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LML22
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| Posted: Sept 21 2009 at 6:04pm | IP Logged
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Ladies,
I am posting with an anon. name because I am embarrassed.  I am having some anxiety/depression issues. I am having extreme difficulties making decisions that effect me and my family. I am overly scrupulous about things like dress, recreation, homeschooling styles, discipline, etc. I can't decide these things because I am so worried of making the "wrong" choice. I can't pray well; I have read way too much and my head is a jumbled mess with info. (computer/info. addiction is another problem I have) I seek "advice" instead of the Holy Spirits direction. My confessor told me a few weeks back that my problems are beyond his capabilities and he told me I needed to get help. I went to a Catholic counselor last week. She seems good, but it will cost me $400 a month because my insurance won't pay for it. Money is really tight right now. She also suggested medication. I prefer natural stuff so I have started St. John's wort and Natural calm (magnesium supplement) Does anyone have experience with these and with any other self-help techniques? I am praying the Divine Mercy chaplet a lot. Any other ideas? I really don't know how I can afford counseling. Prayers appreciated too.
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folklaur
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| Posted: Sept 21 2009 at 6:35pm | IP Logged
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i am so, so, so sorry.
first - anxiety & depression is not something you should be embarrassed about. i know it feels that way, but that is another way it beats you down and controls you.
second - i can tell you, if your anxiety/depression is severe and not just mild, the natural stuff probably will not do much. i know the medicine is so very scary - trust me, oh, i know!! - but would you take insulin if your pancreas wasn't working right? if you are experiencing severe anxiety/depression, you may have another part of your body (brain, adrenals, etc) not working right. taking the meds does not mean you are a failure or anything else like that.
be sure to do daily relaxation (so hard when we feel we have thousands of other things to do - but if you need the time to heal, than don't feel guilty about it! you are not wasting time - you are getting yourself better!)
i will be praying for you!
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Willa
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I'm so sorry and will pray! Something that helped me in the past was "resetting" or "starting at ground zero." I would start up the day as if I had suddenly been dropped into my life situation and try to cope with it as best as I could without worrying/regretting/obsessing about better alternatives. I would keep track of all the little successes -- sometimes tiny indeed -- and try to notice the problems without feeling any kind of guilt or fear about them.... just bring it to the HOly Spirit right away, and make lists of possible solutions. The emotion of perfectionism/regret/guilt/fear were destructive indeed so these strategies helped me to distance myself enough to cope.
About the counseling -- I would at least ask if there is some type of low-budget plan -- could you possibly see the counsellor less frequently and get some ideas for things you could do in the interim. I have done that with my child's therapy at times when it was hard to get a therapist or pay for one.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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MarilynW
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No real advice as I do not have personal experience but lots of prayers and hugs coming your way.
Also just to say - check into possible physical causes eg are you postpartum and run down, have you had your thyroid checked, are you having enough sleep and nutritious food? I have been reading reviews of a book called Rebuild from Depression which mentions a lot about nutrition - if you have several children you are more likely to have your stores of nutrients in your body low.
Something that may help is the Anxiety and Phobia workbook (sorry I cannot link- 2 babies on my lap) - I have a friend who says this really helped her until she could see a counselor.
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Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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joann10
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sending many prayers....
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CrunchyMom
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Rebuild from Depression helped me when I had ppd after my second was born. She gives pretty good indicators for helping to determine if you might have a specific deficiency. Even if the diet change seems to be too much, I would definitely take Cod Liver Oil or at least fish oil to make sure you are getting enough Omega 3s. Sometimes when I'm feeling extra edgy, I can trace it back to forgetting to take my CLO for a few days (my biggest factor in the depression was irritability).
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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guitarnan
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I would agree that a visit to your regular doctor is a good idea. Two members of my extended family have had thyroid issues that contributed to their depressed states.
Having said that, there is no reason to be embarrassed about a chemical imbalance in your body - you can't control it. And, more importantly, you can't let it control you.
If you have health insurance, you might want to start this process with a trip to your physician, and get referrals to counselors and specialists covered under your plan.
If you don't have insurance, consider speaking with Catholic Charities...in places we've lived, they have offered sliding payment scales based on income.
Know that I am praying for you!!!
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Mackfam
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I agree with others about asking for a payment plan, or seeking some assistance through Catholic Charities so that you can continue with counseling.
I'm glad you're able to pray the Mercy Chaplet. Keep making that act of the will and continue praying the Mercy Chaplet if you are able. If you're unable to pray the entire Mercy Chaplet, or you feel a need to pray during the day, but have trouble praying, perhaps writing down a small selection of quick prayers that you could say...like, "Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on me." or "Immaculate and Sorrowful Heart of Mary, pray for me." would be a help in times that you can't find the words.
