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sewcrazy
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 7:52am | IP Logged
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This is mostly a vent, but any advice would be welcome. Some background:
Our across the street neighbors are quite affluent, and consumer orientated. They replace things when they tire of the color or style and then throw out their old (not really old) stuff. My kids always check their garbage (not in the cans, just what they put on the curb) for "finds". My 2 living room chairs (leather Barca loungers) came out of the their trash. If we don't need an item we take it to the St Vincent DePaul resale store.
Well this morning, at 7 am, the wife came over and read me the riot act. That she didn't want us touching her trash. She went up by our garage and took the lawn chairs my kids had saved yesterday, broke them and put them in her can.
I told my kids to honor her request and I will, but I am wondering about the legality of her demand. My mom is a police officer, and she has told me that once you put something on the curb you lose the right to it. The curb is the property of your municipality. Cops are allowed to rummage through it without your permission. On the other hand, she went up to my house, took the chairs and broke them in front of my kids.
We have always had a strained relationship. They are double income, no kids, with spoiled dogs people.
She doesn't like children and has told me that more than once. I do feel sorry for her, as they live between two large homeschooling families. We are very strict that the kids stay off their yard, as they have yelled at them for getting a ball that rolled onto their property.
As I said, we have told the kids not to touch their trash anymore, but that conflicts with many of our other convictions. We are frugal people, and their waste makes us queasy. No matter what we do, these people will never like us. That was made clear 12 years ago when we moved into the house.
Sigh. As I said, mostly a vent.
LeeAnn
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LeeAnn
Wife of David, mom to Ben, Dennis, Alex, Laura, Philip and our little souls in heaven we have yet to meet
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insegnante
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 8:06am | IP Logged
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I think one of the most important things you can do is research your local laws about this -- even if your mother is a police officer locally, double check the specifics and make sure you can cite them to the neighbor if you continue to do this (even showing her a copy of the code.) If it is really not considered their property anymore then I think being quiet about that fact to please them is not worth letting good items go to waste.
But if you don't research the laws or they are not in your favor then I think you just have to let it go. I am seeing the phrase "curb shopping" from some brief Googling I have done, if that might help you find resources for figuring it out.
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Theresa
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Martha
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 8:36am | IP Logged
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hmmm.
could it be because they've already paid for it to be picked up and then you take it and they are out the money for nothing?
where I live if you want more than what's in the trash bags to be picked up, I have to call the trash company and paid in advance and list the items needing to be picked up. so it would irk me that I'd paid for a pick up and then the neighbor came and dumpster dived, kwim?
other than that, I doubt she has a case
in most cities what you did is okay
if for no other reason than it saves the city $ in trash pick up and the landfill
if you are going to do it - I wouldn't be obvious about it - like leaving it out on your porch.
Second, I'd tell her to stay the heck off my property and to never yell at my kids again, tyvm.
people like that make me want to buy those 3 ft pink flamingo pathlights. about a dozen of them all the way up the drive way and from the mailbox to the front door. Oh and paint my house my favorite colors yellow and purple.  Seriously though. 
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Martha
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JennGM
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 8:40am | IP Logged
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Around here it's very common to have people pick up things before the trash man comes. Even official junk trucks come around and pilfer through.
I agree, don't be obvious about the items. Take the stuff after dark if you can 
The whole scenario reminds me of the Walt Disney Cinderella. AFTER they trash the things and she makes good use of them, they reclaim the items and rip up her dress. Not at all right.
I promise I don't compare everything to Disney movies...it just reminds me of it.
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sewcrazy
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 8:44am | IP Logged
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I just did some checking.
Yes it is muncipal easement, so common property. I called our commissioners office, and anyone can remove items from trash left on the curb that is obvisiously intended for trash collection.
We pay a flat garbage rate no matter what we take to the curb, with the exception of appliances.
So she has no legal standing. I hate conflict, but the woman really irks me 
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LeeAnn
Wife of David, mom to Ben, Dennis, Alex, Laura, Philip and our little souls in heaven we have yet to meet
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 9:55am | IP Logged
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What a horrible woman!
No advice, just empathy for you and prayers for that poor misguided soul. 
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Theresa
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KackyK
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 11:58am | IP Logged
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It sounds like your reuse of her items touches maybe a bit of (if she really has any  ) guilt in her about throwing perfectly useable items away. And when she sees you, that is what she sees...you being good stewards, and it illustrates to her how she is not, but obviously she isn't willing to overcome it. She'd just rather bully you into stopping "showing her" how wrong she is.
That would be my "Oprah take" on it!
Everyone around our neighborhood loves the man in the red pickup who comes around before the trashman and takes stuff. If we have big stuff left for the trash, we know he didn't make it by that week! What a pain you have her for a neighbor! At least you know you are in the clear, legally at least! I'd keep taking, and be prepared to have the codes/laws etc to back it up and she trespassed on your property and technically "stole" from you. Have that police non-emergency number handy (hopefully her response to you in the future would never need a 911 call!)...just in case you need some backup
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 12:15pm | IP Logged
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I'd probably be non-confrontational and frugal and just call a friend to see if they needed it to come get it (so it doesn't go to waste but they don't see mr taking it).
