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SeaStar
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| Posted: Dec 05 2008 at 2:23pm | IP Logged
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We draw names at Christmas for my dh's family. A dollar limit is set, and usually it all goes very smoothly. This year, we drew the name of a family who has specifically asked for an item more than twice the limit (and then we'd have to pay shipping on top of that). Both my dh and I were very surprised and a little taken back by this. We want to get them something they want and need, but this seems kind of weird....
What should we do? It feels very awkward all the way around....
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Dec 05 2008 at 2:49pm | IP Logged
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have you tried looking for used (ebay?) or at discount stores?
Is there someone close to that person you can ask for other ideas?
You may just have to approach them and say that the cheapest you can get X item is too far over the limit to make it doable, and would they like to offer other suggestions or should you just surprise them.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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mrsgranola
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| Posted: Dec 05 2008 at 2:50pm | IP Logged
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I'm an opinionated cuss on this type of thing... do not feel one bit of guilt for staying within the monetary limit of the gift exchange. Just let it slide off your back like water on a duck...
I was brought up that asking for a specific gift for something like this was also rude. Maybe that's my Southern sensibilities but don't let someone else make you feel guilty for this... it's just not worth it, IMHO. I was also brought up that you do not suggest what your hostess should prepare or ask what you're having when you are invited to dinner, contingent on your reply, but that's another story...
Just call me Dear Abby,
JoAnna in NC 
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Angi
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| Posted: Dec 05 2008 at 3:08pm | IP Logged
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could you just get them a gift card for the amount that is the limit, that they could apply to the item?
angi
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Dec 05 2008 at 4:02pm | IP Logged
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JoAnna I like your answer
I was just figuring that this gift exchange included a list of suggestions from each person (I know of some families that do that) so in that case it wouldn't be rude just not well thought out.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
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insegnante
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Yes, maybe you could say something like, "I'm often surprised by how expensive things can be, and this was another example... I checked around and I can't find one of these for less than twice the limit on our exchange!" Just assume that they meant to keep within the limit. Maybe cite a time when you thought you'd find such and such an item for $X and it really turned out to be one and a half times as much... I'm thinking the cheerful, humorous, totally non-accusatory but out in the open approach might be best?
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Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
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teachingmom
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| Posted: Dec 05 2008 at 7:09pm | IP Logged
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If it were me, I'd write an email saying,
Hi, I started my Christmas shopping and looked around a bit for the item you suggested for our gift exchange. Unfortunately, it turns out that the price for that is way more than our agreed upon limit. Would you prefer to make another suggestion or two, or would you just rather be surprised? : )
Sort of like Theresa suggested: positive, upbeat, but truthful and to the point.
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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SeaStar
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| Posted: Dec 06 2008 at 12:25pm | IP Logged
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Thanks for all the advice, ladies. I checked eBay, Overstock.com, etc, and I'm just not finding this item anywhere within the limit. I think we may offer a gift card towards the purchase, using that upbeat but truthful approach.
Eww. I hope this doesn't happen again next year. 
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Dec 06 2008 at 7:20pm | IP Logged
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You might also talk to the coordinator and just let them know that perhaps people need more reminder next year to work with the limits of the exchange.. that you feel _______ (sad, disappointed, a bit angry, whatever)because you only got one suggestion that was way out of the price range. Again, keeping it light, not attacking but letting them know that this needs to be addressed again and perhaps with a gentle suggestion about how to do so.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Gift exchange advice?
