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dolorsofmary
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| Posted: July 13 2010 at 2:00pm | IP Logged
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I am on the fence about inviting my cousin (who lives pretty close) to my son's 5th bday party. Need advice please.
She is a public school teacher and obviously I homeschool. I never told her before that I homeschooled simply because my son was too young and I didn't want to lock horns with her. On the last conversation which was several months ago we did finally talk about it. She likes to mention how her degree is in education blah blah blah. I hate to be disparaging BUT for you to know the full picture she hates the church. My son was born on the feast of st. John vianney, patron saint of priests and I blurted out some time ago out of joy and disregard that maybe someday he'll be a priest and she squashed my moment - oh how horrible she said! and many other things. She hates the pope, etc. Ex catholic. My brother who is very much of the same bent will be there too, in fact all of my son's aunts and uncles have left the church, well maybe save 1 but she I believe has an irregular marriage etc. etc. Sooooo I'm thinking inviting her and her being with my brother would give too much I don't know. strength in numbers? My brother does not like homeschooling either.
I sometimes write these things because I have some down time also i like to muse and be prepared too. but I can be a pessimist that is for sure.
So my husband wants me to have her make up her own mind. I don't think I invited her last yr or the yr before. I did invite her to his 1st bday. Her kids are grown and I would send bday cards to them when they lived in the area. She would give gifts to Joshua regardless when he was younger.
NOt sure what to do. I don't feel comfortable inviting her. I don't want to be grilled, maybe I won't be but she grilled me over the phone last and I have avoided her since. For being an expert she does not know about homeschooling. She said she does not know anyone who does it. She wanted to know if i contacted the state to get the curriculum! I told herthat I had it all together. She said well homeschooling is so hard and that my son needs to learn out to interact with other, etc etc. blah blah blah.
i don't think I'll invite her. As I write this I feel more fixed with my decision.
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Mackfam
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| Posted: July 13 2010 at 2:05pm | IP Logged
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How 'bout ditching the party and you and your husband take your son to the zoo? 
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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JennGM
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| Posted: July 13 2010 at 2:09pm | IP Logged
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dolorsofmary wrote:
| i don't think I'll invite her. As I write this I feel more fixed with my decision. |
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LOL! Sometimes writing things down help sort it out!
I wouldn't invite her. I'm very picky and keep things very low key for our birthday parties, and definitely don't want negative vibes to spoil the day. If you are not bound to invite her (like a grandparent), then don't! And feel no guilt!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: July 13 2010 at 2:13pm | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
| How 'bout ditching the party and you and your husband take your son to the zoo? |
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I second this suggestion!
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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LucyP
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| Posted: July 14 2010 at 4:57am | IP Logged
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If, as you say, your husband wants to let her make up her own mind, I would go with that.
You are, I think, likely to find that she doesn't want to stage some big confrontation on your little chap's birthday - most people don't like confrontation which is maybe why she did it on the phone.
One thing I have found to disarm people who comment on our education choice or "religious indoctrination" of our children, is to have a huge smile, maybe a little hand on their arm, and say with all sincerity and cheeriness "Oh bless you for being so caring and wanting the best for little so-and-so. It's so good to know that we have family/friends who have our backs and are thinking of us, but right now this is working for us, but thank you anyway" and then move off right away to pour a drink, "check on" something etc. You've been polite and friendly, thanked them for their input, implied they have a right to be concerned, and then skedaddled so it can't get involved.
It works for me, and helps me to focus on the positive that even if someone has different values and ideas, they are, at bottom, trying to be caring and worrying about my family.
Happy birthday to your son!
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Gracesmom
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| Posted: July 14 2010 at 11:41am | IP Logged
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Do you know any other families with 5 year olds? Or around that age. I would invite a few little kids over for a "kid" party. That way when your family asks why they weren't invited you can just tell them that you did a "little kid" party instead of a big family one.
That way no feelings get hurt...hopefully, and you can avoid conflict.
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folklaur
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| Posted: July 14 2010 at 12:40pm | IP Logged
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Gracesmom wrote:
Do you know any other families with 5 year olds? Or around that age. I would invite a few little kids over for a "kid" party.
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This is what I would do too.
I mean, for like 1 and 2 year olds, it is really more about the parents and their friends....but if you are having a party once they are like 5....isn't it usually a bunch of little 5 and 6 year olds? a Kid party? Your family party could be *JUST* your immediate family.
That was how we always did it, and how I have usually seen it done (except for my poor DH whose birthday fell during his Mother's side of the family's annual family reunion each summer. He hated his birthday until we were married and he didn't have to do that anymore. {well, they still have the reunion, but we just don't go})
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Elena
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| Posted: July 15 2010 at 4:28pm | IP Logged
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I'm all for the suggestions on the zoo and having a kid party! At 5 years old, I think that's very appropriate. 
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Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
One Day at a Time
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imcatholic
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| Posted: July 16 2010 at 3:16pm | IP Logged
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The most important thing is he enjoys the day. If having someone around does not add to the enjoyment I think that answers your question! I also vote make a big day out of it go to the zoo and have a special picnic with only his favorite foods.
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Beth
http://novoasark.blogspot.com
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guitarnan
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| Posted: July 16 2010 at 10:34pm | IP Logged
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One tip I read long ago and have found to be true - if you are inviting children, limit the number of children you invite to the years in your own child's age (five years old = five invitees). A large group of little boys can quickly grow mega-boisterous, we've found!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: birthday etiquette