There are a few saints who struggled with these same issues - St. Therese, St. Dymphna, and Blessed Mother Teresa. Blessed Mother Teresa struggled intensely, but kept making an act of the will in faith each day by finding Our Lord in the face of the poorest of the poor. Your apostolate is your family - perhaps seeking the face of Christ in your husband and children's faces will help you to see Him and be still and know.
I have no idea if any of these ideas are good - I don't have any experience at all with this save a few members of my family whom I love dearly. Please simply know that I am praying that Our Lord will lighten this burden for you, that you no longer feel ashamed, but feel loved and embraced.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
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Sharyn
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Dear LML22, Here are a few idea’s:
1. Eating a well balanced diet: limiting sugar, chocolate, and caffeine.
2. Regular sleep patterns; going to bed at the same time and waking at the same time. Going to sleep early as possible.
3. Getting your daily dose of sunlight. (2 and 3 are a part of balancing your circadian rhythms)
4. Daily physical exercise
5. The following vitamins are said to do some good:
Omega 3, B complex vitamins including folic acid, vit C, and zinc
6. Regular prayer life. You might have to change the way you pray when you are low, but don’t stop praying because you’ll start drifting from God.
7. Household organization is very important. Lists are important. Whatever you can get out of your head and onto paper do. If you haven’t before look at something like Flylady. Work on one thing at a time. Making sure your sink is clean each night like the Fly lady recommends is a good start. Find your sanity killers. Is it if your bedroom, kitchen etc. is messy, is there something in your house if organized in a different way would help you?
8. Go easy on yourself when you are feeling down. You wouldn’t get angry with a family member if they had to rest because of a headache, so don’t get upset with yourself. This can be hard if family members aren’t appreciative of your condition, I know. But if you can be a little kinder on yourself. Schedule in some type of rejuvenation/recovery plan. A special tea-time with your children etc.
9. Start with something small. When you are having trouble motivating yourself, set yourself to task to do just one thing well, often this gives you the energy to get going with the rest of your day. But don’t go overboard. Do what you need to do. Each day accomplish just a little more of the things you’d like to get done, but don’t do it at the expense of keeping your household running. You need to make meals, wash clothing etc. Get that done best you can. But other things find a little time each day, or whenever to keep working on until it’s done.
10. Find a hobby. If you can’t do one you’d like, try to discover one that suits where you are at.
11. You might want to consider buying a packaged curriculum. Find the one with the best support. If you want to make up your own curriculum but are going down rabbit holes trying to decide the best then just choose a popular one. Choose one that offers the most support, which has been a long time favorite. Then keep using that one unless you seem to have some unfixable problem. Don’t read up too much on other curriculums. You have to find a way to keep yourself from being scattered.
12. Look at things that help you with your mental health as ‘medicine’. Sometimes we deny ourselves these things, like a curriculum that would make a difference. See things like this as a necessary part of your treatment.
13. If you do decide to take medication, be sure to look into any side effects first, and talk them over with your doctor.
14. Start forgiving yourself for making ‘wrong choices’. You might buy the wrong color shirt, waste money on something, loose some money, dent the car, say the wrong thing, catch a tummy bug from touching the bin, leave your purse behind somewhere. We can’t stop bad things from happening. But when we keep at developing our spiritual life we can get these things in perspective. Find a helpful spiritual book, and keep chipping away at it slowly. One of my favorites is ‘The imitation of Christ’ by Thomas A Kempis. Each day I try to read a little from the Bible, and a snippet from the imitation.
15. If you are having a lot of trouble deciding on say, what shirt to purchase. Just leave the store. Try again another day. Or if you aren’t too bad, just pick something and don’t think too hard on it. If it’s wrong, chances are you’ll make a better choice next time. You know we often think of saints as people who made no mistakes. I was surprised to see some of the ‘mistakes’ some of them made. Now if even saints have made mistakes, and you and I are called to be saints, then we aught to let up on ourselves when we do something that doesn’t turn out well.
16. When it comes to anxiety, breathing is the key. If your councelor hasn’t given you info on this already ask for it. You can’t control the nasty side effects of anxiety if you haven’t learnt to monitor and control your breathing.
17. Cut down, or get rid of actions that add to the problem. You might need to make your computer time limited. You may have to stop for periods if you aren’t able to control the time you spend on it. This is always a tough one, because there is so much support to be got from web boards like these.
18. Get rid of clutter. Slowly does it. Don’t needlessly accumulate stuff. When you need something, look for it only then. Get what you need for today. Live in the now. Be present for both your own and your families sake in your daily life.
19. You are blessed in finding a good Catholic counselor. Go just as often as you can, it is worth finding out as much as you can.
I will be praying for you, please pray for me too.
God bless!
