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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: April 18 2007 at 6:55pm | IP Logged
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I'm in mourning. I've always used CNM's (and one home birth with a licensed midwife). The only CNM's in my area now are very medicalized (what's the point???). I've never even had a medical exam by a man before. 
I don't use drugs during labor, I like to walk, I don't like to be hooked up to IV's and such, and I really hate it when L and D nurses and others get in my face and shout "Push" while counting to 10. 
So I've got two choices now locally. Both are men. One used to back up CNM's (low tech ones who are no longer in practice) and is probably cool with a low tech birth. Likely he's going to think I'm insane for desiring a big family, and maybe treat me weird for it.
The other OB is more traditionally minded about birth, is likely to think I'm weird for wanting the low tech model. On the up side, he's a devout Catholic, a father of 6, and NFP only.
I figure if I have any problems, I'll be so glad to be working with a Catholic OB who would not consider termination. I figure if I have zero problems, I might prefer the other guy as long as he isn't rude to me for wanting a big family.
Neither office really has the patience for interviews. Apparently, I don't live in an area that is very progressive when it comes to birthing options...sigh...
Either way, I'm taking a doula with me to run interference with any snotty L and D nurses (I had one at my last birth).
Would you rather have someone who is low tech but possibly weird about large families? Or would you rather have someone who is weird about a low tech birth but really cool with large families?
I can't believe I'm going to have to choose between these two...
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mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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SeaStar
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| Posted: April 18 2007 at 7:04pm | IP Logged
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I would make an appointment with both and talk to them personally before you make any decisions. All you have to go on now is what you've heard or think might be the case. To put your mind at rest about making the right choice, I would talk to both and give them a chance to shine for you.
I had a male ob-gyn for a few years and was sorry when we moved away. He was very kind and thoughtful. It always seems to me that men are a little in awe of the whole birth process, whereas other women, who have been through it themselves, sometimes seem less likely to cut you any slack.
Good luck with your decision.
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: April 18 2007 at 8:13pm | IP Logged
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Not having a large family(but if I did  ) I'd go for low tech but wierd about large families. I figure I'd rather worry about the birth experience over any issues he has about my "personal life." Why should he care?
I have issues since our move. I loved my midwives in CT and VA and have no options here. I need to find someone to deal with soon since I have been 3 years without "care."
What I have been doing, for other doctors and dentists, is just going for check ups after I got their names from people. If we don't click I go to the next one on the list for my next check up. For these issues it is so hard...so I have put it last on my list.
This for me is the hardest part of moving...good luck.
Anne
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mellyrose
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| Posted: April 18 2007 at 11:05pm | IP Logged
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Personally, I'd go with low tech and not care if he thought my personal choices about family size were "weird". My current OB doesn't have the best bedside manner, and she delivers in a hospital that I really don't like --- BUT she is letting me go for my 2nd VBAC and was the only OB within 60 miles that would do that (and that took our insurance). The rest assume once a c-section, always a c-section bc they don't want to wait around in the hospital for you to deliver (a current requirement of the hospitals).
I'd make appointments with both, though, if you can to feel them out more.
Good Luck!
melanie
Mom to Colin(6), Nate(almost 5), and baby girl on the way!
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Celeste
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| Posted: April 18 2007 at 11:29pm | IP Logged
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Maybe you and your doula could have your written birthing plan ready for your visits with the doctors, and see how much they balk or work with you.
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Celeste
Mother of five. Daughters.
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mary theresa
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| Posted: April 19 2007 at 11:23am | IP Logged
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I agree with mellyrose and mom2mpr.
You said that the low-tech OB is "possibly" wierd. I guess if you KNEW he was wierd that would be harder to decide based on HOW wierd and how you could handle that I personally would rather have lower pressure over my birthing preferences than over my family size. I had a nasty pressuring back-up OB deliver my baby last year, so to me it's more important not to have to deal with the pressure DURING the birthing process, when I felt so vulnerable and unable to argue for my natural birth desires. Someone who didn't think you should be having more kids usually wouldn't be bothering you about that when you are actually in labor with the child anyways, right?
And throughout the appts if he was treating you wierd for having a big family, I would think that would be easier to take and be prepared for (though I would have to mentally brace myself before every appointment if this was the case  ), then all the pressuring "take drugs, lie on the bed, let me monitor you, push when I tell you to" when all one wants is kindness and support and respect for YOUR birth wishes.
Does this make sense? Just my rambling opinion -- hope it helps! 
BTW, I know what you mean about wishing you could have a woman . . . I way prefer that too.
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Mary Theresa
mother to 3 little girls --March '06, Dec '07 and Jan '10
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MommyD
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| Posted: April 19 2007 at 1:26pm | IP Logged
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I think I would go with the Catholic NFP only doctor and make sure my doula knew my wishes and have a clear birth plan ready to hand over to the LDR nurses. I've never had trouble getting the births I want (I'm good at letting everyone know that I'm the boss in the delivery room ). I think an NFP only doctor would be better if you ever have any trouble outside of delivery (i.e. looking at charts to figure out any cycle issues as opposed to suggesting BCP to solve every problem).
Good luck with your decision!
Melissa
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: April 19 2007 at 7:22pm | IP Logged
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Lots of good thoughts, ladies. I'm still flummoxed over this whole thing, but I have determined I am not going to let it paralyze me (which is my tendency at the moment). I called the NFP only doc., and found out the first appt is with his NURSE! Grrrrrrrrrrr I'm not going to even be able to talk with him till a second appt. I am thinking right now I'll wait out the 2 appts and see how it goes and then consider trying the other OB if I need to. I guess I will need to ask the NFP only doc what mindset his back up ob's are, too. Sigh...this shouldn't be this hard. I get so angry when I think about how CNM's and midwives are routinely run out of business. 
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Blessings,
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mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Help picking an OB???
