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Christine
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| Posted: June 25 2014 at 1:24am | IP Logged
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Today, we were excited to have a dear priest stop by unexpectedly. We were very happy to see him, but I was mortified that I had laundry on the couch that I wasn't finished folding, that we had pots and pans to wash, and that we had nothing to offer him to drink besides water or milk. He was starting on a road trip to his new assignment and I think that he would have liked something more refreshing to drink. He didn't seem to mind, but I felt like I really should have been better prepared.
Anyway, all this leads me to ask, "How do you make your homes ready and welcoming to guests?"
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: June 25 2014 at 7:04am | IP Logged
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I often only have water to offer, Christine, though I might offer tea or coffee, too. If I have lemon, I will sometimes make a pitcher of ice water with lemon slices. Honestly, even if I have something else, many guests still choose water, and it is most often what I choose as well.
We do have friends whose children do not drink water, and we will buy a bottle of juice to serve when we invite them over. We only ever buy soda, usually small bottles of fancy root beer and gingerale, when company is coming, and we do serve it into small cups rather than offering whole bottles. Though, often, dh likes to buy multiple flavors of unique varieties so people like to taste different kinds.
My dh is much more attuned this way. When I have guests over, I get this phrenetic energy that means I completely forget that I myself and famished or parched and thus forget to offer food and drink to my guest. I really flake out even though I SO DESIRE to be hospitable.
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guitarnan
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My home is in a perpetual state of total disarray. I invite people in, briefly apologize for the chaos and offer a seat (sometimes I have to clear off the couch first  ). I offer whatever drinks I have on hand.
It is 100% okay to offer a glass of water! The idea is hospitality, not restaurant.
I feel the same way about meals - I usually make two or three side dishes, so that if guests don't care to eat one or more of them, they won't go hungry. I don't cook a separate meal for one specific guest. (My brother is vegan, and I can cook a meal that pleases him with zero extra effort - he just skips the meat course, because my other go-to side dish recipes are vegan.)
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St. Ann
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| Posted: June 25 2014 at 8:56am | IP Logged
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A Priest friend of ours comes pretty regularly to supper, once a week or every 2 weeks. So I do know he is coming and also know that he occasionally enjoys a cold beer. (We are in Germany, you know) My husband keeps an eye on the beer situation, making sure that there are always a couple in the basement refrigerator. Otherwise he only drinks water when he is here.
If he stopped by in the morning or afternoon I would offer coffee or tea, which we always have on hand.
Father really doesn't want me to make something special when he comes, but I admit to making a special effort anyway.  On the occasions when he has surprised us with a visit and I had nothing special to offer it was just as wonderful a visit and he was perfectly satisfied.
In my experience, most Priests I know are just so thankful for the contact with a family, and the simplicity of our table is still a "feast" because of the people around it.
Christine, I know what you are feeling about hospitality, and it always comes up with me too. But you can really believe that just coming into your home to your family is "luxury" for your Priest. 
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ekbell
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| Posted: June 25 2014 at 11:02am | IP Logged
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I grew up with the idea that outside of meal times guests are offered tea (hot, black with sugar and milk on offer) and some baked good.
We may not always have baked goodies (although my dd's do ensure it's often available) but there's always tea bags, milk, sugar and even lemon juice.
But there's still nothing as refreshing as cold water. Nor anything as heart warming as being an unexpected guest welcomed into a home full of people living their lives.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 25 2014 at 11:45am | IP Logged
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Hospitality isn't about "me".. it's about sharing what I have with our guest. And if that's water or milk.. that's what it is.
Now I do buy apple juice by the case once a year so unless it's nearing the end of that year when I might be out, I can normally offer water or juice (milk may be low/out) or coffee or tea or cola because my dh takes one with his lunch each day.
As far as food, I can normally throw something together if I have a bit of time even more so if my oldest is home and I can have her throw something together and I've piled the laundry into baskets and onto my bed to get it out of sight.
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Christine
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| Posted: June 27 2014 at 11:06pm | IP Logged
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Thank you to everyone for the advice and encouragement.
I didn't realize what Stephanie shared:
St. Ann wrote:
In my experience, most Priests I know are just so thankful for the contact with a family, and the simplicity of our table is still a "feast" because of the people around it.
