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Mary Chris
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| Posted: Feb 13 2008 at 3:36pm | IP Logged
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I regret.
Warning huge vent here!!!!!!
Ds 10 was invited to a birthday party, it was for a boy who is not a close friend, but ds decided to go. The party was today and it was a bowling party. We arrive to drop off and the birthday boy tells ds, "I want to bowl with so and so and another guest wants to bowl with so and so." Carter ended up bowling with all the younger siblings ranging in age from 5-7. There is room in each lane for 6 bowlers.
I arrived to pick him up and saw him walk over and thank the bday boy and then walk over to the mom and thank her for inviting him, totally unprompted by me. When we got to the car he had tears in his eyes and told me he had to bowl with all the little kids, because the mom did not want to many kids in the lane.
I want to send the mom a note asking why they invited Carter? And let her know that his feelings were hurt. He did not feel welcome or like he was wanted at the party. I am so mad. But once again proud that although Carter is no angel he sure is a good sport.
So do I say something or just write it off to quirky homeschoolers
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Blessings, Mary Chris Beardsley
mom to MacKenzie3/95, Carter 12/97 Ronan 3/00 and wife to Jim since 1/92
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Maryan
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| Posted: Feb 13 2008 at 3:53pm | IP Logged
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Ohh... nothing brings out the Mama Bear in you like tears in your kid's eyes.
Carter gets the good kid award for the day. How awesome that he was so gracious when he felt slighted and had hurt feelings.
I'm known for saying something when I shouldn't... so I'm not the one to talk you down, but lots of understanding.
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
A Lee in the Woudes
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CKwasniewski
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| Posted: Feb 13 2008 at 3:57pm | IP Logged
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I think you could politely say something to the mom, but it would be better to do it AFTER you are calm. In a week or so.
I do understand....
ck
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jdostalik
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| Posted: Feb 13 2008 at 4:47pm | IP Logged
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Oh, Mary Chris, I am so sorry for your little guy. Honestly, I can't imagine why the mother did not intervene to make Carter feel welcome. That is bad enough behavior for a 10 year old but for an adult? 
Personally, I wouldn't do anything--I am sure it wouldn't help but I would be sure to reward your ds' awesome behavior! 
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Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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teachingmom
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| Posted: Feb 13 2008 at 5:55pm | IP Logged
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Oh, I would be SO mad! Do you want a gang of girls who adore Carter to come with you when you go to tell off the mom??!! 
Carter is an amazing kid. What an example to us all.
And although I would be very tempted to say something, Joe would likely talk me out of it. He's much better at turning the other cheek than I am. Maybe it would be better to just let it go if you don't normally spend much time with this family. (My suggestion would be different if it were someone you both would have to deal with on a regular basis.)
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Feb 13 2008 at 5:59pm | IP Logged
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Carter is definitely a good sport (and an angel!), and IMHO the birthday boy and his mom need a copy of Emily Post's finest.
Were I you, I would probably avoid the mother and try not to say anything to her. I would also tell Carter he doesn't have to go to this child's party next year. Then I would take him to your local ice cream parlor for a well-deserved treat!
Hang in there...it's unfortunate that impolite people don't see the effects of their hurtful behavior, even when it's under their nose.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Feb 13 2008 at 6:00pm | IP Logged
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I'm not sure there's a polite way to do anything. Except politely turn down any other invitation from this family.. which may eventually give you an opportunity to say why Carter doesn't wish to attend any more.
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-Sir Walter Scott
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Maddie
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| Posted: Feb 13 2008 at 9:49pm | IP Logged
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Oh that makes me mad. I am the queen at sticking my foot in my mouth when it comes to my babies, I see red real fast. It usually starts out,"What the heck were you thinking.." and goes down hill from there.
No ideas, just lots of support.
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Jenny
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| Posted: Feb 13 2008 at 10:36pm | IP Logged
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As another said, I would probably want to say something, (as a matter of fact, I'd have entire conversations in my head, rehearsing what and when and where I was going to approach the mother...) then my husband would talk me down, which would be the wiser thing to do.
The mother will not know how heroic Carter was, she may just take it as a complaining kid, you know?
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Jenny
Chris' wife and momma of 7. My blog: The Littlest Way--Bible Journaling, Inspiring Bible Quotes, Daily Affirmations, Prayer Journaling & photography
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Paula in MN
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I think that what the other mother allowed is terrible.
I just had a bowling birthday party last week for both of my children. They turned 6 and 9, and the invited guests ages ranged from 18 months to 15. I had one lane with bumpers for the littles, and the other two lanes were for the rest. There were 18 kids and the three lanes were next to each other, so kids were going back and forth between lanes and they had a blast!
I, too, am known for saying things first and thinking about them later, but why on earth would they invite Carter and then treat him like that? Simply awful and I would let the mother know.
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 Paula
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KC in TX
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| Posted: Feb 14 2008 at 8:44am | IP Logged
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Oh, give that boy a big hug from us! What trouper! No advice, I'm notorious for having these conversations in my head ad nauseum. It doesn't help but at least I can get my anger out.
God bless Carter. What an angel.
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Mary Chris
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| Posted: Feb 14 2008 at 10:50am | IP Logged
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Thank you all for letting me vent my anger. I probably will not say anything to her, though we will see them this afternoon at art class. I felt better knowing that you all thought Carter had been mistreated also. And when I finally talked to my dh, he said the same thing many of yours would say, It really is not worth it.
On the up side, it is good to know that I have one child that, at least yesterday, made a good choice and is a stand up kid.
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Blessings, Mary Chris Beardsley
mom to MacKenzie3/95, Carter 12/97 Ronan 3/00 and wife to Jim since 1/92
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Jess
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| Posted: Feb 14 2008 at 2:28pm | IP Logged
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Wow what a great kid! I am so sorry that he was treated that way. I do the same thing and have the very extensive conversations in my head. But I would also be like you and not say anything. I don't really like confrontation. I think if you talk to Carter and tell him how proud you are of him for acting so politely in a bad situation and that he doesn't have to go to their parties anymore then at least you can show him that he made a great choice without causing a big uproar or anything.
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Jess
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mandmsmom2001
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| Posted: Feb 14 2008 at 2:48pm | IP Logged
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Mary Chris - come in from the ledge!
I can relate as this happened to my now 10 yo when he was 5 or 6. He was the one left out at another boy's party. I was there, saw it and was trying to be nonchalant about getting him back into the group. These efforts went unnoticed by parent, child and perhaps my own son.
Despite this, my son insisted on inviting that particular child to his own party. The family never responded and DS kept talking up a storm how when s0-and-so comes to his party... Well, he never showed and a week later I called the Mom to see if her son may not have recieved his invite as my son was very dissappointed her child was not there. She tooks this as an afront to her social skills and said so.
We live in a small town and things have been strained between us and her children since. So, come in off the ledge, be the bigger person and squeeze the stuffing out of that wonderful boy of yours! My 10yo son could use a freind like that!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Talk me down before I do something
