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JennGM
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| Posted: March 23 2010 at 2:23pm | IP Logged
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If you haven't read Bridget's post from her pastor Helping Our Sons on technology and our boys, I highly recommend you do.
This was so helpful for me to have this articulated so well. I've observed in my own sons the "pent-up frustration" after watching some excitable videos. Certain TV doesn't calm them down, but revs them up.
Dh and I have discussed what ways we want to protect and guide our boys along this path of technology. We're really the trailblazers in this generation. We didn't have to deal with all these things....things only trickled in, bits and pieces. We had Pong, and Pacman, beginning home computers weren't that graphic. Not even the internet until the late 90s had graphic images.
It's all changing as our children grow. I think some decisions are really tough and unpopular, but I do think we have to really exericise prudence because we don't know the long-term consequences.
So much to decide now. Music choices? Stereo? Ipods? Cell phone use? Texting? Video games? Computer Games? TV? Movies? Computer time? Internet time?
And then the purity part of it -- guarding their eyes. Dh came back from retreat all fired up to make sure we have security in place so that our boys aren't exposed, even accidentally.
No wonder why parents are so stressed out these days!
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Donna Marie
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| Posted: March 23 2010 at 2:50pm | IP Logged
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My dh and I have only begun this discussion. I would love to hear more discussion on this topic. We started talking out loud about this subject a few days ago due to some observations we have been making with other's teens...and some adults too...
What started our discussion was this:
We have experienced occasions with other teens where they would completely isolate themselves when visiting and not communicate with anyone. They start talking and you think they are talking to you, but of course they were on the phone or texting and we appear to be the rude ones who are interrupting their conversation...which is strange when they are the ones who were making eyecontact with us. We even get this with other adults..."oh excuse me, I need to answer this"...and they start typing away immediately.
At times this would happen when we were in the middle of an intense conversation that felt awkward to suspend.
We have chosen to be low tech in this area for now, but we are trying to figure out all of the ins and outs of how to use the technology in a respectful and responsible manner before we actually started using it. We also discussed what kind of rules (that anyone should follow, really) we should establish that don't allow anyone to withdraw into their own world. We want them to use it as a tool not a crutch they can't live without.
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JennGM
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| Posted: March 23 2010 at 3:38pm | IP Logged
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Donna,
You have hit the mark why so much of this bothers me. It's so self-centered. Hey, look at Mommy, isolating herself in the middle of the kitchen. I'm having my own conversation and while I'm here in body, I'm not in spirit. I've cut myself off from others in real life.
Real life becomes secondary. We have conversations that go on in our heads until we can post them on Facebook or Twitter or text them.
(which I forgot to add THOSE choices into my list of weighing decisions).
I don't think completely saying no is the answer, because they will be exposed. Teaching them to use them as a tool not to run their life is key, isn't it?
I have a couple of friends who allow their teenagers to have Facebook at Junior year. They are preparing them for when they go to college, because it will be used there. So teaching about privacy, how things will never be deleted, everything is public, how employers and teachers will evaluate you on your Facebook account, etc. -- those are some of the points they are trying to instill in the children before they go out on their own.
I have thought about the tool aspect. I want to make sure my son thinks of books first, then the computer. How to sift through reference materials is not by Googling. We do it because we know what a dictionary, thesaurus, encyclopedia, etc. are. But those steps need to be instilled before going to the Internet, where information isn't always true or unbiased (neither are books, but...).
There's just all sorts of things behind the "technology" question, isn't there?
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CrunchyMom
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Thank you for sharing this! I am so thankful to have the words to articulate my feelings about this sort of thing. Before, it was some sort of nebulous "well, I've observed that screen time has a negative effect on my boys behavior." This helps me better understand just *why.* It is always so reassuring to have your choices affirmed when they are in such an extreme minority!
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Kathryn
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| Posted: March 23 2010 at 7:41pm | IP Logged
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JennGM wrote:
I want to make sure my son thinks of books first, then the computer. How to sift through reference materials is not by Googling. We do it because we know what a dictionary, thesaurus, encyclopedia, etc. are. But those steps need to be instilled before going to the Internet, where information isn't always true or unbiased (neither are books, but...).
