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J.Anne
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We just went through a rough week of trying to figure out if homeschooling is right for us. I received a lot of good advice on my blog. I was hesitant to post here because I've asked this question before, or something like it. But I still am not at peace.
Do any of you who were homeschooled regret it?
Do any of your older children feel as if they missed out?
Do any of you with older children regret missing out on some of the fun parts of elementary school?
I keep replaying my own childhood and the wonderful times I had at school. My daughter IS missing out. She just it. Yes, I understand she's missing out on the bad stuff as well, but I think we, as homeschoolers, as so eager to discuss the finer points of home education that we don't admit that there are a few negatives as well. I am very shy and have trouble with group settings - so co-ops etc. are not easy for me. If she needs to depend on me to foster friendships, she's doomed! 
It seems like no one out there is worried about socialization, but I am. And I understand that school doesn't equal a healthy social life (I went to school through college and am too shy to order a pizza).
I know that she is getting a better education here at home. I am fairly certain that her faith formation is better as well. That should answer it, right? But I also know that she is very, very dependent on me. I don't mind this, of course, but my husband does. We desperately miss being a part of the parochial school community that I grew up with. I feel like I am robbing her of what I had. I don't think I will ever recover from my happy childhood. 
More importantly, I feel as if I am supposed to be writing her life and failing miserably. This is faith related as well.
Does anyone out there look at their choices and feel paralyzed? I keep searching through the homeschooling books looking for that reason, that answer that speaks to us and cannot find it.
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Jennifer
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lapazfarm
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Of course my opinion means nothing, but I think you should just go ahead and send her and see how it goes. She may love it as much as you did and she may not. Either way you have your answer.
Edited after reading your last blog entry: now I totally take that back.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Barbara C.
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In the end it has to be your decision. And there are a few good things that happened during my school years that my homeschooled children may not experience, but many of those can be recreated in the homeschool environment and my kids will also experience things that I never had to the opportunity for. And hopefully, they will be able to avoid a lot of the horrible stuff about school, too.
Perhaps you could consider contacting a homeschooling group and see if they can connect you with one family in the group with kids the same age as your daughter. That way your daughter can maybe make some homeschooling friends without you being too overwhelmed. Then maybe once you connect with one family; you'll be able to expand your circle to include another one.
And checking out your blog, I think you made a wise decision in not sending your daughter to the school if they were going to insist on red-shirting her. If they tried to do that with my daughter it would be a recipe for disaster.
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folklaur
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| Posted: Sept 28 2007 at 2:35pm | IP Logged
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J.Anne wrote:
Do any of you who were homeschooled regret it? |
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Asked dd17 (homeschooled since third grade…) - her reply, "No!"
J.Anne wrote:
| Do any of your older children feel as if they missed out? |
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DD17 again: "No, not really. Because even the stuff that is supposed to be a big deal…isn't really. Or it shouldn't be. Well, take Prom. I could go to the Homeschool Prom, if I want to. But I would never want to go to the public school prom - they dance really inappropriately, or they just stand on the side and talk to their friends, but in a fancy dress. And - if you don't talk to your public school friends every day, they just forget about you, you aren't in "their world." I have homeschooled friends that I love, but I don’t need to talk to them all the time or every day, but we are still good friends."
Mom says: My oldest participates in Marching Band at the public High School. After she comes home for the day, she often says, "THANK YOU so much for not making me go there all day." Are the kids "evil little groups"  LOL - like you said in your blog post - no, but they spend most of all day, every day with their peers. SO guess who is helping to form most of their opinions and ideals?
J.Anne wrote:
| Do any of you with older children regret missing out on some of the fun parts of elementary school? |
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Okay -- I thought my kids would be "missing out" when they were little. For instance - One of the "fun parts" -- that parents love, of course, is the little Christmas Presentations they put on. Aww, how sweet, right? And I had a daughter who didn't mind being in the spotlight, as that is just her personality (she is our youngest.) But there were other little kids in her class who were terrified to be in front of all those people -- you could see it on their faces. But if those kids get upset having to perform (especially if it is a little boy and Dad is there for the presentation) the parents often get embarrassed, or angry at their child, etc. Oh, yes, how fun. A lot of the "fun parts" we think of seem to be fun for parents -- are they fun for the kids? If they have never done it - how could they be "missing out?"
J.Anne wrote:
| It seems like no one out there is worried about socialization, but I am. |
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You mention you are too shy to order pizza. I can SO relate. But - you may have to step out of your comfort zone to meet your child's needs. Have play dates at your home, or a park, or something. Keep it low-key, and small-ish in size ( I say small-ish because one family I know that my kids really like, they have 6 children, I have three -- well that is already 9 kids. So small, small-ish, whatever, you get the idea.
I worry about socialization too - and especially since my middle child, my ds8, has Asperger's. And since it is a disorder where peer-socialization is hard, many experts suggest school first off. SO I get the socialization worry all the time. But, really, it has not been an issue. And this coming from someone who has 1 car, a dh who works all the time, I hate to drive, and I have anxiety and IBS so like to stick close to home if I can. My kids still get very well socialized. Really. Really and Truly.
hth,
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folklaur
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Oh, dd17 also said, "Yes, if I went to school I would have "more" friends. But that doesn't mean "better" friends. I would just know "more" of them. But the friends I have in the homeschool group (and AngieMc's daughter is one of them, for instance) they are REAL friends. I would rather have a few REAL, good friends, than just a lot of people that I know."
