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time4tea
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| Posted: July 04 2005 at 12:57pm | IP Logged
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Hello Everyone,
I am not sure if this is the correct place to post this, so please let me know. I am relatively new to the board and have only posted a couple of times. We have 4 dc, 2 boys ages 12 and 10 and two girls ages 5 and 2. We are about to begin our 4th year homeschooling. While I really love homeschooling, I am afraid to say that at this point, I'm completely burned out. In addition to trying to get schoolwork done with the dc, both of my parents have also been in poor health ove the course of the past year. I have tried to be supportive and helpful to them (they live about 1-1/2 hours away). I tend to be a worrier, and the fact that they have at times been quite ill has taken a toll on me emotionally. In addition to that, my dh works long hours and travels a lot. He doesn't keep "regular" (as in 9-5) hours, so I never really know for sure when he will be finished work for the day and be heading home. As a result, I am often lonely and just plain exhausted. My oldest ds is my biggest challenge. I like to joke that he has been a teenager at heart since emerging from the womb, but now that he really is hovering at the brink of the teen years, his personality has intensified. He is also a different personality type than am I. He is very extroverted and really needs to be with other people as much as possible, whereas I am more of an an introvert and find all that constant activity draining. As I have begun making plans for the upcoming school year, I have been filled with a sense of dread. This year, we registered with Mercy Academy, and they have been very helpful. However, as I was looking over the goals for the upcoming year last night, I was filled with panic as I tried to figure out how I will possibly accomplish it all. My mom is due to have hip surgery in a few weeks, and I will be wanting to be helpful to her once she comes home from the hospital. I keep telling myself, "just do what you can. Don't give up....", but honestly, I feel like giving up. I am emotionally and physically tired. Dh and I have been praying for several months now regarding whether or not the Lord would bless us with a new little family member (we practice NFP), but have been afraid to even consider His doing so for fear that the amount of work required to care for a new baby would push (especially me) over the edge, especially when I think of coupling that with homeschooling the rest of the dc and organizing "social" time for them. I don't think that's the way I should be feeling about such an important decision.
Last week, I attended a meeting hosted by a few of the moms in our Catholic homeschool group. They are thinking of beginning a co-op program that would take place each Monday, and would last from about 9 a.m. (beginning with Mass) and end about 3 p.m. At the co-op, the dc would do their science, comp/lit, history, and probably art and music and potentially Latin. During the rest of the week, the dc would work on assignments from the co-op, as well as do their math, additional catechesis and any other work the family wants the dc to do. I was thinking that maybe a co-op like this would provide some needed social as well as academic time for us, and maybe give me a bit of a break (?). I have been praying about whether or not our family should be involved in this co-op, and while it is attractive to me, I feel like I'm "copping out", so to speak. I really do enjoy homeschooling, and want to make it work, but when I think of the upcoming school year, what's left of my energy just begins to drain out of me. I read so many posts from many of you who have a lot more children than I do and manage to make it all work beautifully, and I feel like something is wrong with me because I do not have this same boundless energy and confidence. Just to let you know, we are committed to homeschooling our dc through high school, ideally, so this is not a short-term goal for us. The public schools in our area are not good, and we cannot afford Catholic school.
Thank you all so much in advance for listening to my ramblings! I am thankful that you are here!
God bless,
Jenny
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tovlo4801
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| Posted: July 04 2005 at 8:13pm | IP Logged
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Jenny,
I hope some of the more experienced moms will offer some support, but I wanted to give you my 2 cents for whatever it's worth.
It sounds to me from your post that you are in the midst of a difficult discernment, but that you are starting to sort out all the factors and move toward your own answers.
You said a couple things in your post that jumped out at me. First you mentioned that you thought you should just "do what you can... don't give up." Then you also mentioned how you thought this co-op would ease your burden right now and provide much needed social interaction for your son. It sounds like God is placing something you and your children need right in your path.
I don't think you need to feel like you are "copping out". Being the primary educator of your children just means that you need to make well-thought out and prayed about decisions regarding what the best education for your children is at each step of the way. Previously that decision has been to have an extremely active role in the implementation of that education. Right now you might be called to relinquish some of that role to others - perhaps so that you can refresh yourself for down the road?
