| Author | |
J.Anne
Forum Pro
Joined: Oct 24 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 303
|
| Posted: May 24 2007 at 5:23pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
I hesitate to post this but I hope maybe saying it out loud will help me get over it. My sister-in-law is pregnant with her first child and I am so thrilled for them - TRULY I am. She miscarried earlier this year so I am esepcially happy to see the sweet little sonogram photos, but....
I am a little jealous too. I desperately want another baby and feel so strongly that we are meant to have more, but getting pregnant, being pregnant, and recovery has never been easy for me. And my little man is coming up on his third birthday. 
I feel horrible for feeling this way, but is it normal? Please someone tell me I'm not alone. It's to the point where I get very depressed for a couple days after I hear someone else is pregnant (again). I hate this part of myself that can't just be completely happy for someone else.
__________________
Jennifer
http://ascozyasspring.typepad.com
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
lapazfarm
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 21 2005
Location: Alaska
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6082
|
| Posted: May 24 2007 at 5:35pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
You are not alone.
I just found out my sil is pregnant with her 9th. I am so happy for her, but still a part of me aches inside, wishing it were me, yet knowing I will never have another.
It isn't jealousy or envy exactly. It's just that every pregnancy serves as a reminder of my own pain.
Don't be so hard on your self. You ARE happy for your sil, after all. And it is perfectly normal to feel those pangs of longing for another child. It's the way we are made. As long as you don't slip into true envy, which is a very negative thing.
__________________
Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
jdostalik
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 15 2005
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2935
|
| Posted: May 24 2007 at 5:36pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Jennifer,
I think this is completely normal. After losing our first baby, every pregnant woman I saw was like a knife in my heart...Your feelings are to be expected, but it's what you do with them that is important and you are doing the right thing--struggling to overcome those jealous moments and thus succeeding in showing your love for your sister-in-law and other pregnant friends by sharing in their happiness, despite the sadness of your own situation. I will pray for you; using these moments and turning them into a prayer to our Lord will help you draw closer to Him and be comforted...Hugs to you!
__________________
God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mary G
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5790
|
| Posted: May 24 2007 at 5:37pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Jennifer -- I know exactly how you feel and it's not a happy confession for me either. I have 5 wonderful kids but I SOOOO would love to have another, but I'm thinking I'm starting to get past it a bit ...
Whenever I feel this way, though, I look at the blessings around my table and thank God for them and all our happy times and our challenges too!
Hang in there and keep praying -- God knows what you need and what you want....
__________________
MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
CatholicMommy
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2007
Location: Indiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1254
|
| Posted: May 24 2007 at 5:42pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
You are definitely not alone, though our situations are quite different. My son just turned 3 and I have a family day care so I see him with the little ones - he's such a big brother to them! While I am ever so happy to hear about more babies coming into the world, I have to admit an amount of sadness that I am not the mother of one of them. I offer up the sacrifice as often as I remember to, do something fun with my son just to be silly, and try to focus on my blessings - not always easy!
God Bless!
~Jessica
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
J.Anne
Forum Pro
Joined: Oct 24 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 303
|
| Posted: May 24 2007 at 5:57pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I want to clarify I am not necessarily talking about anyone on these boards at all. I have been praying for another child for some people here in particular. This more has to do with people in real life. My sister in law just came over with the sonogram photos and I was thrilled to tears to see their real live baby - finally! But there was that pang after she left. And maybe this is just part of being a woman and truly embracing this wonderful gift of fertility. Maybe I should just try harder to remember things like morning sickness and back aches. 
__________________
Jennifer
http://ascozyasspring.typepad.com
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Paula in MN
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 25 2006
Location: Minnesota
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4064
|
| Posted: May 24 2007 at 6:26pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
You are not alone. I am unable to have any more children, and there are days when my arms ache to hold a baby again. And I will admit to feeling *not whole* as my wedding day approaches, knowing that he and I will never be able to have any children together. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is God's will, and who am I to question it?
Sorry, didn't mean to hijack! 
__________________
 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
joann10
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 10 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3493
|
| Posted: May 24 2007 at 7:09pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have a irl girlfriend who has a grandma who had 10 children. My friend also just had her tenth. When her grandma saw the baby her eyes filled with tears and she said how she wished she could hold a new baby of her own again. This grandma is in her nineties.
She told my friend that the feeling never goes away. I guess we just need to be thankful for the blessing we have and pray through the tough times.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
J.Anne
Forum Pro
Joined: Oct 24 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 303
|
| Posted: May 24 2007 at 7:12pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Joann, that is exactly what I needed to hear! 
__________________
Jennifer
http://ascozyasspring.typepad.com
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
MarieC
Forum All-Star
Joined: Oct 19 2005
Location: Ohio
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1011
|
| Posted: May 24 2007 at 7:25pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
joann10 wrote:
I have a irl girlfriend who has a grandma who had 10 children. My friend also just had her tenth. When her grandma saw the baby her eyes filled with tears and she said how she wished she could hold a new baby of her own again. This grandma is in her nineties.
She told my friend that the feeling never goes away. I guess we just need to be thankful for the blessing we have and pray through the tough times. |
|
|
Thank you for sharing this story....it's just beautiful!
