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joann10
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| Posted: Jan 13 2009 at 10:09pm | IP Logged
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Tips, hints, prayers, what do I ignore, what has to be done?
It is overwhelming here with so many bodies, so much schoolwork, so much laudry, such a small house, they ALWAYS want to eat, a newly diagnosed diabetic child, not enough money to pay the bills-
I am going to bed now, but any suggestions will be so appreciated...
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Lavenderfields
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| Posted: Jan 13 2009 at 11:04pm | IP Logged
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All I can offer you is my prayers.
God Bless
Robynn
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MaryM
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| Posted: Jan 13 2009 at 11:20pm | IP Logged
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Praying for you, too, Joann. Just take it one day at a time and know we'll be lifting you in prayer.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 14 2009 at 12:08am | IP Logged
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Yes.. make a list.. and then ignore everything else except the one thing you're doing 
Anything can be overwhelming when you look at a whole group of things to be done.. but each one is doable if looking at the lot of them doesn't make you immobile.
Oh and I have a calender with reminder alarm on my cell phone. I carry it while at home. And that helps me sooo much so that I can only think about what I'm doing right now.. but still remember the next thing that has critical timing. Something like that might help you with the diabetic child. Just so that you don't have to constantly think about it but also know that it won't get missed. From what I understand that's horribly overwhelming even if everything else is going fine.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: Jan 14 2009 at 9:52am | IP Logged
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Pray. Make a list and then give it to God. No matter what you have to do, give God fifteen minutes in the morning --every single morning--and trust he will help you prioritize and then he will give you sufficient grace to do his will. Then give him the time before you go to sleep. Fall asleep praying.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Willa
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| Posted: Jan 14 2009 at 10:05am | IP Logged
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What helped me when I was overwhelmed with medical needs and lots of various demands:
A schedule with pegs in it -- you can easily center it around eating times. Plan for meals that everyone needs to eat -- if you think the little ones or teenagers need food outside the basic three meals, then prepare a little grazing tray for the little ones, put the teens in charge of their own and possibly their little siblings' in-between snacks.
The mealtime pegs can help with the diabetes checks -- I mean, I don't have personal experience with diabetes but I used to "peg" my medically fragile child's medications, G Tube feedings, oxygen checks etc around five times: Getting Up, Meals and Bedtime.
Laundry goes the same way -- load in at rising, change loads at breakfast, change again at lunch etc. It helped me to cut back on the amount of clothes we had. The children learned not to toss their clothes into the basket twice a day because they didn't have enough extras.
If the eating problem is related to the financial problems -- ie, there is not really enough food for them to eat as much as they want -- maybe WIC is a possibility? We did this a bit when we were very poor though I certainly wouldn't do it a day longer than necessary. It was very intrusive to our lives.
Finances  -- not much help since situations vary so much. You can get most homeschooling things online or at the library for free. Some people join a charter school if they have a decent one in their area because then the public system pays for materials and various other things. We haven't done this but I know several lower-income families who have.
During our poorest time when DH was out of work and we owed money for medical bills.... We bought very basic staples to eat, watched our electricity consumption, didn't drive anywhere we didn't have to, and cut back on non-essentials. Our dryer broke and we simply hung-dried our laundry, etc. You probably are already doing all this kind of thing.
The worry and feeling of being overwhelmed -- BTDT . It helped me to have a strategy for the essentials so I always had a "next thing" to do, and then just be OK about the things that slipped through occasionally. IF the medically needy child was being treated, the kids had food in their mouths, we were basically functioning as a family and I was keeping all the needs in prayer I felt like it was sufficient.
Then a bit of 3Rs and fun time is a bonus. But basically I ignored everything that was either out of my control or not a survival/safety need. At least until I was out of my "overwhelmed" time and could actually think about the extras again. I had to be very careful to reserve my strength and focus and not get distracted by things that didn't build us up.
It helped me to separate the FEELING of being actually overwhelmed from the reality, if you know what I mean. I am sort of depressive so it is easy for me to become discouraged by chaos and fearful about possible catastrophes --"how much more can I endure??" I had to deal with this separately from the actual situation.... as something that was like a spiritual or physical trial. So having a sort of strategy helped me with this... and I often thought about Jesus on the Via Dolorosa and how He stumbled and fell 3 times, so it was consoling to realize that you can be doing well and STILL fall under the weight sometimes. God doesn't require us to be superhuman.
Another thing that sometimes drags me down -- a feeling of regret over past mistakes. When in a very difficult situation, it's important to let these go. Sure, learn from the mistakes but move on. I don't know if this is a problem for you since you didn't mention it but in my experience most older moms and dads with some grown children have SOME regrets. It's important to just deal with it, hand it to God and not let it leach out the strength you need to deal with what's going on currently. God can work with our mistakes and our sins if we let Him.
