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mom2mpr
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| Posted: May 08 2007 at 12:34pm | IP Logged
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Well, it has been 2 1/2 years and I am still homesick. Some of you all move a lot and I am looking for advice.
It is finally hitting ds-he was crying last night and had a lot on his mind at bedtime. He realized his friends from VA are going on with their lives--and he is not a part of them anymore.
The fact I am still suffering through it and now ds is having a hard time makes me wonder what I can do to make it better.
I spent the better part of the past 2 years running all over to connect. While we have found a nice hs group we really enjoy-everyone/ most everything is at least a 45 minute drive away. We miss our neighborhood and neighbors a lot. That daily interaction really meant a lot--even if only a 20 minute walk around the neighborhood--with another hs family that lived across the street. We are in a high 2 income family, rural area-everyone works and kids are in daycare or school. It is hard.
I figure this is God telling me I need to invest time in my kids(9 and 4)-but we are pretty social and need to see others fairly often.
We returned to our old stomping grounds in VA a few weeks ago-I figured I would suffer the "you can't go back" syndrome and return and be better. Nope, I CAN go back and would in a heartbeat.
So, seasoned moving pro's, military, anyone--what do you do to make it "home"--even if you aren't liking it.
I should mention I lost a lot of support by coming this way--no family nearby, dh works too many hours and isn't wanting to stop, dear physicians and midwife who knew me and really cared, etc. I NEED all that and hard as I am trying it is going to take a long, long time to develop that here--and I get impatient.
Hopefully this makes sense and someone can give me a few hints.
Thanks,
Anne
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: May 08 2007 at 12:44pm | IP Logged
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We have moved a LOT. Whenever I feel lonely for my old home in FL, the many friends and lovely parish there, I try to think about the flight into Egypt. How Mary and Joseph had to leave everything behind and go into a foreign land with their newborn Son. I pray, and ask Mary to show me the way, and try to unite my suffering to hers. She knows what you are going through and will comfort you.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: May 08 2007 at 1:24pm | IP Logged
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I SO understand what you are saying and feeling, Anne. I'm out the door right now but want you to know that you are not alone. I'll be thinking about practical things that might help and will post later today. In the mean time, you might find hope and reassurance at Our Mother's Garden of Sorrow.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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doris
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| Posted: May 08 2007 at 3:49pm | IP Logged
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Oh dear, poor you!
I have some insight into how you feel as we moved last year and I've found it pretty hard. I think it's especially difficult when you've missed those key moments of sharing your first pregnancy or 'starting school' (haha) type of moments with those around you -- it means that friendship groups can be harder to get into.
My only advice is to pray, pray, pray. The Lord will provide!
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Home educating in London, UK with dd (2000) ds (2002), dd (2004), ds (2008) and dd (2011).
Frabjous Days
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Lisa R
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| Posted: May 08 2007 at 4:06pm | IP Logged
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On Anne, I'm so sorry. I can only offer prayers as I'm in the same boat. Only I've lived here for 4 years!  I've tried to put myself out there to find friends but it hasn't worked. Or I find one and as soon as she finds out I'm Catholic everything changes. My dh and I have lived all over the world and this is the only place this has ever happened to me. I truly can't wait to move.
I have many, many lonely days. My outlet is this board and reading others blogs (although sometimes that makes it harder)....sad but true. And my kids and dh. My one consolation is that my dh retires from the Air Force in 23 months (yes, I'm counting  ) and we will be moving back home to Ohio.
I will pray for you everyday. I know how hard it is.  
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God Bless!
Lisa, married to my best friend, Ray and loving my blessings Joshua (17)and Jacob(15), Hannah(7) and Rachel (5)!Holy Family Academy
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Angel
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| Posted: May 08 2007 at 5:09pm | IP Logged
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I don't really have any advice on how to make it better either, but wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone! We have moved a bit in the past, but this last move from Missouri to upstate New York completely blindsided us with how tough it was. Dh and I have lived away from family since we were 18, so I'm not sure where "home" really is anymore... but this doesn't seem like "home" even though we've been here 2 years. 
I guess people in this area of the country are very standoffish -- I grew up in the South (Tennessee) and lived in the Midwest for a while -- and I guess I was just not expecting the difficulties of making *any* kind of contact in the rural Northeast. Homeschoolers don't really seem to organize around here... or if they do they don't advertise... there aren't many kids, and in our town, if you don't go to the school, nobody talks to you. The one really organized homeschool group is evangelical Protestant, and although we squeaked in for a year without signing their statement of faith, we really didn't fit in. It took us a whole year to find a Catholic homeschool group -- which has honestly been the one thing that has really saved all of us -- but the group covers an *enormous* area, and the nearest families with kids of comparable ages are about 40 minutes away. We see them every Sunday at church and sometimes outside church, and I think this is the only thing that has kept my older kids from staging an all out mutiny.