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This was a big "beef" with me when my kids attended our local parish school. Even as low as 1st grade, kids were supposed to access the computer for research information. 1st grade?! WHY?! "So they can learn about computers because it's the way of the world." REALLY? That just baffles me.
I have soooo many reference books around here and granted, like you say, some of that information esp. in reference to science ideas has to be discussed but at least I don't feel like it's coming at them faster than the speed of light and faster than I can keep up with.
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Pilgrim
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| Posted: March 24 2010 at 4:04pm | IP Logged
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CrunchyMom wrote:
| Thank you for sharing this! I am so thankful to have the words to articulate my feelings about this sort of thing. Before, it was some sort of nebulous "well, I've observed that screen time has a negative effect on my boys behavior." This helps me better understand just *why.* It is always so reassuring to have your choices affirmed when they are in such an extreme minority! |
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All well put, and I agree it is SO comforting/reassuring to have your choices affirmed, especially when in such extreme minority. that is when I am the most grateful to have a spouse who agrees, and we can share a unified front in the decisions we make for our family.
Thank you Jenn for the article, and bringing this subject up! Guiding and guarding our children(and ourseleves!) becomes harder and harder as technology progresses it seems. We become so desensitized to the changes that have taken over our world, so much for the worse, so far that we often don't even realize anymore how things should be. Manners, values, and so much more have suffered. 
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guitarnan
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I don't know how I missed this thread. It has some great information!
We allow our children a fair amount of screen time, but it is all in public areas. One nice thing about this is that watching TV is seen as a family activity - even though we have two working TVs. No one likes to watch TV alone in our house.
This is such a tricky area, especially with teen boys (I have no direct experience with teen girls). The boys tend to leap before they look, if that makes sense, and not consider the consequences until afterward. We have to help them pause long enough to think first.
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Kathryn
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| Posted: March 26 2010 at 9:15pm | IP Logged
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guitarnan wrote:
| The boys tend to leap before they look, if that makes sense, and not consider the consequences until afterward. We have to help them pause long enough to think first. |
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Soooo...what's the million dollar answer to how to do that? My DS is only 9 1/2 but ohhhh how I have to be on him like a flea or he could self-destruct himself or others around him.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: March 26 2010 at 9:19pm | IP Logged
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Time...lots of it...and gentle guidance and correction.
I heard a great story on NPR about a neurologist mom who studied her teen boys' brain patterns (and other teen boys', too!) and discovered that it takes a very, very long time (into the late teens and early 20's) before the brain develops enough for boys to be able to "put the brakes on their decisions before acting" (my phrasing) on a consistent basis. It was simply fascinating. The journalist interviewed the sons as well as their neurologist mother. She has studied brain activity enough to be able to tell them the best ways to study for college exams. Amazing.
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JodieLyn
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Oh I'm glad someone bumped this.. I wanted to read it and can hardly hear my brains rattle at the moment.. so still have to try and remember to read it later tonight (after kids' bedtime) 
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This was very interesting.. yes, anyone who's seen little boys watch something like Power Rangers.. sitting quietly to start with and before the show is over they're on their feet, hitting and kicking and generally fighting.. each other if there's more than one.. sisters who don't want to be involved or imaginary people or inanimate objects if nothing else.
I've also had time to notice that even though my oldest boy is only 11.. exercise is a HUGE HUGE benefit.. not just at the time but all the time.. when he's getting sufficient exercise.. real work exercise.. that can be sports or chores as long as it's *work*.. they're better for hours and hours.
Swim team is a great example. Even if I take the kids to play at the pool and such things aren't near as good as when they swim every single morning for swim team (and that is work believe me). My whole day is easier.
And while that's not so much about the screen time. It does illustrate that boys especially need a physical outlet of hard work.