Christine, I know what you are feeling about hospitality, and it always comes up with me too. But you can really believe that just coming into your home to your family is "luxury" for your Priest. |
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I always thought the priests were doing us a favor by coming over. I guess it goes both ways.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: June 27 2014 at 11:18pm | IP Logged
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It does go both ways. The priesthood can be a very lonely life, particularly for pastors and for priests whose families are far, far away. Priests are sons, uncles, cousins, brothers...so are deacons and seminarians. Imagine the joy an evening with a large family could bring to a priest who grew up with lots of siblings!
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Mimip
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| Posted: June 28 2014 at 7:27am | IP Logged
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You know we just went through this with a family who stopped by unexpectantly and we had nothing in the house, literally. it was a Friday night and we go to the grocery store on Saturday mornings. Money is very tight right now and so we didn't have anything but water to share. Unfortunately, it wasn't a positive experience since they stayed much longer than expected and their kids were complaining that they were hungry and I had nothing to offer until I remembered the popcorn and we popped some of that. They left right after they ate the popcorn and water. I have to say it was a bit embarrassing and I think the parents were regretting their stopping by but really what were we supposed to do?
I do have to say these are friends that we see very little of and live a very different life with two incomes and I can't imagine they would ever think about us not having food and drink to share. Most of my good friends would have totally understood and not batted an eye at having only water and popcorn.
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Pilgrim
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Another thought I have when it comes to drop-in guests, and it's a though I want to make sure to stick in my own mind to remember. If I stop at someone's house and they are so worried about the state of their house, instead of happy to see me, I would feel unwelcome. I am one who would be embarrassed if the house is a mess when unexpected guests stop by, but as I was thinking back through times when I've stopped at others' houses unexpected, and thinking whether I judged their cleanliness, I remembered more how it makes one feel bad for having stopped in when the hostess is distracted and upset by the state of her house. It makes the guest feel unwelcome. When a guest stops in, they want to know you are happy to see them, and feel a warm welcome more than anything. The occasional person may be judging the state of one's house, but that is usually related to a personality quirk you can't change. The average person can easily overlook a house that's "lived in" if they are welcomed with joy at seeing them.
This is not directed at you Christine(I just wanted to make sure you didn't feel I was criticizing how you felt about the state of your house, because I feel that way too when an unexpected guest stops in, too! ), just a thought that was occurring to me as I read this post, and thought I'd share the idea, as it seemed to help my thoughts on unexpected guests, and fit in well with the theme of hospitality. 
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Christine
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| Posted: June 28 2014 at 12:07pm | IP Logged
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It makes me feel better knowing that we are not the only family who only has water to offer as a drink.
Pilgrim, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. I think that you have hit on the heart of hospitality, welcoming your guests with open arms regardless of how your house looks or what you have available to serve your guest(s).
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 28 2014 at 12:37pm | IP Logged
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Good point Pilgrim. And it doesn't mean you don't care.. it's more like.. you scramble it as together as you can and you make an apology for how it is (giving you a chance to say something like "we're in the middle of laundry day"). But then you put it out of your mind and pay attention to your guest.
So that caring about it, isn't wrong. It's got it's place too. You just know when to put that away and care about your guest.  (and remember in the back of your mind that your attention will likely keep them from remembering the state of your house  )
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Aagot
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| Posted: June 28 2014 at 2:40pm | IP Logged
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You all are so good. I just hide when the doorbell rings and pray the kids don't open the door. LOL And yes we usually only have water or milk.
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Mackfam
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I really struggled with the practicals of this so several years ago I brainstormed some ideas to be able to extend hospitality unexpectedly:
** Keep a small section of the pantry off-limits to ALL CHILDREN. This is NOT a big section AT ALL. With coupons/sales I invest in a few really nice crackers, mixed nuts, and cookies - think Pepperidge Farm or gourmet food section kind of stuff. I also keep a few really great teas in this spot so that I can offer hot tea. I always have coffee available to offer. And hot chocolate in the wintertime. Lemonade is very easy to make, so that's usually our summer drink of choice. I keep big bottles of lemon juice in the pantry at all times and it's easy to throw a pitcher together quickly! I keep my hospitality stuff in a simple bin with a lid - not for public consumption!! But...I have been known to break into it for date night!
** Invest in a small set of pretty china that is always out and available and offer whatever you have on SOMETHING PRETTY. This has saved me a few times...because our everyday stuff (Corelle) is usually all dirty or in some stage of getting clean, but I don't have to worry about not having a single clean plate if I have some pretty things always set aside. Don't think you need something expensive from a department store - although if you have it, great! Think outside the box on this! I collect white Ironstone (from flea markets) and at this point I have a really nice little collection, but I started really small - I think I found 2 dessert plates and 4 dinner plates at a flea market at first. I spent less than $10 on my initial investment. I have 4 different sets that I've collected so far, but they all look lovely because they're all the same color - vintage white.
