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Pamin OZ
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| Posted: Jan 26 2009 at 12:01am | IP Logged
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an overachieving perfectionist (or frustrated one) to a more serene, calm person who can handle things being left undone?
If so, can I have some of what you're having? Seriously, how did you do it? How can I do it?
I am such a forward planner and feel such internal pressure from things left undone. I am a big, fat J on the Myers Brigg scale. But I have two littlies (not to mention the big guys) and I need to chill out.
I am talking to myself all the time trying to focus on what is true and needful for now but even all that self-talk is stressing me out.
Help!
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Pam in Sydney
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/paminoz/
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12stars
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Me, but this is something that I truly struggled with when we only had 2 children and now we have 5. I am not the same person I was a few years ago of course. I also am grateful to my reconversion because I found true peace and happiness and joy in the things that I cannot control. Not saying that you haven't at all. I am just speaking for myself 
Also you have to be careful of negative self talk. That will take some effort and it is a habit that you have to replace with another one.
I also say short and fast prayers like
JESUS I TRUST IN YOU
MARY PRAY FOR ME
CARRY ME THROUGH THIS JESUS
especially when I am headed down a emotional melt down or my children are tag teamming me.
Trying to control all aspects in life is a expectation that we all, just cannot do, and you have to accept that. When we tackle things with a humble mind it almost seems effortless.
I think when we reasses why we want things to be so perfect we find out that it is out of pride or not fully trusting Jesus.
Sorry for going on and on but this is something that can and does rear its ugly head in my life time to time and when it happens more than I like I pray and really take the time for myself to discover if something more is bothering me or I am not praying enough.
 to you Pam it is tough.
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Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Jan 26 2009 at 7:25am | IP Logged
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Now don't laugh, but really, what changed me is just plain old having too many kids to be type A anymore! 
I'm a big fat J on the meyer's briggs too. ENTJ..barely E, very strong on the other three. Its hard to want order and things well done and know that life with kids just doesn't work as orderly as we'd like. Really, all you can do is try not to let the J in you take over, and have a sense of humor about the chaos.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Jan 26 2009 at 9:00am | IP Logged
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I am a work in progress.
I'd say I crave order and certainly tend towards perfectionist tendencies. I'm split right down the middle between sanguine/choleric (though when my mom was here a couple of weeks ago she asked if I was sure that choleric wasn't the more dominant  ). This translates into a pushing/bulldozing effect with the family which can be quite harmful if not balanced. I can't stand for something to be unfinished, unstarted, un...
I can see progress in my interior, but I can't give you polished steps to complete...I so wish that I could. Our Dear Lord orchestrated my letting go of control through a series of tragedies in my life which served to foster Trust in Him and the peace that comes from relaxing in the moments He sends. It was possibly the most painful pruning of my entire life.
In the midst of those tragedies a spiritual director really helped me see that all of my feelings of vulnerability and control issues were rooted in a lack of trust. My tendencies toward perfection rooted in pride. Obvious now, not so obvious then.
The Diary of St. Faustina was refreshing and helped me to focus on the Divine Mercy of Our Lord. I began to see the importance of trust and the joy in surrender. Every day is a new opportunity for me to Trust all over again, but having felt the peace that comes with Trust (only because there was nothing left for me to control at that painful moment - there was absolutely nothing left to do *but* trust) I find my life, my attitude one of so much more joy. Thanks be to God for those graces received!
I'll pray for you Pam.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Jan 26 2009 at 9:15am | IP Logged
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I just wanted to say that I didn't mean to imply that tragedy is the only remedy for learning to trust or letting go in general...just that I was a very stubborn soul....very stubborn! And, Our Lord saw that it was the only way to strip me of some very hardened habits in a quick and permanent way. I still feel stubborn in some ways, but I'm grateful for the softening that the Cross granted me.
I know that other, more pliable souls can make these changes through prayer and spiritual direction. I think that the fact that you're looking for insight, Pam is a sign that Our Lady is helping you to see your interior in a true light and I know she will help you walk closer to her Son.
I'm sure that others will be able to offer some practical ideas. Books was right, and I wasn't laughing at all....the children *forced* me to soften and let go of much that I *thought* was important.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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PDyer
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Bookswithtea wrote:
| I'm a big fat J on the meyer's briggs too. ENTJ..barely E, very strong on the other three. Its hard to want order and things well done and know that life with kids just doesn't work as orderly as we'd like. Really, all you can do is try not to let the J in you take over, and have a sense of humor about the chaos. |
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You and my husband have the same characteristics and I'm an ISTJ (strongly I and J, not so much with the others). We're quite a pair, my dear spouse and I. We're generally very orderly people; I've become more accepting of chaos and less orderly with the housework since I started homeschooling, out of necessity. I find my perfectionistic tendencies come out in other ways, though.
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Patty
Mom of ds (7/96) and dd (9/01) and two angels (8/95 and 6/08)
Life at Home
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Bookswithtea
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PDyer wrote:
| You and my husband have the same characteristics and I'm an ISTJ (strongly I and J, not so much with the others). We're quite a pair, my dear spouse and I. We're generally very orderly people; I've become more accepting of chaos and less orderly with the housework since I started homeschooling, out of necessity. I find my perfectionistic tendencies come out in other ways, though. |
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That's too funny, because my dh is a strong ISTP. I am so grateful for that one letter in common! Now that I think about it, having a P spouse has also mellowed me out a bit...
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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dawn2006
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me me me me me me!!
I can only attribute it to the Holy Spirit. The things He led me to do that have helped are
1. stop reading advice books and hence focusing on my perceived inadequcies
2. lean more on my husband's advice. if he doesn't think something is vitally important than i can learn to overlook it
3. try to use free moments as they become available throughout the entire day instead of hoping for blocks of time that are convenient for me
4. focusing on a rhythm of childcare - work - childcare -work, etc.
5. learning to embrace and celebrate mediocrity. LOL (this phrase has been on my mind today and I'm glad to have a chance to get it out!)
i was always the frustrated perfectionist, like you said.
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Dawn Farias | wife to Ariel | mom to Gabriel 9, Daniel 7, Elizabeth 5, and Michael 3 | blogger at Be Absorbed | native Texan but currently living near Seattle
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hmbress
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Therapy. Really. I found a great one on catholictherapists.com
I made more progress more quickly with professional help than I ever did on my own. He helped me to see WHY I was being perfectionistic. Mostly because I didn't feel good enough or loveable enough if I wasn't doing everything perfectly. Then I could take THAT to prayer. It still crops up once in a while but is negligible compared to what it used to be!
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Heather Rose (ds13, ds10)
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