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JennGM
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| Posted: June 07 2010 at 3:12pm | IP Logged
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I'm bumping this up because there has been some very interesting articles on how technology can affect our brains. This obviously isn't all about boys, but universal.
I have 5 articles listed in my blog post:
Smarter or Dumber?
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MarilynW
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Jenn - you know that we are really not into video games at all. I thought you might be interested in this book which mentions the effect of video games on boys: Boys Adrift and a review of this book here
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Karen T
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I read Boys Adrift (by Leonard Sax) last year and was completely flabbergasted by all the things that are affecting our children, esp boys. Yes, the video games, but also the environmental stuff like the estrogens in water and plastics (this was before the big BPA thing was widely known).
It was very interesting how the brains of the kids studied actually physically changed after playing these games and it was irreversible.
I am fighting the battle here, as my oldest has reached 17 and feels he can play/watch anything he wants to, and not only him but unfortunately our younger boy sometimes sneaks into the room he's in and watches it. the more we forbid younger ds to play/see these games (ie Call of Duty type), the more enticing it is to him of course.
Even on a much less violent level, I am sick of hearing the stupid MarioKart themes as the kids play it on the weekends (we've managed to limit it to non-school days so far, but this is our last week of school). It's harder to limit b/c dh loves Mario too and will play for hours after the kids are in bed, and much of the weekend too.
Karen
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CrunchyMom
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Aw, Karen, I think that is a big part of the challenge. We are entering the second and third generations of these activities. Of course the boys will want to do it if Dad does it, and in order to regulate it all, dh must be on board to do it effectively. I feel fortunate that my dh never got into it. *I* played video games far more than he ever did as a child/teen.
Though, I must admit to indulging in ONE game of Pacman back when Google had it as the logo. So nostalgic. I was actually pretty good which is sort of depressing, lol.
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JennGM
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Oh, I feel for you, Karen! I don't want the video games to start here because I'm like the Grinch "The Noise! The Noise!" It drives me to distraction (or worse).
I will have to check out that book, so many have mentioned it.
It is a lot to think about. We're in uncharted territory; we don't know the long term effects on our own children, possibly our whole culture and civilization.
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Bridget
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JennGM wrote:
It is a lot to think about. We're in uncharted territory; we don't know the long term effects on our own children, possibly our whole culture and civilization. |
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I think we are seeing the effects of it already. George Will wrote a Newsweek column that pointed out the effects the media culture on today's young men. The Basement Boys
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JennGM
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Bridget wrote:
JennGM wrote:
It is a lot to think about. We're in uncharted territory; we don't know the long term effects on our own children, possibly our whole culture and civilization. |
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I think we are seeing the effects of it already. George Will wrote a Newsweek column that pointed out the effects the media culture on today's young men. The Basement Boys |
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That is interesting, Bridget.
Quote:
Cross says the large-scale entry of women into the workforce made many men feel marginalized, especially when men were simultaneously bombarded by new parenting theories, which cast fathers as their children's pals, or worse: In 1945, Parents magazine said a father should "keep yourself huggable" but show a son the "respect" owed a "business associate."
All this led to "ambiguity and confusion about what fathers were to do in the postwar home and, even more, about what it meant to grow up male." |
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This has been on my mind quite a bit. My husband and I are watching the HBO John Adams series. While not completely accurate, it's the depiction of the interaction of parents and children (also like Little House books) that show such a difference in respect and authority of parents.
Without turning back the clock completely, how can we find that balance?
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Karen T
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JennGM wrote:
| Oh, I feel for you, Karen! I don't want the video games to start here because I'm like the Grinch "The Noise! The Noise!" It drives me to distraction (or worse). |
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I've said this to my kids MANY times! I don't like a lot of background noise in the house. Before we had kids I often played the radio or a CD but never TV or video games, and since our first child was born 17 yrs ago I can't even tolerate that on in the background. Mario is much worse!
Karen
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Mackfam
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Just wanted to say how much I have enjoyed this conversation as well as the links to various articles! This is a topic my dh and I are discussing.
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Jen Mackintosh
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Sons and Technology
