP Logged
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Still struggling with this myself. My almost 10YO is the SAME way, always has been. (It's the curse of the oldest child, I think. I'm the same way).
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Sept 05 2011 at 11:25am | IP Logged
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I don't know if I have any overly perfectionist children. But my thought was to mark lightly in pencil.. and let the child go back and figure it out or ask for help so that 1) he'll remember it better the next time and 2) he hasn't "failed" yet.. it hasn't been graded.
This is the way we do all math.. if you miss something, you go back and fix it. Which not only helps them really learn the concepts but I think is a great thing to learn for any area of life at any age. We don't have to get it right the first time but can go back and fix it after we get help when needed.
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SallyT
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| Posted: Sept 05 2011 at 11:52am | IP Logged
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My children are all like this to one extent or another. I'm the same way, so it's not like I don't know where it comes from . . .
For math, especially in the early stages, I have the child correct the math with me. If we're doing addition problems, for example, we go through and say them all together ("one add one equals two," etc), and then if we hit one that's not right, I'll say, "Wait, what does two add three equal?" And we figure it out together. I find that this works better than correcting work and just handing it back with my "judgment" written on it. If I make my correcting part of the learning process, then somehow it seems gentler and more collaborative.
Same with writing -- I point out the best example of a given letter from the child's writing and praise that. Then I say, "Let's work really hard to have all your letters look as nice as that one." At the next lesson, I might remind the child to try for that standard.
I do notice, especially when they're first learning to write and are writing, say, a whole row of k's, the first two are kind of wonky, then the next two or three are great, and then the writer is getting tired or bored and the next however many look like they've been run over by a speeding truck. So next time I might give the same letter, but not have them repeat it that many times.
And yes, I was and to a great extent remain one of those perfectionist underachievers, which was one of our main reasons for beginning to homeschool eight years ago, when I saw my oldest daughter beginning to develop defeatist tendencies that were all too sadly familiar. I really understand not wanting to be ruled by perfectionism (and boy, have I seen those meltdowns!) Hang in there!
Sally
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ShannonJ
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| Posted: Sept 05 2011 at 9:39pm | IP Logged
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For that age I love whiteboards! Mistakes are easily erased - and its fun too. They get to choose the color marker and you can write the difficult part in a different color to increase retention. Call the eraser something funny (my ds loves that a bulldozer comes to erase his mistakes). It really helps take the perfectionist edge off.
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Topic: Dealing with a perfectionist child
