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kristinannie
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| Posted: July 28 2012 at 6:43pm | IP Logged
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I just listened to a talk from last year's CiRCE conference entitled What is Woman? A Re-examination of Feminism and the Church. Now by "the Church" this does not mean the Catholic church. It was a very Protestant talk, but I also think that it is very applicable to Catholics as well.
I have to say this was a life changer for me. I do love being a stay at home mom, but I do have to admit that I have felt very isolated and sad a lot of the time, especially before I put my kids into preschool and met other moms. This talk showed me why I had these feelings of a lack of fulfillment. I have not had job training as a homemaker and I do not even understand my job description. She talks about how the home is more of a place of leisure than of work in modern times (since the industrial revolution) and also how society values paid positions more than positions of love. I find this true. I would get fewer remarks from friends and family if I was a school teacher, a maid, a chef, a nanny, etc. But I do all of these things for free out of love for my family.
The thing that hit me the most was that I don't know how to find joy in these things. I do find a lot of joy and fulfillment in homeschooling. Honestly, this has given me a "reason" to be home and not feel guilty about it. I feel like I am actually producing something. However, with basic homemaking, I get little to no pleasure. In fact, it seems like an unwelcome burden that often leaves me prone to laziness. I think part of this is because I don't have the training in how to do this work properly and effectively. I am reading Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry right now and her grandmother trained her to run a household. I have never received that training and don't see it as my profession. I see it as something I dread and avoid.
So...sorry to ramble, but this really affected me! I would love any resources you could share on this concept. She recommended this book Home Comforts and I have ordered that.
I want to be able to articulate my job description and train myself to do it properly so that in the future I can train my children. I want to take back the joy of having a happy home to live in that I am glad to work in. Part of this needs to include decluttering and decorating (we have been in this house for almost 2 years and haven't done any decorating other than repainting). I am also thinking of asking for help from some of the older women I know who keep a beautiful home.
Thanks for reading this novel! Any comments or resources would be greatly appreciated!!!
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Meredith Rose 7
Dominic Michael 4.5
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pumpkinmom
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I understand what you mean, yet I don't have any answers for you. I feel the same way that you do about housework. And I like some of what you said about the talk. Perhaps we should take our job more seriously and treat it like a job. Our hours of work can be flexible, but it still requires work. You have given me something to think about!
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: July 28 2012 at 7:58pm | IP Logged
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Quote:
| “To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labours, and holidays; to be Whitely within a certain area, providing toys, boots, cakes and books; to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene; I can imagine how this can exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other people about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone and narrow to be everything to someone? No, a woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute.” --Chesterton |
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Quote:
| The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only--and that is to support the ultimate career." --Lewis |
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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CrunchyMom
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I do like Home Comforts, and I have given it many times as an engagement/ wedding gift. I often give it with Edith Schaeffer's The Hidden Art of Homemaking and Thomas Wood's Splendor in the Ordinary. (ETA: The correct author's name is Thomas Howard]
I really should pull all these books out again and revisit them. It is the sort of thing that I need a good bit of help and encouragement to give me a boost from time to time.
I am truly greatful for all the opportunity women have today, but I find it a disadvantage when our education is ordered towards a career in *exactly* the same way a man's is without any thought to educate towards running a household and raising children. Even a women with a career needs to run a household!
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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kristinannie
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Thanks, Lindsay! I ordered Edith Schaeffer's book. Thomas Wood's book was too expensive! I will have to wait until someone sells it cheaper!
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Dominic Michael 4.5
Katherine Elizabeth 8 months
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AmandaV
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I have gone through similar feelings, Kristin. I am not trained in this. Partially by circumstance, partially by choice. I was often excused from chores (what little I had) by outside activities, and my mother worked 50-60 hour weeks. Of course, I didn't make the choice to learn alongside my parents when I had the time, so I'm to blame as well. Either way, there it is. I just met a mom of two young children whose mother lives in our city, and her mom will come over and teach her by doing a specific thing in the correct way, as she stands there with the kids watching. A little jealousy was felt. My mom is 200 miles away. She worked full time and was such a better homemaker than I am. They were cluttered and I said I'd never let that happen but it has and its not organized clutter like hers!