__________________
Marie
mom to 6
dds-98, 00, 02 and 09 & dss-03 and 06
Out in the Orchard
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
mamalove
Forum Pro
Joined: May 16 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 117
|
| Posted: May 24 2007 at 8:57pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
i have to confess this envy often at confession
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
amyable
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3798
|
| Posted: May 24 2007 at 9:18pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
You are not alone - I definitely remember that pain! Dh is one of four children, and it seemed that in the time we were trying and trying to conceive, we would get call after call on cycle day 1 or the first day of a miscarriage, "We're pregnant!" "It's twins!"
"We had a little girl!" It was really hard. 
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
CAgirl4God
Forum Pro
Joined: May 04 2007
Location: Puerto Rico
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 419
|
| Posted: May 24 2007 at 10:26pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
no, not alone at all.
I only have four, while two of my sister's have 5 and working on 7...and I have many friend's with 7, 9, 11 and even 13 kids.
I long for a big family. I am open to it. but I too have difficult post partum issues.
and dh is a little over whelmed as it is with our life style (military) and how long it takes me to get back to 'normal' afterwards.
prayers for you peace
__________________
Home is where the Coast Guard sends us
Jamie, married to John
JC, Nugget, Christina & Judy
Chowder
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Lisbet
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2006
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2706
|
| Posted: May 25 2007 at 5:57am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I agree with everything Joann said. I know many women with huge families, 9, 10, 14, 17, and they ALL long for more. I probably will too until well past 90! It's really wonderful to read/hear about all of you beautiful women longing for another baby. When out "in the world" I always hear the opposite!
__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mackfam
Board Moderator
Non Nobis
Joined: April 24 2006
Location: Alabama
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 14656
|
| Posted: May 25 2007 at 9:34pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
This thread has been so encouraging for me! I thought I was just selfish with issues! How brave you are Jennifer to start this ball rolling. I came to terms with many of my longings after reading Alice von Hildebrands "The Privelege of Being a Woman." She says it more beautifully than I ever could have, but the words gave voice to all of the feelings aired here - God made a woman to give life...she longs for it...it is a part of her that He created...it is a privelege.
I can't say that I am totally at peace, but I am so encouraged by the knowledge that charity is an act of the will, not a feeling. So, when I hear of a girlfriend who is pregnant, I just start storming the heavens on behalf of that new child, and begging for the grace to wrap my will around this! Feelings or longings for another child are always present as well as the temptation to covet the beautiful new life that I am not nourishing. God's grace alone my friends! Pray for me Jennifer, as we are opening ourselves to new life again. Our pregnancy's are very difficult. I am sooooooooo grateful to the powerful witness to life I find here!
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mackfam
Board Moderator
Non Nobis
Joined: April 24 2006
Location: Alabama
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 14656
|
| Posted: May 25 2007 at 10:31pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Mackfam wrote:
| we are opening ourselves to new life again. |
|
|
What I should have said is that we are always open to new life, but after much prayer, we have decided to actively seek it.  Sorry.
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
organiclilac
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 30 2006
Location: Illinois
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 640
|
| Posted: May 26 2007 at 12:26am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I don't really have anything to add except "me too". I am struggling now with whether I should still hope for another baby, or move on.
__________________
Tracy, wife to Shawn, mama to Samuel (4/01) and Joseph (11/11), and Thomas (2/15)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
DominaCaeli
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 24 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3711
|
| Posted: May 26 2007 at 1:24am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have definitely had these same feelings. It took a long year for us to get pregnant with our first child (about a year ago), and in the meantime my cousin, best friend, sister-in-law, and aunt were all expecting. Tough times! I tried to remember that my desire for a child was a holy one, even if it was not God's will for me at that time. I think God appreciates when we want to care for one of his little ones so badly that we are heartbroken to not be able to do so. And he also gives many graces to us when we pray for those of whom we feel envious. I wish I had more help for you--just wanted to say that you aren't alone.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
momwise
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 28 2005
Location: Colorado
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1914
|
| Posted: May 26 2007 at 9:42am | IP Logged
|
|
|
This is hard on the women whose dhs do NOT want them pregnant again...they've posted on other threads and I know it's a real struggle to see other dhs who WANT more dc. But I had a really great confession last week where Fr. recommended I immediately pray this prayer for envy/jealousy:
"God the Father, bless and sanctify (name of person)'s soul according to Your Holy Will...Amen."
WOW!! This is a great prayer! So short I can actually remember the words and to do it and after just one week, well, it is really helpful.
ETA: I wasn't clear as usual. I didn't mean others were jealous; only that they also suffer this sorrow.
__________________
Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JuliaT
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 25 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 563
|
| Posted: May 26 2007 at 4:32pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I am one of those women whose husband does not want anymore children. I have asked and asked him to change his mind, but he is very adamant about it. I have finally come to the place where I accept his decision and I am able to be thankful for the blessings that I do have in my 3 children. But the pang is still there when I hear that someone else is pregnant. I doubt that will ever go away.
Blessings,
Julia
mom to 3(7,6,4)
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Juliainsk
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Pregnancy envy
