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4 lads mom
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| Posted: Aug 05 2010 at 11:43pm | IP Logged
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Hi Friends,
I have had a real doozy of a few weeks. What was suppose to be a normal hysterectomy ended up going horribly wrong and now I have a stent in my ureter and feel like I am recovering from a tangle with a semi truck. I have never been so depleted or tired....I am sure having two surgeries and a massive infection have something to do with how I feel  but I am so, so used to just “jumping back” into the action after a few days of illness, and not being able to “power through” exhaustion is rather foreign to me. This exhaustion will not be tamed by my will....my rather strong will....and I know God is in here somewhere, wanting me to be patient and let Him be in charge. Wait....I thought I had already learned that lesson!!!! 
So....have any of you been through this, where physically you are unexpectedly laid flat and it takes a long time to “get back”. I have so much going on with Lily that I keep thinking, “am I going to be okay for our big month in September?” My boys are terrific, taking good care of both of us during the day, and I had family help this week as well....but I am still on a lift restriction and just don’t have the stamina to do a lot more than be up for a while and then take a nap....sort of the cycle, light activity...nap...
Any tips for getting through the unexpected “Mama down in the trenches” times??
It may have seemed weird on the outside to have scheduled this surgery in the midst of everything with Lily.....but things were getting pretty awful, and I figured she was stable, and my doctor assured me that “bar any complications” I would be a new woman after a week. Well....he got that right....I sure am a new woman Plus, had I waited until Lily was done in Sept with her trach, if by chance, her stuff was delayed, that would bump my surgery into flu season.....so one blessing out of this is that everyone is healthy right now, Deo Gratias!!!! I just felt like I needed to explain myself a little, because I am sure it might be like, “WHAT was she THINKING??” (positively, I was trying to be optimistic!!  )
UPDATE-- I went to the GYN for a check up. Everyone kept exclaiming over how much better I looked....makes me wonder just how bad I really looked I have no lift restrictions....but when I lifted Lily today, she seemed awfully heavy! I am still really tired, but every day gets better and I am so, so thankful nothing was worse, which my brother in law urologist assured me this weekend it could have been waaaay worse. Yikes!
God Is Good...and so are all of you for praying for me so faithfully. I am praying for all of your intentions!! 
__________________
Mom of four brave lads and one sweet lassie
Scenes From This and That
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 06 2010 at 12:08am | IP Logged
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My miscarriage last year laid me out flat.
Things that helped.. stayed down that first week when my dh was home. Slept as much as I could (the body heals in sleep).
Vitamins!! can't say enough good about them. You're depleted and need to rebuild. Good high quality (buy 'em at the health food store) type.
Give yourself permission to rest. Seriously. Do what you can but before you're worn out you rest. And if you can keep yourself from getting overtired you can probably do some things over the course of the day.. at least supervise them. But if you push you'll be back up there at flat on your back.
Put a B multi-vit really really high on your list (I really like this one ).. as well as a vit. D. Those help with depression and stress.. both of which will wear you out. And you might also consider if you're anemic (another common problem to leave you feeling a serious lack of energy).
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Bridget
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| Posted: Aug 06 2010 at 6:47am | IP Logged
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My husband is going through this right now, recovering from his hip replacement.
You are normally like the energizer bunny. All I can think is that God wants you to offer all the difficulties up, even the frustration. Submit your will to His and use this time to glorify Him. He wants your eyes and heart on Him for this time.
I know you know this...
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Aug 06 2010 at 7:00am | IP Logged
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I do know this state.  Total. Complete. Wipeout.
This is really hard to brainstorm when you're in it...I know that one too!!! So...I'll share what we do with all the practicals when I'm totally down. The key is to try to be attentive to your health as much as you can, and don't fight the body's signals telling you to rest...to be still and know.
From keeping little ones busy when mom is down:
Mackfam wrote:
Angel wrote:
| how do you continue to provide for more than the basic needs of your little ones when you are down (ill, pregnant, new baby, etc.) for more than just a few days? When it becomes hard to plan activities? When "just reading aloud" and "letting them play" doesn't provide their brains and hands enough to keep them occupied, and it starts to show up in their behavior? |
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I'm going to take a stab at this, Angela. I'll say up front that when I'm down - I'm TOTALLY DOWN. So, my ideas are borne from the extreme sickness I experience, but I'm going to brainstorm with you hoping you can take something here. I'll say up front that I DON'T attempt to provide more than the basic needs of the little ones when I'm sick, but I do put a lot of effort into maintaining a sense of routine so that there is something for them to do that is constructive and supervised by older children. This time is temporary. I'll be able to slowly do more and more as a pregnancy progresses, but in the beginning, it's about survival. I'm not sure where you are on this scale - so take it with a grain of salt, and do what you can.