All that said, here are some things that have helped me:
In my moms group, they watched the Kimberly Hahn DVD set that goes with this book: Graced and Gifted
I only saw a few of the videos but I really enjoyed them - lots of food for thought and very inspirational. I bought the book but am having trouble finding reading time and am thinking of borrowing the DVD to watch/listen too while cleaning up dishes at night or folding.
I also bought Large Family Logistics for myself a few months ago and its very helpful. Much of it you can find in her articles but I like that its all there in one place. My husband likes it too, when he's picked it up. My problem is wanting to do it all at once. It is protestant but there's nothing problematic in there that I've seen.
This article by Jen Fulwiler put into much better words some things I've thought and some I hadn't: How I learned to love housework
Hope those help. I'll keep you in my prayers, and I'll be working on it with you. I have to get our home into a better state to keep homeschooling and have a joyful family life. 5 kids has been the breaking point for me where its become glaring. Twins did that too, but now I don't have the adjusting to twins excuse anymore! 
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Amanda
wife since 6/03, Mom to son 7/04, daughter 2/06, twin sons 6/08 and son 7/11, son 1/2014
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JaysFamily
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CrunchyMom wrote:
I do like Home Comforts, and I have given it many times as an engagement/ wedding gift. I often give it with Edith Schaeffer's The Hidden Art of Homemaking and Thomas Wood's Splendor in the Ordinary.
I really should pull all these books out again and revisit them. It is the sort of thing that I need a good bit of help and encouragement to give me a boost from time to time.
I am truly greatful for all the opportunity women have today, but I find it a disadvantage when our education is ordered towards a career in *exactly* the same way a man's is without any thought to educate towards running a household and raising children. Even a women with a career needs to run a household! |
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I can only find a book written by Thomas Howard titled Splendor in the Ordinary.
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Jaysfamily
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mother to DS(5)
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JennGM
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JaysFamily wrote:
CrunchyMom wrote:
I do like Home Comforts, and I have given it many times as an engagement/ wedding gift. I often give it with Edith Schaeffer's The Hidden Art of Homemaking and Thomas Wood's Splendor in the Ordinary.
I really should pull all these books out again and revisit them. It is the sort of thing that I need a good bit of help and encouragement to give me a boost from time to time.
I am truly greatful for all the opportunity women have today, but I find it a disadvantage when our education is ordered towards a career in *exactly* the same way a man's is without any thought to educate towards running a household and raising children. Even a women with a career needs to run a household! |
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I can only find a book written by Thomas Howard titled Splendor in the Ordinary. |
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Yes, that's it: Thomas Howard, Splendor in the Ordinary
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Aug 01 2012 at 10:16am | IP Logged
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Oops, yes. Thomas Howard. Thomas Woods is an altogether different writer
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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JaysFamily
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Thank you! I wanted to make sure I found the right book!
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Jaysfamily
wife to Jay
mother to DS(5)
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mamaslearning
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Wow, thank you all for the books and links and for Kristin for starting this thread! I also find that teaching my children has given me a reason to stay home and I find that sad. Why do I feel the need to justify the decision to stay home once the kids are school age? The house still needs cleaning, the laundry washed, dinners made, and a host of other tasks completed.
The most discouraging aspect of homemaking is the constant "redoing" of everything. My type A brain wants to complete a task and set it aside, but real life doesn't work that way. I'm in the kitchen constantly! I spend most of my day preparing food then cleaning up after said food is eaten. To help combat the feelings of running in place, I try and say a prayer of thanksgiving for the food we have to eat.
I do have to say that as the children get older and need less of my physical attention, it's easier to find the energy to do housework. My youngest is almost two and I'm in that place where I feel like I have time to do more than the basic survival mode tasks. I hope the new found freedom will afford me the time to better manage my home.
Now, off to find these resources!
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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4Real Forums : Our Lady's Loom, Larder, and Laundry
Topic: Trying to bring joy into homemaking
