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erika
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| Posted: May 16 2008 at 9:33am | IP Logged
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Good grief, maybe I should put this in the prayer request section. What do you do when you know you are not fulfilling God's plan for your life? Each and every day is like the last one, only more pathetic. I don't feel like I am making a difference in anyone's life. And sometimes I just feel like I'm making things worse. My 4yo is so emotional lately, and my temper gets the best of me so many times. My 1yo probably thinks my voice only has 2 volumes!
I know I sound like a whiney dope. I just keep thinking if I didn't have to work full time that everything would be better, but there's no way around it right now. I've tried redoing the budget every way I can think of and we just come up $600 short each month. And this is with no debt except our house! AND our house payment couldn't get any lower - it's $700 and that includes taxes and everything!
Mornings are awful, my kids never want to get out of bed, and they love their schools! This morning I ask dh, "Do you ever just feel like a rat? A rat in a wheel?" He said, "All the time." And that's how I've felt for the past two years. My life feels just like Office Space, except MY stapler is purple, and we FINALLY got a new printer!
I really think I'm going insane...
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: May 16 2008 at 9:47am | IP Logged
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That is exactly the way I felt when I was working full-time, commuting an hour each way to work every day. Like a rat in a wheel.
So glad I found a way to exit the rat race. I sincerely hope you can too.
__________________
Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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MarilynW
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| Posted: May 16 2008 at 10:01am | IP Logged
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Prayers for you Erika.
__________________
Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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LisaR
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| Posted: May 16 2008 at 10:49am | IP Logged
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Erika, praying for you. I can really empathize about the money thing. how does one make more money appear from nowhere! when the costs of everything has risen, and yet incomes have not at all?
I lay in bed until 8:09 am this morning, sigh hang in there!!
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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ladybugs
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| Posted: May 16 2008 at 11:18am | IP Logged
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I'm sorry, Erika.
It is a challenge these days...I will keep you in my prayers.
__________________
Love and God Bless,
Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: May 16 2008 at 12:28pm | IP Logged
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Erika,
First of all, a big hug to you! There is always a way out, but it is so hard to see when you are in the thick of it.
Secondly, what are you spending your income on? I ask this because sometimes some outside perspective helps you prioritize and see what can be changed or adjusted. We don't have cable tv, we rarely buy new clothes, we buy our vehicles used, etc. Some times are leaner than others. For example, we are in a tight time right now and have to switch back to dial-up.
Not long ago, someone had asked how to cut her grocery budget and posted a grocery receipt. Others were able to make suggestions on where she could cut back. Just an idea.
One of my favorite books is Mary Hunt's The Complete Cheapskate. She helps you find ways to get control of your money, and points out that sometimes it costs the mother more to work than to stay home.
Twelve years ago, I had a four year old and a new baby. We had a rent of $735 which included the heat! But I remember, even with the little in the way of bills, we still struggled with managing our money. We still have struggle at times, due more to stupid mistakes than lack of income, but I have been able to stay home. We have six more kids, and a much larger home payment, but we have learned a lot along the way.
Lastly, pray. Ask the Holy Spirit to direct you. He will.
God bless you in your struggle. You are the most important person in the lives of your children. You are absolutely making a difference!
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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erika
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| Posted: May 16 2008 at 3:33pm | IP Logged
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Oh Molly, what do we spend our money on??? Here is the run down:
Mort: $700
HELOC: 170
Utilities: 200ish (Actually right now it's more like 230-240 - our house was built in 1940)
Food: 400
Car Ins: 130
Internet: 60
Phone: 50
Gas: 360 (I drive 60 miles a day)
Child Support: 610
Preschool/daycare: 1405
This is the bare bones of our budget. That doesn't include hospital bills we are paying or medical expenses(dh is diabetic). We don't eat out often or buy clothes. We don't even tithe. My paycheck is just enough to cover the last two on the list, so if I didn't work that would knock out the daycare costs, but I'd still have to come up with about $600. I can see cutting gas to around $200 (who knows with prices these days) and I could see cutting food to about $200. That's $360, so I still need $240.
I pray every day that dh will get a promotion. Or that I'll get fired (see I really am going insane!) so I could draw unemployment for a while. Or that my company will have some layoffs and I'll be one of them so I can get a severence package.
But what I hate is the person that this stress makes me to my kids! I'm very irritable and don't take it very well when my 4yo does anything wrong. She's very argumentative and I just don't have any patience with her. I try to remember to pray everytime I speak to her. Especially lately, she has been very emotional, crying at the drop of a hat and saying I've scared her.
Dh thinks he's going through a midlife crisis, so really it's the whole family. I think we all need a vacation. We can't afford to go anywhere except to our friends out of state, and I can only take 2 days off work to do that.
It's just the full knowledge that I'm not fulfilling what God wants me to do. That's so depressing.
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: May 16 2008 at 4:56pm | IP Logged
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I don't know what HELOC is...if you could quit your job, you could consider getting rid of your second vehicle. That would cut your gas, insurance, and maintenance costs. It would also limit your spending in other areas, no more impromptu trips out.
I don't know if you could switch to a part-time job, maybe two or three nights a week opposite your husband's schedule somewhere close to home. Work just enough to cover that $600 without having to deal with daycare expenses.
I wish you luck.
