| Author | |
MarilynW
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 28 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4275
|
| Posted: April 12 2007 at 11:16pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
I know that so many of you face tough extended family situations. I am finding mine especially tough during this pregnancy. Please would you give me your opinions.
__________________
Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: April 13 2007 at 2:46am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I'm quiet surprised considering your pregnancy that they didn't understand.
Another thing beside family relationships that you are modelling to your chidren is how to deal with difficult situations. Do you want to model to your dc to be doormats and pushovers? They will mimic your behaviour in this area and then take it into their own realtionships. I've really had to deal with this one myself, not siblings but my mum and friends.
How you deal with their meaness if front of your dc? Well I'm not too sure of the ages of your older ones, but just try to be charitable in front of them, vent to dh in private. If they go overboard though, well once again you are modelling in how to deal with this.
Despite the nastiness it sounds like your day would be far more pleasant without their presence anyway. What they are doing is emotional blackmail, they want you to give in. Are your boys going to be devasted if they don't come?
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Maria B.
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 16 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 544
|
| Posted: April 13 2007 at 9:40am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Marilyn,
You did the right thing. Bottom line, your welfare and your family need to come first. It is so sad and hurtful for you that your family does not understand, but you are doing what is right. You need to focus on that and not worry too much about their reaction. In these kind of situations, I offer up my hurt and worry for the conversion of their hearts and minds. It helps find some purpose in all of it.
Don't let their pettiness and lack of charity destroy this glorious day for your boys and your family.
__________________
Maria in VA
Proud Mom to 10 Great kids!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
MarilynW
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 28 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4275
|
| Posted: April 13 2007 at 2:51pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thanks for the replies.
I am feeling more peaceful about the whole FHC situation now - thank you for the advice/opinions.
__________________
Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Molly Smith
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 08 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 669
|
| Posted: April 19 2007 at 10:46am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Oh, Marilyn, I hear 'ya. I think you should stick with a small affair at your own home with your immediate family and friends. It will be much more memorable and peaceful.
I'm so right there with you with extended family issues, which are exacerbated by our homeschooling and family size, but I believe would be there anyway. You and your family are in my prayers!!
__________________
Molly Smith in VA
Mom to seven beautiful children, ages 1-14
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
MarilynW
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 28 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4275
|
| Posted: April 22 2007 at 6:12am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly Smith wrote:
Oh, Marilyn, I hear 'ya. I think you should stick with a small affair at your own home with your immediate family and friends. It will be much more memorable and peaceful.
I'm so right there with you with extended family issues, which are exacerbated by our homeschooling and family size, but I believe would be there anyway. You and your family are in my prayers!! |
|
|
Thanks for the prayers Molly - they are much appreciated.
__________________
Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
onemoretracy
Forum Pro
Joined: Aug 03 2006
Location: Georgia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 329
|
| Posted: April 22 2007 at 8:36am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Marilyn,
My heart goes out to you. I think you did the right thing for your boys and I hope you will have peace about it. Our family is nearby too and it is a curse and a blessing, if you know what I mean 
You and all families in this situation are in my prayers.
__________________
Tracy
DH Lee
DS Jake-10
DS Ryan-9
DS Luke-6
DD Laine-6
DD Mary Clare-3
DD Sara (Dec.6 '08)
My Blog
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Paula in MN
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 25 2006
Location: Minnesota
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4064
|
| Posted: April 22 2007 at 10:05am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I agree with Tracy. Not only did you do the right thing, but they are all being very selfish by not celebrating this wonderful day for your children.
Your children are learning how to act from you. They are seeing how much other people's actions can hurt us, and those memories will help them in the future.
All my prayers are with you.
__________________
 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: April 22 2007 at 3:53pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Remain friendly, extend invitations.. but don't let them not coming stress you. Just try and stick with the "it would be lovely if you could come, but my world isn't build around you showing up" attitude.
How about inviting some of your PARISH family 
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
10 Bright Stars
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 16 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 728
|
| Posted: May 01 2007 at 4:36pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I don't know if your twins First Holy Communion has taken place or not, but I would definately say to just go with the smaller more intimate function. This is the special day for your boys, and the focus should be on them, not on everyone else's whims etc.
I too suffer from problems with extended family, and have had to start saying no. Having so many children has really made it easier since they can be the excuse now. Also, on my side of the family, there is divorce/remarriage issues which I have always "given into" and I am always the one who is expected to fold to make everyone happy. I always used to make a cake for my step-father for his birthday. I always had to do this, or my Mom would call about it, and hint etc. Then, he would come over here and make unkind comments about having more children etc., and I was supposed to just smile etc. So, this year, I just called to say Happy Birthday and didn't make the cake!! I was a wreck about it for a week thinking there would be a major altercation, and nothing was ever said about it. SO, the sky didn't fall. I think sometimes WE add to these difficulties by acting in unhealthy ways ourselves. I could give numerous examples of trying to "make everyone happy". Now, I try to think about what my obligations to my immediate family are. (i.e. husband and children ONLY) If I can meet others needs without getting in the way of my immediate family's needs, great. If not, I just don't do it anymore.
Hope this helps, and you will be glad you just stayed home! Give it all to the BVM. I think she can usually take care of these situations better than we can. Besides, if you call and say that it is o.k. now, then they WILL think you are a pushover and do it again and again. Sometimes my husband has to remind me to respect myself (and thereby repspect him) a little too since I am such a people pleaser. Good luck!
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mackfam
Board Moderator
Non Nobis
Joined: April 24 2006
Location: Alabama
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 14656
|
| Posted: May 01 2007 at 9:23pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Marilyn,
I wanted to let you know that you're in our prayers - this is not an easy cross! We carry it as well with our family. I used to stress entirely too much, but over the last couple of years my husband and I have learned something together that has transformed our relationships and all but eliminated our stress.
Issues were presenting themselves on a regular basis, and finally my dh and I sat down and talked. He was fed up, and I was beside myself. We had allowed these intrusions to rob the family peace, and were determined to get it back. Talking together, we decided to get right back to basics. We reminded each other that we are to seek holiness and heaven through our vocations. That means my dh is the head of the family, and in stressful situations God will provide the graces he needs to lead (and sometimes protect) the family. I contribute my opinion of course, and we discuss options, but in the end he makes the decision about sticky issues. I found so much peace in this! It doesn't eliminate the challenges we face with our family, but it does help. I am able to rest in the sweet obedience of my vocation. When questioned about why this or why not that or don't you think...I am able to respond that this is what my dh wants. He doesn't mind being my shield, in fact he quite likes being able to be the protector.
There are things worth protecting in your family, and the sweet peace in your domestic church is one of them. You and your dh were right to deflect the post FC brunch. And your dc will be able to focus on the awesome gifts of the day and not how frazzled mom was.
I'm going to pray for St. Joseph's protection and guidance for your family!
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Kristen in TN
Forum Pro
Joined: Oct 06 2006
Location: Tennessee
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 207
|
| Posted: May 03 2007 at 2:38pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Marilyn,
You are in our prayers as well. We have to go deal with family in NJ next week and none of us are looking forward to it. The children think that none of their cousins like them because they do nothing but play video games while they are around (and any other times, but that is another subject.) It is my Mom's 80th Birthday party (and she guilted us into coming!) and we have to deal with so many things that it would take all day to write them. Just please know that we are praying and we understand all too well.
God bless,
Kristen in TN
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Advice on extended family situations