__________________
Mum to dd (00), ds (03), dd (04), ds (06), one in God's care (08), dd (09), ds (11), one in God's care (13), and ds (13)
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LML22
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| Posted: Sept 23 2009 at 6:20am | IP Logged
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Thanks everyone for the prayers and ideas. Marilyn, I found the Anxiety and phobia workbook at our library and it looks really good. Thanks for that recommendation. Sharyn, thanks for the extensive list. I will pray for you as well and all suffering this.
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Stephanie_Q
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I'd also like to encourage you not to be afraid of the meds. I'm on a low dose of "Zoloft" while re-training my thinking...which makes 'self-help' easier to manage. Sharyn has a great list. I found this helpful: Psychological Healing in the Roman Catholic Mystic Tradition: Depression and Anxiety, but as a 'perfectionist' had to be careful with not trying to follow every bit of his advice exactly to the letter.
Reading "Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence" has also been very helpful.
__________________
Stephaniedh 6.01
dd 6.02, dd 8.03, ds 3.05, ds 12.06 at Catholic school.
dd 12.09 at home.
Baby boy due 10.13
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stellamaris
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prayers for you!
__________________
In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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CandaceC
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I have looked at this post and clicked away from it several times. I, too, struggle with depression and am suffering a bout right now. It is one of the hardest things I have ever been through.
Several of the things Sharyn mentioned have helped me somewhat. But, none of them have completely taken away the cloud of darkness surrounding my days. I have turned to medication 2x now in my history. The first time I ever struggled with deep depression was 4 years ago. I could not admit it for months, to anyone. Finally, my husband came home one day, to me crying in the bathroom. Again. And he said we must get help.
We began some counseling and I started medication. It worked. God can use anything to bring us to Himself. If you are diabetic, you will need insulin. If you have cancer, you will start chemotherapy. If you suffer from depression, it is wise to try counseling and/or medication if nothing natural is helping.
I was against the medication until I literally could not function. I could not care for my children. ANd truly, my children are what made me start. I could not see them going many more months with a barely existent mother. I had to get better for my family. I simply had to.
So, for 1.5 years I took lexapro. Now, here I am, 2-3 years later and I'm struggling again. I thought I caught it early and went to my family doc. Right now, I'm 2 months into medication (having tried 2 different ones) and nothing is helping yet. It has been probably 2 of the longest months of my life. I finally asked for help and the meds aren't helping! But, I'm not giving up yet. And I must say, God is teaching me SO MUCH in the midst of the storm.
I have made an appointment with a psychiatrist that I saw 4 years ago. Someone told me to go back to her because she will be more knowledgable (than my regular fam. doc) on all the different meds and how/what might work better for me. My appt. is in a few days.
I have been blogging about my journey if anyone is interested. It helps me to journal and get my thoughts out. And, God has drawn me to Himself more now than at any other time in my life. My prayer life has grown. God is good even when life is hardest.
Just today I started brainstorming a list of ideas to do with the kids when you are in "survival mode." I'd love help brainstorming more ideas!!
survival ideas
God teaching me about the wilderness.
My Wilderness...and Prayer
Scriptures and encouragement
I will pray for you anon. It is so hard. I know. But, God is faithful and I know He has a purpose in each of our sufferings. I'm thankful that He is making me more like my Lord each and everyday through this cross that I am bearing.
__________________
Candace - wife to David since 2000...mommy to Hannah (Feb. 2002), Emily (April 2003) and Caleb (March 2005)
His Mercy Is New
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jenk
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You are not alone. I have used both St. John's Wort and Nature's Calm at separate times with success but it was only AFTER I had been stabilized with medication. I have taken anti-depressants twice- once to pull out of a depression and once to avoid one after a miscarriage. The first time I was on meds for around 4-6 months, which was enough to put me in a better state and I was then able to go off the prescription and stay above water using natural solutions.
I will be praying that you to find a solution that works for you depression/anxiety is a tough place to be- don't be too hard on yourself!!
__________________
Jen
with 2 boys, 14 and 8, and a girl expected 1/09
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Nique
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God will get you through this! You are strong and you will persevere! Everybody has crosses and this is something everyone experiences, to different degrees!! Offering up my Mass this morning for courageous you and all of us here
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I had always thought that once you grew up you could do anything you wanted - stay up all night or eat ice cream straight out of the container. ~Bill Bryson
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4 lads mom
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I don't have a lot of time to post, but Anon...please know you are a very brave lady to come post this...and I'm praying for you!!! Please be gentle with yourself, talk frankly with a doctor you trust....and ask for the Wisdom of the Holy Spirit to guide all care from this doctor. Continue with the Divine Mercy Chaplet....how powerful!!!
One day at a time....
__________________
Mom of four brave lads and one sweet lassie
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: depression/anxiety issues