Just because you take part in the co-op this year doesn't mean it is a permanent solution. It might just be a needed respite for everyone. On the other hand it might become a long-term solution. We just never know where God will lead us. Keep praying about where God wants you to go for your family and don't let "supermom syndrome" keep you from seriously considering if God would like you to ask others for help.
I will pray that you are able to find peace in this discernment process.
I'm so thankful you are here too! I find so much support from being part of this group and I hope that you find some of the support you need here too.
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Willa
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| Posted: July 05 2005 at 1:46am | IP Logged
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Dear Jenny,
I'm not one of those moms who feels she has it all together or does anything beautifully, so I could empathize with a lot of your comments. I have a sick parent and will add yours to my prayers for him.
If you feel drawn to the co-op as a possible solution to your situation, I don't see how it could be called "copping out". We are supposed to be primarily responsible for our childrens' education, but primary responsibility certainly doesn't mean necessarily teaching every subject at every level. We are free to delegate when it seems beneficial. We all use books at the very least and that's certainly a form of delegation! A co-op can be a nice way to pool resources while keeping a certain amount of control, and I know a lot of homeschoolers who benefit very much from co-op opportunities.
On the other hand, if you don't really like the idea of the co-op and simply feel you "should" do it (that seems less likely, from what you say in your post) -- then I would want to reassure you that you don't HAVE to make that commitment. Dealing with outside accountability and responsibilities can sometimes be a challenge, and indeed, that's one of the reasons I took my kids out of Catholic school to start with. But the Catholic school did have benefits that I lost when I started homeschooling -- it was a fair trade-off for me, but for others, obviously, the advantages of the Catholic school outweighed the disadvantages.
That would be something to consider as well -- Catholic parenting requires hard work no matter what, but different options allow us to focus on different ways of meeting the challenge. The co-op might well require a different form of commitment, but it might be a kind of commitment better suited to your circumstances right now.
When I'm faced with a decision like that I often list either on paper or in my head the advantages vs disadvantages of the choices. I also try to figure out my preference and WHY I have that preference. I get my dh's input if it's an important decision that involves the whole family, and pray over it. That all helps me to avoid making an emotion or fear-based decision, and to know that I have brought my decision-making process under God's blessing and my husband's.
I imagine that if you chose the co-op route for the time being, it would definitely be a learning experience at any rate and that you could change course in future if you found your home situation had changed or that it wasn't working out as you had hoped.
Blessings on your decision and I'd love to hear your update when you make your choice! It's wonderful that we Catholic parents have such a range of possible resources in educating our children!
__________________
AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Bridget
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| Posted: July 05 2005 at 7:14am | IP Logged
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Jennie66 wrote:
| While I really love homeschooling, I am afraid to say that at this point, I'm completely burned out. In addition to trying to get schoolwork done with the dc, both of my parents have also been in poor health I read so many posts from many of you who have a lot more children than I do and manage to make it all work beautifully, and I feel like something is wrong with me because I do not have this same boundless energy and confidence. |
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I'm sure most of us have times when it all works beautifully, however those times often seem to be few and far between. Like maybe 10 minutes a day. 
We, and I imagine, most hs'ing families, have had many challenges that have made it ovewhelming to keep schooling through. New babies, serious illnesses, major car and home repairs, the needs of extended family....
I think the key is to keep plugging away and realize that the crisis is part of the children's education. 'Here is what our family is facing, here is the Catholic response to it.' What love and generosity your children are learning!
The co-op sounds like an excellent way to take some of the burden off you. If it doesn't work out as well as you thought it would, you can look at different alternatives for next year, or even next semester.
Don't lose the joy. Laugh at your toddlers, they are better than any comedy show! Tell stupid jokes with your middle children. Smile at your olders and find things in common with them.
Be encouraged. Homeschooling is not an easy job. There are plenty of perks and rewards along the way, but the fruits of our work may not be measurable till later.
