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teachingmyown
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| Posted: June 19 2009 at 8:58pm | IP Logged
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I spend very little time on Facebook, but I do have an account. I am wondering about how to handle a friend request from someone you used to know decades ago and really have no desire to renew that acquaintance. I hate to be rude and ignore the request, but I just don't see the point in getting back in touch.
Any thoughts?
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 19 2009 at 9:14pm | IP Logged
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Mind you I don't have facebook, but I believe I heard one friend tell another (btw, it was on a board so how do you say that.. I read one friend tell another?  )
Anyway, what I read is that if you just delete the request it's not like they're notified with big red flags.. you just quietly disappear.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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KackyK
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| Posted: June 19 2009 at 10:12pm | IP Logged
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YEP! When I first signed up with Facebook I said yes to everyone. Then I realized that was a big mistake. I unfortunately, it seems, went to a high school where everyone became the complete and total opposite of me. They are all the same! (Okay there are 3 friends who are not...but the rest, yikes!) Anyways, I got sick of it and at Lent I went off Facebook by deactivating. My mom said when I did that, basically there was no trace of me anywhere, except for pictures of me and my kids other family members had posted. But no one could "find" me so to speak. So I came back at the end of Lent. But as soon as I reactivated, I deleted literally over half of my "friends" list. No one I think even knew I was back.
Anyhow, two of the deleteds have tried the friend request thing with me. I just say no. And Jodie is right, they don't get any notice that I said no. They just never get a confirmation. Now one of the girls tried again and this time included a note, where did you go, blah blah blah...still I said no. I don't really "know" her, not a friend.
A professor once told me, we are not "called" to be everyone's friend. We are "called" to say help someone who has fallen whether we like them or not...but we aren't then called to be their buddy.
This was a long answer to a short question...sorry I seem to be long winded tonight!!! Maybe it was the late night cereal, a second wind!
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KackyK
Mom to 8 - 3 dd, 5ds & 4 babes in heaven
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insegnante
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| Posted: June 19 2009 at 11:17pm | IP Logged
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Well, this only works if you don't object to the person at all seeing what you have already posted, but I have a loose policy of accepting almost everyone on a "you never know" basis and then deleting quietly after a while (shorter or longer) if I just don't see the point. So many people, even if they are the ones who requested you, don't ever say anything at all after the request-and-confirm, or else much of anything beyond the first "Hi, you look exactly the same, so great to 'see' you again!" I have deleted a number of people and been deleted by a few. I only deleted a couple of them specifically because of offensive material on the profile rather than there just not being much connection even on a FB level or reason to want that kind of connection. However, some people I used to know have surprised me in a good way as their adult selves on Facebook.
If you do object to even a trial "friendship," and are afraid of what might happen if you just click "ignore" and they figure that out, that's tougher... seems to require knowing more about them and any specific reason there might be for the hesitance (beyond just a stronger desire for privacy about what's on your FB profile) for me to even guess how you might want to handle it.
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Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
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sunny
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| Posted: June 20 2009 at 12:52am | IP Logged
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I think Facebook was intended to be a networking utility not a friendship utility. The term friend should never have been used by Facebook. For some who believe that word appropriate, it turns into a popularity contest. I know people with over 1000s of ”friends”. For some of them, it is justified because they use it as a means of networking or actually advertising. In your case, I like what insegnante wrote. It really made me chuckle!!
insegnante wrote:
| I have a loose policy of accepting almost everyone on a "you never know" basis and then deleting quietly after a while |
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crusermom
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| Posted: June 20 2009 at 8:25am | IP Logged
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I am a very infrequent facebooker. My husband is much more active - he has down time on his commute and does it then. I think it is better to just ignore the request if it is someone you really have no desire to have as a friend. If you accept them and then delete them - they might notice and get hurt. Just my thoughts.
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Mary
Army wife and Crusermom to 8 wonderful children!
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insegnante
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| Posted: June 20 2009 at 11:02am | IP Logged
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I agree it's a delicate thing like Mary says. But to me it has usually seemed that accepting the request (if I don't have a specific reason not to want any contact whatsoever with someone I used to know; I personally haven't had that experience, though I have had total strangers send requests) gives them a chance to say hello and whatever, and there might be a pleasant surprise. I don't plan on deleting anyone from the start -- but if they never make any effort to even say hello for weeks or months after requesting me, I don't feel bad about removing them. Or if there's nothing beyond the initial polite exchanges for quite some time even though they are regularly active on FB, I might just delete them to keep my "friends" list more meaningful. To me, it seems like deleting after establishing a connection that never really leads anywhere may feel less like a personal rejection to the deleted than ignoring just based on "who" the person is. Others may certainly see it differently.
I guess one problem with FB is people have such different views of what it's for and what it means. I have a very vigilant sort of personality (which has its pluses and minuses) so there's not much danger for me of posting something thinking only of the people who are currently reading it and then adding someone I would seriously not want to see the material I had earlier posted.
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Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Facebook etiquette