I will be praying. I am sorry this is so long. If it's any consolation you are an inspiration to me -- all that you do and all the beauty and joy you put into your life.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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joann10
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| Posted: Jan 14 2009 at 10:44am | IP Logged
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Thank you so much for your suggestions!
Willa, using a peg system sounds like it could help around here. Time gets away from me so quickly that it seems like I am always behind with the necessities until there is a crisis-like no laundry-no dinner-or we can't find the floor under all the stuff. 
As Elizabeth said, I have to work harder giving it all to God,it goes along with regretting mistakes concerning older children, and realizes the mistakes and poor choices these kids make are not all my fault. 
Timing my activities also seems like it could help--I do tend to lose track of time, especially when doing things I enjoy, like making activities for the littles around here, playing games with kids and reading aloud--these are the things that fill our home with joy-but it seems like when we finish these things and come back to "reality" I am so overwhelmed with the "stuff" that hasn't been accomplished in our day that I tend to zone everything out.(Not a good thing is such an active household.)
Thank-you so much ladies-I am pretty isolated around here-it seems like people in this area tend to shy away from get togethers with someone that brings many kids along with them where ever they go -but at least I can find companionship here!
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knowloveserve
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A thought from St. Jane Frances de Chantal always helps me when I feel discouraged or overwhelmed. I don't have the exact wording right now but it's something to the effect that we need to remember that God sends us trials and complications with as much love as He sends consolations and good times.
Everything is a gift. I am a bibliophile and have many favorite books and there are so many great spiritual guides out there... but I can say without hesitation that this book is the only book I can swear up and down by to everyone I know... it is truly and emphatically life changing. I need to give a re-read myself.
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Erin
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Joann
You've already received some great advice. I'm chiming in to give you empathy on the house front somedays so many bodies in a small house really gets to you I know, we've recently had a frustrating/overwhelming time. I'm certain all the snow you are having is contributing big time to the problem, you can't send the children outside as easily.
On a practical note, we have been looking at what we can do to make life easier in a small space. We have been doing a big cull of furniture, getting rid of some things that really hurt and I thought we needed, I also moved some things and that has helped. Dh has built some massive cupboards and pantry to make better use of the space available. When dh first said things needed to go I yelled at him  and then cried I was soo overwhelmed I didn;t know where to start but brainstorming together helped (once I'd calmed down)
Would looking at this part of your lifestyle help?
Praying for you.
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Erin
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Sarah
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| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 7:04pm | IP Logged
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Everyone has given you great ideas here. I'd like to also say something from a practical point of view.
Remember that a mess is not as big as it looks. Sometimes I feel like the place just looks like it exploded (okay, most of the time I feel this ). Then I tidy up a little and I am amazed at how much I overreacted. The mess never seems to be as big as my reaction to it!
I am sorry you are feeling this way. When I read your post I sighed and thought, "I know how she feels and I only have 6 kids. . .and no diabetes to contend with!" Wish we could all go out for coffee and a laugh!
Thank God for this forum for encouragement.
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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joann10
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| Posted: Jan 15 2009 at 9:13pm | IP Logged
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Sarah wrote:
Wish we could all go out for coffee and a laugh!
Thank God for this forum for encouragement. |
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Amen to this! You all have really helped me through the last few days.
I read this today from Danielle Bean at the Faith and Family website so I looked for a small success today, I did find joy in the fact that I read 2 Martin Luther King Jr books to the littles, and that was enjoyable and even resembled school. I was able to watch my diabetic son play in a basketball game and score 5 points, and I was a hero because I said lets get pizza for dinner. 
So slowly, one step at a time, I march forward, with all of your help, and the help of God....
Thank you dear friends...
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12stars
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| Posted: Jan 17 2009 at 1:37am | IP Logged
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knowloveserve wrote:
A thought from St. Jane Frances de Chantal always helps me when I feel discouraged or overwhelmed. I don't have the exact wording right now but it's something to the effect that we need to remember that God sends us trials and complications with as much love as He sends consolations and good times.
Everything is a gift. I am a bibliophile and have many favorite books and there are so many great spiritual guides out there... but I can say without hesitation that this book is the only book I can swear up and down by to everyone I know... it is truly and emphatically life changing. I need to give a re-read myself. |
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This book looks interesting 
Even though this for another OP I think all the advice is so helpful for many of that struggle with these feelings.
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Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Is there help for the overwhelmed?
