4Real Forums: Shy Child

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Topic: Shy Child

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Marybeth
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Joined: May 02 2005
Location: Illinois
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Posted: Dec 29 2005 at 11:48am \| IP Logged

Our 5 1/2 year old ds is very shy. We have him in preschool 2 days a week which is going extremely well. I love his teacher and feel like ds is growing in social skills and becoming more able to adapt to new situations. They are going to start K registration in a few weeks. I am praying about what to do for next year.
God has placed on my heart a desire to homeschool. I just want to do well by my little boy. He won't have a sibling until sometime in 2006 (we are adopting) and our new little one will be under a year old. We then will have to limit our time with our homeschooling group b/c of the baby's naps.

Does anyone have any advice about homeschooling a shy child? My dh and I are really struggling about what to do for next year. We have a wonderful Catholic school 5 minutes from our home. Their K class in only 3 days per week b/c they feel children at ages 5 and 6 still need lots of time with their Moms. I love the school's philosophy but still have this ache to have my ds at home learning with me.

God bless,

Marybeth

Willa
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Joined: Jan 28 2005
Location: California
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Posted: Dec 29 2005 at 3:24pm \| IP Logged

Dear Marybeth,

I have several shy children. So I periodically discern this question.   Here are a couple of articles:

ERIC Digest on Homeschooling

Homeschooling: Empowering Shy CHildren

These articles imply that homeschooling is not detrimental and can be helpful to the shy child. Of course, you can find other articles that say the opposite.

Personally I do not think homeschooling increases shyness or lets the kid avoid having to deal with it. Though as I said I still continually discern this.   My 2 kids with the most school experience were/are the shyest. So I think there is a temperamental issue there. I read several books on managing shyness this fall and I wish I had read them earlier because they were helpful in showing me how to look for the "teachable moment" in encouraging my children to work on their shyness.   I think you can find plenty of opportunities to teach shyness management strategies whether kids are homeschooling or not.

My experience with schools is that there is more of a tendency for shyness to be treated as a sort of disease or something wrong, and increasing the child's shyness by focusing attention on it in a negative light (where actually sensitiveness and introversion, which are sometimes associated with shyness, are positive or at least neutral traits).

It sounds like presently your child is thriving.   Maybe God just put the homeschooling desire into your heart so you would consider it as an alternative if something comes up.   That is what happened to me; when my 2 oldest were showing more signs of "school stress" I got the courage to take them out.   I don't know if I could have done it if I hadn't felt that I could help them more at home.

I guess my basic point is that I think shyness CAN be coped with positively in a context of homeschooling, so I wouldn't think that would be a reason in itself to keep your child at school if all the other indicators were telling you to keep him at home.

__________________
AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read

Rachel May
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Joined: June 24 2005
Location: Kansas
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Posted: Dec 29 2005 at 5:09pm \| IP Logged

Willa, I have been thinking about you lately.

Haven't you said that your family has many introverts? My husband this week decided that he was going to overcome his "shyness" and go get some library books on how to deal with it. I told him I think he is introverted and that he should get books on that topic.

The books we've started have talked about the link between shyness and introvertedness, although not all introverts are shy. I, for example, am not shy, but I am an introvert.

I'm interested to see what the books say about parenting an introvert, and I'm happy you've added some links.

Marybeth,
At your son's age, it shouldn't be a burden to homeschool him and have a new baby. The amount of time that kindergarten takes at our house can be accomplished easily in one nap.

I would hesitate to put him in a situation where he would not be comfortable. There is a certain amount of maturity needed to deal well with personality issues. For my husband, it took the maturity of a 31 yo.

A new baby in the house will be more of an adjustment for your son also. Why not homeschool him this year so that he can have plenty of your time and attention while your family adjusts? If you really want to put him in a school-like setting, we found that CCD was a good alternative. Our kids made friends and picked up some useful classroom skills that way too.

Peace,

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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)

JennGM
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Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
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Posted: Dec 29 2005 at 7:32pm \| IP Logged

MB,

Willa and Rachel have great advice. I'll just offer my two cents: I was shy...painfully shy. Going to school didn't help. Just forcing a child to do things doesn't necessarily make you "not shy"...My other siblings were also shy. I see homeschooling as more opportunity to help a child come out of the shyness. (I finally did when I was homeschooled as a teenager, although the introvert is ALWAYS there.) You as the mother can see where his interests and weaknesses lie and can guide situations more carefully.

From your other posts it seems that you have lots of family around you with nieces and nephews. That interaction is good. Plus you also have homeschooling groups around you to plan activities. I know you will have naps, but there are also options for carpooling, or activities around the naps. But it won't be terrible for your son and you and the new baby to build the bonds together and not have outside activies. There will be PLENTY more years to work on the shyness.

My gut feelings would be spend this year with your son at home. This will be a special time with you and him before the new baby. You are making memories. Although you have been doing lots of "real learning" already, starting Kindergarten will help you see even more his strengths and weaknesses, his rhythms, how you two interact. I'd get your feet wet in Kindergarten...it's such a great age and minimal work on your part.

I'm only speaking from the experience I grew up with my mom teaching us...I haven't done it yet with my own

, but Kindergarten was a breeze with my siblings.

__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
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Family in Feast and Feria

Marybeth
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Joined: May 02 2005
Location: Illinois
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Posted: Jan 10 2006 at 5:12pm \| IP Logged

Thanks for all the responses. I was able to print out the articles Willa linked for me. We enrolled ds in CCD class which is a family faith class so we are able to be with him for part of the 1 1/2 hour session. I think it will be a great time for him. Thanks for the suggestion Rachel! We enrolled him for free b/c dh and I teach alternate Wednesdays.

I am still praying about next year. I am really taking Jenn's comments to heart since she could speak for her own heart regarding her schooling years.

Thanks again for the advice and articles!

God bless,

Marybeth

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