Quality vs. quantity  She has, I would say, about three or four people she considers close friends (and a few more online ones..) - but that's just it, she would rather have a few close friends than just "know" a lot of people.
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nicole marie
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I just wandered over here and thought I would like to contribute. I am the oldest of six, and was homeschooled from 4th grade, through highschool. No, I do not regret it at all. In fact, I am eternally grateful that my mother made the difficult choice to bring me home. My husband, (who was also homeschooled) and I plan on homeschooling our children, because we both want to try to pass on the wonderful gifts that our parents gave to us.
As for missing out...I don't feel like I missed a thing. My mother is extreamly aware of making momemories, so along with our formal education, we did so, much as a family that "schooled" children would miss out on. For example, we took vacations at the beach after school had started, so we had the whole beach to ourselves. We took family camping trips EVERY summer. Every season came with trips to apple orchards, strawberry picking farms, christmas tree farms, the zoo, corn mazes etc. My school years are filled with incredible memories.
Now on a more personal note, as the oldest, I was there for my younger siblings, every step of the way. Homeschooling has brought us very close together. I was actually able to witness the births of the last two, which is an experiance I will never forget. Some of my fondest memories as a highschool student were the times when I would sit with the middle two siblings outside (of course!) and we would go over their history lessons and religion lessons together. Also, my Mom and I are incredibly close and I definietly attribute that to homeschooling. (I am a bit rushed for time, otherwise I would say so much more about this.
As for friends, I agree with the quality vs. quantity comment from the previous poster. I am still friends with those few close friends I had in highschool. Again, as homeschoolers, we always thought we had more fun because we would could do things together during the day while everyone else was in school. Several of us went to the same college together and we continue are friendships today. (Some of us are even on this forum together  , so the sharing never stops!)
I like your comment that you don't want to rob your daughter of the happy parts that you experiance in your childhood...that is so beautiful and so well put from a mother's heart. As a homeschooler, I feel the same way  I hope one day my daughter will enjoy learning with and teaching her siblings as I did. I hope she will look forward to studying our faith as we share a cup of coffee. I hope I can give her all the amazing, fun, exciting adventures my Mom was so careful to give to each of us.
I am sorry this is so long. I could say so much more, but I am a bit late. Feel free to pm me with any questions from a homeschoolers point of view if you would like!
God bless you and ANY decision you make.
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God Bless!
Wife to DH and Mommy to one DD (07/28/06) and one DS  (11/26/08)!
Little Things
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Stephanie_Q
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J.Anne wrote:
Do any of you who were homeschooled regret it?
Do any of your older children feel as if they missed out?
I keep replaying my own childhood and the wonderful times I had at school. My daughter IS missing out. |
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I was fully public schooled but my husband was home schooled. He doesn't regret being homeschooled, but he feels like he missed out on a lot in high school.
I also loved pre-school and kindergarten, etc but I realize my experience will not be my kids experience. When I was 5, Kindergarten was a 1/2 day; here it is a full school day and much more academic. It is not something my 5yo is ready for.
J.Anne wrote:
But I still am not at peace.
Does anyone out there look at their choices and feel paralyzed? I keep searching through the homeschooling books looking for that reason, that answer that speaks to us and cannot find it. |
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Spiritual directors have always told me that you'll have peace when you make the "right" decision. When I started reading about all the homeschooling options / methods / philosophies I thought, forget it! We decided to send our 5yo to school. I picked up the Pre-K and K registration packets from the school and in reading through them, I was not at peace. Then, a neighbor loaned me Laura Berquist's, "Designing Your Own Classical Curriculum" and I finally was able to say, "Yes, this is what I want."
Remember that the decision to homeschool isn't a decision that lasts forever! I've read that a lot of moms make that decision each year. I think it's easier to try homeschooling first because it's a continuation of the home life that kids are used to. We have 'good' Catholic schools and we plan on sending our children there, but at what point, we're not entirely sure. I'd like to homeschool through the "Grammar" stage and send them to school in 5th grade when they begin to prepare for Confirmation.
I'll be praying for you!
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J.Anne
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| Posted: Sept 28 2007 at 7:59pm | IP Logged
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Thank you, everyone, for your responses. It is so very helpful to me.
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Jennifer
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chicken lady
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Jennifer I think it is great you are asking and searching.
Please know that I have been praying for you and your peace of mind.
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marihalojen
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J.Anne wrote:
| Do any of you who were homeschooled regret it? |
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Jenn, I was homeschooled, I also went to Catholic school and public schools in various states and the homeschooling was simply the best. I could wax on about different stories related to my schooling experiences, like the Christmas programs - oddly enough CA public school Christmas programs are WAY more religious than Denver Catholic School Christmas programs but really I guess what I need to say in answer to your question is No, I do not regret homeschooling at all. I wish I could have homeschooled more rather than less.
