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folklaur
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| Posted: Oct 08 2008 at 4:53pm | IP Logged
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does anyone else feel like they are always doing "the bare minimum" or "just enough"? (or does anyone else feel like they are not doing enough? that is how I feel.)
There is always something - doctors or field trips or visitors or just "stuff" and school just doesn't always happen the way I want.
Part of me thinks, "ah the freedom of homeschooling!" the other part says, "COP OUT! You are disorganized, distracted and they aren't doing enough!"
I know - doing enough for who? Maybe it was because when my kids were in school, they had good teachers. They sure seemed like they learned more than what I am doing.
Of course - who decides what is important to learn? Well, sure, but...as much as we don't like to say it, but....society does have some say here, imo. I am trying to grow them so they will be able to function there and be successful. No - I don't need to conform to society as a whole, but I don't want my kids to be unable to compete if they want to.
But who decides what "successful" is? Again, we do...but society does too. again...I don't really care about what "society" deems as successful - but I have a son who will one day maybe need to support a family. It's great to "worry about it later..." but is that again, a cop out? we have struggled financially for years - and it is horrible and I do NOT feel like I would be preparing my son well if he would be in the same situation. We have NO savings, no extra &, etc. It is a lousy, stressful way to have things. I want him to be better prepared.
I struggled last year having three so very different ages to teach. I am still struggling. I know some of you have even more kids.
It almost feels taboo to say that I think they may learn more in school. Of course, they learn different things. But - in school - (at least the school my kids went to) they had certain subject every day, M-F. Not the haphazard way that tends to happen here no matter how hard I try and plan.
How long can the bare minimum get you by?
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doris
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| Posted: Oct 08 2008 at 5:22pm | IP Logged
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I can really relate. There have certainly been plenty of days here where very little appears to get done. What with moving house, having a baby, and having a husband who's away a lot (ie meaning that lots of admin is done by me), I've done a lot less formal sit-down 'Home Education' than I'd planned over the past couple of years.
But... just think about all the interruptions in school! Think about the staff training days, sports days, admin, supply teacher days, days when very little gets done because some of the kids in the class misbehave... I know this from my own school days, and even more so from my time as a teacher. Think, too, about how much more efficient you are at home when you do actually manage to sit down and work together.
I'm not an unschooler by any means but I am utterly convinced that the majority of my kids' learning has little to do with me...
I don't know if this is at all helpful. None of it is very new. Looking forward to others' responses.
__________________
Home educating in London, UK with dd (2000) ds (2002), dd (2004), ds (2008) and dd (2011).
Frabjous Days
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Leonie
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| Posted: Oct 08 2008 at 5:36pm | IP Logged
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Laura, if I look at our homeschol in school terms, we ALWAYS do the bare minimum.  Always have. And then I feel bad...
But if I look at our homeschool in learning terms, I see we do a whole lot more. My kids do a whole lot more, learn a whole lot more, without me, in spite of me.
I wrote a blog post on the messiness of learning. It has some links to research showing how kids often learn and have more motivation during informal learning.
And since my life is often messy, I take heart in the idea that learning can be messy, not necessarily ordered.
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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folklaur
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| Posted: Oct 08 2008 at 5:51pm | IP Logged
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doris wrote:
But... just think about all the interruptions in school! Think about the staff training days, sports days, admin, supply teacher days, days when very little gets done because some of the kids in the class misbehave |
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My daughter actually had attended a tiny christen school. she had 5 kids in her class. her teacher was amazing - and there were no interruptions, sports days, etc, etc. my dd learned a TON. we switched when the catholic school spot we had been on a waiting list for years opened up.
and then yes, it was just like you describe.
but i have seen "school" not be like that, too, so I guess I am hoping for at least like our first experience. And she was organized, etc. They didn't take "days off" all the time like we do. I knew when she was going to school - she was going to school and learning, in an organized manner, every day.
it seems like i always have reasons or excuses now why we didn't get to such-and-such, "but it is okay."
But - *is* it okay?
sigh.
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Oct 08 2008 at 9:22pm | IP Logged
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cactus mouse wrote:
it seems like i always have reasons or excuses now why we didn't get to such-and-such, "but it is okay."