Honestly, I am having a really hard time right now, but the only thing I can do is to pray. Because the whole situation often seems really impossible -- my husband is frequently out of town and I have zero adult contact in those periods, except for these boards, email, and blogs -- I often pray to St. Jude. I get little signs sometimes that enable me to have faith, but it's tough.
I'll keep you in my prayers!
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: May 08 2007 at 5:29pm | IP Logged
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Thank you all--it is so nice to know I am not alone..I was sure I'd be better after a year or so...
Anne
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: May 08 2007 at 7:07pm | IP Logged
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mom2mpr wrote:
Thank you all--it is so nice to know I am not alone..I was sure I'd be better after a year or so...
Anne |
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I think that this is exactly the time when despair can set in. When we are newly moved, we expect to work hard and suffer. Yet, we hold out great hope that a friend, a community, a feeling of "home," is right around the corner. When the good stuff doesn't come soon and we start to feel that we have tried "everything"...it is all so discouraging. Yet...
God has done great things for us. He knows our suffering and we can throw ourselves at the foot of His cross and beg for relief. Here are a few other concrete things that have helped me when I was in your situation:
Remember the good reasons why we live here. My family lived in an isolated/rural community that was very slow-to-warm in order to pay back student loans. We kept a chart of our student debt reduction in the kitchen to cheer us on.
Reach for a goal. While we were in the above town, I went wild learning about being frugal. We knew that we would eventually leave that town and wanted to move back home to PA and purchase some acres in a semi-rural location with an old home to fix up. We had the children draw a picture of "our dream." We had that hanging in the living room.
Service. I was a La Leche League Leader and started a group in the town. I also volunteered for Hospice with my children at the local nursing home. I really needed to help others so that I wouldn't have as much time to feel sorry for myself.
Give it 2.5 years  . In the slow-to-warm town I mentioned above, my whole take on the place turned around once we had lived there 2.5 years! It was like we finally hit a critical mass  . We ended up staying 2.5 mored years and loved it.
Focus on what is working and going well. In the above town, we moved to a tiny place close to the library which was lovely. Spending time there was a bright spot for us.
Don't blame yourself. I've moved around enough to know that some places are plain easier to live in. Some communities are more welcoming. Some places just feel more subjectively like home.
Discern a new plan. From all my moves I've learned that not every location is for everyone. Add this to "life is short" and sometimes we need to reconsider a current location. I have learned that I am not a rural/remote gal. Especially with growing children, I appreciate having access to small town/city perks. Currently, I live in my ideal...a small town with access to a major city (and Major League Baseball .) My home is modest but it is enough and I LOVE its location...location, location, location! When PA didn't work out for us, even though I had my dream fixer-upper and acres, we opted to sacrifice both for the convenience of location in AZ.
Can you tell this is a difficulty that is close to my heart? Anne, please update from time to time. I'm praying for endurance and hope...and that the good stuff is right around the corner!
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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guitarnan
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| Posted: May 09 2007 at 6:41am | IP Logged
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When you move, you gain a new home and new experiences, but most people leave a part of their heart behind in the old place. I've watched this happen with my children, and we do try to go back to some of the old places when we can so that they can connect with the parts of themselves they left behind.
We have lived in some places that I don't miss much, but I still like to go back once in a while. Then, there are the places where I really felt happy and at home, and my heart aches when I think about them.
One thing I've discovered in moving around so much is that I tend not to pursue "local" friendships, but to keep things more on an acquaintance level. (This would be, for ex., people in the neighborhood or on the Scout troop committee.) I used to feel sad all the time that I didn't have local friends to do girly things with. Now I don't worry about that, but stay connected with my true friends via my unlimited long distance phone calling plan.
I try to remember that every move is an opportunity, and that God calls us to places not for my happiness but for some kind of service. Here, it seems, we're back in our beloved home because it's close to hospitals that friends from other places need. We're the no-cost lodging for them. I've also become a link between our tiny former parish and the big-city, 2300-family parish we originally joined 15 years ago...
It can be really depressing to miss a former home and the friends and experiences you've left behind. I've seen that spiral into true depression more than once, and that's also something to keep in mind.
Keep trying to connect in your "new" community; there are kindred spirits out there. I know it's hard to watch your children feel sad about the old home. My children talk about how much they miss all our old homes practically every day. I think it helps them to be able to talk about their feelings and to know we will help them visit the old places once in a while.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Homesick-still
