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Natalia
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| Posted: Dec 11 2009 at 6:48pm | IP Logged
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I am copying this from a thread I just posted over at the "We pray to the Lord" forum:
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| I hate this time of the year. I find it difficult to keep peace and to keep focused in what really matters. I feel bad that I feel this way. I find myself stressed out more than any other time of the year. It doesn't matter how much of an atmosphere I try to create in our home, it doesn't seem to work. I can't shut the world out. I can't shut my brain off. I am always preoccupied with the "doings" and "gettings" of the season. |
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I want to know how do you do it. How do you shut out the world and all that is claiming your attention? I feel that I can't even sleep well at night because if I wake up to go to the bathroom, my brain just goes into a full "worry mode": what I am going to get for such and such? am i forgetting anyone? what am I going to get for Mark's parents? what am I going to bake?
This is such a busy season! I feel more keenly than ever the tension between our faith and the world, and I feel that the world always wins. So I ask again, How do you do it?
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Natalia
http://pannuestrodecadadia.blogspot.com
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Dec 11 2009 at 7:05pm | IP Logged
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I certainly empathize with you! We're always far from family and I get very stressed out trying to make our Christmas special. My dh always, always ends up traveling right before Christmas, so his promised help evaporates. (Not his fault, but it's extra stress.)
I have no magic answers, but here are some things that have helped me reduce the stress level.
Have your children help you. They can wrap...the first few years it will look pretty Charlie Brown-like, but by about Year 3 they will do just fine. The first year is hard because you have to show them what to do. Get stick-on bows!
Simplify your holiday menus. You do not have to make everything from scratch. You do not have to bake 300 desserts or go to the cookie swap. Only do those things if they bring you joy. (My big change - we serve ham, which is mega-easy, and chose easier veggie and potato recipes as sides. Whew.)
Go to church and spend a few minutes with Jesus. I love going to church during Advent...Mass, Adoration, quiet time...I just feel the stress slip away. It is lovely. For those few moments (and sometimes it's like, five minutes) I am just fine, where I am meant to be, and it's very good.
Skip sending cards. Send an email. Send New Year's cards like they do in France. Make phone calls. You do not have to send cards before Christmas. People will love you anyway. (Guess how I know!)
Take 15 minutes once a week and read a Christmas story with your children. Snuggle up with them and don't answer the phone.
Talk with your favorite saints (and the December saints) and pour out your worries to them. They will take your intentions to Jesus in prayer. I love November and December feast days! (Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for us!)
I know this all sounds simplistic, but even a brief connection with the real Advent and Christmas seasons will heal your spirit. It's okay to give yourself permission to enjoy Christmas, really!
My children are older now and the stress to make Christmas magical for them is off. We're working together to make Christmas happen, which is also magical in its own way. As your littles grow up, they will be able to help you, too!
Sending cyberhugs your way...as I get ready for my parents' last-minute surprise visit...see, I really can empathize! 
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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ekbell
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| Posted: Dec 11 2009 at 8:30pm | IP Logged
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First of all I take a bit of time each morning for prayer, my advent reading and a walk. If during this time I start worrying about things I remind myself that I'll deal with it later.
I also use a lot of list making as I find it calming.
Three lists and a organizer normally cover everything.
A gift list [My family has cut down the gift giving to a minimum through use of Christmas draws which helps a lot]
A housework and decorating list organized by priority.
A baking list organized by priority
I can then use the lists and my organizer to make shopping lists and a rough outline of my time-blocking out time sensitive items first.
I know about what I can reasonably expect to get done while still spending time with the children and not overtiring myself and that dictates the cutoff point on my lists.
I do a lot of shopping online or by sending my husband out so that I have more time for the at home stuff (my husband doesn't mind errands but isn't one for cleaning or decorating). Combining baking and present giving by making a double batch of something is also useful.
And then after I've planned out the days I refuse to think about more then that day's chores! If I can't help it particularly at night, then it's time to ask for help from Mary through the Rosary.