But - *is* it okay?
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Ok, I'll bite.
Maybe it is okay.Maybe you are doing all you can and you have to lower your expectations and quit comparing your homeschool to other schools and your children to other children and yourself to other moms/teachers. Maybe your bare minimum is better than you think and you just need some support or a break or inspiration and this will pass.
But maybe it isn't okay. Maybe this feeling you are having is your conscience telling you that you need to crank it up a notch and re-commit yourself to getting more done school-wise. That it's time to think of ways to get things done despite the distractions (which will always be there) and stop using them as an excuse.
I cannot tell you which it is for you, Laura. Only you can do that.
I do know I am no stranger to this feeling.
Sometimes it is without warrant and I really am doing okay.
Sometimes I have to take a hard look at myself, be brutally honest and admit that I need to get off my rear and do more---that I am not really giving schooling the 100% effort it deserves.That I have slipped into mediocrity one time too many.
So, is it okay?
Yes, and no. It's okay to mess up. It's okay to be weak. It's okay to let it slide and let it ride from time to time. We are human, after all.
But to allow mediocrity to be our default mode when we know we could be doing more? That is not okay.And that is when we need desperately to go to Jesus and beg Him for strength, through the Holy Eucharist, to push on and do what we know must be done.
So, again, I do not know which it is for you, Laura.That's something for you alone to discover. But I do know that with God's help it will be okay either way.
__________________
Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Oct 08 2008 at 9:58pm | IP Logged
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Well, today was a bare-minimum day, thanks to a writing deadline (mine, third for this week), a dentist appointment (mine, meaning no children do schoolwork while Mom is gone), a pharmacy visit (mine - antibiotics to the tune of 8 capsules per day prior to my oh-so-thrilling root canal next week), a dance lesson (extra for dd, but free)...sigh.
Weird is the new normal around here, I guess. My parent arrive tomorrow, dh is out of town all weekdays (except today, when he has 280 pages of reading to do before 6 AM!), ds took the SAT Saturday and faces the PSAT Wednesday...there is no normal here, only Zool. I mean, we have to adjust to the events that affect our futures! No, I did not ask for an abscess and 2400 mg. of antibiotics (  ) every day. No, I was not planning for a parental visit, but it's a blessing because they are healthy enough to visit their only grandchildren. God will no doubt give me housecleaning energy - albeit behind the scenes - and I've had enough warning to clear the decks for grandparent time...all good.
I think Theresa is right - we need to be vigilant about our own commitments to what's most important. I always tell my children to put God and family first (in that order) and grace will come from that commitment.
For example, my son took his first SAT this weekend. We weren't unprepared - we studied vocab, wrote and corrected practice essays, filled in bubbles, sharpened pencils - we gave it a decent shot. BUT, if the scores come back low, we will have to make some changes (the back-to-basics kind) and derail from Chesterton's "Lepanto" onto step-by-step reading comprehension lessons for a few days. I don't believe in standardized testing (we do it - it's a necessary life skill) but I refuse to close doors onto potential futures for my son unless he asks to close them and gives good, solid reasons for doing so. I'm willing to exchange some school time for some testing practice if it will help his future, on the other hand.
Sometimes I feel like Tevye in "Fiddler on the Roof," trying to adjust to each child's needs and best interests. Don't you?
The good part - we are not alone. God has given us His Son and Holy Spirit and Sacred Scripture. We have wonderful mentoring moms right here, to pass along wisdom and share ideas. Many books and resources stand waiting for us to discover their riches.
As Mary pondered events in her heart, so, too, should we. She knew her child was special from the beginning, but we share in that sense of mission and specialness as we hold our infants close and look into their wise eyes.
One important thing I've learned over the last 6 years - homeschooling involves children in ALL aspects of life, from birth to eternity. When family crises arise, our children overhear the phone calls and peer at our emails. Life, death, happiness and sorrow are real and important, because the children are home with us, always. This is an essential aspect of life experience that we (inadvertently, sometimes) end up sharing with our children. This isn't bad. It's just life.
