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joann10
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to seek help outside a general physician concerning depression/anxiety issues?
I was at my gp doctor yesterday, and we did what we always do, change a med, omit a med, increase a med etc....
I have never really discussed my health past before here, but this is where all my issues stem from.
While I was pregnant with my 6th baby my kidney stopped working and I needed a stint placed, during tests for that, they discovered a "lump" in my stomach which they diagnosed as probable stomach cancer. Following the birth, I had surgery in which they discovered not cancer, but a splenic artery anuerysm. They only time they rupture us late in pregnancy and are 95% fatal for mother and baby. They would do nothing to fix this because it was not a risk while I wasn't pregnant, and at this time I was not.
Move ahead five years, and I became pregnant. I was sent to a very high risk center and followed weekly for this baby, #7 arrived without a hint of a problem. Every little baby needs a close sibling, so at 8 months I was expecting #8. This pregnancy went off without a hitch until 34 weeks, when during an ultrasound they could tell the aneurysm had significantly change. They delivered the baby by c-section, and declared everything fine. Ten days following, the aneurysm ruptured at home, into my stomach, I lost all by blood volume and arrived at the hospital coded.
They gave my husband no hope for me as they took me to surgery-I was aware of everything(I have learned hearing is the last sense to go in these situations) I woke up in ICU on a ventilator and remained this way for 3 days, (I was consious). Surgery was not successful and I coded 2 more times and repeated this senario twice more....
I slowly recovered,-- jump ahead 2 months, and a vascular surgeon wants to put a stint in this artery, it doesn't work, they rupture the artery-I am in ICU another week with very little hope. Miracles surely were given to me many times during these months...I very slowly recovered, my bone marrow never recovered because I receive over 40 units of blood and I spent the following years receiving blood transfusions and iron iv's.
I become pregnant, have a beautiful baby boy by c-section, whom I couldn't nurse due to my weakness and become pregnant when he is two months old with our baby Kimberly. I require alot a blood following, and then had a pulmonary embolism requiring a stay in ICU for a week.
I have had a hyterectomy-to lower my need for blood...
I have had it, sometimes by health anxiety overwhelms me, I have nightly nightmares, always related to health(I always find myself in ICU fighting for my life)
I get depressed, I wonder why God couldn't have taken me then, He had at least four chances when I was basically gone- and I actually felt much peace, and calmness and warmth while I was code-blue(that seems so remarkable to me)
I don't know where to turn, medications aren't cutting it anymore, it seems like this should get easier, but just going to drs, or even passing the hospital, sets off nightmares for days.
Am I crazy.. I don't know what to do anymore...
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folklaur
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My doctor from AZ told me the first dr I needed to find here was a Psychiatrist, since my anxiety was so out-of-control (I haven't yet, but I should, I know I should.)
Why have you hesitated to get more specialized help? General Dr. *can* prescribe the basic meds, I know, but it is not their expertise, especially if it is not just mild symptoms.
Make some calls. Really. Anxiety is horrible, and I speak from experience, (and I should take my own advice!)
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Angel
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Good grief, Joanne - no, you're not crazy!! I am thinking about the times I have taken a child to the ER. In the moment of crisis, there is no time to react; adrenaline carries me through, everyone needs me. But afterward, when the crisis has been averted... then there is time to react, to cry, shake, realize what the crisis meant...
In contrast to my teeny-tiny ER example, you have experienced chronic trauma that lasted for years. It seems to me that maybe what you need is space to talk about your experiences and anxiety... to heal your mind.
I will keep you in my prayers!!!
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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SeaStar
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Joann-
What a remarkable story! The first thing I thought after reading it was this: God has you in the palm of his hand. He could have taken you at any time...but didn't. He clearly has important work here for you to do.
But after all you have been through, it would seem unnatural to me if you *didn't* have anxiety. I would think that talking to a professional would be the next step for you-- someone to help you talk through and sort out all that has happened.
As busy as you are taking care of your family, when does your brain have a chance to rest, to ponder, to sort through all that has happened to you?
Taking the time to talk to a professional doctor who can help you make sense of it all, or at least give your mind a free moment to sort through it might go a long way toward relieving your anxiety- it might even help more than medication.
As moms, we so seldom have our brains to ourselves or a moment to think straight. And you've been trying for so long to deal with this all.
There must be help for you. And, also, prayer.
You are very brave- I will be praying for you.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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Maddie
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Oh my goodness! You holy woman. God has big plans for you and your family. I was in tears just reading your story. Wish I had more to give but I will pray for you. 