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DominaCaeli
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| Posted: Dec 11 2009 at 8:54pm | IP Logged
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ekbell wrote:
| I also use a lot of list making as I find it calming. |
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Yep, lots of lists here too. Once I get everything down on paper, I give myself permission to "forget" all of it and just work from my lists. It's much easier for me to focus that way. With your bathroom example, Natalia--when I go into "worry mode," even in the middle of the night, I get out a piece of paper and a pen and just jot down everything I'm thinking about. And then I put it aside until morning and get some sleep. 
I also look to my husband for wisdom during this season, Natalia. He always tells me when I'm trying to do too much. With his help, I especially try not to second guess myself on gifts, which is really easy to do--Did I get the right thing for my MIL? Will my dad really like this? Too much preoccupation with questions like this is NOT fruitful or peaceful, and my husband can tell when I'm heading down this road. He always cuts me off at the pass and encourages me to rest with what I've already done and leave the rest to God.
Praying for you!
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Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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anniemm
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| Posted: Dec 11 2009 at 10:20pm | IP Logged
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One thing I've found really helpful to reduce stress during the season is to get the shopping done really early. I start thinking about Christmas gifts in the summer, do almost all of my shopping online starting in August, and usually only have a handful of things left before Advent starts. I do this for two reasons: 1. we are on a missionary budget and get paid monthly - it helps to spread out the cost of gifts (I can't wait until Dec 15 to do it!) and 2. it gives me the freedom to enjoy Advent instead of stressing about stuff. ("Stuff" can easily irritate me!) I really enjoy wrapping, so that's my idea of a stress-free evening, wrapping gifts and a glass of wine. But, that could be done in advance as well with discounted wrapping paper from after-Christmas sales.
I have had an infant 3 years out of 6 Christmases married, and on those years I give myself permission to not try to be Martha Stewart. It's been harder on the other years. This is a year with an infant, and so we're keeping everything down to a minimum. I'll bake maybe this weekend if I feel like it or have time, but only if I'll enjoy it. If it's not a manifestation of my joy in the Season, what's the point?
Little things help, like not driving all over town looking for purple and pink candles for the Advent wreath - I just tied purple and pink bows on some white candles. That reduced my stress a lot.
I am a lot like you, once I start thinking of things that have to get done, I can't get back to sleep. I write a lot down and give myself permission to let it out of my mind like some of the other ladies above.
Lastly, the thing that has given me the most peace is good spiritual reading that has to do with the season. I find this helpful both during Lent and Advent. I'm reading Dawn of the Messiah by Dr. Ted Sri, and it's really helping me to keep my focus on what's real here. What is at hand is the birth of Christ, and preparing ourselves for the Second Coming. It helps me keep it all in perspective.
Many prayers for you for a peaceful season!
__________________
Andrea
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Wife to Charlie (03)
Mama to four little girls (04), (05), (07), (09),& my 1st little guy 11/11
www.hiswillmypeace.com
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Matilda
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One thing that has helped cut down on the stress of buying for others has been choosing to give items that are consumable to extended family. Coffee samplers, Frango Mints, biscotti, etc... I figure we all get tired of more stuff that we don't know what to do with and consumables can be enjoyed with friends or even later in the season. Some years, we make homemade gifts. This year, with everyone sick, we are not baking for anyone but us. Not sharing our germs is my gift to them!  We also try to put a book for the children in as well but many of those I buy after Christmas and save for the next year.
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Charlotte (Matilda)
Mom to four (11 , 10 , 9 & 5 ) an even split for now
with bookend boys and a double girl sandwich
Waltzing Matilda
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JodieLyn
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All this may not help much for this year but I find that half of my stress is the REMEMBERING part of the whole thing.
So if I have a list I've spent time much earlier in the year making with some guidelines for myself and/or particular ideas as they occur to me and get the shopping out of the way earlier it's one thing done that I don't have to remember. I use boxes in my room to store the gifts and keep a list of what I have and where if necessary.
I have a list of the goodies I like to bake.. no last minute I forgot that all important "it's not Chrismtas without it" goodie.