I think if we hold true to our parental vocations (first educators of our children, responsible for early spiritual formation) we will all be just fine. It's hard at times, but that's where the Holy Spirit comes in...sometimes at inopportune times, but come He does.
When I am worried about decisions, I pray and pray and pray and go to Mass and ask friends to pray and read the Bible and hope somewhere in there is an answer.
It comes...maybe that's why my daughter rediscovered a fabric rose some friends had given us on the very day I finished my St. Therese novena...I choose to think this was a sign that this special saint had indeed joined her prayers to my insignificant ones...
Ask God to listen to your prayers and show you His path. He will listen, and He'll act in His own time.
It sounds like you'd like to be a better example to your son - it's okay to teach him without revealing every single mistake you ever made, I promise!
School occupies students' time, but how positively? Under what conditions? Perhaps your older children are ready for a challenge but not for the hall-walking, cafeteria downtime of tradtional school. Or not. Only you and they know.
Pray, pray without ceasing, and offer your sorrows for this important intention. You'll find the path.
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Michaela
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| Posted: Oct 08 2008 at 10:15pm | IP Logged
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lapazfarm wrote:
But maybe it isn't okay. Maybe this feeling you are having is your conscience telling you that you need to crank it up a notch and re-commit yourself to getting more done school-wise. That it's time to think of ways to get things done despite the distractions (which will always be there) and stop using them as an excuse.
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Theresa, I appreciate your response. I had planned to reply to Laura as soon as I had a minute.
This week, I have had to take a hard look at what is and what isn't being accomplished in our homeschool. I don't like what I see. It was very uncomfortable to consider that my children could receive a better education in the local public or private school. At the very least, I know more subjects would be covered in a day because we have only been working on the core.
Over the years I've slowly changed my approach and where it has led us is not working at all.
Changes have to come. My expectations have changed and we are cranking it up a notch....or two. 
__________________
Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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stefoodie
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I echo a lot of what Theresa has said, and agree that it's really you who can determine this.
What might be helpful is to define what your "ideal bare minimum" would be. Perhaps what some moms call here as "the rule of 6" would help.
Then decide on how to implement that rule daily. If that's too much, start small, maybe a "rule of 3", then move on up.
I've had to do this often enough in the past year, esp. in my first trimester and when traveling.
The next step was to figure out WHEN I wanted those things, and what would actually work. Much as I want to cram 7-8 subjects a day -- and there are days when I'm able to, just that they're few and far between -- I lose steam after 2 pm or so. So what we've done is schedule the MUSTS for when I have the most energy and patience. The rest of the day is for them to really pick and choose. E.g., that might mean the piles and piles of books that are in the house, sometimes I give them a choice, sometimes I don't, e.g., "pick a Science book you haven't read and tell me about it". Or if I know that I won't have energy for a discussion of the saint of the day, I let them take turns reading the saint story to each other. Or just play. Or send them outside and let them look at squirrels and hunt for nuts.
Let's take Lissa's list, for instance, where she's got
• prayer and Catholic Culture
• imaginative play
• good books
• beauty (art, music, nature)
• ideas to ponder and discuss
• meaningful work
A lot of these would happen naturally in the course of a day -- we pray, we talk about Saints (whether saint of the day or not), we always read, we talk all the time so "ideas to ponder and discuss" are pretty much covered.
Where I know I'm weak -- art, music, nature, and meaningful work -- those become my MUSTS, early in the day. Those to me are my bare minimum because the others are going to take care of themselves. There's still a lot that gets accomplished whether I do the musts or not, but those are the ones I can look back at at the end of the day and know I've done "my job".
I also think it's possible to beat oneself up so much about what doesn't get done -- so a journal might help? Maybe jot 5 things down at the end of each day that got accomplished and that you felt good about? In a week or 2 you'll have a good picture of what goes on and you'll be in a better position to judge whether that "bare minimum" is good enough, or better than you thought, or really could use some more effort on your part. I know this helped me so much during my 1st trimester when at the end of the day I would think -- we didn't do ANYTHING today! But we did.
hth!