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~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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joann10
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SeaStar wrote:
Joann-
As busy as you are taking care of your family, when does your brain have a chance to rest, to ponder, to sort through all that has happened to you?
As moms, we so seldom have our brains to ourselves or a moment to think straight.
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I hate nights because that is when my mind goes back to those days.--It is worse to be alone with my thoughts sometimes.
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Lara Sauer
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Dear Joann,
In all sincerity and charity, if you feel that you aren't being taken care of by your general practitioner, then by all means you should seek out whatever help that you need.
However, it sounds to me as though you need not only a "physical" healing, but a "spiritual" one. While you are looking into good doctors who can help you to treat the physical symptoms of your anxiety (for which you have great cause based upon the emotional highs (being blessed with more children) and the emotional lows (of almost losing your life numerous times) that you endured) I would wholly encourage you to seek out a "doctor" for your soul. Is there any holy priest or religious to whom you could turn for spiritual direction?
As many of the other ladies have pointed out, and I am sure you have thought it many times on your own, it appears that God has chosen to keep you here for a purpose. I think that if I were to find myself in that position, that it would prove to be a great burden on my soul...why am I still here?...what does God want me to do with the rest of my life? These kinds of questions, in addition to the fear that something health related like that might happen again would surely place a great strain upon anyone living under them.
It would be so good for you to have someone to whom you could unload a bit of that burden, someone who can help you find a path that you are comfortable walking down.
In all sincerity, I think a big part of your healing may simply be to open up to people about your fears. Your post is incredibly moving. Sharing that much of yourself in a setting like this can surely make one vulnerable, but I think that you will see many replies, many offers of prayer and many suggestions as to how you might be able to help yourself. Sometimes, as painful as it may be, the only way to heal a wound that is festering is to lance it. I think this applies to a spiritual wound just as much as it does for a physical one...perhaps even more so.
You have my sympathy for your ongoing suffering, my prayers for your continued healing and my admiration for being able to carry the cross that our Lord has chosen to send you.
I hope that you are able to find the peace that you are seeking, by using the remedies of both the natural (medical specialists) as well as the supernatural (a holy spiritual director)world.
Christ's peace.
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You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl!
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KC in TX
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Joann,
What an incredible journey you've been on. And, so open to life. Wow, I'm in awe of you. I've seen how much you give to your family. Now, I think you need to give to yourself by getting all the help you need, whatever it may be.
I'll be praying for you.
__________________
KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
The Cabbage Patch
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Angie Mc
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Oh my goodness, Joann . The first thing that popped into my mind as I read your story was, "trauma." This link might help answer your question, when to get help when dealing with trauma aftermath. Medications can be a helpful adjunt, yet if trauma is at the root of your anxiety, professionals agree that there needs to be time set aside to discuss the associated pain and loss.
I'm praying for you, that you will find just the right help. Joann, you are a special lady, loved by many, and your path to peace is a worthy pursuit .
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Taffy
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To answer your question... From what you described it seems that NOW is the time to look for more specialized help.
I think that everyone has given you very good advice and I have nothing to add on that front.
But, I did want to say that I am in awe! I was so impressed when you shared how you all live so amicably in such a small home. But, to hear of all you've survived and how open you are to life - how inspiring!
I am keeping you in my prayers. May God find you a good specialist to deal with the physical issues. And may God find you a wonderful spiritual counselor to help you too.
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Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
Susan's Soliloquy
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aussieannie
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I'm crying from your posting Joann, and I'm crying from everyone's responses...I feel speechless to express my thoughts except to say that so many ladies have offered wise and blessed counsel and you are a mighty woman who must be greatly loved by God!!!
I have been traumatized by the health issues in my life earlier in the year and they are not a patch on yours which have been compounded by the repetition of them, so I understand in a very small way, your deep sufferings...I will be remembering you especially in prayer Joann, in a very special way, carrying your needs close to my heart.
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SeaStar
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joann10 wrote:
SeaStar wrote:
Joann-
As busy as you are taking care of your family, when does your brain have a chance to rest, to ponder, to sort through all that has happened to you?
As moms, we so seldom have our brains to ourselves or a moment to think straight.
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I hate nights because that is when my mind goes back to those days.--It is worse to be alone with my thoughts sometimes. |
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Yes- it is the night when our brains try to sift through all the information and happenings of the day and make sense of it all. On top of everything, it sounds like this is taking a toll on your sleep, and exhaustion only makes things worse. I am praying for relief for you!
