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Angie Mc
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Being a mother is ripe with opportunity for worry and fear. Here at 4Real, we regularly share common worries such as fear of home educating poorly, miscarriage, infertility, delivery, children struggling, family difficulties, health concerns (vaccinations, circumcision, lead poisening, allergies,) mental health concerns, babies crying, teens arguing, and children leaving our nest, just to name a few! Yet the call to "Be not afraid!" rings in our ears and tugs at our hearts. How do you battle fear in general? How do you prioritize your worries? What do you do internally (dealing with your soul, emotions, thoughts) to find relief? How do you deal with external forces that are worrisome? How do you limit the fear that you let into your inner-self, into your family life, into your home? Any reading/book recommendations? How do you balance being diligent while also trusting God? How do you ultimately rest in God in all things?
How's THAT for a light topic for today  ?
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Rachel May
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Angie, I think this is a great topic!
Fear is something I battle a lot. One thing I like to do is observe whether my fears are rational or irrational. One irrational fear I have is a constant worry that Bill is going to rear end the car in front of us when he is driving, and I always have him drive if we are in the car together. The fear is constant overwhelming and awful. But despite the fact that I could probably get medicated for it, I choose instead to suffer and offer it up. In a way, I think that getting myself "fixed" with medication would mean that I lose a little of who I am and also an opportunity for grace.
Just my approach to one aspect of fear. I look forward to others' responses.
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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organiclilac
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Well, I am obviously biased, but my husband actually wrote a book called "Worry: A Journey in Exodus" that is published by Alba House.
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Tracy, wife to Shawn, mama to Samuel (4/01) and Joseph (11/11), and Thomas (2/15)
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kingvozzo
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That's so cool, Tracey! Looks like a great book. I grew up in Staten Island...Alba House is a big presence there, with a Perpetual Adoration Chapel on their campus!
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Noreen
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LLMom
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I heard a priest say when you feel worried or afraid to say "Jesus I trust in you" until the feeling passes. So simple but it does work. Another good read is Trustful surrender to Divine Providence. TAN publishes it.
I think it is part of our (mother's) nature to worry. It is hard to not let it overcome us.
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Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
homeschooling ideas
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Angie Mc
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When I get worried about the state of the world  I like to talk with my mom and dad. Talking with people who have been through a lot helps me to put things into perspective. My mom often tells me that she is thankful she mothered her children when she did. "Back then" she didn't feel nearly as responsible for as much as she sees mothers burdened with today. She says that she did worry about us kids but didn't feel constantly compelled to figure everything out and secure a positive outcome.
I also like to remember that I'm in the middle of the story. No fear or suffering or death is the end of my or my family or my loved ones' story. God willing, heaven is.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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missionfamily
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I find I have to be careful not to let things snowball. If I am stressed or anxious about one thing, it is easy to call to mind all the other things I have to be worried about and to let it snowball. Once rolling down that path, I tend to get overwhelmed, irrational, and irritable. That does nothing to solve my anxiety and nothing to bring happiness and holiness to my family. I tend to handle the big things well and let the small daily anxieties put me into panic mode. I put this pressure on myself to do all things well and when I take note of all the things there are to do that I didn't do and haven't gotten around to, I begin to feel panicked.
Since my dh's heart attack last year I've had to deal with some real fears that I never imagined I would. For those, deep prayer is all that works. Adoration helps.
But I too try to remember that getting one another to heaven is our goal. The world's very big problems, and even this day's troubles, are less important than how we've handled the day and how we've grown in holiness.
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Colleen
dh Greg
mom to Quinn,Gabriel, Brendan,Evan, Kolbe, and sweet St. Bryce
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aussieannie
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Fear was a constant companion during the early years of my initial mercury poisoning and it's effects.
My mother would pray to Our Lady to draw me up out of each episode of unreasonable fear and anxiety.
I observed the 'miracles' and started to have an unwavering faith in Mary's motherly power and love and many years down the track when the episodes were lesser and not so intense, I took 'baby steps' in praying as she had 'taught' me instead of ringing her for prayers - not that I wouldn't ask for her prayers, I still do for lots of things, but she has been an enormous example of how to deal with lifes downs and concerns - turn to Our Lady!!!!
I suppose then it comes down to Padre Pio's quote that my dad use to love quoting to me, "If you are going to pray, why worry and if you are going to worry, why pray."
Those words struck me hard earlier this year when my husband was made redundant (something we had prayed for, so a good thing) but after 18 years needing to find work - I panicked inside and felt very fearful, but I thought, if St Joseph had given us the package we had prayed for under incredible circumstances, why can't I trust him completely? This change of direction in my thoughts allowed me to turn to him with unwavering faith once again and I experienced peace and a blessed miracle with my husband's new job.
I am very weak and emotionally sensitive, I am prone to fear very easily, if I didn't have have good example in my life from both parents I think I'd be a raving lunatic, what would have become of me? 