__________________
God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Meredith
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| Posted: July 05 2005 at 8:54pm | IP Logged
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Bridget wrote:
| Be encouraged. Homeschooling is not an easy job. There are plenty of perks and rewards along the way, but the fruits of our work may not be measurable till later. |
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I agree with this totally because sometimes it's very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel especially with the external family pressures that come up in life that seem to pull us away from our schooling endeavors. What keeps me going is the fact that we're training our children to live and love for God and that we will all meet again in heaven someday and that's what our journey is all about.
The burnout periods are there for all of us at different times and that's why things such as your co-op might just be the ticket to keep you on track. (I have NO catholic HS support here). Who knows, maybe you'll meet a kindred spirit for yourself there too as well as for your children. May God bless you in your efforts and throughout your discernment and I will keep your parents in my prayers.
Also welcome to the group, the value of other's words here have been immeasurable to me. 
__________________
Meredith
Mom of 4 Sweeties
Sweetness and Light
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Victoria in AZ
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| Posted: July 06 2005 at 11:21am | IP Logged
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Jenny,
Sending encouragement  Homeschooling is hard work. I find it a labor of love. And I only have two dc and I still sympathize  Homeschooling can have seasons. One of the best things I ever did regarding school was to visit a local public school. My dh was supportive either way and that was a great comfort. Even if you visit the Catholic school you cannot afford, you may look at it and see it isn't the best after all. Or perhaps you could send just the 12 yo ds there.
I have friends that hs one year and then not the next. If your dc are in away-school for the upcoming year because of your parent's health issues, it is not written in stone that you will never hs again. I'm trying to say you can feel okay if you need to take a break.
Also, many friends have their older dc in school, but still hs the youngers. Then we compare notes and they make me feel better about the pros and cons for every situation. There is no perfect down here on earth!
The co-op sounds like it might be a middle ground for this year (looks attractive to me!). When I feel most overwhelmed I try to go back to the basics and stop adding extras. One great friend told me, "We don't need more scholars, we need more saints." Anything you are doing at home is worthwhile and you do not have to it perfectly. Perhaps the Mercy Academy schedule is too heavy for your family for this year. Give yourself permission to do less (which for me is easier said than done).
Another way to look at it is that hs gives you and the dc the freedom to be there for your parents anytime (which is a wonderful lesson for kids). One last thing, read Mothers Rule of Life! The author was quite fed up also  Oh, of course, keep praying!
__________________
Your sister in Christ,
Victoria in AZ
dh Mike 24 yrs; ds Kyle 18; dd Katie 12; and one funny pug
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ALmom
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| Posted: July 06 2005 at 8:00pm | IP Logged
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Jenny,
Boy can I identify with you - I have felt as you described much of the last several years. I panic again as we try to put our year together - cry a lot, try something new, etc, etc. It is always worst beginning at the 2nd semester (after Christmas) and into the summer and then until planning for next year is finally done.
I tend to go on an emotional roller coaster - and sometimes the stresses are overwhelming. I find schooling hardest when the stress is so much and certainly you sound as if you've had plenty to make life stressful.
It helps when I try not to compare my school to others - I always come up short in this exercise because I see all the wonderful things other folks are doing (after all that is what we share with each other - not the flops or failures) and my own inadequacies loom like mountains. Elizabeth Foss posted something earlier that I thought was very profound - (I'm paraphrasing as it touched my heart so sorry if I'm missing your intent) homeschooling is one way God helps us to become totally dependent on him. St. Therese of Avila once told God in prayer that if this was how he treated his friends - no wonder He had so few of them. I try to remember this, do my honest best (including assessing the options and talking to my dh) and then accept whatever is.(or try to as this part is a work in progress). If I don't get some time to talk to dh, I really go nuts and it is an almost certain guarantee that the year will be a hard one because my plans are too grandiose and the decision making responsibility is too much for me - I need him!! Just the exercise of putting a schedule on paper helps - it makes us see how realistic we are really being.
