4Real Forums: all you melancholics and phlegmatics

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Topic: all you melancholics and phlegmatics

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nicole-amdg
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Posted: June 05 2007 at 5:57pm \| IP Logged

Dealing with some stuff here, and so wondering and hoping you will weigh in...

How you find/keep/guard your Christian joy? Especially if you live with someone who doesn't have the same temperament (therefore tolerance for introspection and temperamentally determined traits and faults)? And how do you motivate yourself?

Sorry to be vague but I'm trying to cast a wide net. My faults are many and I need help with all of them!

Theological underpinning are good but I'm looking for really practical suggestions.

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Nicole
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Marjorie
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Posted: June 05 2007 at 6:58pm \| IP Logged

Nicole,

I am a meloncholy/choleric and my oldest dd is a phlegmatic. It is like I speak Greek and she Latin at times because we are on opposite ends of the spectrum. My default solution is anathema to her very way of thinking. ARGH! I don't have any specific ideas off the top of my head. I'll think on it, but The Temperment God Gave you : The Classic Key to Knowing Yourself, Getting Along with Others, and Growing Closer to the Lord by Art Bennett (Author), Laraine Bennett is an excellent read on dealing with different temperments in different settings. Personality Plus is similar. Hope this is helpful!

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Marjorie

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esperanza
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Posted: June 05 2007 at 9:32pm \| IP Logged

Marjorie wrote:

Nicole,

The Temperment God Gave you : The Classic Key to Knowing Yourself, Getting Along with Others, and Growing Closer to the Lord by Art Bennett (Author), Laraine Bennett is an excellent read on dealing with different temperments in different settings.

I like this book, too...tells how to motivate each temperament

I am melancholy /phlegmatic... my dh is mel/choleric...and I have many choleric mixes in my dc

...

I can now appreciate that i need alone time to process my thoughts and older dc are more respectful as I have explained that i need to be left alone to think about their requests. I try to use humor with dh..it eases the tension.
Christian joy

..gee I have to think about it and plan to choose it. I have to read and make notes for myself, too.
I put more focus on God and me when things get really frustrating...because I want the other person to change.

Hope someone else can offer help...I am just recently doing okay in this area with dh.

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In His Peace,

Tammy Gonzalez in VA
dh-Johnny
mom to Tara-'85, Noelle-'88, Jeremy-'91, Elizabeth-'93, Emma-'96, Dominic-'99, Gabriel-'01, Elijah-03
and Jacinta-06

chicken lady
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Posted: June 06 2007 at 4:14am \| IP Logged

One thought....how do you define joy? For us joy is defined differently for each family member. I know this also has seasons, I will pray for you and your family.

nicole-amdg
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Posted: June 06 2007 at 12:49pm \| IP Logged

Right now I'm defining joy as being content with where God has me right now and not bringing my family members down by my own trials or attitude.

I read The Temperament God Gave You, pegged myself as a melancholic, and surprised myself when I took the inventory and "phlegmatic" edged it out by three points.

I've been reading past threads and looked again through the book, but got stumped a bit when I tried to apply the information. How do I develop fortitude? How do I encourage the virtue of optimism? How do I instill accountability? (To myself?) I guess I haven't read enough of the saints.

I know they have some great advice. Maybe I'm just imagining some mental magic pill is out there but I think I could really benefit from some direction.

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KellyJ
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Posted: June 07 2007 at 6:26am \| IP Logged

Nicole, ask Art Bennett--he's a phelgmatic-melancholic himself. My husband & I went to one of his presentations (2 or 3-night presentation), and it was helpful.

Identify the strengths and weaknesses of your temperament, identify ways to counteract weaknesses, and actively choose to lessen those weaknesses. You definitely have to accept what your natural tendency is, but you don't have to act on that natural tendency.

I would never have guessed Art Bennett was a phl./mel. had he not told us. He didn't seem it at all. He definitely puts a lot of work into going outside his natural tendencies both in giving talks and his regular work.

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