__________________
Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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guitarnan
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As others have said, you are a woman of great faith and courage...and I echo their advice to seek any help you feel you need.
You're in my prayers as you discern your next steps...
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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joann10
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| Posted: Aug 09 2008 at 7:37am | IP Logged
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Thank you for all your prayers and many thoughts.
Sometimes I would love to talk about this with someone, but we are in a small town and I don't even know if there are resources in this area or if I would have to travel 40 miles. The churches in this area are in the midst of being restructured-so basically, 4 parishes have become 1, and I don't even know this priest. 
I can't discuss this with my husband, he suffered so much at this time himself, (being told there was no hope, the kids were spread all over to different people and he had a 10 day old newborn)-when kids mention something from this time-he actually tells them to stop-he can't be reminded. So I feel quite alone with this.
I have to run kids to swimming right now--I will be back. Thank you all!
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Mackfam
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Joann,
I'm amazed! I never knew! What an extraordinary cross Our Lord has granted you!
I have a question, is the anyeurism (sp?) still a potential problem? What are your current medical risks?
I can only imagine the extraordinary suffering this has brought to your entire family. I'm wondering if some of the problem isn't the inability you and your husband are having in communicating about this. Wondering if communication and common prayer with you and your husband wouldn't offer each of you some peace regarding the past and potential future. You have indicated that your husband is in extreme pain over this, and my heart just aches for him. How much he loves you and his beautiful family and just longs to have you near him.
I am a preparer and a planner by nature. When I must suffer physically (and it is not even close to the level of suffering you have been gifted with), feeling that my husband and I have some sort of realistic plan in place affords me a sense of peace so that I can get about the work of suffering. It isn't the only answer, but it is one that offers me some relief from the mental anguish that accompanies the thought, "what will they do if something happens to me."
This is no easy solution in your case considering the level to which Our Lord is asking you and your husband to partake of His cross!
I do agree with others, and I think with the stirrings within your own soul, that it is time to seek some professional and spiritual help for yourself and your family.
I'm never more grateful for this group of women than when I suffer and am able to bring it here and know that I will be surrounded with understanding, advice and most importantly prayer. This is a treasure beyond measure.
Know that you are in my every prayer, Joann. I'll be offering up for you, and praying for you and your family - that God will help you and your husband begin to heal in every way.
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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LisaR
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Joann, I have no time to address your post as it deserves, but wanted to let you know I am certain I have post traumatic stress due to the health crisis that I have had with 4 of my five kiddos.
and really, it was so unbelieveably stressful for our entire family.
I empathize with what you speak about. I am so glad that you shared your struggles, and wow, what an incredible story.
I am praying mightily for you, and like someone said, wish I could take my own advice in this area...
it is very hard to reach out for help.
love,
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
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many little saints in heaven!
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joann10
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I want to heartfully thank everyone for the prayers that have been offered for me. It is very humbling to hear all of your kind words....
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nissag
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I'm not a bit surprised that docs and hospitals make you anxious. I feel the same and I've not had a tiny fraction of the medical challenges you've been through.
I have no advice to offer, but you certainly have my sincere prayers for discernment and healing. You're a miracle, dear. Really you are, and your family is SO blessed to have you here.
Blessings,
__________________
Nissa
Deacon's wife, mother of eleven, farmer, teacher, creator, cook.
At Home With the Gadbois Family
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Lara Sauer
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Dear Joann,
Although the pastor of your parish might not be able to help, I am wondering if there are any convents or monasteries near your house. Perhaps it may be the case that you will need to find someone who would be willing to correspond with you and offer you spiritual direction that way. Opus Dei priests are wonderful for formation, but I don't know if they have the expertise that you would need to help you deal with your own personal situation.
There is a truly beautiful ministry that started in Wisconsin called Elizabeth Ministries. The premise behind it, is the visit that Our Lady gave to St. Elizabeth when she heard the news of the impending birth of St. John the Baptist. It is a ministry of women mentoring other women. I don't know how to link this so you can just click on it, but their email address is: http://www.elizabethministry.com . Perhaps if you contact them, they might be able to put you in touch with someone who may have gone through something similar.
In the meantime, don't despair. Our Lord has His hand on you. The help you need is out there and you will be able to find it.
Christ's peace.
__________________
You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl!
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MarilynW
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Dear Joann
I am praying that you will find the right resources - spiritual and professional to help. You are an amazing person - and God must love you so much, to let you suffer so much.
Lots of hugs
__________________
Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: When is it time....Another question below
