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happymama
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| Posted: March 25 2009 at 9:52am | IP Logged
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For whatever reason, I have always been overly-sensitive to criticism, however well it's meant. If Dh criticizes something, it really hurts, and I don't handle it very well, I get mad or sad. I let it "ruin my day". I'd rather not pay to go have a counselor give me advice, so I want to ask you ladies here! What's your advice for handling criticism from your husband?
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: March 25 2009 at 10:05am | IP Logged
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Well, I have no real advice...just sympathy. I don't know anyone who takes personal criticism well, especially if they believe the criticism is unwarranted (or sometimes even worse when it is). It is such an affront to our sense of pride. And sometimes the delivery of the criticism can make a big difference as well.
I've been rereading Gregory Popcak's For Better...Forever! and your post has me thinking about some of what he says...about assuming good intentions, by saving criticisms for critical issues to the health and spiritual welfare for the person or family rather than just personal preference/comfort, seeing Christ in the other person (and perhaps how Christ my rebuke us), having a five to one ratio of compliments to criticisms.
Maybe a different method of delivery would soften the blow. Or perhaps talking about such things later in the evening rather than at times when you have all day to brood about it during his absence. I've noticed that nothing good comes from brooding.
I'll be interested to hear what others offer up.
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: March 25 2009 at 11:13am | IP Logged
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One thing is to let your dh know. Not when he is criticizing but another time. Just tell him that you understand that he doesn't mean to hurt you or really even mean to be critical, but that your temperament has a way of hearing it differently than he intends. This helps him to know where you are coming from, especially if he can't figure out why you get so upset or seem to overreact.
Then pray. Pray to hear what he means not what you interpret his words to mean. Pray for the grace to shake things off.
My dh is very sensitive to any criticism, which I think is not even a good word to use because in my mind I am not criticizing. But he hears it one way and I am meaning it another way. I have had to learn to keep my mouth shut a lot. What I think is a harmless comment or productive conversation too often can end up causing him to feel hurt. 
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snowbabiesmom
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| Posted: March 25 2009 at 2:38pm | IP Logged
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Sometimes I think people "lash" out at their loved ones when they are stressed or unhappy.. ( perhaps at work or with a co-worker situation, money, etc..)
I am sorry you are going through this. I am very sensitive to criticism too, thanks to the traits passed down by my mom.
It is helpful to try to focus on Christ and the saints when you feel saddened by the criticism, allow yourself to be humbled and you'll probably
"take it" a little better.
Pray for your husband and for the core of his need to criticize, I can always tell when Dh's work is very stressful, his attitude is different than when things are going smoothly.
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Nique
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| Posted: March 26 2009 at 1:19am | IP Logged
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Oh that's a challenging one, for me too!
Fascinating how I came across a quote from St. Therese tonight:
"Why should we defend ourselves when we are misunderstood and misjudged?
Let us leave that aside. Let us not say anything. It is so sweet to let others judge us in any way they like. O blessed silence, which gives so much peace to the soul!"
St. Therese, help me!
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Schelleau
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| Posted: March 26 2009 at 1:13pm | IP Logged
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I know exactly what you mean! Wish I had some advice, but I don't... I am so struggling with this because I don't want to teach the same traits to DS (just turned 3). The other day, DH had a legitimate complaint to make about something I had done... I started crying (as usual)... DS gets all upset and starts telling DH to "just let Mummy be alive!" lol it was so sweet of him, but he shouldn't feel he has to protect me when DH was totally justified in making the comment. It is my reaction that was the problem - and yet I expect DS to take correction from me without getting upset!!! What a muddle
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: taking criticism from dh