The other ladies have offered many of the suggestions I would have. I brainstorm this to the nth degree with my husband and older children before/as soon as I get pregnant. Some of the things we have learned:
** Expectations get scaled WAY back...DRAMATICALLY so!! Montessori work is not in my vocabulary for the first 6 months of my pregnancy. Period. Our goal is survival. That means: food, clean clothes, and consistent discipline - no matter how hard it is to carry this out - this is the one thing I save my energy for. That's it. I do not do any formal school during the first part of my pregnancy. At all. That's because all older children are drafted into service. If you are somewhat functional, I could see attempting a very simple form of school - reading, catechism, coloring/art, more reading, done. Add in some narrations and a bit of copywork which can both be done from your throne - the couch - and you have yourself a really great day!
** Toys/small parts/toy weapons/noisemaking gizmos are severely and quickly purged to locked closets or the garage for supervised "daddy play". Other toys are organized by the older children to rotate in and out - collections are kept together and offered one at a time.
** Big kids are in charge of breakfast and lunch, washing 1-2 loads of laundry a day, 1 quick tidy, gathering picture books for the reading basket and read alouds, movie selection time, the toys set out for play and rotation.
** Daddy is in charge of grocery shopping, dinners, supervision of laundry (picking up any slack at night), meeting with big kids in the evening to see what is needed to make days smoother.
** I am in charge of reading to the littles, maintaining basic discipline during the day (this is extremely important for littles who will self destruct without consistent and firm but gentle guidance. This need is magnified when Mommy, normally energetic and attentive, is now very sick.) I also sometimes help brainstorm, but when I'm very sick, my brain cells are SUPER LOW FUNCTIONING, so the family knows they're on their own. We do as much preparing and practicing and rehearsing ahead of time - we treat it much like a coach would train his team before a big game.
** We go to great pains to find one room - usually my bedroom - to keep the entire family self-contained during the day. A small toy area is set up. Tv with DVD player, small table for eating, book basket, napping palettes. My big kids "freshen" the toy area every couple of days. The toys there are quite limited - usually only 2 or 3 collections kept on a small shelf. It keeps the mess limited and interest piqued as the offerings are kept fresh.
Here is a typical day during pregnancy survival:
** Wake up - big kids get simple breakfast together. We do make use of convenience foods when I'm pregnant. I don't like it, but I accept that it's what we have to do. Big kids wipe up littles and escort them to bedroom - shut door. They do dishes, clean kitchen, do morning chores, get little people dressed.
** Morning movie time - I nap, littles watch movie, biggers read or color in art/coloring books - we're all together in the same room. I make use of netflix nature docs and favorite movies. I DO NOT cave on my tv rules during this time - in other words, they don't get to watch something I wouldn't normally allow. But, they do watch A LOT of tv. I don't like it. But, it allows me to survive. And it's temporary.
** Short play time with big kids supervising. Quick tidy. A short PBS show is sometimes allowed so the big kids can grab lunch and bring it back to the little table. One year, we just used a big vinyl tablecloth and ate picnic style (well, they ate, I ) - after lunch the kids would take the tablecloth outside, shake it out, roll it up, and it would await our next meal.
** Lunch - We always make use of paper plates during this time. Big kids do cleanup while I read aloud on the bed to the littles.
** Naptime - Big kids settle the littles on their napping palettes or in my bed. Big kids are allowed to read, color, or play quietly in an adjoining room.
** Playtime - Big kids supervise.
** Daddy gets home, checks on laundry status, starts simple dinner (sometimes I have meals frozen, sometimes we make use of Costco convenience meals, sometimes he brings home pizza for the clan - it's a lot of convenience food ick.) He checks on kitchen status and chores status.
** Dinner in the kitchen. I sleep more.
** Evening prayers - everyone piles onto the bed with me.
** Daddy and older children discuss the next day's plan -
:: check toys (are they boring? rotate)
:: book basket (freshen with new picture books)
:: meal plan (Rob discusses with the big kids EXACTLY what they're supposed to make for breakfast and lunch)
Now, I don't have as many children as you, Angela, or the challenge of twins, but I know you can do this! Drop your expectations WAY back for a while. Be gentle on yourself. Review in your mind what your basic rules of the house are - DON'T STOP ENFORCING THOSE! Spend some time considering if you can find a "common room" or even a "common area" that allows all of you to stay collected during the day. And, DELEGATE to those big kids! They can do a lot. Remember, this is temporary. Brainstorm ways to be more effective so that the little men will have constructive things before them in a contained environment and DELEGATE!!!!!! Restrict what the little men have access to - even if you have to grab stuff and toss it into the garage - get it out of their accessible space. Limit their opportunities to get into dangerous spots!
to you, Angela. I know how tough it is to do ANYTHING during this time. I'm saying a prayer that you and your husband and big kids can come up with some kind of temporary plan that gets you through the winter!!! I hope there's something here you can use to help. |
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I'm praying very hard for you dear friend! Be still. Know.
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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joann10
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| Posted: Aug 06 2010 at 7:27am | IP Logged
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I think Jen said it all. 
I will be keeping you in my prayers,(and I am going to PM you when I have a chance.)
I will let you know that I had a kidney stent for serveral months and that itself wiped my out....if I was on my feet too long it would hurt and then a few days later I would have another infection, so I learned to take it very easy just to keep my kidney working.
Know you are in my prayers....