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stef
mom to five
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Servant2theKing
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During our early years of homeschooling, with younger children and babies, all we ever accomplished was the bare bones, and it was often quite a struggle to achieve that. One thing that saved me from being discouraged during those times was the realization that in school they would never have experienced the additional learning experiences we were offering them through daily instruction and experience in living our Faith, housework, childcare, laundry, meals, etc. etc. etc...all in the midst of their regular academics and enrichment type learning, which have since become the fabric of our lives. Homeschooling experiences are a perfect example of multi-tasking (which is what I think Sarah Palin was probably referring to in another post here).
As our older children have finished homeschooling I've seen profound fruits from living the homeschooling lifestyle, with its many faceted forms of multi-tasking. Our children have benefited immensely from being exposed to countless elements of daily family life as a core part of their learning experience! They are adept at caring for children, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, budgeting, household repair, laundry and so much more and they live out all these things in light of our Faith. This was perfectly evidenced by one son's recent remark, in the midst of a prayertime discussion of the importance of prayer combined with daily duty, as espoused by Jose Escriva...he summed it all up by saying, "Oh, you mean it's like Ora et Labora"!
I often compare our homeschooling to fabricated versions of learning our children might receive in a school setting, such as home economics or carrying a five pound bag of sugar or an egg around school to replicate caring for an infant. How much better to learn certain life skills in the context of family life, seamlessly threaded into other learning experiences. Such thoughts have helped me better realize that homeschooled children are often far ahead of their peers, and many adults, when it comes to life skills. While our children may not become rocket scientists I feel confident that we are raising up godly, well-rounded adults who will capably contribute much to the world through all that we are passing on to them in the homeschooling way of life.
It may also help those with younger children to know that every year gets better, although not necessarily easier. I felt as though we finally started hitting our stride around the ten year mark and things have continued to be richer and more fruitful with each successive year. There is hope! An additional benefit to raising our children in the sometimes chaotic life that results from combining learning with family life is that they will be able to adapt to many life circumstances and be much more flexible than they might be if they were only exposed to a structured situation such as school.
Years ago I read that homeschooling often benefits children when crises hit, because they have a sense of security in family life, even in the midst of trials or difficulties. When my mother died this Spring, our children did the work of several adults when we had to dispense with several decade's worth of belongings. We took study baskets along and they studied in between helping, we watched Pope Benedict's visit on EWTN (which was a rare treat since we don't have TV) and they learned a great deal about dealing with the loss of a loved one firsthand. During this time our children often worked alongside their schooled cousins...I was deeply gratified to see that our children compared favorably in every respect.
Bare minimum isn't necessarily the "minimum" we might think when you include all the other types of learning our children are experiencing! All you need do is consider most of what "society" is producing today... your bare minimum will look much better!
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All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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Leonie
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| Posted: Oct 11 2008 at 12:39am | IP Logged
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Servant2theKing wrote:
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Bare minimum isn't necessarily the "minimum" we might think when you include all the other types of learning our children are experiencing! |
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I so agree. And that is what I have tried to say in my bare minimum blog post...
I run a Kumon Education Centre.I have many students who are above grade level, who come to me for extension, who go to expensive, good private schools.
They,for the most part, are lovely kids. Yet, their hours of schoolwork doesn't mean that they necessarily know more thsn my own "bare minimum unschooled" children.
In fact, my youngest son, Anthony, finished the Kumon English programme in March this year - at age twelve, he completed the equivalent of Grade 12 English. He found the last few levels easy and interesting. Yet, I have year nine students at Kumon also working to finish the programme this year who find ther poetry and Shakespeare and vocabulary levels hard.
I know that my son Anthony, because of our bare minimum homeschooling, has had a lot of time to read widely. And he does. I think this wide reading helped him with his Kumon English.
I encourage this wide reading in my Kumon students, I loan them books and the corresponnding DVDs but I also know their time for wide reading is limited - they have school and homework and required reading from school and they just haven't had as much time to read and think and talk and explore as Anthony.
So, is the bare minimum always bad? In my family's experience, not always so.
I guess that is why I am encouraging you, Laura, to really look at your bare minimum and ascertain if it does, in fact, serve you well.
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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folklaur
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| Posted: Oct 11 2008 at 1:13am | IP Logged
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Thanks, Ladies.
Evaluating....
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: always the bare minimum?