Make home life as simple as possible.. and keep a good calander and I make good use of my phone calander with alarm so that I don't have to fuss or worry over when something will happen.. like spending the day thinking I have to remember to do this at a that time. No problem, my phone will ring a certain amount before the event and I won't forget.
Keep paper and pencil in the bathroom and/or next to your bed.. if you wake up thinking.. did I remember to get Aunt Freda that clock she wants.. I can write it down so that I don't lay there worrying about not remembering it the next morning.
When I do all I can to bolster the memory part of it.. it gets much easier.. and the times when things aren't happening and there can be calm and quiet in the house, you're not losing by worrying over the next thing.
Oh and if anyone is looking for something to coordinate immediate family gifts.. I can upload what my excel file looks like.. it's a lovely thing.. names across the top, events down the side (St. Nicholas Day, Stockings, Gifts, from my ILs when they give us the money to shop) and then I have where I list the kids gift exchange info so that I can track who has drawn who and what gift they have bought or want to get, and a place for family movies, and a place for birthdays because in contemplating Christmas gifts I often think of something that will work better for a birthday.. but also because we have one birthday in early Dec and one in mid-Jan and I find it helpful to plan on the same page as Christmas gifts. And then there's a space for a shopping list. I can write in ideas and when something is bought I add an * to the front of the item so that I know it's bought.. and I take it off the list at the bottom.. but the list makes it really easy to do the quick glance.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Angel
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| Posted: Dec 12 2009 at 6:45am | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
Oh and if anyone is looking for something to coordinate immediate family gifts.. I can upload what my excel file looks like.. it's a lovely thing.. names across the top, events down the side (St. Nicholas Day, Stockings, Gifts, from my ILs when they give us the money to shop). |
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This sounds something like what I do on paper. I make a big chart on a double page spread in my all-purpose notebook (nothing fancy, just a place for me to jot down notes, ideas, etc.), write down ideas for gifts and where to find them, then cross them off when they're completed. But since it's in chart form I can see everything at a glance. It's much easier on my brain. 
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Angela
Mom to 9, 7 boys and 2 girls
Three Plus Two
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MarilynW
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Dear Natalia - you know I am praying for you. Many have offered great practical ideas - I am just going to offer some of my insights.
Our motto is always "Life Changing Advent" - Advent is such an opportunity to really stop and ponder and I see it as a mini Lent. I have learned (finally) to stop the incessant mind and physical activity. This year has been my "slowest" to date - no big crafts, no gifts wrapped, no card done yet - but it has been a wonderful peaceful and joyful time.
I am posting below an article that I wrote:
An Advent to Remember
I love Advent - it is probably my favorite time of year. It is a big deal for our family - our fall sports season is over as are most extra-curricular activities. The evenings are cold and dark and we have earlier dinners by candlelight from our Advent wreath. Dinners which are long and merry - when Dad reads the Jesse tree lesson and everyone clamors to put the ornament on the tree, when there are long discussions about who lights and blows out candles. Dad also reads our family Advent read alouds as everyone finishes off dinner or enjoys their chocolate of the day from the Advent calendars. There are early baths and games in a living room which is small but beautiful with a the blinking lights of Christmas tree in one corner and a lit Advent tree decked in purple in another corner. Children find quiet corners in the house to work on their Kris Kringle gifts. The house is full of the smell of Christmas as cookies and treats are baked daily. Excitement builds up as the pile of wrapped gifts under the tree starts to grow.
But the best thing about Advent is that it is a season of new beginnings - the start of a new church year. It is a time to stop, to meditate, to ponder - to draw away from incessant activity, the intrusions of technology. Advent is a mini lent - a time of self-examination and attempts at self-improvement. It is a time to draw our families together and focus on the Christ Child. It is a season of JOY.