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Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
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JuliaT
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I am an intense worrier and have been plagued by fear of something or other most of my life. This year it all came to a head. Living in fear and worry was affecting my health and my relationships with people close to me.
I have always known what I need to do; give it all to God. This year I have been reminded over and over that I need to do this in order to live a life of peace but I just didn't know how to actually do it. I would say the words, but I could tell my heart wasn't in it.
Last month, I finally was able to surrender my fears and my worries. I gave them to God. I did it in a physical way. One Sunday, our pastor (I am not Catholic) invited those who had burdens to come up to the front and pray that God would take those burdens away. My burden was my fear. So I went up to the altar and knelt down before it, imagining that I was kneeling down at the foot of the cross. I envisioned myself taking my fears, one by one, and laying them at the foot of the cross. As I did this, I told God that He could take care of it all because I was making a mess of things. I was tired of taking care of it and I needed Him to do it now.
I went back to my seat, held my babies and continued to worship God through song. My pastor, who knows what I am all dealing with, quietly came up beside me, put his arm around me and prayed into my ear the most beautiful prayer. That morning was special to me. It was like a ceremony of releasing fear. It was so powerful.
The following week was the most peace-filled week I have ever experienced. The days just flowed together with such love and peace. This was a gift from God for doing the hardest thing I have ever done. The next Sunday, I was able to testify in front of my church of how I was able to surrender my burden of fear.
I am still living with that peace. The moments of fear still surface, but I am able to pray them away. It is so awesome. It has taken me almost 45 years to do this, but Praise God, at least it happened.
Blessings
Julia
mom of 3(8,6,4)
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Rachel May
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Julia, that is a BEAUTIFUL story! Thank you!
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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kristina
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This is a wonderful thread. Thank you, Angie, and to all who have posted.
How blessed are you, Julia! Thank you for your witness.
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kristina
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florasita
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acknowledgement and turning to Our Lord . when you are with the Lord you truely will not stay in fear very long most of us do not have anything to fear the one thing we most often fear or need protecting from is self
fear is one of the biggest demons I see in people we all have them and are all capable of having them its being able to acknowledge and trust turn to Our Lord that will help releive our fear .
For me my fear was physical pain . makes sence from my background . Fr. & my dh had me see it actually is not even that un realistic to fear pain of that sort . I had a terrible fear of bears . well for a woman who goes in the bush a lot the possibility is very real I may encounter a bear . Bears have hurt even killed people but this fear should not keep me from enjoying the bush or picking blueberries .
ds was terrified of aliens kept him up at night he felt aliens would hurt him etc.
we talked about ain be afraid of it being hurt etc. being realistic about the chance of aliens coming into our home even the existance etc. why our house ?
then the concept of pain well yes somethings will hurt physically I have to accept that but get this no matter what my home is in heaven and physical pain never will ever last forever it will leave it always does . If I were to be hurt so badly it would mean death well our home is in heaven where there is absolutly no ain . so our fear of that ain no longer lasts very long .
I love the phrase this to shall pass because it always does the word forever does not exist except for God His Love , Heaven , His word etc. that is a given that is the forever . So even though in our suffering terrible tortures or loss etc. it leaves it does not stay .It will yes always be a part of us but it will not hurt forever
I think fears of loosing children to illness or those who might harm them etc. really is us realizing we do not have total control and in those areas we can do our best but our trust truely has to be in God these are treuly His children given to us but we cannot control if they may be hit by a car or pass from an illness etc. we have to surrender those worries they are not for us to have . We try and keep our children close and do the best for them that we can that is all God would ask of us . He does not give us what we cannot handle
We've suffered 9 miscarriages . It hurt it was great loss each time however the pain was really not having that little erson here to share with cuddle etc. yet truely I recovered for I should not sit and mourn forever that our child truely is where we all wish to be Home  so my sadness cannot stay for very long . I am truely blessed I will be surrouned with 16 children eventually when I return Home
I think Trust is hard in those situations but trying to practice the virtue of faith to truely beleive helps so much Jesus gave us these promises we need to Trust Him and beleive Him
I think I have the list of promises saved if you want me to send them to you .
God loves us & our children there is no way we can be fearful for very long when we truely beleive we are loved and have purpose
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May I rise & rest with words of Gratitude on my Breath
May I have the Heart & Mind of a Child in my Depth
May I forever remember to be a Light
May Peace Love & Hope be My Sight
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Anne McD
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A couple of months ago, our pastor had a homily on this. He said that studies have shown (and unfortunatly, I can't remember the exact quote!) that of all the things that we worry about, a certain percentage never happen, another percentage shows it does happen, but not as badly as we thought could be, etc., until you get down to under ten percent of the things we worry about actually occurring. That helps me to remember that most of my fears are unnecessary. I have to remember that trust is a verb-- I have to do it. When I am upset about something, to literally say, "Okay, Lord, I trust that whatever happens, You will bring good from it." And then stop worrying. Not easy to do, esp. when the kids are sick, but like anything else, when you trust on the little things, it gets a bit easier with the bigger things.
