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amyable
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| Posted: Dec 30 2005 at 6:58pm | IP Logged
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This has been an introspective week for me - I've been thinking about my parenting style, about my children, etc.
As some background, these past two years have brought much stress to my dh's family - his mom and siblings. FIL passed away, MIL had long illness, we all live far away and had to travel to help often, etc.
Unfortunately, it seems to have driven all of dh's siblings apart. There are hard feelings everywhere even though I'm sure everyone was just doing their best. Today the one sibling we thought still liked us changed plans we made for tomorrow, to go see another sibling in the next state over. That really hurt my dh.
I see how my children love each other now, although they are very different and sometimes it's a love/hate thing at least with my oldest two. We are on the verge of letting God decide when/if to have more children, thinking that the greatest gift we can give to our kids is more siblings.
The events of the past few months with dh's siblings has me wondering how true that is.   And I hear stories of similar occurances from others.
I have no experience with this in my own family (we were a small family from two small families!)
Maybe I'm just touchy because all this has left us very sad. I don't want this for my own dc. But how does one avoid it??
Maybe this is an unanswerable question. If so, thanks for just listenting. 
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Bridget
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| Posted: Dec 30 2005 at 10:47pm | IP Logged
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Well, you can't ensure that they will get along. Everyone has different temperments, free will and the effects of original sin. Some strife is going to occur, even in the best of families.
Your example of kindness and concern for your own siblings will go a long way in helping your children stay close.
One of the biggest and best things you can do is homeschooling. My kids are young but I am close to four families that have married, adult children who were hs'ed. In all these families the adult children are close. They seem to be each other's main social network. They adore each other's children. It's awesome.
But if God is calling you to be open to life, what can you do but say 'Yes Lord' and trust the outcome to Him?
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Marybeth
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| Posted: Dec 31 2005 at 7:31pm | IP Logged
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My parents always had us end our nightly prayers with a prayer for our siblings. We made a big deal out of each person's birthday b/c they make our family special being in it. We had weekly family nights and were not allowed to take calls at mealtimes b/c it was our family time. Our family discussions, disagreements and embrassments were kept within our family and not allowed to be broadcast throughout the neighborhood.
My parents always told us to remember our manners and to take care of each other when we left the house.
We still had/have disagreements, but the family bond was encouraged and promoted by my parents.
My Dad prays the rosary daily and the graces from this greatly impacted and helped our family.
God bless,
Marybeth
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cathhomeschool
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| Posted: Jan 01 2006 at 8:14am | IP Logged
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Personally, I think that the person you marry has a lot to do with how you view your family (though there are many other factors, of course). In other words, your spouse can often pull you away from your siblings/parents or draw you closer to them. In our extended family and through several generations we have seen, sadly, how good relationships among siblings have soured over the years because of the bad influence of a spouse. We've also seen the opposite happen. --Another reason among many to teach our children to carefully discern who they choose as friends and spouse.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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SaraP
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| Posted: Jan 01 2006 at 12:59pm | IP Logged
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I have essentially no relationship with one of my brothers, but I also have another brother and sister with whom I am very close.
Sometimes personalities clash or people make decisions that mean that continuing a relationship with them isn't wise at least for a time, but I think that the more siblings one has the more chances he or she has for close, adult friendships with at least some of them.
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Mama to six on earth, two in heaven and two waiting in Russia. Foxberry Farm Almanac
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Mary G
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| Posted: Jan 01 2006 at 2:57pm | IP Logged
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One thing you have to remember is that as we get older (i.e. become adults) there are so many more pressures on us all and we all change. I (thank God) became a better Catholic. Others of my siblings have strayed further and further from the Church. I still try to keep in touch with them, I still love them and pray for them -- but, God gave them a free will too and I need to allow for that. It's hard, as half my siblings don't want to talk to the other half of us becuase we're Catholic -- I think it makes them feel guilty. All I can do is try to keep the lines open (birthday cards, Christmas newsletter, emails periodically) and hope and pray that they see the light.
I can't think of the exact reference off hand -- but in the Bible it says families will be torn apart ....
Blessings to one and all and may your 2006 be a wondrous adventure for your whole family!
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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Erica Sanchez
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Amy, this is such a timely issue for me and in fact I was just thinking these very thoughts this morning while doing the dishes....especially how to go about ensuring good relationships among my children when they are adults. Everything said is so good and true, if not a bit sad.
I think that the number one thing I can do for my children is not let them hear me talk negatively about my siblings (or my husband's for that matter). This is very difficult for me as there are fairly major differences among my siblings that often warrant hard and not-so-easily-hidden decisions on our part (not going to a brother's home because he lives with a gal, etc.). But overall, I need to be more charitable and accepting toward my sibliings in front of my kids.....this goes for my parents and in-laws as well. I am beginning to see that my older gals are picking up on feelings I have or listening in on phone conversations I have with the sister I am closest to....yikes!
I, unfortunately, have had a relatively negative example of this growing up, more so in my adult years really, listening to my own parents speak or act negatively towards my grandparents and aunts and uncles. Something that a hospice nurse said to me when I was lamenting to her the fact that my own mother did not go to her mother's death bed was to "break the cycle".......don't act or treat my own mother like she treated my grandmother. I think about this a lot!! Maybe I have issues with my mom or my siblings, but I don't have to let my own children see or hear this. Their grandparents and aunts and uncles can be wonderful in their eyes, as I believe it should be, unless of course there are dangers or whatever. You know what I mean.
I don't know if this is making any sense! I think my children will learn to get along with their siblings if they see me getting along with mine. This will take much effort on my part!!! I wish it weren't that way, but I think being nice and charitable even in the face of huge differences and sometimes plain pettiness or even meaness on the part of my siblings, should be my number 1 resolution this year!
I, like Bridget, think homeschooling will just solve all the negative worldly issues out there!!  Let's pray!!
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Ensuring siblings will get along...
