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Ruth
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| Posted: May 08 2008 at 5:31pm | IP Logged
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About a year or so ago Social Services came over and said that "one of my neighbors called them anonymously and said our kids are too skinny." We cannot prove who it is, but we always feel watched.
Yesterday the weather was so beautiful, so the kids and I rode around the cul-de-sac on bikes before breakfast for about 20 minutes, then we had a picninc on the lawn and the kids rode their bikes again after lunch and at 3:00 when they were finished with their lessons. While dd12 was riding around the cul-de-sac and I was sitting in the front porch with the baby, my neighbor's grandmother told my daughter, "You kids are going to get a sunburn. I've been watching you all day and you've been playing out all day today." As soon as I heard that, I got so angry. I wish I would've had the courage to say something, but I remained silent.
Now, don't kids in school get recess, and why assume they don't have sunscreen lotion on?
Today, the same child thinks she overheard my neighbor say our last name and the word "school" while on the phone. I am a nervous wreck. I'm hoping dd12 is just paranoid like her mom. 
Anyway, just wanted to see what anyone thinks about this.
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Ruth
mom to 7 miracles
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Matilda
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| Posted: May 08 2008 at 6:07pm | IP Logged
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I don't think you are being paranoid, especially after already having an encounter with Social Services. You are being rightly cautious and concerned! Very prudent if you ask me!
Since you can't pinpoint who made the report, it would be wrong to rashly accuse your neighbor even if they make odd comments like the sunburn one. If I were you, I would go out of my way to let them "see" your kids doing work, hear you guys talk about the things you are learning and even hear you call the children in to do their lessons.
I try (don't always succeed!) to assume that when people make comments like that they are looking for information, not making a judgment and use it as an opportunity to educate them. But given the scare you've already had, I don't blame you for being concerned!
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Charlotte (Matilda)
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Lisbet
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| Posted: May 08 2008 at 6:42pm | IP Logged
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Oh Ruth... I can SSSSOOOOO relate. You have no idea how paranoid I've become since our situation two years ago. I don't know what to tell you, I wish I had some sage advice for you, but, I don't. I'm just as paranoid (I would be even more paranoid actually) as you describe.
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juststartn
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| Posted: May 08 2008 at 6:53pm | IP Logged
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Honey, I had to deal with an accusation last summer (after my DH had left for Iraq, and I was recovering from a csection with infant preemie twins, three older dc, and no help). I had Soc Serv. at my house saying they had a report my dc were being neglected, and I was suffering from post-partum depression...
None of it was true. But still. I'm still not comfortable--and we're in a whole 'nother state now!
Sigh.
Rachel
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: May 08 2008 at 7:20pm | IP Logged
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I don't think you are paranoid. But I also think being proactive might be a good tactic.
What about making a big batch of muffins, or a coffee cake, and taking it over to her to "thank her for her concern." Saying something like "Normally we don't do sunscreen until late May or June, but its so unseasonably warm this year, isn't it? What a blessing to have neighbors who watch out for each other, like in the old days...blah, blah, blah..." might just turn the situation to your advantage, kwim?
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Theresa
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Maddie
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I would be just sick with worry.
Maybe you could take the time to brush up on HSLDA's "The Social Worker at Your Door: 10 Helpful Hints" found on their website for members. Being ready for the possibility of that knock on your door may help you feel better. I am so grateful to the folks at HSLDA, I school so much better knowing they're there.
What a bother to have such busybodies for neighbors! Praying to St. Joseph for you.
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stefoodie
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| Posted: May 08 2008 at 8:31pm | IP Logged
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We are praying, Ruth.
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stef
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guitarnan
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| Posted: May 08 2008 at 9:07pm | IP Logged
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Ruth, you aren't paranoid. The other ladies here have given excellent advice. (I love it..."Kids! Time to get back to math lessons! Recess is over!")
Best to be prepared for an encounter and then hope and pray it doesn't happen. You certainly don't want to be surprised by something like that.
Praying for you!
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Mackfam
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| Posted: May 08 2008 at 9:09pm | IP Logged
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Oh Ruth, I wish I could offer help, but I'm afraid I'd be frantic! Seek refuge in prayer! I am praying for your intentions in this situation.
