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mamaslearning
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| Posted: March 29 2011 at 10:44am | IP Logged
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I hope that all you lovely ladies can help me out. I have a friend that needs some advice, and I'd love to hear your opinions.
Her oldest is first grade in PS, and is refusing to go to school (this past week). Reasons seem to be some teasing and bullying going on at school and also some stress over testing. My friend is beginning to think that her daughter might have ADD (not hyperactive, though). She (the dd) is also struggling with reading, and if you struggle with reading in PS then you are not going to do well on tests. She's at the point where she just doesn't want to even try to read; she's afraid of "getting it wrong".
My intital thought is to talk to the teacher and/or principal to see what can be done about the teasing. My friend is also going to take dd to the pediatrican for evaluation as well. She's also on a campaign to read, read, read in order to become more informed on these issues.
She is considering pulling her dd out of school right now (with only 2 months left). She also just took on a caregiver role to her MIL (lives with them now) that she suspects has dementia, plus a 5 year old and 1 year old also at home AND trying to get their house on the market. Lots of stuff on the plate right now, and if she brings her home I'm afraid it will be too much at this point. Then again, if she's fighting to get her to go to school everyday....
She is going to speak to a counselor, since there is so much stress swirling around her right now. I suspect that some of the dd's issues stem from the MIL drama that has been going on for a few months now.
My heart is crying for her right now  , and I want to do everything I can to help her out. (Unfortunately my kids are sick this week and I can't help her out physically right now).
What books on ADD can you recommend?
Is pulling her out of PS a good idea right now? Or is it too much of a knee-jerk reaction?
Any adivce or suggestions?
Thank you so much!
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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guitarnan
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| Posted: March 29 2011 at 11:21am | IP Logged
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If this were me, I would ask my dh to stay home for a day with MIL and children and go to school with my child. I would ask the teacher to give me "volunteer" work to do in the back of the classroom (so she can say she's going in order to help teacher, not to watch dd) and I would hang out at the playground at recess to see what might be going on. Sticking around after school for a bit will reveal more playground activity, good and bad, if there's an after-school program.
I would definitely talk with the teacher as the first step in this process. She probably has been waiting for the parents to contact her if she has noticed this child becoming progressively more unhappy or withdrawn.
Going to the pediatrician is definitely the right idea. A proper diagnosis of ADHD requires evaluation from parents, teacher and doctor. Both parents and teachers must observe the same types of behavior in the child to confirm a diagnosis of ADHD. Perhaps the pediatrician could recommend a good counselor for the child, if she is having trouble working through the grandma issues/stress. (She may be anticipating a move and worrying about that, too.)
I'll pray for your friend and her family. With so much going on, it's going to take a bit of time to figure out which factors are affecting her daughter's reluctance to attend school.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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JamieCarin
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| Posted: March 29 2011 at 11:48am | IP Logged
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I think Nancy gave great advice. I would definitely tell the mother to call the teacher ASAP and set up a meeting just to get some outside insight about what is going on in the classroom.
Also it sounds like this mom has so much going on right now and her stress could be effecting the daughter if she is sensitive to these things. Not that there is much she can do about this other than giving the daughter as much TLC as she can.
As for pulling her out. For me it would depend on HOW upset this little girl is getting about going to school. If she is hysterical and panicing in the mornings, not sleeping or eating well. In other words effecting many aspects of her life. I say take her out! If it is just some whining and general unhappiness etc I would say stick it out for the year.
If the mom pulls her out will she keep her out next year as well? Will she homeschool? Catholic school? All of these would effect my advice.
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Wife to Claudio for 9yrs, Mom to Ben (4), and Annabella (almost 3), and Beatrice (born 1/17/12)
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: March 29 2011 at 1:13pm | IP Logged
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JamieCarin wrote:
If the mom pulls her out will she keep her out next year as well? Will she homeschool? Catholic school? All of these would effect my advice. |
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She is seriously considering home school because of other inherent problems with institutional learning (teacher dealing with problem children much of the day, disruptions in class, etc.). If there is an ADD diagnosis, she is looking at private school such as Montessori (child is more hands-on and auditory) or other smaller schools, but that is such a huge expense in our area. The local elementary school she attends has 6 first grade classes with about 25-30 kids each (and I don't think they have aides to help the teachers). A neighbor is in the same grade, different class and has experienced lots of bullying as well.
She will home school if that is the best environment for her children. The dd is throwing fits, acting ill, coughing so that she gags herself, and defiance at going to school. Not just whining. It's been a touchy situation since last week.
Spring break is almost here, so maybe a break will help bring some more clarity as well. It really does sound like something is bothering her, so seeing a counselor might help shed more light on the problem.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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guitarnan
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| Posted: March 29 2011 at 1:42pm | IP Logged
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More importantly, a counselor for her daughter (a good one, anyway) will help her daughter learn to manage her own feelings and reactions using age-appropriate steps and techniques. It sounds as though there might be more than one major issue here, and if ADHD is part of the equation (although it might not be), getting expert advice from a trusted medical professional (not only from a teacher, who is an educational professional) will be essential.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 29 2011 at 2:07pm | IP Logged
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Don't be too sure that if the girl has it that ADHD would only be ADD.. the hyperactive part can be manifest in different ways with girls than with boys so that it may not look like the classic "can't sit still" hyperactive part.
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: March 30 2011 at 7:24am | IP Logged
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Thank you so much! I've forwarded on the suggestions and she's making plans for doctors and teachers this week.
Please keep her family in your prayers.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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Topic: Advice for friend with child in PS