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: Aug 06 2010 at 7:57am | IP Logged
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You've already gotten some great advice here. One thing I would emphasize is REST! Pretty much nothing else is more important than your recovery, so resting is NOT OPTIONAL. Continuing to pray for you and your family.
Peace,
Nancy
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Aug 06 2010 at 10:02am | IP Logged
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Poor dear, poor dear .
One thing that helped me was to find things that I could do while laying down that were fulfilling...things that I normally wouldn't do because I'm a mover by nature.
While laying down, I watched movies, listend to CDs I hadn't heard in years, read a bazillion picture books which I love (longer books tired me out), and journaled.
With the children I watched them put on puppet shows at my feet, played card and board games, colored, told stories from my childhood as well as endless knock-knock jokes.
I honestly think that being down is a very big mental challenge to get over the hump of feeling less than. I really needed to pray for grace and patience to *find* the strength within my weakness. I didn't do it well , but learned how to be a bit more gentle with myself than I'm inclined. Good enough.
Praying for you, friend.
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Servant2theKing
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| Posted: Aug 06 2010 at 12:24pm | IP Logged
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Don't skimp on rest or pain meds (as your dr. deems appropriate)...both are crucial elements in aiding and speeding the healing process. I agree with the recommendation of vitamins, especially a good B-100 Complex. Another thing to remember is not to push too hard to get back into the swing of things, before your body is truly ready. We mothers tend to jump right back into things, as soon as we even start to feel somewhat better, which can actually cause a setback in recovery time. You are much better off taking a little extra time to truly recover, than to push yourself to the point where you end up going backward, rather than forward toward complete recovery. Consider what your body has just been through...add at least that much time or sometimes double, triple or even longer...it takes quality recovery time for your body to recoup, according to the time and degree of stress or trauma that your body has just undergone. (I've learned the hard way....it costs too much to push, before your body is truly ready)
Try to think of this as a Mommymoon time and truly make the most of it! Rest in the Lord! For whatever reason, God is giving you this time to take care of your own health, before you continue to care for the needs of your dear ones. Surrendering to the Will of God can be awfully difficult for us as mothers, but it can be truly sweet when we embrace His Will more fully! Praying for you and your entire family. May God's Gracious, Loving, Healing Hand be upon you.
I'm editing to add:
Reading Bridget's post about her dh, I remembered when my dh needed quadruple heart bypass, during the same time period his father was dying....the only way we both survived that time was to be at complete peace with the Will of God. It was a time when the Lord completely carried us, and our entire family! During his recovery, (when he was going stir crazy) we even took a short family vacation, with his Mom, to a small lake his family always visited when he was a child....that was as much a healing prescription for recovery as any medications, dietary tips, or post-op doctor visits. Of course, family prayer was crucial as well. You may not be able to take a physical vacation right now, but taking a vacation...mentally, emotionally, and spiritually...can do wonders for body and soul.
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All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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Betsy
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| Posted: Aug 06 2010 at 12:35pm | IP Logged
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I agree with everything stated above, you need to get rest and nutrition to heal physically. Often if we try to hurry things along, it only sets us back in the long run.
Along with the physically healing that needs to take place I recommend focusing on the emotional healing that needs to take place as well.
My last pregnancy was very difficult, The physical part was hard, however, that hardest part was not getting the emotional help/healing that I needed.
I might recommend:
First, find a trusted confidant to talk to (friend, DH, mother). Make sure they are there for you when you need them! I am sure you will have a lot of emotions to sort out...don't bottle them up.
Second, try to find someone to monitor you and put YOU first. When I was down I was unable at times to see the forest for the trees. I didn't want to burden anyone, I thought that I was strong. I need someone to step in an provide me with assistance that I couldn't see that I needed or didn't have the physical or mental ability to provide for myself. This is akin to what we do as Mothers for our children all the time. I might add also, that DH might not be the best person to this for you...as he is being put into new roles as well (extra chores, managing children, worried about YOU, etc). Plus, men (generally) aren't as perceptive to these types of things either.
I hope this doesn't come across in negative way. I can't totally separate the subject from what I experienced! I will pray for your quick recovery.
Betsy
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cathhomeschool
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I read your post earlier and have no advice but lots of prayers! I've been there before and thought I was literally going to lose my mind. What got me through the day was to remember that God allowed it all for a reason even though He knew what was coming. And I said lots of short prayers throughout the day like, "Help!" And I set the bar waaay low for myself: no outings, no people over, etc so that I could rest and sleep as much as possible.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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SeaStar
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| Posted: Aug 06 2010 at 9:16pm | IP Logged
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Praying!
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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Kathryn
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Lots of great practical advice. Continued prayers for you and when I've felt like that I *try* to remember and say lots of prayers esp. prayers from memory as to not further tax my brain.
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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wifemommy
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Ok don't think I am too nuts  but reading all the replies (very good) I thought about cell phone battereies They need to be recharged completely to keep a long life short incomplete recharges drain the power much quicker and in the long run they are a lot less useful.....so make sure you are fully charged and prayers Annie
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Feeling a bit weary-UPDATE in OP 8/12