__________________
Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
Box of Chocolates
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cornomama4
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| Posted: May 16 2008 at 7:16pm | IP Logged
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Well, you've certainly thought all this through, but maybe you could consider this idea...I'm about to try something like this myself as my hubby will be laid off from his "day job" June 1st and we will be living on ebay income for awhile 
Does your husband have the energy and time to watch the kids a couple nights a week (or when ever he's off)? You could get a local job in a restaurant, or store or something where you could work maybe 12-16 hours a week. Even if you took home $8/hr at 12 hours a week that's pushing $400, with little output for gas if it's local. Or maybe something very part-time related to your curent job.
I don't know what you do, or if you would miss it or think that these other jobs sound "less than thrilling" but I'll tell you, since I stopped working in early March, my kids have really thrived. I was always tired and crabby and thinking about when I had to go in next, plus the politics and personnel problems at work came home and in the front door with me! And since hubby was right there with me, we would talk obsessively about problems at work. My oldest was having anxiety, the others were having various issues, and the baby was growing up so fast and I wasn't there to see it.  Plus we were drinking way too much to cope, and I had to miss Mass a lot for work 
So I realized I was headed for serious burnout from life(I actually WAS burned out which I discovered after a couple weeks off)--- a life of great blessings and joy and all I saw was the bad and what I wished things could be like.
So hubby said, "don't work if you don't want to" and it's been great. We save money beyond the obvious work-related expenses (childcare, gas) because I have more time to cook, shop wisely, etc. One really does tend to depend on expensive convenience food and hasty choices when one is beat from working. The funny thing is, now we're REALLY going to have to save since he's done June 1st. But most importantly I was more able to be the mom I wanted my kids to have. I have more patience, I don't freak out when some baby or toddler has me up at all hours of the night, etc. There is just so much more of me there for them now KWIM? They are happier about everything...even school and chores!
So, keep praying, but also dream....dream about what you're days would be like at home with your kids. Imagine what kind of a home and environment you would see for them....plenty of time to read and snuggle and play. And you'd have more time to be a better homemaker (notice I didn't say housekeeper!still struggling here with that  ) and be able to greet your husband with a more peaceful atmosphere than I imagine you have now. Then start to brainstorm (after consulting dh or course) about what you could do for money...what kind of job would fit your needs-few hours, flexible, more than minimum wage hopefully (tips can be VERY lucrative!)
Sounds easy...it's not. It took me 3 years and 4 kids, and finally I started listening to God. I didn't want to give up what I'd worked so hard to achieve, went to school for so long for, and usually enjoyed. But you ARE doing what God wants you to now, because you are uneasy with your situation, so you are listening to his voice. Now take the next step and act on it, if only by dreaming and planning with your dh, to make what you want come to fruition. Your $$ lag is not so great that you couldn't meet it with very minimal work and your family will reap benefits beyond any money can provide.
This is just MHO, I'll be curious to see how it works out for us when those paychecks stop coming, and the insurance disappears. I guess I'll post in the prayers section then!
Sorry for the long post...maybe I needed it for me too! Good luck and God bless.
cm4
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: May 16 2008 at 8:47pm | IP Logged
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What about providing daycare for someone else's child? I have done this during lean times and it was a great solution.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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teachingmom
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| Posted: May 17 2008 at 12:15am | IP Logged
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Hi Emily,
I agree with cm4 and Molly. If you were to stop commuting and working full time, you would be able to cut out the $1405 for preschool/daycare and a good chunk of the $360 for gas. If you dropped the long commute and exhausting full time work schedule, I believe that I can basically guarantee that your patience with the children and enthusiasm for life would improve. 
With the reduction in gas costs, it seems that you probably only need to come up with about $400 or so per month. I was thinking of daycare in the home, as Molly mentioned. You might be able to make the entire amount you need just doing before and after school care for a handful of children. Then you could still have the bulk of your days alone with your children. Otherwise, you could wait tables or work in a store on a few evenings and Saturdays.
I really feel for you. In the early years of our marriage, my husband took on extra jobs periodically when things were difficult or we were saving up for large expenses. (He even worked as Santa one Nov/Dec when we were saving to fly the entire family out to AZ for a brother's wedding!) Maybe your husband and you can both take on something very part time and together you can earn the $400 each month until a better job or raise comes through?
Prayers for you!
__________________
~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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LisaR
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| Posted: May 17 2008 at 8:06am | IP Logged
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We have always lived at "poverty level" (or at least what the govc't thinks it is! qualifying for National and State healthcare, WIC, etc...and yet I hav never worked outside the home for more than 10-12 hours week max. Dh almost always pciks up some type of extra work, and right now he and I are actually working kind of together on a parttime job. (most of which I can do from home)
I agree, it might be a huge change at first, but I would quit the full time job.
We live in an older home, too, and got our utility bill (gas and electric) yesterday. it was 101.00, so I think you could most likely whittle that down as well.
even in the heat of summer/bitter cold, we have never risen above 260.00.
water is I think between 25.00 and 40.00.
Praying for you!!
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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LucyP
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| Posted: May 17 2008 at 9:02am | IP Logged
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Dearest Erika, my heart goes out to you. It is so hard to be centred and calm with our children, let alone Christlike, and I don't work even one hour outside my home. I think you are doing an amazing job and it is my prayer that you can find a way to be home with your sweet babies. I will offer up the rest of today and all tomorrow for your intentions - with a sick dh, two sick little ones and a sick me, that will be quite a lot of suffering!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Make a left turn and just keep driving!