Advent can also be a time of stress for moms and especially homeschooling mothers. There is so much pressure to "do it all" - have all the Christmas shopping and Christmas cards done before Advent, make sure that there is a craft planned for every feast day and book read, hand make gifts, bake cookies and cakes and treats..and did I mention decorate, clean the house, keep some form of school going on....We look at all those beautiful blogs and websites and try to add to our liturgical activities and crafts. We so want to create good memories for our children and preserve our family traditions that we can lose our joy and enjoyment - and sometimes fail to see the "wood for the trees".
I held my breath as this Advent approached. Out of the last six Advents I have had to with severe and debilitating morning sickness, two with illness - and two where I was able to do all I wanted. So far this Advent has been different from many of the others - although I am well, I have opted a quiet and simple Advent. We decorated on the day of Thanksgiving as we always do and we have our essential traditions of Jesse Tree, Advent Wreath and piles of books to read. Advent and Christmas music are always in the background - either played by children or on the cd player. But I will not read other's advent plans or blogs. I am not even doing all the detailed plans written up on my own blog. We read lots of books for the joy of doing so - no pressure to do crafts or activities. We bake nearly every day. I am spending a lot of time reading and meditating and renewing my soul. I watch a movie (or part of a movie) most nights, cuddled up to my husband when the children are in bed. I am doing some handiwork and creating because it makes me happy and peaceful - beadwork and knitting. We are trying to use the slower pace of Advent to focus on renewing good habits with all of us - kind ways, thoughtfulness, good manners.
My husband always tells the children not to waste Advent - but to see it as a life changing opportunity. My prayer is that we will celebrate the birth of the Christ Child with great rejoicing because we have prepared well.
__________________
Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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Natalia
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| Posted: Dec 14 2009 at 9:51am | IP Logged
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I have not had a chance to come and thank you all for all your advice and prayers. This weekend was Nutcracker weekend for us, and with my dd and dh taking part in the show, I had to be on top of things so that everything could work out. And it did!
I have been thinking about this and why I feel like this. There are some factors that y'all have mentioned. The same as Nancy, we are far away from family and I try hard to supply what I feel my kids are missing out (which really they might not be missing out because this is the reality they've always known). There is the natural busyness of the season, the trying to juggle school and special activities (the school part has slowed down now), there is my natural disorganization, my tendency to reinvent the wheel every year. But in thinking more deeply, I think my main problem is the discrepancy between what I DREAM our advent and Christmas season SHOULD be and what it REALLY turns out to be. I have dreams of the family being together, snuggled up with a cup of tea or hot chocolate, reading Christmas stories. I dream of the crafts we are going to do and how nice the kids are going to be and how they are going to embrace my vision and how every little detail (the decorating, the prayers, the baking, the making) is going to be a memory in the making. But the reality is that my dh has been working late frequently, that my oldest has outside activities, that there are doctor's appointments and that the regular chores still need doing and that the kids will bicker over who is going to light the advent candle and that sometimes I will be so tired at night that I forget to gather everybody to say prayers or.... ( I won't bother you with the litany).
I can pinpoint two moments in which my feelings began to go down hill:
- when I stopped having (as several of you said) my regular prayer time in the morning)
- when I invested time comparing myself to all the other moms that have so much to offer to their children by way of crafts and traditions.
Marilyn, what you say here:
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| But the best thing about Advent is that it is a season of new beginnings - the start of a new church year. It is a time to stop, to meditate, to ponder - to draw away from incessant activity, the intrusions of technology. Advent is a mini lent - a time of self-examination and attempts at self-improvement. It is a time to draw our families together and focus on the Christ Child. It is a season of JOY. |
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goes along with something I read last week and (just re-read today) in the book In Conversations with God: "Our love for Our Lord will express itself in constantly beginning again..."
It is never too late to begin again, right
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I am going to bookmark this thread so that I will remind myself of it later next year. I am going to mark my calendar so that I can start shopping for Christmas earlier. I like the idea of keeping a box with a list and I would love to see the excel spread sheet.
Thanks so much for letting me vent and think "aloud",
__________________
Natalia
http://pannuestrodecadadia.blogspot.com
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Keeping Peace
