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Michaela
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| Posted: Aug 17 2007 at 5:01pm | IP Logged
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I've come here for advise a lot lately seeking advise on how to handle my mom, this house, and the money situation. DH is a very quiet man. He holds in everything, but I think finding out he has been working...supporting gambling put him over the edge.
I could use some help. Posting about such private things is awkward, but I need wise guidance.
Two days ago, things got out of my control. Usually, I can smooth things over, but my mom decided to call and speak to DH asking WHY we have such a strained relationship now. BIG BIG BIG mistake. (Never ask why unless you are ready to hear the reasons.)
DH has been holding in so much for two years that I believe he didn't hold back. I wish he would have explained things charitably or with the thought that she is my mom, but he didn't.
He took the phone call (on his cell), but left the house to talk.
Now, I need to call my mom...just want to talk & to check on her, but I'm nervous and unsure. My DH....my mom..... UGH!
Should I apologize for my DH? I feel like I shouldn't, but want her to know I'm sorry if she's hurt. I know she is.
Maybe there is no advise you can give, but would you pray the phone call goes well (as it can). I just hate the idea of calling, her mad at me, but I'm not the one who said anything! Yuck!
BTW, I know things will be MUCH better if we get out of this house. We've put in an offer for a house. If it is God's will, we will be moving out soon.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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MrsKey
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| Posted: Aug 17 2007 at 5:46pm | IP Logged
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I will definitely pray! You are in a very difficult situation.
The only bit of "advice" (for what it is worth) is regarding your (probably rhetorical) question:
"Should I apologize for my DH? I feel like I shouldn't, but want to know I'm sorry if she's hurt. I know she is."
No. You should not apologize for your husband. I know that she's your mother. But your husband is your husband and husband outranks mother. If you apologize to your mom for your husband you're going to undermine his authority. He is a grown man. If he said something he needs to apologize for then it is up to him to do so. He's not a child whom you need to (or should) speak for.
Yes, he may have hurt your mother's feelings. And that is regrettable. But I don't think we should ever speak for our husbands (unless they have asked us to) and certainly we should not apologize for them or their behaviour. I believe that would be treating them like children and no matter where you stand on the continuum of wifely submission that crosses the line of respect for our spouses.
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J.M.J.
Carole
Wife to Tom since '94 and mom to Bree since '96
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: Aug 17 2007 at 6:13pm | IP Logged
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Michaela,
Carole is exactly right. I wouldn't say anything other than " I am sorry all this hurts you."
I will pray for you all to be able to get out of this situation.
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Michaela
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| Posted: Aug 17 2007 at 7:38pm | IP Logged
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Thank you so much! I'm just not used to how our relationship has gone since moving back here.
After praying, I called my mom and the conversation went much better than I thought it would. I've been putting myself through so much worrying about this.
She's coming over tomorrow for lunch and we can spend some time together.
I'm so grateful for your prayers and "talking" to me about this. 
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Need wisdom
