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Jane Ramsey
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| Posted: May 03 2007 at 10:07pm | IP Logged
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This is not a major issue, but it is one that has been on my mind for quite a while, and I would love to hear your thoughts on it.
I have a dear neice, almost 13, who likes to spend time with me and my children. She has always been loving and attentive and helpful with them.
Here is the problem: ever since my son turned 5--well, even before that--she has been extremely eager to see him "start school". It seems like every time she is with us, she steers the conversation towards education. She grills me with questions: does Casimir know his letters? his numbers? Can he spell his name? (no, no, and no, not yet). When am I going to start teaching him? What is our daily schedule? 
And how do I respond? I get nervous. I get defensive. And that's just silly. Why do I get so upset? At times I answer her questions quickly and try to change the subject. I feel like I'm being badgered. At times I try to engage her in conversation and explain: "Caz is a bright boy. He is learning SO much. He learns all the time, all day long. I don't think he's ready for formal 'sit down here and do this work' type of lessons. When I feel like he is ready to learn to read I will teach him."
But she just doesn't get it. She even suggested once that I put him in school for a couple of years so they could teach him how to read and then I could pull him out and homeschool him! My answers never satisfy her, and it always comes up again. I don't feel like I can explain things to her in a way to make her understand. Last night she tried this one on me: "When I was like, 3 or 4, my mom started teaching me my letters and numbers and I just loved it!" Now, I don't know if this is true (that she loved it). Her mom is homeschooling her, using a packaged curriculum, and from what I understand, she hates schoolwork. Her mom is always complaining that she balks at doing her work.
I also know that she does not like to read. When asked to read a book to my kids, she always wants them to choose the shortest, simplest book, and be done with it asap. As far as I know, she does not read on her own for pleasure. Is this why she wants Caz to "start school"--misery loves company?
Perhaps some of this is coming from her mom, who I know is one of those "you have to get 'em started early!" types.
Anyway, my question is, how would you respond?
I have thought of writing her a letter, as I can write a lot better than I can talk when put on the spot. I feel like she is missing out on so much, not seeing how much her little cousin actually KNOWS, and focusing on what he doesn't...
Well, that's it.
Any thoughts?
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aussieannie
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| Posted: May 03 2007 at 10:18pm | IP Logged
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Jane, this niece does sound like a lovely little girl, but I would have to say that she is being a little too bold in this instance.
I can relate to this a little, I have a 10year old daughter, the sweetest and most loving daughter you could possibly imagine but I think sometimes I have to remind her that she oversteps her boundaries with adults, in questioning them on things etc.
She doesn't mean to be rude, she seems a little oblivious to it - so I feel the need to explain and educate her that it is just not respectful to approach adults in this manner.
I don't think you really need to give her an explaination into the why's and how's on your life with your children and I think that needs to be stated either by her own mother if you can broach it with her comfortably or by yourself.
Personally, I think to talk face to face is better than a letter - there is a time and a place for that sort of letter writing and I believe in it and have definately done it, but not with a child.
HTH
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Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: May 03 2007 at 10:25pm | IP Logged
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Have to agree with Annie. She is overstepping her bounds. Simply tell her that God gave you the responsibility to teach your child and that you will do so as you see fit. As a cousin it is her job to play and enjoy being with him, and to be a good example.
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us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Martha
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| Posted: May 03 2007 at 10:32pm | IP Logged
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I agree with Annie, she's over-stepping herself.
You don't need her to understand anything. She's 13 and she's not your child's mother.
I'd just very quietly say, Dear so-and-so, you're allowed an opinion, but this is MY son and I'm the mother and I'll decide how this is going to be. And this is the last time you need to give it any thought or worry." Basicly just tell her, "Because I said so!" 
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Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: May 03 2007 at 11:40pm | IP Logged
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yep.. what they all said.. but if you want to give her more information. You could tell her that there are many approaches to education. Some say to start early. Others do not. And it's ok for us to hold different opinions. And when she has her own children. She will get to make that decision.
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G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Jane Ramsey
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| Posted: May 04 2007 at 6:06am | IP Logged
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Thank you all. You're so right. It's funny, when I went to bed last night this was on my mind and I was wondering how you all would suggest handling it. Then when I woke up this morning, it was like, "Duh! She's a kid. You need to put her back in her place." She has always been very responsible, very mature, so I guess I almost think about her as an adult, but she's not.
Thanks again!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Your advice needed