J.Anne wrote:
| It seems like no one out there is worried about socialization, but I am. |
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An honest answer here would be that I worry about socialization too. I may put on the good front alot but with an only child I do worry about socialization. In fact, I signed her up for CCD this year for the socialization opportunity even though I totally object to alot of what is (or isn't) going on, like a PLAN or a CURRICULUM!!! We've already had 2 classes and their 7th grade plan is to read the Bible and discuss it with no spine or guide or anything besides what the two male teachers think about whatever they've read. We showed up for class and the girls are very much in their own little unwelcoming groups, they attended CCD in sports bras and ripped neckline oversized, drooping off the shoulder t-shirts. (So-o-o 80's, Jenn! Very scary.)
I've typed and retyped some of my concerns but I'm just going to leave it as Yes, I have socialization concerns but I think most of my concerns come from who is available to socialize with, not my dd, if that makes sense.
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~Jennifer
Mother to Mariannna, age 13
The Mari Hal-O-Jen
SSR = Sailing, Snorkling, Reading
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J.Anne
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| Posted: Sept 29 2007 at 11:05am | IP Logged
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OK - I admit it! I want a Christmas program! It's been a dream of mine since I became a mom. But as Laura pointed out, I never considered that it wouldn't necessarily go well.
Really, y'all, it is so nice to hear the perspective of people who have been there - or been there longer than we have. My childhood was centered around school, so when I imagine my daughter's without it there's a big empty space that I don't know how to fill. My husband, likewise, is set on public school (It's close! It's free! It means he would have a nice dinner every night.) We are just trapped by our own expectations. This will only become more difficult when my son turns 5 and we have football dreams to contend with.
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J.Anne
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And Jennifer, the point about being an only child is a big part of this as well. I came from a family of 8 and my siblings are my best friends. But we only have two children and she doesn't have that built in group that a lot of families have.
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Red Cardigan
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Jennifer, I posted a comment on your blog about this earlier in the week, but I wanted to add something here.
For some children, school memories are warm and wonderful, as yours are. For others, this isn't the case.
My DH liked school okay (he went to public school) but when I asked him specifically about what he remembered from elementary school, he could only come up with a handful of memories, some good, some not so good. Overall his impressions of school were positive--but school has changed a lot since he went! He doesn't think our kids are missing much--if anything, he thinks their school days are more fun than his were for the most part.
For me, on the other hand, school was pure torture. By the time I was in second grade I was coming home and telling my mother not about my friends, but about all of my enemies (and I made her laugh when I darkly called some of them "arch enemies"). There was the time in fifth grade where a troubled girl decided, every day on the playground, to yank out strands of my hair by the roots and kick my shins until they bled--and my parents were told I would have to learn to put up with it, because this girl was from a "difficult" background. (My parents put us kids in a different school, at that point.) My memories of school are memories of boredom and loneliness, of getting in trouble for reading books under my desk instead of listening to the teacher drone on and on about some concept I'd already mastered, of sitting alone or with a couple of other "outsiders," of never fitting in and never wanting to, since fitting in would have meant transforming myself into a cliquish spiteful gossip-monger like all the popular girls.
And I attended only Catholic schools.
My point is, you don't really know for sure whether your daughter would thrive in school or find it as stifling and hateful as I did--or be as indifferent to it as my DH was. It might be that the only way you'd ever know for sure would be to put her in school, but if she visited the school with you and isn't clamoring to go, I'd consider that she might not really be drawn to classroom education.
As far as Christmas pageants etc., why not find out if any homeschoolers in your area would be interested in putting one on? One nice thing about that would be that unlike many parents, you wouldn't have to sit in uncomfortable chairs in a school auditorium for hours at a time only to learn that your child gets exactly twenty seconds on the stage for a tiny part that might not involve more than half a dozen words-and then have to sit around for an extra hour to congratulate all the parents of the "stars" on how well they all did.
I hope you can find some peace with all of this!
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J.Anne
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Red Cardigan - in response:
I've pondered that a lot. I consider myself a fairly nice person, but I have a few memories of being swept up in someone else's argument and being mean to other children. I had no personal issue with them, but was just going along with the group. Obviously, this causes me tremendous guilt now, though I would say it wasn't anything I did habitually. Obviously, I don't want my daughter to be made fun of, but I don't want her to be one of the mean girls either.
All this is a way of saying, are these just group dynamics? Is this a problem that occurs when the child to adult ratio is so out of balance? My husband insists this goes on in the work place too.
This has brought to mind the issue of raising kind children myself - children who will be good friends, honest, loyal, not likely to gossip. And to paraphrase Mrs. March, I must possess all the qualities I would like to see in my own children.
Anyway, thank you for your insight.
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folklaur
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J.Anne wrote:
| OK - I admit it! I want a Christmas program! |
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You know what our homeschool group does? We have a Birthday Party for Jesus at the beginning of December each year, and it is also like a talent show of sorts. The kids can perform (music, poetry, short play, etc) while the focus is giving the gift of the performance to Jesus.
Then there's Birthday Cake!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Choose your own adventure