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chicken lady
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| Posted: May 08 2008 at 9:47pm | IP Logged
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Ruth, I have a VERY nebby neighbor,she makes me crazy paranoid. I feel for you, hang tight, and as I know you already do, beg Our Mother for grace. Be assured, I will be offering Aves for you.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: May 08 2008 at 10:41pm | IP Logged
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"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you." 
I forget where I've heard or seen that quote but it seemed very appropriate.
I just saw this Reverse Miranda Rights that might be handy to have on hand.
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Aggie gal
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| Posted: May 09 2008 at 6:25am | IP Logged
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Had to read this post because the subject line gave me a little chuckle.
Have to say, I'd be just like you Ruth. One of my worst fears is to have Social Svs. come a knock, knock, knockin' at my door.
Don't have any different advice from that thats already been given. I would probably be apt to do as Theresa suggested though.
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marihalojen
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| Posted: May 09 2008 at 7:04am | IP Logged
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Set up a lovely table in the front yard and do some schooling there in full view of God and the neighbors! Pull out a pretty blanket and curl up on it to read cute stories to Baby Maria while the others do "real" schooly stuff at the table.
Regarding the overheard telephone call, perhaps the neighbor was saying how cool it was that the _____ Family doesn't go to a brick and mortar school. They were able to take full advantage of the beautiful weather today.
Hugs to you, Ruth!
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10 Bright Stars
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| Posted: May 09 2008 at 9:13pm | IP Logged
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Ruth,
My, you DO have nosey neighbors, don't you? I would start having the kids NOT be outside during school times for awhile. Or, have it be really reguarly scheduled like 10:30 break for 15 minutes. "OK kids, back to school." Then, again at noon to 1230 or something. "Lunch break is over!", for awhile maybe. Today, the boys were at art and the girls were out front while I was on the phone with Bob while they enjoyed some puddles. A lady drove by, eyeing us, and then drove BACK again, eyeing the girls. I motioned them to come in, although just one is school aged. (and very little at that!) I wondered what she was up to and it concerned me.
I think people are quick to assume that we are goofing off etc if we are outside, esp. in your neighborhood. So, I would establish an out of the house routine, although I know that is terrible in the spring. Also, people are SOOOO nosey about socks, sunscreen and things like that. I always get older ladies, not as much anymore, but in the past fussing about lack of socks in summer and hats etc in grocery stores. I think they just like to cluck.
I would just ask the Blessed Mother to protect you. Also, since you live in such a close community, I would set up a "free" area in the basement or garage for the kids to take a break in during school hours instead of right in the cul-de-sac. Also, you have your pretty deck to relax on with them. So, tell them that they have to stay out of the cul-de-sac till 3, no questions asked. I told them that I would get in a lot of trouble if they were goofing off when they shouldn't be etc. or it people thought they were. I recently had this dilemna with my oldest. He is finished with school, miraculously, and has been wanting to play outside for awhile since he wants to start the new school year again fairly soon since he hates the summer here. The ONE place I told him NOT to play was the front yard near the road. Where do I find him building greek and roman forts? RIGHT out front! I was livid!
Anyway, why tempt fate? I would just set up free zones for breaks in the house, and on the deck only. You could even get a baby gate on your deck so that the little kids have a boundary and are not out back without you knowing it. I think having the houses face yours like you do is just a recipe for nosiness, so I would use caution in the future and wait till later in the day to use the "public areas" and just use "private areas" that you establish as a free zone for the kids during school hours. Just my thoughts.
I wouldn't worry too much though. It sounds like it is just a neighbor who needs a hobby. Most people won't act on this. I remember being shocked that your other neighbor lady called SS!! Some people might THINK about doing that, but who would actually pick up the phone??? I have never seen someone cook as much yummy food as you do all the time, and stay so lovely looking!!!! You eat as much as I do and look great whereas I am a whale! All you need to do is pull out a photo of your wedding picture where you are thin as a rail and tell them, "It's in the genes, baby!" 
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Ruth
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| Posted: May 10 2008 at 5:41am | IP Logged
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Kim, you're hysterical!!!!!
I did bake some muffins and dropped them off yesterday. Thanks, Theresa. We had a lovely chat and I feel a little better about the situation. Thanks for all your prayers.
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Ruth
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: May 10 2008 at 8:08am | IP Logged
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So glad you are feeling better about it!
Hugs to you!
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: I think I'm being paranoid. Wanna listen?