** Keep two rooms of your house reasonably tidy. Just two. And I'm not talking white-glove-dust-free -- just reasonably clean. It's not hard to do, it's just a matter of making those two rooms a priority and quick tidying throughout the day. {Swish through and tidy once in the morning, once after lunch, once before dad gets home...the kids should help and a quick tidy should take about 5 min. if everyone is helping in the same room - no longer.} I used to keep piles of laundry on the couch or on the table waiting to be folded - but I changed my strategy on that. If two rooms are reasonably clean I can invite someone in and it's no big deal if there are a few picture books on the floor, but then at least there aren't unmentionables draped across the back of the couch.
That's it! St. Martha's feast is coming up at the end of July - this makes it a great time to brainstorm hospitality!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 28 2014 at 4:20pm | IP Logged
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"Just 2 rooms" 
I only have 2 rooms to work in at any given time. Small crowded bedrooms and a bathroom. If I'm doing laundry and you drop by  if I have a moment I'll toss it all into a basket and set it on my bed until later.
Not that I don't try and get them picked up but those rooms are where most of the living and working gets done.
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JodieLyn wrote:
"Just 2 rooms"
I only have 2 rooms to work in at any given time. |
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Then I guess if this was a priority for you (it became a priority for us to not have teen girl underthings out in a public room) you'd have to come up with something a bit more creative - laundry baskets on wheels that can easily be swished to a different room if the doorbell rings, maybe. Another solution that takes laundry burden/clutter off my plate is that big kids do their own laundry and they fold their own laundry in their own rooms. This set us up for another established habit here - beds made first thing so kids could fold clothes on their own bed.
JodieLyn wrote:
| Not that I don't try and get them picked up but those rooms are where most of the living and working gets done. |
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Same here. I have two rooms for living and working. Identifying a priority requires (creative) change here. If it's not a priority - don't worry about it.
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Jen Mackintosh
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Kristie 4
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We make iced tea and iced coffee for guests- I brew regular tea or herbal double strength and then add honey and ice cubes to bring it up to the right water level. It is instant and yummy and we always have tea (red rose or herbal). Ditto with the coffee.
I often serve bread and honey for snacks for my kids' friends. That and apples- it isn't exciting, but it works. I serve it to unexpected adults too!
Our priest who drops by is NOT a cook at all. Anything we give is super well recieved!
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Mackfam
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Kristie 4 wrote:
Our priest who drops by is NOT a cook at all. Anything we give is super well recieved! |
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Ditto here!!!
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Jen Mackintosh
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JodieLyn
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The older kids might be able to do laundry on their beds. But the rooms are so crowded anyway.. and I can't. My body is much much happier with me if I fold laundry standing at the dining table (in the living room). I put the basket up on a bench and stand at the corner of the table. I can stack the clothes according to person (4 stacks across) without too much bending and I don't have to reach down to get the clothes out of the basket.. my back is much happier than with all the leaning and bending if I'm sitting anywhere.
And everything tends to be stacked up not draped in plain view so you don't really notice underthings.
I do have the kids put away their stacks after every load or maybe every other load.. depends on what else is going on.
But dishes and laundry are pretty well constant.
The boys room (they have the master bedroom) is big enough for the 6 boys and their necessary stuff and some play space. The 4 girls have very little space and dh & I have a narrow path around the edge of the room on two sides of the bed (the beds in a corner).
But in the summer we have a nice patio and the kids play outside and it's nice.
12-13 (mom is here in summer not in winter) people in 1064sq ft (plus a temporary room set up in the one car garage for my mom(my pantry/laundry area there too). Makes things tight no matter how you look at it.
But the principle of paying attention to your guests rather than making them feel worse by you fussing over your house works no matter what size the house is.
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Erica Sanchez
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| Posted: June 29 2014 at 11:49pm | IP Logged
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Jen, I really liked your simple suggestions.
An addition would be that each of my children has one bathroom job they are to do everyday. If we had unexpected guests, I would send them there first to do a quick once-over (if it hadn't already been done). I am okay with some things out or dust or whatever, but I would hate for anyone to have to use a dirty bathroom.
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4Real Forums : Our Lady's Loom, Larder, and Laundry
Topic: Hospitality 101
