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St. Ann
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| Posted: June 15 2011 at 1:57am | IP Logged
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What do you tell your younger children when they ask how a child is born without his parents being married?
I have only answered briefly that the parents pretended to be married without being so and that was wrong, but everyone is so happy that little David is born and he is just wonderful.
I am just not sure if that is sufficient or even helpful.
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Stephanie
Wife and mother to Hannah '96, Maria '99, Dorothea '01, Helena '03
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jawgee
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| Posted: June 15 2011 at 6:24am | IP Logged
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That's similar to what I say...
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Monica
C (12/2001), N (11/2005), M (5/2008), J (8/2009) and three angels
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Erica Sanchez
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| Posted: June 17 2011 at 12:34am | IP Logged
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I think it sounds good, Stephanie. :) This has come up more and more lately for us as several people in this situation have come into our lives.
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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SallyT
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| Posted: June 17 2011 at 7:36am | IP Logged
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I say something along the same lines: that sometimes people choose to live together as if they were married, and that this isn't what God intends for us, because it always makes life more difficult for everyone involved, in ways that must make God very grieved, because He created us to be happy. At the same time, we always rejoice when a baby comes into the world -- God loves that baby and wants him or her to be happy, too, so we should pray that he or she will know, love, and serve him and be happy.
Depending on the ages of the children, I use more or less this formula. When my oldest daughter was about 12, her best friend's mother (herself a single mother under especially grim circumstances which I haven't shared with even that oldest child, as I think her friend doesn't fully know them herself) moved in with a boyfriend. The couple involved were too old to have a baby together, but in the course of the time that they were together, one of the man's sons and his pregnant girlfriend moved into the house, too.
Obviously we did all we could to limit our own child's exposure to all this while preserving what is still one of her strongest friendships to this day (I also kept the daughter after school every day -- her mother did have the good sense to feel that being in a stable family situation for part of every day was a better scenario than after-care or being "home" alone). Our daughter still received what turned out to be a pretty thorough education in just why, exactly, one does not want to enter into these kinds of relationships and pretend that the arrangement is a family.
Obviously our younger children's exposure to the situation was far more limited, and we said little about it. As far as I can recall, they really didn't ask questions. As they get older and do have more questions about things like this, I might refer to that situation and say, "Remember how hard it was for X to get to know Mr. Y and learn to love him, and then have him not be there any more? This is an example of how breaking God's law doesn't make people any freer or happier, even though they might think that it will."
This is more than you wanted to know, but I do think that these conversations last for years. They may go dormant for a while, but the questions inevitably crop up again and again, and it helps to anticipate what you might say to a more mature child down the road. I know that my now-17-year-old and I have, through the years, revisited that situation again and again, and the conversations we've had about it have always been very rich and productive, even as they make us sad for the people involved.
Hard but good questions . . .
Sally
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rcarter
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| Posted: June 17 2011 at 9:46am | IP Logged
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I have a brother who is not a practicing Catholic, who had a little boy with his girlfriend. Their son, my nephew, is 6 years old now. My kids will ask, once or twice a year now, how come Louie's mom and dad aren't married. And why Louie's mom has a boyfriend now who isn't Louie's dad. And then, of course, the final one, how could his mom and dad have a baby if they weren't married.  I usually tell them that sometimes people take a privilege without the responsibility. As in, they lived together without getting married and that is not God's plan for moms and dads. But I also stress to them how glad we are to know Louie and have him in our lives and that Jesus told us to hate the sin, but love the sinner. I don't go into more details than that.
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Rachel
Married to Bill 8/4/01
Mom to ds 9, dd 8, dd 6, dd 4, ds 1 and baby due 7/11!!!.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 17 2011 at 10:19am | IP Logged
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With young children I tend to steer them toward how SAD a sin is.. and that the person involved needs prayer.
Small children can be so black and white that I don't like using words like "hate the sin" or "that's bad" because they do have a harder time seperating the act from the person. So we tend to talk about how SAD sin is when they're little.
So I would talk about how sad it is that the parents didn't get married like they're supposed to. And how sad that can make God. But how babies are always good and we can always be happy about welcoming a new baby.
Of course my children are absolutely sure that babies are just wonderful and anyone is super lucky to get to have one 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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St. Ann
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| Posted: June 17 2011 at 3:08pm | IP Logged
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Thank you all! This is one of those questions that I wish would never come up, but alas...
I knew you could offer me good advice.
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Stephanie
Wife and mother to Hannah '96, Maria '99, Dorothea '01, Helena '03
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folklaur
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| Posted: June 17 2011 at 3:30pm | IP Logged
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rcarter wrote:
| and that Jesus told us to hate the sin, but love the sinner. |
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Just FYI - Jesus never said that. The saying, "Love the sinner, Hate the sin" (or "Hate the sin, Love the sinner") isn't in the Bible, and was never said by Jesus.
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rcarter
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| Posted: June 17 2011 at 3:49pm | IP Logged
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folklaur wrote:
| Just FYI - Jesus never said that. The saying, "Love the sinner, Hate the sin" (or "Hate the sin, Love the sinner") isn't in the Bible, and was never said by Jesus. |
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You are right and I apologize. I guess I have just heard it so many times that I assumed it was something He really said. I should be more careful before I speak/write.
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Rachel
Married to Bill 8/4/01
Mom to ds 9, dd 8, dd 6, dd 4, ds 1 and baby due 7/11!!!.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: What do you say?