Truly though, we've gotten some of our best stuff off the curb on trash day. We have four really nice, heavy outdoor wicker chairs that we still kind of wonder if we were mistaken because who in their right mind would put them out to the curb (though, they don't look brand new and it was an affluent neighborhood; so, we don't *really* think we stole them, lol).
The whole coming and breaking it and taking it back thing--wow. She has issues. And they probably are related to guilt of some sort as the pp said.
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Lindsay
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Red Cardigan
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 1:02pm | IP Logged
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Wow. Hard to deal with somebody like that.
People "rummage" through large-item trash all the time in my neighborhood. And once, when DH and I decided to get rid of the too-large put-together tv/dvd shelf we'd bought on sale, and it was nowhere near large-item day, he was going to drive it to a local charity and I said "Put it in the driveway with a sign that says 'Free to a good home.'" He did, and the thing was gone in ten minutes! 
Your neighbor trespassed on your property and broke chairs which were no longer trash, as you had claimed them. I'd get a very large "No Trespassing" sign and put it in my yard, if I were you (but tell your neighbor friends it's not directed at them). I would then refuse to allow her onto your property at any time, for any reason. I'm being serious, here--someone with anger issues like that isn't safe to allow anywhere near your kids, and I'd tell her that to her face if I were in your position.
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SusanMc
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 2:28pm | IP Logged
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I'm going to be a voice of dissent here, I'm afraid. While legally you certainly have a "right" to take discarded items from her curb, your neighbor has made it clear that she does not want you to do so.
Unless it were something you ABSOLUTELY needed (not wanted) I would refrain from dumpster diving her front yard out of an effort to be neighborly. The St. Francis Prayer comes to mind (Make me a channel of your peace...)
Sounds like there is already significant tension between you two and I'm not sure anything you pick out of her garbage would be worth escalating the issue. Now that your kids are involved, they will be watching how you handle this situation. Isn't it more important that you show a good example to them on how to turn the other cheek rather than whomping your neighbor with the city ordinance?
If you are seriously concerned about the waste, is there a friend/charity who you can call with a heads up about the choice items on the curb?
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 3:48pm | IP Logged
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I actually agree with Susan here. Although the woman is being selfish and very clearly WRONG, it isn't going to help matters to ignore her wishes. Better just to keep the peace as much as possible.
I would, however, definitely call a charity every time something nice comes along.
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 3:52pm | IP Logged
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I would be angry over her outburst as well; she absolutely should not have gone off in front of the kids like that. (Maybe it's a good thing she has none.) But, like Susan said, this may be time to turn the other cheek.
Perhaps you could drop a note in your mailbox apologizing for unintentionally upsetting her, complimenting her on her taste in purchases, and offering to take anything off of her hands that she no longer wants. You know the honey method.
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sewcrazy
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 6:26pm | IP Logged
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I do plan on honoring her request. But I did talk to a friend of mine who works for St Vincent DePaul, and she will swing by whenever something of worth is put to the curb.
I know that we are not the type of neighbor she wishes to have. We don't spray for weeds, in fact we enjoy our dandilions. We have a 2 acre backyard, 1/2 of an acre dedicated to praire restoration, 1/4 of an acre veggie garden, a large play area, clothesline (the only one in the neighborhood) and free ranging children.
I do try to empathize with her. They moved here when the neighborhood was filled with small families with mostly grown children. It has almost completely turned over since then, and is now full of grade schoolers running around.
I know she will never like us, but I do try to treat them with respect and demand my children do so. I just freaked a bit at her reaction this morning. It is obviously something that has been bothering her.
Sigh. I don't like confict. And it upsets me that someone so obviously dislikes me.
Thank you for the words of support.
LeeAnn
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LeeAnn
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 7:58pm | IP Logged
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sewcrazy wrote:
Sigh. I don't like confict.
LeeAnn |
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Yea. Me too. 
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Theresa
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Anne
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 10:14pm | IP Logged
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I'm sorry for your dilemma . It is so difficult to have issues with your neighbors. It sounds like you are handling things well with your children. (ie respecting the neighbors personal space)
Perhaps she just snapped (no pun intended to the chairs ) and maybe she doesn't realize that she did not respect your family's personal space. This is a good lesson for your children to see you model a saintly attitude. I feel your pain in the midst of conflict. I loath conflict myself  .
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mama251ders
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| Posted: April 18 2008 at 7:16am | IP Logged
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I have been thinking about this since last night. I think this is a very sad situation, but one in which you have the opportunity to change someones heart. I would honor her wishes, but I would also start doing some nice things for her/them. Bake a pie for them and leave it on their doorstep with a note of apology, things like that.
When I was growing up, we lived next door to a couple that just beat all. They shot at my cat with a bee-bee gun because he was in their yard. Like he was going to do any harm! In hindsight, I wish that we had reached out to them because they were obviously very angry people that could have used a little Christian lovin'!
I am sure that you have tried to reach out to them before, but in light of the present situation, it may be time to step up your efforts. Kids always throw the biggest fits when they need the most love and understanding. I don't think adults are a whole lot different (at least I'M not!)
I hope things get better. It's a bummer to have people like that in our lives!
Blessings,
Betsie
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: neighbor vent