I don't do a lot of the wonderful things these other ladies do - we have never done a lap book, we've probably been too schoolish (and that stress of doing all that some imaginary school standard presents as education has probably contributed significantly to our burn-out), I'm still conflicted about how much of our schoolish looking stuff is the reality of a real family(our size and particular vision difficulties) and how much is me being afraid to venture into more fertile and exciting territories. We have used packaged curriculums(in ways I would not go back to and in ways that have benefitted us). I don't do near enough narration with the children - I feel overwhelmed just making sure all understand the math, write a little and keep up with what they have read. I called a science teacher begging for her to stretch the class size to include our dd because I was a lousy science teacher (all this in tears) but we didn't get in the class so somehow we still have to do a lab science at home. We use a Spanish tutor for our oldest and have consulted an English teacher.
If something shows us positive feedback in ways that society affirms (a great standardized test score, for example) then that can help me feel confident for a little while - but if we do poorly on a similiar test 2 weeks later, I have this panic attack. It's nutty, I know it's nutty, but I do worry and need to trust more. I think some of it tends to occur as you have children approaching high school and suddenly there are other people's standards you have to consider if for no other reason than that your dc has goals requiring college.
Our oldest has a lot more outside the house needs than anyone in the family. Traveling anywhere does add stress - but it was essential to this dc, so we do it and go crazy for a few years. Be sure to find out how much time is expected of you in the coop situation and whether or not that will overall reduce or build stress. It is a good way for dc to form friendships and that does relieve some of the angst of a pre-teen, teen. Do you know what is frustrating this dc? We had to discover that and try and meet real needs with our own dc. One child bitterly unhappy with hs, makes for a horrible year but hs is still possible once you find out what they see as so horrible (our dd told us two things - I kept changing our style/schooling and didn't have enough structure or consistency for her and thus she couldn't feel confident in what we were doing. I was quick to drop things that didn't work but this did add to insecurity. She was also horribly lonely. Both of these were made better - we went with something that gave us more structure and a support person for me while retaining flexibility and she became involved in a number of outside/ community activities (in her case music like orchestra).
It took me a few years to figure out what it was that I really needed support wise and it probably would have helped to write down the "dream" situation and then compare to options available. We would have avoided a couple of bad fits. Ask lots of questions, pray, and realize that things do get better.
There are days that we only get a few token things done so I can count it a school day. I am like you and want the year to go better - be more fun for us all next year. I think some of it is my personality, and I may have bad school years until I learn to relax. The children probably don't fare as badly as I fear. Some of them would have benefitted from other type things - a good coop for instance, but that wasn't available to us in the past.
Some things I can change -like phone interruptions, dragging out bedtime, late dinners, clutter, better division of labor in household chores (get dc more into a routine so everyone remembers more) and some things I cannot (like vision problems, fussy toddler, therapy 2X per week, my own lack of depth perception that makes hands-on projects difficult for me to initiate or lead and illnesses and unexpected doctors visits, etc. I am most held back by my own personality - lack of confidence, a great fear of trying new things, fear of failure, and frustration with being unable to find what I want (I avoid research on the computer because it can take me all day to do what it should only take a few minutes to find.)
I hesitate to say some of what we plan to do - because it hasn't been field tested yet (the plan for 2006). We are trying to look at what skills the children themselves have and take advantage of that. Oldest dd is into music so she is practicing everyday - I won't sweat it if we don't do all I would dream with music - there is some exposure going on by default. DD #2 is into craft type projects - giving her free reign to spend time with projects if she will make some notation of what she is doing and share it with us so I have some idea what to put on the lesson plans. Hopefully she will inspire and help the youngers with projects, lap books, etc. If she cannot or doesn't - it won't get done, but we'll at least have some discussion. I'm trying to pull me more and more out of the picture during the school year except general support person, and enthusiastic cheerleader. I'm trying to get most of My work in the school year done now - in the summer by discussing plans and desires witht the children and having resources and ideas on hand by the start of the school year. I'm behind schedule but still hopeful.
We certainly can pray for one another as we naviagate the frightening and very demanding road of homeschooling
Janet
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Topic: Needing Encouragement Here....
