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MarilynW
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| Posted: Dec 20 2008 at 8:50am | IP Logged
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..dealing with extended family gatherings at Christmas? When your lifestyle is very different from that of your extended family?
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Marilyn
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Ruth
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I could've written your post, my dear. We're off to our family get-together in a little while. Let's pray for each other.  You know what happened the last time we got together. 
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Ruth
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dawn2006
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The best prayer I know of when trying not to take things personally is: "Lord, help me see them as you see them." It helps me see others as un-whole and broken and either woefully ill-informed or so angry/hurt they can't/won't see the truth. This knowledge helps me be compassionate and to 'love my enemies'. Although I never remember the prayer until AFTER the fact.  Good luck!!
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Dawn Farias | wife to Ariel | mom to Gabriel 9, Daniel 7, Elizabeth 5, and Michael 3 | blogger at Be Absorbed | native Texan but currently living near Seattle
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teachingmyown
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If it were my family, I wouldn't put your children in those situations. Family is important but that doesn't mean that you have to allow your beliefs to be questioned or your children to be part of a boozy holiday.
You need to take the lead and plan your own "holiday" family gatherings. Maybe invite your mum over for a small celebration over the weekend. Perhaps on your own "turf" you will feel more comfortable.
Remember that your children are your "family" now and they need to come first.
All said with love and intended to be helpful. Thankfully, I don't have to deal with any of this. If any of my family members have problems with us or our Faith they keep it to themselves.
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Molly
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Dec 20 2008 at 10:28am | IP Logged
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We had to draw some boundaries with family, it's easier since they're 6 hrs away.
But we travel (when it's possible for me to travel around a pregnancy) at Thanksgiving and extend invitations to everyone to join us here at Christmas. And with my sister local, we work together for us both to have our family time and still get together.
We simply don't travel at Christmas, for us that solved the problems we were running into.
If they were local, I would still protect some time for my family to be at our house for our celebration.
Could you perhaps just go to one of the get togethers? or are they with different sets of people?
Could you manage a Midnight Mass? that could give you the excuse to avoid the evening gathering and going to mass in the morning.. plus giving you the morning for your own children in your own home.
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Connections
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| Posted: Dec 20 2008 at 10:36am | IP Logged
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This is a very difficult issue, isn't it? I struggle with this myself and do not have all of the answers by any means. But, some things that seem to help me:
I pray for my family members who do not see the love, beauty, strength and goodness of the Catholic Church. I also focus on how grateful I am for God and for the faith He gives me.
At family gatherings my husband and I spent a lot of time with our children (they are often the only children there) and away from the adult conversations. When involved in adult conversations, we generally have little to say. BTW, this is relatively new for me and is not always easy. I was an attorney before staying home with my boys and it is very much in my nature to argue. A priest advised me to speak with my actions and set a loving example.
We speak honestly with our children about the actions of others- family included. We explain that we believe that uncles and aunts love them and want what is best for them. We talk about mistakes and God's forgiveness. We try and model forgiveness.
I remind myself also that my siblings want what is best for me. Their "concerns", though completely misplaced, are coming from a place of love. In all things charity. (I often remind myself of that, "In all things charity" throughout the visit.)
I pray during the visit- a trip to the bathroom can serve as a quiet spot!
I remind myself that their hurtful comments stem from their own confusion and (in the case of my family) their misery. I focus again on how grateful I am to feel God's love and to understand the benefits of bringing that love into this world.
This may sound silly, but I try and see the entire situation as a challenge to better myself and to set a good example for my children.
All in all, I feel very different from the rest of my family. I am so grateful to have a husband who is on the same page.
I will pray for you (and all of those on this board) who have family "issues."
____________
Blessings,
Tracey
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MarilynW
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| Posted: Dec 20 2008 at 10:42am | IP Logged
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Connections wrote:
We speak honestly with our children about the actions of others- family included. We explain that we believe that uncles and aunts love them and want what is best for them. We talk about mistakes and God's forgiveness. We try and model forgiveness.
I remind myself also that my siblings want what is best for me. Their "concerns", though completely misplaced, are coming from a place of love. In all things charity. (I often remind myself of that, "In all things charity" throughout the visit.)
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Tracey - what very wise and wonderful advice. Thank you. This is true for us - my siblings love my children and they do love me too - they would not hesitate to be there at the hint of any trouble I was in. You are so right about giving an example in love and kindness - and more by actions than words.
Thank you so much for this - I am so praying about and working on the charity in all things.
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Marilyn
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marihalojen
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MarilynW wrote:
| ..dealing with extended family gatherings at Christmas? My mum wants us to go to Mass at Christmas with everyone - and I find it so tough knowing that my siblings standing next to me in Mass are openly and vociferously pro-abortion, pro-contraception, think the Pope is an anachronism etc etc etc - plus critical of our lifestyle and "concerned" about our family size. |
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Perhaps if you focus on the positives? At least they're at church, right? And maybe wear a nice big Christmas hat that you can tilt to the side so you don't have to look at them and be distracted. More fashionable than a mantilla.
MarilynW wrote:
| We then have to go to a big "boozy" Christmas Eve party. |
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Pretend you're sitting next to Mary at the Wedding in Cana sharing a glass of wine. Then follow my very best party advice - leave while you're having fun, or you'll get stuck doing the dishes.
to you this Season, Marilyn!
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MarilynW
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| Posted: Dec 22 2008 at 9:23am | IP Logged
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marihalojen wrote:
[ Then follow my very best party advice - leave while you're having fun, or you'll get stuck doing the dishes.
to you this Season, Marilyn! |
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 It's ok - I have the pregnant and nauseous excuse - I plan on sitting on the couch like a beached whale all evening!!!
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Marilyn
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Topic: Christmas gatherings