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Anne
Wife to Jon
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James 8
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esperanza
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Angie,
I love "Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence", too. The Divine Mercy image is wonderful to have.
I have been listening to Fr. Emmerich Vogt lately. You can read more from this site
http://www.12-step-review.org/
The cd series I am listening to is called "Detaching with Love"
he says "fear is the chief activator of our faults"
Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference; living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.
I want so much to find a painting of either a lighthouse surrounded by a storm or even better, a nice one of Peter reaching for Christ's hand when he is sinking in the water.
I have spent most of my life trying to embrace the peace that Christ gives during the storm of life here on earth.
God bless you and yours...its great that you posted this. We need each other.
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In His Peace,
Tammy Gonzalez in VA
dh-Johnny
mom to Tara-'85, Noelle-'88, Jeremy-'91, Elizabeth-'93, Emma-'96, Dominic-'99, Gabriel-'01, Elijah-03
and Jacinta-06
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Martha
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I fake it until I make it.
Sorry if that's too simplistic, but it's really the best way for me to handle things.
If it isn't rational, I'll find it unfounded in time.
If it is a valid concern then I will either plan the best way to deal with it or have to accept that there's not much I can do about it.
Regardless, I fake it until I make it, which is NOT the same as putting my head in the sand.
It simply means I refuse to let that fear rule my life.
I go have a quick gripe fest with hubby or a friend and maybe shed a few tears in the bedroom, then it's time to slap a smile on and move on.
And DO something. Anything. Dishes, paint with the kids, read, go buy groceries, watch a movie, anything is better than sitting here contemplating the many things that can mess up my life without my consent.
I don't know how spiritual that is or if it's endorsed by any famous people who have written books or any of the saints, but I've found it works for me and mine.
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Martha
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Angie Mc
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Great recommendations, everyone!
Martha, I'm with you. I "fake it til I make it" to the point that I look like I'm completely insensitive...like I don't know what's really going on . But it really works for me, too. And, we help the children to fake it til they make it, too.
Tammy, I love the serenity prayer. Sometimes I change the words to...Lord, grant me the serenity to accept God's will, the courage to do God's will, and the wisdom to know God's will.
Anne, I would love to see the study! I do try to force myself to go "with the odds." When I first got married I would worry so much if my dh was late coming home. I would worry that he was in an accident. Eventually, I would talk with myself, encouraging myself to go with the odds, to assume the best until proven otherwise. Tough work!
Roxie, this hits home for me when you wrote "I think fears...really is us realizing we do not have total control." Yes...and I have to remind myself that I don't really want total control, right?
Julie, your story is amazing! Thanks for sharing. When I was going though one of my most fearful and heart-breaking times, I would literally get up each morning and kneel at my "prayer chair" and picture myself at the foot of the cross...and weep and weep. Then I would get on with my day. Very powerful.
Anne, thanks for sharing the Padre Pio quote. I haven't heard it before (or had forgotten.) Reading your story, you seem so far away from the fear you describe from when you were younger. I appreciate your calm demeanor even more  .
Colleen, I tend to handle the big things well and get overwhelmed by tedium, sigh.
Thanks for all the book recommendations! Tracy, your "bias" seems well placed  .
Rachel, I love "offering it up"...one of my favorite things about being Catholic  .
Anymore to share? I'm hoping to collect many insights, recommendations, and experiences so that members can refer back to this topic when needed. Thanks!
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Natalia
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This thread came into my mind today. I experience moments of fear every day. Sometimes it is just a fleeting thought that makes me grip the steering wheel a tad harder. Sometimes it is a sense of a pending tragedy.
Today, I was praying. I was interceding for several families I know that are dealing with major illness of their children. I felt a gripping fear. There is so much tragedy and sorrow in the world. I wonder if it is going to touch us, or more scary yet, I wonder when it is going to touch us.
All I can do is:
- pray against those feelings. Rebuke the spirit of fear because we are not given a spirit of fear as St. Paul says.
-control my mind. I have to force myself to live in the present. I think about the scripture that says about taking care of today that tomorrow would take care of itself (or something like that)
-I love Philippians chapter 4 when it reminds us to bring everything to prayer with thanksgiving and to rejoice always so that the peace of the Lord would be with us always.
I think that fear and doubt are the biggest enemies of faith. I think battling against fear is a daily affair. I try to pray for courage frequently. Courage is the opposite of fear. I don't have any control over what the future would bring but, if I pray for courage I think the Lord will grant it. Then, I am assured that it doesn't matter what comes my way, I would be able to handle it.
Natalia
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: dealing with fear
